Silly Shit Interns Do

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Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - This was a originally posted in June 2012

So the interns are out in full force. Hoards of them.

(Before I get into this-- I have no idea why they are called "SA's" these days- they will always be interns to me.)

I digress. I'm going to keep this brief and to the point, hopefully it's helpful to some young monkeys out there. But first, a joke:

What's the difference between a sperm and a lawyer?
The sperm has at least a 1/10,000 chance of becoming a human being.

I digress again. Here is the list:

Interns:
1) Stick out their hand for a shake EVERYWHERE, EVERY TIME they see you. It's getting to be comical, and I'm about to start leaving these f*ckers hanging. Rule of thumb: don't shake hands when you casually bump into colleagues- in the subway, in the elevator, especially in the restroom- thou shalt not shake hands UNLESS i) you are meeting a senior person for the first time OR ii) if a hand is shown, obviously you shake it.

2) Seem not to realize that suit vents need to be clipped. I'm talking about those little flaps on your suitjacket that hang around your ass. They come sewn together - but you're supposed to clip that little string.

3) Should watch what they say to one another on the subway. We're listening. Even if we have earphones in, we may have the sound on mute to see if you're shitting on your group. We are smarter than you. Never forget that.

4) Should not be concerned about the brand that you're wearing. We don't expect you to come in wearing a hickey suit, Ferragamos and a Hermes tie. In fact, if you do dress as well as I do, I'll probably assume you're a spoiled little shit because I know for a FACT that you don't earn enough to drop $3,000 on one day's wardrobe.

5) Should not wear watches that are better than your superior's watch. See #4 logic.  Some fucking intern was flashing around the cafe in a patek the other day. Seriously? I assumed it was his fathers, I also assumed the kid has a self esteem issue. Why else would an intern be wearing a 30k watch? Is he trying to make a statement? Well the only statement he made was "im a douchewaffle." good intern watch: tissot.

6) Should not leave the office before I do. Sit there and surf the internet or something- don't leave before your colleagues. 

7) Should only talk about their background when asked. I don't care what you did in high school. When you talk about that shit I feel old - you want me to feel good when I talk to you. Not old. (brotip: bankers like to talk about themselves - generally speaking, we are arrogant and love to gloat about the deals we've structured. Ask us about that - oe our families- and we'll talk your ears off)

8) Wear big shirts. Maybe this is just me, but all the interns I see seem to swim in their dress shirts. Make sure your shit fits!

9) Should be wary of the company they keep- you will be judged by it. 

10) Should NOT talk about fake IDs. I ask if you're 21- if you're not, say "no". Don't say "no, but I have a fake."  This was actually said to me by my "mentee". Do you really think I'm going to hit the bar with you if you're not 21? Not a chance in hell. 

Hopefully this means I will see fewer sewn suit vents, because that shit really gets under my skin.

Comments (154)

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:51pm

bonks:
huethan:
11) fall asleep in a group meeting

One intern at the office I worked in last summer literally fell asleep while a consultant was training him. Needless to say, he had a horrible rest of the summer.

Good thing he rested while the consultant was training him. Otherwise, he wouldn't survive the rest of the summer.

Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:14pm

13) Send out emails without the attachments! (I am an intern and do this all the time, just to keep people on their toes of course)

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:23pm

blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:27pm

streetwannabe:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

You have a 5 hour commute and don't get reimbursed in any way? That's fucked.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:49pm

streetwannabe:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

my group dosen't have a manager he got fired a while back and so did a large amount of the group every one reports to director and knows what to do and who does what and we even get a group to watch what we do lol

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 11:08pm

streetwannabe:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

You go to UConn?

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 8:44am

streetwannabe:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

That what one heck of a conversation killer. To avoid excessive journey, why not to temporarily rent a room somewhere near the office ? Should prove to be quite a cost saver.

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.
 
Jun 16, 2012 - 2:14pm

streetwannabe:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Haha, I was thinking about this. Today I left at 5.15pm and a guy on the elevator said "What are we paying you for to leave when we do?"

[Reply] "Nothing"

"....Oh... really?"

But, fortunately I commute from Hartford CT to NYC every day (5 hr commute total) so my manager almost forces me to leave so I can get home before 8.30pm

man that blows my mind commuting 5 hours a day. I live in the hartford area and didnt even try for nyc firms cause of the commute? What are you in college, soph/jun?

