The Best Summer Internship Tips on WSO

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Another compilation post by my content intern @Lucas_M, we hope you find these helpful!

IBD Internship Experience by @moneymogul
Here is a series of 4 posts by @moneymogul where he shared his IBD internship experience.

Week 1 of IBD Internship: Training
posted by @moneymogul

In summary, training day is all about introductions and first impressions. Your HR program managers will be in attendance, and you should take a few seconds out of the multiple intersessions to shake their hands.

Equally important is taking the time to meet the other interns around you. If you attend a non-target school, this is the opportunity to plug yourself into the clique of elite institutions and its future Wall Streeters.

I've heard several bankers' accounts of how they still make it a point to meet up with their intern class colleagues to this day. Besides, you never know when you're going to need a favor over the course of the next couple months; it usually helps to have some rapport built in advance. Make it a point to remember everyone's name. Not because they're going to remember yours, but because it elevates you in their eyes when you recount theirs effortlessly at a later date, almost as if they now owe you something as they fumble around their minds' innermost recesses for a remote clue as to your identity.

- 7 silver bananas

Week 2 of IBD Internship: Hitting the Desk
posted by @moneymogul

On each of our cubicles were a new blackberry and an IT manual for setting up our computers and phones. With plenty to keep me busy, I settled down, unpacked, fired up the PC, and began going through the tech guides. There was a surprising amount of information to go through in setting everything up.

I had been forewarned anecdotally by an analyst at the firm to learn how to use the phone as soon as possible for conferencing. Apparently interns are expected to set up calls among bankers and clients, and it is deceptively easy to end up having your voicemail messages broadcasted over the line during these calls - so deceptively easy that it's happened several times before. After abandoning the impossible task of setting up my voicemail box, I set out to activate my blackberry: no problem, IT had already taken care of it. Several others reported differently. My curiosity roused, I went to check that each of my banker applications was functioning. I was unable to access most of them, citing server errors or lacking the proper access permissions. I had a feeling that this was going to come back to bite me in the ass when it came time for staffing.

One particular analyst left a very stark impression on the intern class. Her eyes were droopy, but they weren't always. The spots underneath her eyes were noticeably darkened over the past couple years, and she was about to begin her second year with the firm. "I know you guys are excited about this summer. Just do yourself a favor and make sure you're absolutely certain that this is what you want to do. Okay?" She looked to each of us for a binding nod of the head before beginning.

- 34 silver bananas

Week 3 of IBD Internship: The Pitch
posted by @moneymogul

The team was currently preparing for meetings at a nearby country club with interested strategics and financial sponsors looking to be included in the process. In between the brainstorming messages of senior bankers were formal bid letters mostly from sponsors gradually rolling in throughout the day. I opened each letter with wide eyes amazed at what I was seeing: some of the most recognized names in private equity were making bids for this company I'd never even heard of before and I was getting an inside look at the rationale behind each offer.

The M&A timeline looked like this:

1) Approach potential bidders.
2) Send out teaser materials to interested bidders.
3) Negoatiate and sign Non Disclosure Agreements.
4) Conduct diligence calls and distribute further marketing materials.
5) Solicit first round bids and select second round participants.
6) Hold management presentations and follow-up sessions.
8) Collect second round bids.
9) Review and select finalists.
10) Negotiate transaction contract.
11) Sign and announce.

- 38 silver bananas

Week 4 of IBD Internship: Initiation
posted by @moneymogul

On the home page of the Wall Street Journal, the fruits of our labor reached out to the eyes of readers all over.

The second years blasted their farewells to the inboxes of the entire group, from lowly interns to the vice chairman. They made one final lap around the floor. Laughter and applause were heard throughout. Messenger bags in hand, the alumni exited into the lobby, down the elevator, and out for celebratory drinks and reminiscence before embarking on the next adventures their lives.

