Things Employers Tell Interviewees and What They Really Mean

11 Things Employers Tell Interviewees and What They Really Mean

1. "We Have a Very Flat Hierarchy":

We have a few VPs that take home all of the carry and three dozen Analysts grinding out all of our legwork because it's cheaper. All you little shits are replaceable and none of you fuckers are getting promoted past Associate. Occasionally we let someone call themselves an Assistant VP to make them feel better about not getting a raise.

2. "We Value Diversity of Thought:"

Our CEO says some wacked out shit in press runs sometimes. We try to sweep it under the rug as "diversity of thought". Please don't actually challenge your superiors.

3. "We Value Diversity":

We hired a black guy once and now he's in every single picture on our company website.

4. "I'm Sure You Have a Lot of Questions to Ask Me..."

This conversation is just not flowing well and we still have 5 minutes left, please tell me you have an interesting question to fall back on so we don't have to sit here in awkward silence for the remainder of it.

5. "How Did You Learn About This Position?"

Do you have any fathers or uncles at this firm that I should know about before I shit on your resume at the round-table after you guys leave superday?

6. "Radical Transparency"

I have no fucking idea what this means and neither does anyone else at this firm, but Ray Dalio is kind of a nutcase so just go with it.

7. "Can you elaborate on your experience doing XYZ at Company ABC?"

I know you're bullshitting about this bullet point on your resume, but I'm interested in how well you can talk yourself out of this situation.

8. "Tell Me About Yourself":

I'm about to zone out for the next 30 seconds, when I zone back in and start listening again you better not still be talking about your values and beliefs.

9. From the CEO/CIO: "Here's My Business Card, Feel Free to Reach Out With Any Questions You Have:"

This is me doing my down-to-earth bit to seem approachable and friendly. There's a zero percent chance I'm going to respond to any subsequent emails you send me, and in fact, I rarely respond to emails sent to me from my own employees.

10. "We'll Get Back to You In a Few Days":

We're probably just never going to contact you again, like ever. Truth is, you botched your DCF walkthrough and we're just going to hire the MD's daughter from Villanova anyway. Definitely don't hold your breath for a phone call.

11. "Best of Luck in the Future With Your Job Search, You've Got a Great Resume and You'll Do Well"

You fucking BOMBED this interview. I really hope you have something else lined up, because you are absolutely NOT going to work here.

Feel free to add on!

#7 top discussion of 2018

 
Disjoint:
We have a zero policy about hiring ass holes. Read: Am the biggest ass hole you'll ever work with, but completely delusional about myself.

Overall brilliant list you have compiled

Dude. This reminds me of when I was at a superday for a boutique management consulting firm back in undergrad and the guy presenting to us all at the beginning says "We have a 'no jerks' policy here". 5 minutes later this super sweaty/shaky candidate walks in late and red-faced, clearly nervous as hell (with his clunky HP laptop for some reason?) and the same guy proceeds to shit on him in front of everyone and tells him his collar is messed up, he's late, that he's 0-2 so far and off to a poor start. The guy was trying to be funny clearly, so all the candidates dying to make a good impression have to laugh at his joke and we all ended up just laughing in the already-nervous kid's face. He tried to laugh it off but I've never seen someone's face turn so red. Was brutal.

 

Nice list. To summarize, every positive statement made is the opposite in reality, and every question asked is trying to fish for information that wasn't directly part of the question

"We encourage internal mobility" = no way you're changing groups without some serious Machiavellian maneuvers and/or blackmail

"Why do you want to work here?" = you don't seem like a good fit, and I want to know if you have some skill/advantage you haven't brought up yet or if you'll just dig yourself into an even deeper hole

 

As a black man, when I hear the diversity line and see the same people in every picture, that’s my queue to roll out. Especially, if I see the same black person in damn near every picture, but different white people. It’s hard enough getting in a firm, let alone me seeing the writing on the wall that I’m not really wanted around there.

 

Gonna third this. I actually hate how trendy the phrase "diversity and inclusion" is now. Partially because everyone makes up their own definition and partially because it hardly ever exists among the companies that trumpet it the most. I will say that I do have a lot of respect for the smaller companies who just don't bring this up. I'd rather diversity be non-existent and they're honest about it (and hopefully working toward a solution) rather than claim they're for it and hiring clearly shows they don't.

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers
 
  • "I don't have time to micromanage you." = "I will watch your IM status like a hawk and have alerts for when you log in and log out, to ensure that you're always working and not taking 15 minute bathroom breaks."

  • "We like it when new Analysts take initiative." = "You better bring in some good ideas and let me take credit for them in front of my boss."

  • "You can define the role any way you want!" = "You're gonna do the bitchwork NO ONE wants to do. I don't mean aligning logos on a PPT; I mean the real stuff no one will touch with a 10-foot pole. Kicking people out of meeting rooms? Staying late and showing face time until your face falls off? That's you, buddy! Oh, and and nothing you do will ever be good enough, so shut up and sit down."

 

Maybe in your follow up email by telling him you have gone over the tachnicqls and now feel more confided.

in any case, I've knew a girl that bombed a technical risk management superday interview and still got the offer. It's never just one thing that gets you the next round/ job.