 
Jun 14, 2012 - 9:25am

blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Wrong, you're only allowed to book 40 hours.

DominikKania:
Thoroughly enjoyed your post. It should prove useful during my internship this summer.

The problem with overdressing sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. Most of my colleagues work to support themselves with their studies. Not a chance in hell they would spend money on an overly lavish suit. Your experience?

May not be your experience but I guarantee there are a lot of college kids running around NYC in clothes they could never afford if they didn't have Dad's AmEx.

As an intern I agree with his comments on watches/clothes. In my opinion, you want to look good, but you also want to look like you need the job. Running around with a $30k watch on? You'll probably be OK in life if you don't get the offer. Even though I have some Hermes & Ferragamo ties (passed down/stolen out of Dad's closet), there's a reason I wear Jos A. Bank ties to the office.

I don't wear my watch to the office either. It's nowhere near a Patek (TAG) but it's nice. No need to risk anything when there's a job offer on the line.

MM IB -> TMT Corporate Development -> New Ventures
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 8:58pm

SECfinance:
blastoise:
why do we have to leave after you?

Some of us our getting paid hourly and are only allowed to work 40 hours ....

Wrong, you're only allowed to book 40 hours.

DominikKania:
Thoroughly enjoyed your post. It should prove useful during my internship this summer.

The problem with overdressing sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. Most of my colleagues work to support themselves with their studies. Not a chance in hell they would spend money on an overly lavish suit. Your experience?

May not be your experience but I guarantee there are a lot of college kids running around NYC in clothes they could never afford if they didn't have Dad's AmEx.

As an intern I agree with his comments on watches/clothes. In my opinion, you want to look good, but you also want to look like you need the job. Running around with a $30k watch on? You'll probably be OK in life if you don't get the offer. Even though I have some Hermes & Ferragamo ties (passed down/stolen out of Dad's closet), there's a reason I wear Jos A. Bank ties to the office.

I don't wear my watch to the office either. It's nowhere near a Patek (TAG) but it's nice. No need to risk anything when there's a job offer on the line.

I agree

keep your head down until you prove that you worth those stuff.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:25pm

blastoise:
im in at 7 am out around 3 pm

7.30-5.30/6

My bank is very weird though. Small debt cap markets shop that is primarily S&T. I think they only do best efforts

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:30pm

marketbeater:
6) is hard
My colleagues usually work til at least ten
and they even asked me to leave right after 6.
I was like "what should i do?" LOL

I work 10hr days for nothing. I have no qualms about leaving whenever the office starts to empty out

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 9:36pm

Good stuff. Those silly interns!

Also, this could be a humor blog a la Stuff White People Like if you wanted it to be. I'm sure you could grow the list pretty steadily if you wanted to and you could pick hits up pretty quickly for a site called Silly Wall Street Interns or Silly New York Interns (if you wanted to be more general to include Law and other professions).

Just saying, there could be potential here.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:16pm

JohnAnthony7:
what's the rule for having a few beers at a company happy hour or team-building event when everyone is drinking and they assume you're 21 but not?

Show up to the event about 15 minutes early, and empty out some beer bottles and fill them with water. This way your sobriety, intelligence, and social skills will remain intact.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:24pm

Lotin:
JohnAnthony7:
what's the rule for having a few beers at a company happy hour or team-building event when everyone is drinking and they assume you're 21 but not?

I was tempted to do this the other night at one of my firms events lol, the only person that knows i'm underage is my manager.

Already did it and it was fine because no one knew my age. But not sure if I should be more cautious in the future.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:23pm

I get to go on a booze cruise later this month. Company sponsored. Even though my internship is unpaid, this makes it worth it. I'm getting annihilated.

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Best Response
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:27pm

Oh please. OP, here's a list for you:

Silly shit assistant vice presidents do:

1) go on wall street oasis and write posts complaining about the silly shit their interns do.

The end.

There was a day when you were an annoying little intern shithead, too. So was I. Do the right thing - mentor them, help them instead of making fun of them.

Not trying to be Debby Downer, but posts like this irk me.

Man made money, money never made the man
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:58pm

RE Capital Markets:
Oh please. OP, here's a list for you:

Silly shit assistant vice presidents do:

1) go on wall street oasis and write posts complaining about the silly shit their interns do.

The end.

There was a day when you were an annoying little intern shithead, too. So was I. Do the right thing - mentor them, help them instead of making fun of them.

Not trying to be Debby Downer, but posts like this irk me.