Over hundreds of dollars of pizza, the war room filled itself with the newly minted second year analyst class and my own. Upon exodus of the second year analysts, it was tradition for the graduating first year analyst class and the summer analysts to convene for a celebratory dinner and connect personally. By next summer, they would be gone and the chosen among us would be in training. The summer after, we'd be on the other side of the table celebrating with our own summer interns. Time seemed to have its way of shuffling but never intrinsically changing in this industry.

The grace period for interns had officially ended. With the second year analysts gone, it was now up to us to step up to the plate as interim first year analysts for the remainder of the summer. And ready or not, by late next week it would be made perfectly clear to each of us where we stand in the group. Proving my reliability as a junior resource next week was absolutely essential to the outcome of my summer analyst stint.

- 12 silver bananas

The Best summer internship Tips on WSO
Besides @moneymogul's internship experience, we have lined up 10 of the best posts offering tips for your upcoming summer internship.

1. A Letter to a Chimp
posted by @NiuShi

Staying caught in the weeds will only make you frustrated if you're trying to go fast. The last thing that you want to do is to change the template of your PPT slides from Sky Blue to Lark Blue. So take a deep breath, and knock that sucker off your to-do list as fast as humanly possible. Learn how to be efficient with the tasks you don't like to do so you can focus on the big things, the things that matter to you. Keep your head up and your eyes on the prize.

Patience is perhaps your greatest asset that you don't know you possess in abundance, my little chimp. Know the difference between what you can control and what you cannot. You will amaze yourself by how stoic and even-tempered you will become.

- 24 silver bananas

2. Performance of Top Tier vs. Bottom Tier Analysts (Q&A in Comments)
posted by @WallStreetPlayboys

If you touched it you are responsible.
Remember that if you are at the bottom of the totem pole, you're going to be thrown under the bus quickly if things go wrong. Therefore if you are working on a pitchbook and an associate decides to create 2-3 extra slides... Check them. No matter who creates the additional item, check it anyway because if it is incorrect you will be blamed. Naturally, you will have conflicts at some point in the process, but you need to minimize them.

Clean Modeling.
This is the final step and quite difficult to accomplish at all times. When working with your team try and jot down how to build the model so a new set of eyes can quickly navigate the spreadsheet. Take the time and do the following: 1) minimize input cells, 2) build model out to simple inputs/formulas allowing the user to change input cells, 3) set up to be printed clearly, 4) clear labelling of actual numbers versus estimates, 5) set up to print all items cleanly.

- 20 silver bananas

3. AMA: Managing Director in the M&A and PE business w/ 20+ years experience
posted by @WallStreetOracle

"How to succeed as a woman in investment banking?"

You can't let it bother you that other people look at you differently than if you were a man. Not much you can do about that. But you can make sure you dress and act professionally at all times--while not stifling your personal style. And, similar to what your quote says above, as a woman you have assets that men don't always have in the same way--and I don't mean physical assets. Women tend to be stronger collaborators, able to build consensus instead of going for ego-based conflict (sorry men, I know I am going to hear about this one, but there are things you are better at too.).

Take note of colleagues and superiors that are treating you differently and find mentors within your firm and outside of your firm that can help you build networks of colleagues to rely on. Make sure to ask for promotions early and find out what needs to be done to get one.

And be careful about following the group from the conference into the men's room. I did that once. We miss all of the best parts of the conversation, but there are some places we still shouldn't go.

- 19 silver bananas

4. 7 Practical Tips for Entering 1st Year IBD Analysts
posted by @WallStreetOracle

Don't treat the $25 meal allowance as a target that must be met. Yes you would be leaving money on the table, but sometimes less is more. $25 of anything, even sushi, is a lot of food. Though there are things you can do to counteract this (have a naturally fast metabolism, get a gym membership and use it frequently and right before eating that $25 feast). Saving food for lunch the next day is always an option.

