In The Battle Of The Single Banker Sexes: What Relationship Advice Can You Take to The Bank?
There's been a flurry of dating debates about whether bankers should date each other. Some male bankers are saying they wouldn't date female bankers because they're nerds, condescending, materialistic and critical of men. Many say they'd rather date teachers or some exotic trapeze artist--anything different from what they already do.
Conversely, some women don't date bankers because they find them self-absorbed, too busy and overly work-focused. Some single women who love bankers retract their love when 'status' falls away. We recall the DABA girls (Dating a Banker Anonymous) covered in the NY Times who started a group for girlfriends of bankers during the recession. Their blog was billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” inviting women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.” They complained when their lifestyle changed because their boyfriends had lost their jobs.
Perhaps most especially on "Wall Street," status, perceptions and stereotypes prevail so it's a good microcosm from which to examine our blocks to love, on either front. And as Mother Teresa once said, 'If you judge people, you have no time to love them.' So let's start there.
As a psychologist who specializes in dating and just wrote a book about single career women finding love, I wanted to consider what might be beneath this apparent battle of the single successful sexes and what might prove some common emotional ground:
1- FUN & COMFORT:
Many successful hard driving singles (male or female) want fun and comfort at the end of the day, someone to understand and support them. Traditionally successful men have picked less educated and younger women to take on this role. Today some successful career women are doing the same. Sometimes they pick men who are less educated but more nurturing, romantic, supportive and playful.
2. SOMEONE WITH TIME:
Many bankers (male or female) are heavily work focused and have little time for domestic pursuits, fun, planning vacations etcetera. If they have a mate who excels at these things, it can balance them out and it will be less they have to deal with.
3. SOMEONE SIMPLE WHO CAN TAKE THEIR MIND OFF OF WORK:
After a day inundated with industry-related concerns it might be nice to escape shop talk, pressure and join someone in a completely different world to de-stress. This could apply to male or female bankers, or career singles in general)
ON THE OTHER HAND, Here are some opposing views to consider:
1. MUTUAL INTERESTS AND INTELLECT IS IMPORTANT: When looks fade and novelty of another background wears off, what will you talk about? Would it be good to share a passion for your career? Would it be helpful to have someone with whom you could share lengthy and inspiring discussions? Would education, accomplishments and career similarities be more important in the long run?
2. SHARED AMBITIONS AND GOALS CAN CREATE SYNERGY AND UNDERSTANDING: Who better to understand your stress, work hours and dreams than a partner who is experiencing the same thing? How could picking a similarly successful mate fuel your mutual dreams and life plan? Look at power couples like Hilary and Bill Clinton and Michelle and Barak Obama as examples.
3. BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER: Instead of thinking about the attraction of an opposite mate, consider finding someone who complements you, knows and respects what you are about because they are made from the same cloth.
So before you decimate your hot opposite sex office mate, remember you are in the same boat, and dating to find love is hard!
My book, 'When Mars Women Date' discusses whether single successful career people do better picking an opposite partner to balance them out or creating a 'power couple' to spur one another on. There are successful examples of each.
Also, here are some "Questions To Ask Yourself as a Single Career Person:"
1. Do You Want Substance Over Flash? Are you looking for a trophy wife or someone intelligent, successful and accomplished in her own right?
2. What Is Real Wholeness in Yourself and a Mate? Are you still picking a partner to balance you out or can you begin to make those changes within yourself and look for a similarly well-balanced mate?
3. Do I agree with the gender stereotypes associated with dating? Sure, your coworkers may all have the schoolteacher wives or ibanker husbands (if you are female), but what type of person would best complement you? Are you embarrassed or threatened about dating a woman as successful as you? Are you projecting all kinds of unfavorable stereotypes on successful single women as a result? And, for women, are you embarrassed about dating a less successful man who could love and support you and encourage you to succeed at your dreams?
There are no cookie-cutter answers here but it's the perfect opportunity to start asking these questions, because times, they are definitely a-changing!
About this Author:
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news¬papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times. Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October at: http://www.amazon.com/When-Mars-Women-Date-ebook/d.... It will come out in the print version in December 2012. Learn more on her website, a community for single career women and the men who date them: www.whenmarswomendate.com!
Relevant Banker-Relationship Article Links:
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/what-every-ban...
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/day-9-why-i-wo...
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/wso
http://www.cnbc.com/id/48554089/
http://www.businessinsider.com/banker-explains-tha...
http://thegrindstone.com/work-life-balance/do-all-...
http://thegrindstone.com/work-life-balance/do-all-...
http://www.businessinsider.com/a-male-banker-on-da...
http://www.businessinsider.com/8-hilarious-and-hor...
http://www.articlesbase.com/fiction-articles/ceo03...