Waw! Someone with common sense, who does not forget where he came from.

Silver banana for you!

@ lol Assistant VP LOL

Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 11:00pm

FlakieBear:
RE Capital Markets:
Oh please. OP, here's a list for you:

Silly shit assistant vice presidents do:

1) go on wall street oasis and write posts complaining about the silly shit their interns do.

The end.

There was a day when you were an annoying little intern shithead, too. So was I. Do the right thing - mentor them, help them instead of making fun of them.

Not trying to be Debby Downer, but posts like this irk me.

Waw! Someone with common sense, who does not forget where he came from.

Silver banana for you!

@ lol Assistant VP LOL

Haha, missed this post. LOL very funny. Regardless of if the OP is actually that position or not.

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:41pm

...I feel like this is mostly directed towards male interns only. Like really, those only douchey enough to shake someone's hand every time you see them. I mean who does that. It's obviously awkward. There was a good intern tip post earlier but only had like three tips. Don't make mistakes, ask good questions, read the news...Where are the little tips that we tend to overlook as a whole intern populace?

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:49pm

This is the fucking weirdest thing I've *Like ever read.

Despite your inability to translate your dialect into comprehensive internet English, I agree with you.

As a human-being, one should be able to read social circumstances enough to realize what is appropriate, and what is not.4

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:49pm

yep, that's positive encouraging stuff right there. i definitely want to work for that guy one day. since he's so encouraging and all. being an intern for that guy might just be the best internship in the history of mankind.

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait." -Thomas Edison
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:53pm

WreckEmFinance:
yep, that's positive encouraging stuff right there. i definitely want to work for that guy one day. since he's so encouraging and all. being an intern for that guy might just be the best internship in the history of mankind.

Who are you talking to? You're so mysterious...

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 11:14pm

streetwannabe:
WreckEmFinance:
yep, that's positive encouraging stuff right there. i definitely want to work for that guy one day. since he's so encouraging and all. being an intern for that guy might just be the best internship in the history of mankind.

Who are you talking to? You're so mysterious...


indeed sir. indeed. but just in case, i was talking to silly AVP (read: middle management) who thinks he's too good to offer an encouraging word here and there about things he learned along the way, rather than pooing his pants and thinking it smells like aqua velva. i dunno, it might help the spoiled rich boy to realize sooner rather than later that he's not that special and the only real way to impress is to bust your butt and work hard rather than keep on sucking that parental teet with stuff they obviously didn't buy with money they earned themselves.

i am on the bottom rung. i haven't even graduated undergrad yet. but i guarantee you i will strive to be the complete opposite of that kind of attitude when i am middle management someday. in fact, i am pretty sure it will give me a better chance of working my way to top management if i work hard enough and am gracious enough to encourage people who have the same dreams i had when i was young and naive; as of course i still am...

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait." -Thomas Edison
 
Jun 13, 2012 - 10:57pm

When I interned at a Boutique IB, we were given a $25 allowance for dinner. The internship was unpaid, but the dinner stipend and the free downtown parking pass was nice. That being said, one of my fellow interns made it his mission to get as close to the $25 limit as possible. Even when we had dinner at Chipotle, he ordered 3 burritos (2 for later) and the bill came out to $24.75. Needless the say, our MD got pissed and the dinner stipend rules were changed considerably afterwards.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 11:01pm

SlikRick:
When I interned at a Boutique IB, we were given a $25 allowance for dinner. The internship was unpaid, but the dinner stipend and the free downtown parking pass was nice. That being said, one of my fellow interns made it his mission to get as close to the $25 limit as possible. Even when we had dinner at Chipotle, he ordered 3 burritos (2 for later) and the bill came out to $24.75. Needless the say, our MD got pissed and the dinner stipend rules were changed considerably afterwards.

Don't see why you would get pissed. You're getting slave labor for 25 a day.

 
Jun 13, 2012 - 11:04pm

kidflash:
SlikRick:
When I interned at a Boutique IB, we were given a $25 allowance for dinner. The internship was unpaid, but the dinner stipend and the free downtown parking pass was nice. That being said, one of my fellow interns made it his mission to get as close to the $25 limit as possible. Even when we had dinner at Chipotle, he ordered 3 burritos (2 for later) and the bill came out to $24.75. Needless the say, our MD got pissed and the dinner stipend rules were changed considerably afterwards.

Don't see why you would get pissed. You're getting slave labor for 25 a day.