Pay what you must for fast, reliable internet. Invest in a good keyboard, mouse, chair, and at least 1 large monitor. Buy a quality set of earbuds with a quality microphone. You want to be able to take calls and work from home as much as possible in as comfortable of a manner as possible. (Note: this is not the case for groups where facetime is important, nevertheless you should still invest in the above => no group I know expects facetime on weekends)

- 15 silver bananas

5. The sell-side 15 - how to stay fit yet still fit in
posted by @big unit

Tips on client dinners:
- Most of these dinners will occur at a steakhouse in Tribeca or Midtown. I can't explain it, but for some reason no one takes any risks when it comes to new restaurants - you'll probably go to one of 3-4 steakhouses every couple of weeks for the entirety of your sell-side S&T career. So be prepared for that.
- Get veggie appetizers to offset the red meat. Bacon strips are great, but you need fiber.
- You don't have to scarf everything down when you eat.
- Don't talk with your mouth full, and if there is a lull in a conversation, order a round of drinks - particularly if you are the lead on the dinner (smaller account, or covering for more senior guys)
- DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING TO GO

14 silver bananas

6. The 10 commandments for surviving your summer internship
posted by @DM123

Dress the part: Invest in the minimum amount of suits and dress shirts. I would argue you need 3 suits and 7 dress shirts. Don't wear anything too trendy. A trendy tight dress shirt might look cool in the dance club but it'll send the wrong message to the MDs: "oh he's still a kid because he dresses like one".

Don't tell anyone your career plans are different than your current job: Even if you landed a tier 2 job that everyone uses as a stepping stone to something better, don't tell people that this is your intention. Your employer needs to think that this is a perfect fit. If your actual goal is to work for a hedge fund, tell that to potential hedge fund hiring managers - don't say anything to people in your current job. Despite what they may promise, they probably can't and won't help you get into a different department, or a different company.

- 9 silver bananas

7. How Not To Screw Up An Internship
posted by @Jared Dillian

As I've travelled around, nobody loves their job more than traders and bankers, even though you'll never hear a rah-rah speech about it. So, as an intern, if you know enough to ask the right question, that shows that you are informed about what is going on and that you care about the industry, too, then you'll get me talking and we'll have a nice conversation. And maybe I will remember your name. Crucially, the idea is to be informed rather than to sound informed.

- 8 silver bananas

8. 5 Things to Help You Stand Out at Your First Internship
posted by @Jared Dillian

Go from "I think" to "I know"
This was something my most recent boss put on every one of my performance reviews and it helped me tremendously. Always work to know things, as opposed to thinking you know. If you are getting new tires put on your car, do you want your mechanic to say "We replaced your tires, I think you should be good to go" or would you prefer "We replaced your tires, you are good to go!" Avoid saying things like "I think it was around 95%", and instead say "It's 95%". This does not mean lie and say you are certain about something, which could be even worse than saying you think you know it. It means you should understand what you are talking about, and research and prepare for every meeting.

Think from your boss's perspective
Think about the final product of the work you are giving to your boss. In most cases, he/she will have to pass your work on to their boss. The better you do, the more time it saves for your boss. In my most recent position, my boss had me write a lot of her formal business letters and her presentations because she trusted that I would put something together that she would not need to edit. I always took in mind the audience (her boss, customer, supplier, etc.) and tailored specifically to them.

- 7 silver bananas

9. The BlackHat Interview: 2/4
posted by @BlackHat

What do you do to relax or take your mind off work?
My favorite hobby is probably MMA and/or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It's a very demanding sport physically, but also mentally. Sparring in Jiu Jitsu is really like a chess game, and there's way more strategy and planning in MMA than people give it credit for. I love being able to work on certain finesse techniques and try to set people up in certain positions, so it actually compliments my job pretty well. And let's not forget, when you want to blow off some steam there's no better way to do it than by kicking someone/something in the head. Aside from that I also love a good glass of wine and am a big movie fanatic. I used to play a ton of poker online too but unfortunately we can't do that anymore...

What keeps you motivated?
The only thing that really keeps me motivated is that every day in finance is a little different, so life doesn't get too monotonous at work. And like I mentioned, I'm motivated to learn [somewhat] useless information, which you tend to gain a lot of when you're becoming an expert in several different businesses and spending your entire day reading and talking to a variety of people associated with the business or industry.