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba....
http://gawker.com/5141956/dawn-spinner-davis-daba-...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/28/wall-stre...
http://www.ivorytowerz.com/2009/02/no-pity-for-wal...
http://itp.nyu.edu/~db1060/wordpress/?p=403
http://www.yourtango.com/200913041/sugar-daddies-b...
http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/05/recession-mating-...






Comments
I just like girls with big
I just like girls with big titties. Stop psychoanalyzing my dick, it's not much more complicated than that.
pick em, lick em, stick em
We aren't buying your book.
We aren't buying your book.
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Ha-Ha. Well if you aren't
Ha-Ha. Well if you aren't interested in the topic or book, that's fine. No point kicking me, I'm not single:) But maybe there are some single professionals that this would help.
Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of 'When Mars Women Date.'
I'm marrying a lawyer, so I
I'm marrying a lawyer, so I don't end up on American Greed. And I like to pro bono.
"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan
BTbanker: I'm marrying a
I'm marrying a lawyer, so I don't end up on American Greed. And I like to pro bono.
This logic works for me.
That said, I think I fall into a hybrid on the career woman/home woman thing. I don't want to feel like my fiancee is at home doing nothing all day (more time to cheat, duh, plus she'd resent me for working) but I don't want some skirt-suit who wants to wear the pants in the relationship either. I feel pretty good about having a girlfriend with a 50-60 hour workweek yet isn't too stupid to talk about work when I get home. I'm sure a lot of people that get stressed more at work don't want to come home and hear a thing about their jobs but I actually enjoy talking about it so it's better to have someone who isn't borderline retarded to actually talk to about certain job-related stuff. Like everything else everywhere, there's a happy medium somewhere between total housewife and total career woman with a dick bigger than mine.
I hate victims who respect their executioners
Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital
I want to marry an author who
I want to marry an author who writes about dating. *WINK*
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Okay, you've won me back
Okay, you've won me back over. Unfortunately, I'm happily married.
Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of 'When Mars Women Date.'
What do women think of men
What do women think of men who start cupcake businesses? Too soft for marriage?
I luv 2 bake muffinz for evree1
Hmmmm. How does a basement
Hmmmm. How does a basement full of cats sway you any?
I'll teach you how to milk them!
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Bromando: Hmmmm. How does a
Hmmmm. How does a basement full of cats sway you any?
I'll teach you how to milk them!
Are you going to teach her how to milk the females , or the males?
Ew! Male cat milk! (Makes me
Ew! Male cat milk! (Makes me blush)
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Bromando: Ew! Male cat milk!
Ew! Male cat milk! (Makes me blush)
Yes .. that's what it is! Milk!
^ This guy... such a
^ This guy... such a kidder!... your kidding right?... RIGHT?
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Okay, I feel like I've
Okay, I feel like I've wandered onto the Howard Stern show (except possibly less liberal and you're all wearing business suits). Thanks for the banter but I was hoping to inspire more enlightened dating conversations about relationships amongst career professionals. Maybe this was the wrong forum for this?:) And, why is there a red minus above my picture now--is it because my answer was not 'mean' enough?
Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of 'When Mars Women Date.'
kpaulet: Okay, I feel like
Okay, I feel like I've wandered onto the Howard Stern show (except possibly less liberal and you're all wearing business suits). Thanks for the banter but I was hoping to inspire more enlightened dating conversations about relationships amongst career professionals. Maybe this was the wrong forum for this?:) And, why is there a red minus above my picture now--is it because my answer was not 'mean' enough?
It means you got MS, because someone didn't like your post.
The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee
WSO is not your personal search function.
When we stop stereotyping
I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.
See my WSO blog posts
Actually I thought I was
Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of 'When Mars Women Date.'
Somone soiled you with
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
Dear K Paulet, I sincerely
Disincentivy: When we stop
Bromando: ^ This guy... such
Tommy Too-toned: Dear K
Being happy, married and
Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus
Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!
It's like 867-5309
kpaulet: Okay, you've won me
kpaulet: Okay, I feel like
You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. - Friedrich Nietzsche
GS: Bromando: Hmmmm. How
Learn Financial Modeling
Interview Guides
WSO Resume Review
GS: Bromando: Hmmmm. How
Learn Financial Modeling
Interview Guides
WSO Resume Review
Disincentivy: When we stop
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
no one is going to read that
she_monkey: GS: Bromando:
El_Mono: Being happy, married
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
honeyoak87: Disincentivy: W
I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.
See my WSO blog posts
eh.. just like having a warm
------------
I'm making it up as I go along.
Hi, Paulette, thanks for
See my other WSO blog posts
For a time there, K Paulet
Disincentivy: honeyoak87:
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
kpaulet: If they have a mate
You have to play the game to find out why you're playing the game.