Haha, good lord I imagine that guy got shit from the others.

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 12:46pm

SlikRick:
When I interned at a Boutique IB, we were given a $25 allowance for dinner. The internship was unpaid, but the dinner stipend and the free downtown parking pass was nice. That being said, one of my fellow interns made it his mission to get as close to the $25 limit as possible. Even when we had dinner at Chipotle, he ordered 3 burritos (2 for later) and the bill came out to $24.75. Needless the say, our MD got pissed and the dinner stipend rules were changed considerably afterwards.

your MD sounds greedy as fuck. He's using a supposedly high quality personnel for free anyways, and he can't even let that happen? Tell him to go fuck himself.

 
Jun 14, 2012 - 7:17am

To all you silly shitheads whining about my post: grow a pair.

If any if you fuckers actually interned under me you'd know that I go way the hell out of my way to make sure a good intern gets a FT offer. And as far as mentoring, what the fuck do you think this post is about? I'm trying to point out silly shit interns do- so they will READ this and NOT do said silly shit any more, maybe, hopefully will look more mature and prepared for the workforce. Do you really think I stand to gain anything if you bastards start carrying yourselves a little more professionally?

And to the other whiners: no, I was never in your shoes. I never interned anywhere. I started in operations in 2006, and busted ass to get to my "middle management" front office, revenue generating position as a structured/lev fin banker.

You whiners are the reason WSO doesn't have more experienced folks putting time into the site. Too much riffraff and trollish bullshit.

Finally, to everyone who got a chuckle out of this and saw that I wasn't trying to shit on the help- rather, that my aim was to help the help: congratulations, you have a pair of testes.

Follow me on insta @FinancialDemigod
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 9:02am

AVPGuerilla:
If any if you fuckers actually interned under me you'd know that I go way the hell out of my way to make sure a good intern gets a FT offer.

I am willing to test this theory out. If you need an intern with a backstory similar to yours that's still waiting for a break, I'm your guy.

 
Jun 14, 2012 - 1:09pm

AVPGuerilla:
To all you silly shitheads whining about my post: grow a pair.

If any if you fuckers actually interned under me you'd know that I go way the hell out of my way to make sure a good intern gets a FT offer. And as far as mentoring, what the fuck do you think this post is about? I'm trying to point out silly shit interns do- so they will READ this and NOT do said silly shit any more, maybe, hopefully will look more mature and prepared for the workforce. Do you really think I stand to gain anything if you bastards start carrying yourselves a little more professionally?

And to the other whiners: no, I was never in your shoes. I never interned anywhere. I started in operations in 2006, and busted ass to get to my "middle management" front office, revenue generating position as a structured/lev fin banker.

You whiners are the reason WSO doesn't have more experienced folks putting time into the site. Too much riffraff and trollish bullshit.

Finally, to everyone who got a chuckle out of this and saw that I wasn't trying to shit on the help- rather, that my aim was to help the help: congratulations, you have a pair of testes.

Your tone is off-putting.

I have seen your post history and I know you try to help, but you could communicate a little more effectively.

Man made money, money never made the man
 
Jun 15, 2012 - 10:15am

RE Capital Markets:
AVPGuerilla:
To all you silly shitheads whining about my post: grow a pair.

If any if you fuckers actually interned under me you'd know that I go way the hell out of my way to make sure a good intern gets a FT offer. And as far as mentoring, what the fuck do you think this post is about? I'm trying to point out silly shit interns do- so they will READ this and NOT do said silly shit any more, maybe, hopefully will look more mature and prepared for the workforce. Do you really think I stand to gain anything if you bastards start carrying yourselves a little more professionally?

And to the other whiners: no, I was never in your shoes. I never interned anywhere. I started in operations in 2006, and busted ass to get to my "middle management" front office, revenue generating position as a structured/lev fin banker.

You whiners are the reason WSO doesn't have more experienced folks putting time into the site. Too much riffraff and trollish bullshit.

Finally, to everyone who got a chuckle out of this and saw that I wasn't trying to shit on the help- rather, that my aim was to help the help: congratulations, you have a pair of testes.

Your tone is off-putting.

I have seen your post history and I know you try to help, but you could communicate a little more effectively.

I respectfully disagree here. Take the tone with a pinch of salt and enjoy author's contribution. One of the most entertaining posts I've read in a while. Many thanks for the contribution!