- 5 silver bananas

10, Summer Analyst at a boutique - the right experience?
posted by @Newspeak

A couple of my projects included checking over a few large model for mistakes but I have not been tasked with building one of my own. I did one set of public comps and one set of M&A comps. Other than that, it's been a lot of bitch work.

Examples of what I do every day:

  • Updating a spreadsheet with PE/Strategic buyer responses/emails and sending it out in periodic updates to the client.
  • Doing research and due diligence for potential and live deals
  • Doing screens on CapIQ for PE/Strategic buyers that match certain criteria and then checking the list manually to see if they actually fit our client.
  • Making vCards for the senior bankers when they get a new contact
  • Researching random obscure things for ad hoc projects.
  • Adding charts and graphics to powerpoints
  • Sending out road show meeting calendar invites
  • Sending NDAs
  • Summarizing and explaining sets of documents to senior bankers
  • Nagging MDs every few days via email to get in touch with their contacts at PE funds so they can move to the next stages of the process with them.
  • Listening in on phone calls with the client and potential investors

- 1 silver banana

Comments (111)

Aug 25, 2015

good post

Aug 25, 2015

2.) You are a fucking intern. Faggot.

Aug 25, 2015
centralparkwest:

2.) You are a fucking intern. Faggot.

2a) You are a fucking analyst. Shut the fuck up, faggot.

Aug 25, 2015
centralparkwest:

2.) You are a fucking intern. Faggot.

Literally just lol'd in my chair... after a couple 120 hour weeks in a row, and taking the 79 coming off and all nighter only studying for 5 hours that shit made my day...

Aug 25, 2015

3.) If you never got yelled at, you did a shitty job. If you did get yelled at, congratulations.

Aug 25, 2015
FSC:

3.) If you never got yelled at, you did a shitty job. If you did get yelled at, congratulations.

Pretty sure you got that backwards dude.

Aug 25, 2015

4.) Talk back to your boss and smack him in the ass.

Aug 25, 2015
gobigorgohome:

4.) Talk back to your boss and smack him in the ass.

This is probably the best advice I've ever received. Seriously, it works!

Aug 25, 2015

Like Yoda speak should you, mmmm, yes, at all times mhahaha

Help you perfect your grammar, this link will. Yeesssssss.
http://www.yodaspeak.co.uk/index.php

  • And seriously, every analyst I talk to uses seamless to buy cases of red bull / 5hour / pick your poison
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Aug 25, 2015

6) Don't stay late for the sake of staying late so everyone thinks you're working so hard and crushing deals when in reality you don't have anything to do....

Aug 25, 2015

7) never ever sleep with your boss wife or daughter it only make thing alot worst actually forget the part of his daughter that can actually be a real good thing for you

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause
While the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one

Aug 25, 2015

8) dont bring automatic rifle to office and joke-threaten people with it or you will be arrested

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

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Aug 25, 2015
tlynch5:

8) dont bring automatic rifle to office and joke-threaten people with it or you will be arrested

LOL

Aug 25, 2015

Damn, this shit got trolled

Aug 25, 2015

Depends what you mean by morning report, I'm assuming a news summary. Your morning report should be VERY brief. As brief as possible. Don't copy and paste news. Title (in bold), 1 or 2 line summary and link to the full article. It should be sent before people arrive. Only news that are relevant to your desk. Ask them for news sources. If you cover something international try to find local papers who have an online english edition.

Rest of the day you will be doing random tasks to help you get an understanding of the products and help on whatever comes up, you will also have time where you don't have anything to do, just learn by watching and asking questions appropriately. There are plenty of threads about this. Look for derivstrading guide for interns. I also addressed this in the Q&A thread I did a while back, look for it.

Aug 25, 2015

introduce yourself to people, work hard, offer to help with random shit if you complete your task, act overly happy to be there, laugh at their jokes, during down time try to get to know them on a personal level, show up early, if you don't know something its better to ask than do it wrong. They have good training programs, you'll learn what you need to learn. Just don't screw around, and have a positive aura and you'll be fine. From what I've heard, the people who don't get offers are generally the people who don't work hard or who aren't personable...Ibanking at the analyst level isn't an overly mentally intensive job, so intelligence and previous knowledge aren't that big of a must.

