Operation Miami - Help a Monkey Out!!

Filthy Animals,

I'm in some need of a little bit of help to plan my little spring vacay to Miami. I've been to Miami before, but was there very briefly and only was able to venture through the city a little and hang out on South Beach for a night.

Is there anything that is a must-see or must-do while I'm there for 5 days?

I'm all about having a good time and burning the city to the ground, but I will also be with my gf so I really need some ideas. What do you animals have for me!?

 

I personally don't like Miami and would never go on vacay there...BUT! I used to live there so here are a few places I'd take people coming to visit:

  • Bongos Cuban Café: open 24 hours...they have pretty great food, cocktails, and it's pretty fun on a hot Friday night. Look for the pineapple...
  • Bayside: nice shops, nice boats, that's also where you take that celebrity houses boat tour...there might also be other boat tours available. There's usually some kind of live music and you can take pictures with parrots...
  • Miami Seaquarium: dolphins and killer whales
  • Calle 8: very busy if you go during the festival...
  • Dolphin Mall: shop shop shop
  • Sawgrass Mall (outlets)
  • Aventura Mall (high end)
 

Miami is cool but all the friends I've taken there have complained about the people.

Miami is not friendly. Period. People there usually hang out with people they already know from school or work. Also, Miami people tend to spend their entire lives in the city so meeting new people in bars or clubs just isn't as common as other cities like New York.

Also, if you're trying to take someone home, know that almost eveyone lives with their parents. Even that smoking hot 24 year old probably has to be home before a certain time. Despite all the good looking people, Miami is surprisingly conservative.

Finally - it's not a surprise that materialism runs rampant. See all those BMWs and C-Classes driving around? Yeah. They're all leases and the guy is spending half his T-Mobile paycheck changing the oil.

That said - it's important visitors manage expectations.

 
Best Response

I lived there a couple years to go to college but didn't spend too much time in South Beach because for locals it's a tourist trap for the most part.

For background I would absolutely move back to Miami and I don't care what anyone says. It has pros & cons like any other city.

In reference to above:

  • Can agree with Bayside. If your going to stay around the South Beach/Downtown area. Plenty of douche bars in if you need to unbutton your dress shirt or a wide assortment of other environments.
  • The Miami Seaquarium is what it is, a seaquarium. When someone has asked the #1 thing you did on X vacation was a seaquarium ever considered?
  • Calle Ocho and Little Havana in general is an absolute must.
  • No idea why you would go to any malls on a trip they're all the same.

My points for a five day with a girlfriend

  • I emphasize Little Havana, go to Ball & Chain for a drink and watch Cubans play dominoes across the street. Buy a cigar next door. This is very unique to Miami as Cubans and many South American cultures play a huge part of Miami (even into South Beach)
  • Obviously spend time at South Beach sunbathing and people watching, if your against crowds Crandon Park is a locals paradise.
  • Spend a day at Wynwood. It's blown up by now but it's still true to character and a representation of Miami (rich people having brunch by graffiti and taking selfies). Go to Wood Tavern.
  • Perez Art Museum is pretty awesome. I hate modern art but it's still worth it as it's downtown and right next door to the Frost science museum (no opinion it was closed while I was there) . Perez also does happy hours on certain evenings which is awesome. The location and architecture makes it worthwhile regardless.

  • Go to a club. Not even going to go into any specifics because there's so many and with a girlfriend they're all different. Maybe go to Story or like Basement. Obviously depending on the money you want to spend and scene they're completely different.

  • Don't waste your time going to Vizcaya.

Miami has whatever you want but obviously it caters to people with money who want brunch and to go to places like Liv every weekend.

For five days with a girlfriend and absent awesome South Beach recs I can't give this is my list.

 

I was born, raised, educated, and started my banking career in Miami (I live in Manhattan now). Without getting repetitive, here's what I would recommend:

1.) Avoid Ocean Drive! - Go, see, take a pic, then GTFO. The place is Miami's equivalent to Time's Square. It has some of the country's worse rated restaurants and it's ridiculously expensive. Not to mention it's dangerous given the shootings that have happened there in recent years. Special note about the beach: Your stuff might disappear after you come back from the water.

2.) Wynwood is the main spot to go these days - It's a beautiful revitalized warehouse district filled with bars, restaurants, galleries, and tons of hidden spots that you only find if you go off the beaten path. Wood Tavern is good but it's also crowded so I recommend trying a couple of different spots. El Patio, The Wharf, and 1-800 Lucky are arguably the hottest places in town.

3.) E11even - Is a dance club/strip club in downtown that is one-of-a-kind in the US given that it's open 24/7. For some reason the place is also popular with women as well. The venue has also hosted the likes of Tiesto which demonstrates the venues mainstream appeal. Speaking of which…

4.) Stripclubs – Now this is not for everyone but if it is, Miami has some of the best in the world. Besides E11even, King of Diamonds and Scarletts are also world famous and are popular with the likes of Drake and Lil’ Wayne. Bonus: They’re cheaper than the nightclubs!

4.) Little Havana - Has seen a renaissance of sorts in the past couple years. Ball & Chain is a good place to start.

5.) Miami has a club culture - Liv and Story are the most famous and they're a lot of fun. My advice would be to get tickets in advance online (this goes for all the “megaclubs”). Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to be Dan Bilzerian or Leo DiCaprio to get in. If you're into house or techno, Space and Heart in downtown are world renowned. The clubs usually open at midnight but stay open as late as 3pm the next day!

6.) Cuban and Nicaraguan Food – Do not leave Miami without trying Cuban and Nicaraguan food. No place in the US makes it quite like the locals. I would specifically recommend trying a Cuban coffee (called a colada – but don’t drink the whole thing!), a pastelito, and a Cuban sandwich. Nicaraguan food is a mainstay tradidition and includes delicacies like queso frito, otherwise known as fried cheese.

7.) Do not buy a bottle at any club! – I can’t stress this enough. The only people that pay for these are ignorant tourists who are trying to look fancy for their Instagram. Some places charge $1,000+ and that doesn’t include tip (25%). If you’re friendly enough, someone will invite you to their table. News flash: Locals never buy bottles because they always know someone that works inside. Besides, a town with a huge Latin American refugee population doesn’t have a lot money (I should know; my parents are refugees).

8.) The Everglades – It’s like people forget we have this. Since you’re there for five days, why not! It’s a top-tier national park and a world class destination. You’ll see about much wildlife as you would in a safari and the place is truly beautiful. The sunsets are also spectacular.

That’s it for now. Take it from a local and don’t do the basic stuff! Go out there and explore.

 

I love the Grove but no way is it the best place for bars. It's hip and new but it's still just a college party area to get trashed at Barracudas and throw up in the street. Everything in the Grove can be found in South Beach or even Downtown really for environment.

 
hightheta01:
Filthy Animals,

I'm in some need of a little bit of help to plan my little spring vacay to Miami. I've been to Miami before, but was there very briefly and only was able to venture through the city a little and hang out on South Beach for a night.

Is there anything that is a must-see or must-do while I'm there for 5 days?

I'm all about having a good time and burning the city to the ground, but I will also be with my gf so I really need some ideas. What do you animals have for me!?

Back when I was a pup going on spring break, we had to do some due dilly such as picking up the phone and calling around. I suggest you do likewise. Is that that hard to google "Miami Spring Break Musts" ?

Kids these days...

 

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