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 8:47am

Thoroughly enjoyed your post. It should prove useful during my internship this summer.

The problem with overdressing sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. Most of my colleagues work to support themselves with their studies. Not a chance in hell they would spend money on an overly lavish suit. Your experience?

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 3:48pm

Unforseen:
You really wouldn't wear a tag to your office?

Well first, I'm not in NYC so there are less people blinging out around the office.

Second, yes. If I get the offer I'll wear it for FT, but I haven't proved anything yet and I'm keeping my head down until I do.

MM IB -> TMT Corporate Development -> New Ventures
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 10:18am

This is gold haha, I think some of us can learn better now

Mr.Mathie | Ideas are nothing without execution - Jeux de Commerce Central
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 10:37am

j.park12:
This is gold haha, I think some of us can learn better now

I know a J. Park. He is a nut job.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 10:53am

Thanks for the post, as an intern I appreciate to see how I aware from a "senior perspective".
Remember just as you make assumptions about your superiors, they will certainly return the favor.

DLJ Analyst Class '96
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 9:13pm

ibanking0801:
uconn is not in hartford ignorant...it's in storrs, ct

UConn has a CAMPUS in Storrs, don't come with that "ignorant" word if you don't know how to use it. The point isn't about UConn being in Hartford it's about saying that UConn is the best public school in CT. Most kids from CT who do well (using the term extremely generally) but aren't incredibly gifted go to UConn instead of one of the CT private colleges.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 1:10pm

Disincentivy:
Also, interns: Do not stare at anyone or anything no matter how fascinated or startled you are.

You've been getting your bewbs out again haven't you?

"After you work on Wall Street it’s a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side.” - David Tepper
 
Jun 14, 2012 - 1:15pm

Oreos:
Disincentivy:
Also, interns: Do not stare at anyone or anything no matter how fascinated or startled you are.

You've been getting your bewbs out again haven't you?

Yes :( I am sorry. I am trying to quit my boob showing addiction.

I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

See my WSO blog posts

 
Jun 15, 2012 - 3:10pm

Our T&L allows you to expense up to $25 per meal. I've seen people buy gift cards for $25 at cheaper restaurants, then proceed to pay with the gift card.

... cut backs are happening for a reason.

Invest in yourself; that's from where the real wealth comes.
 
Jan 30, 2013 - 3:27pm

PonyUp:
Our T&L allows you to expense up to $25 per meal. I've seen people buy gift cards for $25 at cheaper restaurants, then proceed to pay with the gift card.

... cut backs are happening for a reason.

Hahaha I have another story about how to beat the system. When I interned at a BB we also had $25 dinner allowance. Another intern always asked the analysts in the office whether he could bring them their food. Every night he had a list for 5-6 analysts. Of course he had to pay on his own account first but got the whole reimbursement from HR.

This had two advantages:

1. All analysts loved him for getting their food

2. Most analysts didn't give a sh*t about the $25 anymore and just ordered a salad for $10. He than used the outstanding budget to buy stuff on his own. The HR didn't know who bought what as he only had one final bill. So every night he bought himself food for $50-$80. Not only dinner but also all his groceries and nonperishable stuff from expensive delicatessen shops ($30/4 oz of italian sausage or ham, pralines, caviar, truffles, etc.). He told me at the end of the internship that he has delicatessen food for $1500 at home

 
Jan 30, 2013 - 5:10pm

Austerity:
PonyUp:
Our T&L allows you to expense up to $25 per meal. I've seen people buy gift cards for $25 at cheaper restaurants, then proceed to pay with the gift card.

... cut backs are happening for a reason.

Hahaha I have another story about how to beat the system. When I interned at a BB we also had $25 dinner allowance. Another intern always asked the analysts in the office whether he could bring them their food. Every night he had a list for 5-6 analysts. Of course he had to pay on his own account first but got the whole reimbursement from HR.

This had two advantages:

1. All analysts loved him for getting their food

2. Most analysts didn't give a sh*t about the $25 anymore and just ordered a salad for $10. He than used the outstanding budget to buy stuff on his own. The HR didn't know who bought what as he only had one final bill. So every night he bought himself food for $50-$80. Not only dinner but also all his groceries and nonperishable stuff from expensive delicatessen shops ($30/4 oz of italian sausage or ham, pralines, caviar, truffles, etc.). He told me at the end of the internship that he has delicatessen food for $1500 at home

Genius....