Aug 25, 2015

-never complain
-dont ask the same question twice

Aug 25, 2015
iambateman:

-never complain
-dont ask the same question twice

Only thing I'll add is:

always be the last one to leave in your group

Aug 25, 2015

I can remember a post a LONG time ago that said

"don't be tempted to play w) yoself in the bathroom"

THAT IS TRUE!!!

Aug 25, 2015

this is just a personal thing and some people will disagree

don't try too hard

Aug 25, 2015

Keep hitting jumpshots like you have been. The key is going to be 2 factors:

1) Getting your teammates involved - especially Okur on the wing

2) Attacking the rim - your team is getting outworked on the stripe

Aug 25, 2015

Thanks for the help. I'll certainly do my best - but in the event that I am no-offered, and i fucked for fall recruiting?

Aug 25, 2015

I've certainly seen people say that those who don't get offers are in trouble, but I don't see why that's true. There are at least 20 good banks to apply to (BB, good MMs and boutiques), so the odds will be in your favor since you already have work exp. And if they ask you why you're not going back to Bank X, just say you weren't happy with your role there, the culture, how they did things, etc...

Aug 25, 2015

FT recruitment will probably value an SA internship experience, just make sure you can describe why you aren't doing FT at your previous bank.

Maybe say you turned down FT to try and get a job at X bank instead haha, I duno how well that would work though.

Aug 25, 2015

I really have no idea what's going on. I had a very positive performance review last week, and everyone I work with seems to like me. But there's been no word of any full-time offer and my last day is Friday. Should I be proactive and ask to be considered for a full-time position, or is that too presumptuous?

(Other interns haven't heard either, if that helps at all.)

Aug 25, 2015

Use search function - plenty of advice here.

Aug 25, 2015

I wish i had not told my MD i had a car so I wouldnt have had to pickup his daughter from school

http://convertyourbond.com Free market commentary and trading insights to help with interviews

Aug 25, 2015

First impressions are key.

I went into my first internship kind of shy and it ended up sticking with me the whole time despite the fact that I'm not actually like that.

"I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcom

Aug 25, 2015
coffeebateman:

First impressions are key.

I went into my first internship kind of shy and it ended up sticking with me the whole time despite the fact that I'm not actually like that.

so true. same thing happened to me.

Aug 25, 2015

Understand whatever it is you're doing and why you're doing it. Don't just go through the motions

Aug 25, 2015

Chapman. Add UCLA to your list, you can outshine the actual UCLA kids at those sessions if you know your shit and are easier to get along with/more social

Aug 25, 2015

Pepperdine?

I'm not concerned with the very poor
-Mitt Romney

Aug 25, 2015

UC Irvine actually

Aug 25, 2015

I'm pretty confident with the technical parts. It's just my GPA and school name that I'm worried about. I have good experience too.

Aug 25, 2015

PM'd you

Aug 25, 2015

If your GPA is low, how did you secure those internships?

The difference between successful people and others is largely a habit - a controlled habit of doing every task better, faster and more efficiently.

Aug 25, 2015

x

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Aug 25, 2015

Congrats!

Aug 25, 2015

This post is going to piss off a lot of neurotic nerds.

I think- therefore I fuck

    • 4
Aug 25, 2015

Couldn't agree more. a lot of people think their work will simply speak for itself...and they are right in some sense. I always felt that as long as your work is average / slightly above average, being well liked and networking is just as important.

Aug 25, 2015

I totally agree with you on this.

I would add:
- schedule one-on-one's with senior people on the team and learn what got them to where they are. It's a great way to have a sense of what it takes to "make it" in the corporate world. I believe they will learn that it's their organization and people skills, more than their technical skills, that got them there.
- when people ask you to join them for lunch, NEVER say no
- ask for feedback frequently

    • 1
Aug 25, 2015

Fully agree. Make sure you network and grab coffees with as many people as possible. You wouldn't believe how many people form an opinion about you without ever having spoken to you.