Also, with first rounds it works like this: the guy interviews say 12-14 and passes along maybe 4. (numbers made up) but essentially all you have to be is one of the few

GL and if ou get the 2nd round and need help feel free to pm

 

leveraged, do you mind providing a little more detail on your background and the internship? are you at a target? is this for a summer analyst position? is this a BB or a smaller firm?

i had a similar experience for a fall internship interview. the VP of a small M&A shop asked me basic questions about the financial statements and i was completely unprepared. he then asked me if my background was in economics (it was), and so he asked me to walk him through a linear regression. i aced that part and ended up getting the internship. :-)

from my experience, the 3rd-year SA internship interviews are much more intense than the one i mentioned above. for the less formal internships, sometimes it's enough to show your enthusiasm for banking and prove that you are capable/likeable to your interviewer (especially if you don't have formal training in finance).

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
 

this is for a SA position at a boutique. Yes i'd consider my school a target / semi-target. Really want this internship so I'm hoping for the best but prepping for the worst. Oh well, at least I know what to expect in my interviews to come. Any other input would be appreciated.

 

Was literally told this by my last interviewer... It was actually the first time I had heard this particular phrase. It's for an internship, does it still have the same meaning?

thots & prayers
 

did he question them why? of the significance of writing his name?

3 possible reasons: 1. they were just messing with him 2. they believe penmanship tells something significant and there was just a whiteboard handy 3. (most likely) they wanted to see how he would respond- if he walked up there like a drone, wrote his name and left without saying or questioning anything then that wasn't the best response.

 
deadjackal:
3. (most likely) they wanted to see how he would respond- if he walked up there like a drone, wrote his name and left without saying or questioning anything then that wasn't the best response.

Not likely. If any thing, the "drone" attitude is likely the optimal response for an analyst. As an associate, I wouldn't want my analyst asking questions about the worthless, time-consuming tasks that he's constantly given.

 

One of my high school teachers was a handwriting analyst, and he said that employers can ask for handwriting samples because it supposedly reveals a lot about your character. Like how high you cross your t's supposedly has something to do with confidence level or something. I highly doubt that's why he had to write his name on the board, though. Just throwing it out there.

 

I have never been to an interview without the interviewer having my resume in his hand from beforehand. Also, they'll usually ask you if you've changed anything on your resume since, and ask for the updated copy in your hand.

 

So outside of the stress of transitioning as a veteran and trying to break into AM, this stuff is all super hilarious. The best part is that while you're all laughing about it, I can tell that it is all one hundred percent true in many cases. I imagine you all typing these and laughing while tears stream down your face into a glass which will serve as your only source of hydration since you can't leave your desk because you and I both know damn well it's because you have work to do. Is it sad that this makes me want to work in asset management even more?

 

Maybe they liked you enough from the first desk interview to not really worry about the technical aspect of things, i.e. you were considered technically competent, and then they just wanted to see how you were personality wise since different desks have different personality styles. Did you get the sense that they liked you in the second interview? I think that will tell you more than how long it was.

HR would probably not have called you the next day. It depends on the firm, but most large places aren't going to move super fast unless there is a huge need. First you need the interviewers to discuss the candidates, then the hiring manager talks to HR, then HR calls you. Don't think that they are going to prioritize talking about you as it doesn't sound like you were interviewing for an exec VP role.

All that being said, I have been on an internal transfer interview where they didn't like me for the specific role I went in for (gruelingly long interview), and then asked me to meet with a few of the other heads in the department. The additional interviews were all like 20 minutes long and were more personality interviews to see how i would mesh with their team.

"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." Theodore Roosevelt
 

the original desk picked someone else over me, then recommended me. So instead of being rejected i got a "we'd like you to interview with this desk", but i'm a bit worried they did this with lots of people they saw!

 
jourdenne:
the original desk picked someone else over me, then recommended me. So instead of being rejected i got a "we'd like you to interview with this desk", but i'm a bit worried they did this with lots of people they saw!

I don't believe that it happened for a lot of people that were interviewed. It's not uncommon to do, but not common enough to where they would have pulled like 10 other people that were not selected for the 1st role to interview for another.

"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." Theodore Roosevelt
 

Spot on. We interviewed a kid who was incredibly sharp and very knowledgeable about the company. The other young interviewers and I all liked him; the hiring manager rejected him on "culture fit" because the kid asked questions about the work we're doing and how it differs from similar work the competition is doing.

 

As an experienced candidate, there is nothing more terrible than having to limp through a phone interview with a recruiter.

Recruiter: "So, what would you consider is your greatest strength?"
BillyRay05: tosses phone across room

"Sounds to me like you guys a couple of bookies."
 

recruiters are salesman, they have to practice social norms. I'm not saying it's the best thing to do, but they have to kill you with kindness to protect their reputation.

and if they said what you said they said, they just promised to give notice of an in person interview, which can be interpreted a number of ways, so now we're talking details.

your speech is the more important question here, not the recruiter. work to fix that, and pronto, nothing wrong with a stutter or an impediment, but there is something wrong if you don't work at bettering yourself. try toastmasters, talking slower, pausing before beginning a sentence, there are tons of techniques, any number of them will work. best of luck homes.

 

"We value our people and understand that our personnel are our most valuable asset"

Our HR staff is going spam you with mandatory goal-setting activities each month and all of our work socials are at the bowling alley.

 

1) It's an internship. 2) A lot of guys are dragged into being a part of the interview process taking them away from their normal duties. 3) They may have been looking to you to do the talking 4) It's an internship.

Put yourself in their shoes. Would you take time out of your day to do some research and prepare some questions for one starry eyed college kid coming in for an off-cycle internship interview?

 

We believe in work-life balance

You'll have bloodshot eyes, experience chronic daytime fatigue, and will likely develop a caffeine dependency while you work here.

We look for people passionate about the industry and who love their job

We're trying to gauge how much you need a job and want to work here, so we can determine how much we can underpay you

 

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