Aug 25, 2015

I'd say that interns have the opportunity to learn plenty, but the opportunity is to learn people smarts, rather than the book smarts type of stuff which their prior 14 years of education have been built around.

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Aug 25, 2015

Agree with everything except the learning part. There isn't really going to be a way to learn some of these skills without being tested by fire in the industry. That said, soft-skills are obviously of utmost importance because banks can teach anyone how to do the work (eg: history and biology majors in IB or S&T).

Anecdotally, my internship has helped me a great deal and has been an interesting point for networking with others.

    • 1
Aug 25, 2015

I (partially) disagree. Interns definitely aren't going to learn the exciting things they think they'll learn but they'll definitely learn the environment, networking, and people skills which is just as valuable.

  • Anonymous Monkey
  •  Aug 25, 2015

Agree with this point. I used to just go to my internships and try to work hard. That didn't get me anywhere. Once I started networking with my supervisors and other people in the company, opportunities started appearing.

My one advice for interns is to be genuine when you approach someone to network. Be yourself, and the people who like you will go the extra mile for you.

Aug 25, 2015

Totally agree!

Aug 25, 2015

So how exactly do you become likable?
What do you discuss during these lunches/coffees. I bet MDs are tired of telling there "success story" over and over again.

Aug 25, 2015

Read Carneige's book.

Aug 25, 2015

Become an interesting person. Have hobbies, and interests outside of finance. Trust me, most of your senior bankers are sick and tired of talking to kids about finance. They're old, out of shape, and tired, Spark up a conversation about something interesting.

You can't learn these skills by reading unfortunately; it's interaction with people where you build this stuff.

I think- therefore I fuck

Best Response
Aug 25, 2015

ask questions about them. if you can't relate, just ask something along the lines of "what's that like?"

example: I know nothing about the mountain west, I've never been there, don't know anyone who lives there, but if I was an intern and the MD said he's the first person to leave Idaho, rather than saying "lotta potatoes huh?" I'd ask him what growing up there was like. if they like sports, that's easy (assuming you do too). but there are plenty of techniques to build rapport or at least try. dale carnegie's book, as mentioned by others, is immensely helpful here.

if you're hitting dead ends: they play golf, you play cricket, they're from atlanta, you're from a pakistani family in KS, they majored in PPE, you're an accounting & compsci major, they went to a big state school, you went to Duke, you can try probing more "how'd you get into golf?" "what was your experience like at Boise state?" but if that doesn't work, you can always ask about their kids or their home life. just something as simple as "well what about your family?" but be ready to back off if they get hostile (like if they have a bad relationship). this will rarely happen, and more often than not they'll just talk your ears off about their kids and then lunch will be over before you know it.

also, people love talking about themselves, so don't be afraid to ask "how'd you get from where I am today to where you are today?" or "what was that journey like?" or "how has the industry changed during your career?" keep business talk limited, find out what makes them tick (hint: it's not powerpoints and getting to put GS MD on their business card). ask a few questions that show your curiosity about the business, but get to know them as a person. ask things like "what do you do outside the office?" things like that.

eventually, they may ask about you, here's where you need to be careful. you cannot be a question machine the whole time, you have to tell something about yourself, but don't ramble. so if he asks "well what about you? what's your story?" you could say something like "I'm from bumblefuck kansas, my parents came here as babies from pakistan with my grandparents, started a couple of businesses, and I discovered banking after I figured out I didn't want to run a gas station in kansas with my dad, so I got into Duke and I'm hoping this internship can help me get to that next step." at this point, shut up, you've given him enough to probe more if he wants to. don't recite your resume, he doesn't care. from there, he may ask about duke football, ask how big of an adjustment it was from kansas to duke or NYC, what your parents' business was, why banking, etc., and there will be a bit of a back and forth after that.

tip: when you're out eating, mind your posture. I can't tell you how many times I've noticed college kids having god awful posture at lunch. don't puff out your chest like hanz & franz, don't slouch like lurch, but imagine you've got a bowl of hot soup on your head or a stack of books and you're trying to balance it. also, don't order long noodle pasta, ramen, gumbo, etc., unless you're following their lead and they do. you want to be able to eat your meal with one hand, without lurching over the bowl/plate and slurping. take small bites, chew with your mouth closed (again, can't tell you how many times I've seen college kids smack their food, makes me want to puke), and do NOT talk with your mouth full.

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Aug 25, 2015

would an internship in sales and trading affect my chances of getting into business school for a MBA

Aug 25, 2015

I agree, but if you get the chance to do another summer internship with the same firm I would definitely consider it very strongly because the firm will trust you more and its a chance to get deeper into what full-time work looks like

Aug 25, 2015

Thanks a lot for the advice man. I really need to work on my people skills as i had this constant fear of screwing a conversation or sounding like an idiot, or worse, offending someone. Again, really great help from you. 9/10

Oh almost forgot ^^^^^^^ Screw you Brofessor we aint need negativity people like you.

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Aug 25, 2015

thanks brah!

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Aug 25, 2015

Nice that you steal this from Gary Vaynerchuch and not even refering to the source...

Aug 25, 2015

Thanks! Just added the source

Aug 25, 2015

Perception is everything.

Aug 25, 2015

One must be, "hardy in their approbation and lavish in their praise" lol. Just be a good person and celebrate other people's success and passion with them, genuinely. They will love you forever and you will finally be able to feed your soul for the first time. You will truly become happy with your life. No shit the only thing we care, think, and want to talk about is about is ourselves. Anyone who has not realized that we are all same has the emotional intelligence and self-awareness of a second grader. Do not have the emotional intelligence of a second grader.

Also try these reads if you can: The Power of Positive Thinking - Norman Vincent & Influence - Robert Cialdini

Aug 25, 2015
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Aug 25, 2015

Assume that everything that you prepare will not be checked over and immediately sent to clients. This means printing everything out and triple checking your work, using highlighters to mark which edits you have incorporated, making sure that when a senior banker gives you instructions that you ask enough questions to be 100% clear on what you need to do, etc. This will mean some long nights your first few weeks, as the above certainly takes some time, but once you get the hang of things, you will stand out as the analyst who always prepares high quality work.

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Aug 25, 2015

Appreciate the input

Aug 25, 2015

I would also like to know this.

Aug 25, 2015

Been working for a while, and this stuff still applies. Especially the part about listening.

Aug 25, 2015

that was pretty good.

Aug 25, 2015

3. Your boss will lend you money. It sounds shocking--but it's true. Not only that, he'll feel good about it: Because it will make him feel powerful and strong.

Are we hedging coffee risk again, Eddie?

Aug 25, 2015
  1. If you're ever really losing a debate about economics break out this line: "What you're saying is totally irrelevant--because all complex phenomena are inherently non-linear." (No one will understand what it means--but that's ok because just about nobody really understands economics in the first place.)

Works all the time.

Aug 25, 2015

Funny post. Thanks man

Aug 25, 2015

great stuff, thx

Aug 25, 2015

You know anyone can spot a kiss ass a mile away. Some bosses just put up with it because they're insecure and they like the attention. I've always believed that simply shutting up and doing your work better than every one else was the best way to get noticed by the right people, and promoted.

Among other things, it's posts like these that have made me seriously reconsider my desire to be in the finance industry. I know that this is just one immature post on one forum....but supposedly lots of wall street reads this forum and because the post was not only "front-paged" but because it also wasn't immediately called out for its....ridiculousness...well that's your smoking gun that maybe that posts like this actually do represent wall street.

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." - Albert Einstein

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Aug 25, 2015
aicccia:

You know anyone can spot a kiss ass a mile away. Some bosses just put up with it because they're insecure and they like the attention. I've always believed that simply shutting up and doing your work better than every one else was the best way to get noticed by the right people, and promoted.

Among other things, it's posts like these that have made me seriously reconsider my desire to be in the finance industry. I know that this is just one immature post on one forum....but supposedly lots of wall street reads this forum and because the post was not only "front-paged" but because it also wasn't immediately called out for its....ridiculousness...well that's your smoking gun that maybe that posts like this actually do represent wall street.

Let me get this straight. You've considered a career in finance, but haven't heard of GS Elevator?

Aug 25, 2015
aicccia:

You know anyone can spot a kiss ass a mile away. Some bosses just put up with it because they're insecure and they like the attention. I've always believed that simply shutting up and doing your work better than every one else was the best way to get noticed by the right people, and promoted.

Among other things, it's posts like these that have made me seriously reconsider my desire to be in the finance industry. I know that this is just one immature post on one forum....but supposedly lots of wall street reads this forum and because the post was not only "front-paged" but because it also wasn't immediately called out for its....ridiculousness...well that's your smoking gun that maybe that posts like this actually do represent wall street.

Jesus fucking Christ. Is this satire not obvious enough for the guy who quotes Einstein in his signature?

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Aug 25, 2015

This is awesome!

- A

Aug 25, 2015

Let's be clear. It's impossible to compete with female interns. And it's not cool. So don't bother trying.

LOL. Accurate

Aug 25, 2015
PriceWaterPoopers:

Let's be clear. It's impossible to compete with female interns. And it's not cool. So don't bother trying.

LOL. Accurate

Completely true. We had an intern last summer who constantly tried to outperform and undermine one of the other interns in our group, who was (i) really hot, even when adjusted for banking-goggles; and (ii) totally clear from day 1 that she wasn't interested in a FT offer and just wanted to have banking on her CV. The intern was actually very good work-wise, but we didn't give him an offer because he was clearly an insecure douchenozzle.

Aug 25, 2015

You are liable to get your ass BEAT if you try and sabotage someone's career, not to mention making an enemy for LIFE, patiently waiting to return the favor.

Aug 25, 2015

I think 12 is golden.

Aug 25, 2015

This is a stupid post

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Aug 25, 2015

you know you have nothing else going for you when you're sabotaging people just to make yourself look better

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

Aug 25, 2015

I laugh at the seriousness of some of the people responding to this post.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Aug 25, 2015
heister:

I laugh at the seriousness of some of the people responding to this post.

This.

Aug 25, 2015

10. is actually solid advice.

Aug 25, 2015
GSElevator:

16. Bang a (female) intern, and tell the Associates and above about it. If they haven’t ever done it, they sure as hell always wanted to. They’ll respect you for it. And you’ll always be the guy that banged her first, before she ends up marrying that dickhead PMD in Emerging Markets.

So you're saying I should be a lesbian this summer?

I stopped getting angry and these kind of inane, fratboy-wannabe posts a long time ago. Now they just make me kind of sad for the people who are subjected to your 'humor' and self-marketing in real life.

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Aug 25, 2015
cogitoergognome:
GSElevator:

16. Bang a (female) intern, and tell the Associates and above about it. If they haven’t ever done it, they sure as hell always wanted to. They’ll respect you for it. And you’ll always be the guy that banged her first, before she ends up marrying that dickhead PMD in Emerging Markets.

So you're saying I should be a lesbian this summer?

I stopped getting angry and these kind of inane, fratboy-wannabe posts a long time ago. Now they just make me kind of sad for the people who are subjected to your 'humor' and self-marketing in real life.

I do hope you realize this is satire

I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

Aug 25, 2015

Are you a retarded person? If so, why are you on teh internetz unsupervised?

Aug 25, 2015

In all seriousness..why are people taking this seriously? LOL

Keep it together and you will go far..

Aug 25, 2015

Saw this on TFM. Actually some decen advice. Being the bitch is not a good look.

Aug 25, 2015
GSElevator:

many of the Bloomberg girls are hot..

This is true

Aug 25, 2015
mrb87:
GSElevator:

many of the Bloomberg girls are hot..

This is true

most definitely.

Aug 25, 2015

troll?

Aug 25, 2015

Great read! Thank you.

Aug 25, 2015
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Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015
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I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015

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