 
Jun 15, 2012 - 8:16pm

Okay, I read through all the comments, and I have this to say:

1.) I think it's a great and entertaining post.
2.) I don't think AVP is in any way being rude or off-putting. If you can't take non-"talking with the professor"-language, you're going to be seriously held back. You need to know how to communicate with everyone, or you're going to be caught off guard when that new client that you really wanna land comes in and says something with the same tone. It's not a rude or off-putting tone - it's the way some people communicate.
3.) If you don't expect to get any shit or hazing (you guys call it that?) when you join a new job, especially in a work environment that the stereotypical banker works in, then you're going to have a shit of a time. Yes, a shit of a time. When I got the best high school job I ever had, it was the best because of what I learned about work culture - I was hazed like the snot-nosed-little-shit I was, talked rough to, "yelled" at I think is what some people call it, - I had to earn my name, for Christ's Sake: they called me Opie for some months until I started busting my ass off consistently and kicking ass at the job.

That's life. You gotta earn your stripes. Good for you, you have proved it to yourself - but like I said to the "Put IQ on CV?" guy, it doesn't matter if you've proved that to yourself until you prove it to others. There is a high chance that at least someone will treat you like this. If it really bothers you, first: recognize they don't mean it to harm you, and 2nd: speak very politely and honestly with them and ask them to change it up just a bit.

Basically, wise up. If you can't handle the heat, you're not gonna make it in the kitchen.

Nothing can stop me.
 
Jun 18, 2012 - 9:41pm

the barren asshole of america is the largest cotton producing region in the U.S., and one of the biggest in the world. i dunno, not to mention all the oil. so yah, you know, definitely the barren asshole producing two of the most important commodities for the commodities traders to trade and most of the cotton for your 100 dollar premium cotton, tailored shirts. yaaahhh barren asshole alright. plus also cattle. lots and lots of cattle.

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait." -Thomas Edison
 
Jun 18, 2012 - 9:46pm

i love all this attention i'm getting! thanks guys! this has been fun, and enlightening. i have i learned WSO has much more to offer than i realized, and i will take that to heart, by golly. also there seems to be quite a fixation with anuses on this post. to each his own, i guess.

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait." -Thomas Edison
 
Jun 18, 2012 - 10:07pm

Get me coffee BWAHAHAHAHA

I like our interns, we got lucky this year, no jerks.

One thing though: if your family etc helped you get the inernship, don't flaunt that, it's poor form. These things will come up in conversation, but be tasteful.

Get busy living
 
Jun 19, 2012 - 8:36am

I wanna highlight #3.... 5-mile radius at the very least before you start talking abt anything from work....

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.
 
Jun 19, 2012 - 9:43pm

Thanks AVP

couple things..

@2
as much as i'm a promoter of cutting the thread on vents (cuz um..they should be cut), the very little thread on a vent did save my eyes last summer. it was the thread connecting the vent/slit in the back of a female's tight little pencil skirt.
now here's a well known fact: chick gain weight (even just a little) usually when they start in the industry. and when you gain just a little weight, skirts/dresses they ride up when you walk. as the skirt rode up her behind with each step she stomped by my row.. i could feel the heads turning from both males and females around me. and after she made it far away enough (w/o malfunctions, surprisingly), someone blurted out loud: "thank God she did not know to cut the thread. "

@11
pulled that one myself. i as overwhelmed by the amount of new info so i either didnt sleep enough or just never slept well. got [honorably] invited to a management meeting by my manager on the desk. fell asleep.
best part was another manager in the meeting [who obviously knew i was an intern just listening in] asked me about where i came from, school, major etc at end of the meeting. this guy sat across from me for 30min and probably watched me sleep right before our conversation.

@8
dont know where you work but .. i have the opposite problem.
this whole skinny-jeans-is-okay-for-men trend right now is fucking this up for me. way too skinny shirts on the guys..

@10 / drinking at company events
dumping beer bottles and drinking water works (except the water will taste nasty) but it does not work if at least 1 person in the room knows your underage. beer bottle = assumption that you're drinking beer.
what i did was drinking a glass of seltzer water with a lime. so it sort of look like a vodka soda..which is also a fairly gender neutral drink (i.e. unlike white wine or some reddish mixed drink. dont get me started on martinis at crowded work events.)

 
Oct 9, 2014 - 12:50pm

capitano13:

Leave it to a Red Raider to make the rest of us Texas guys look bad (joke).

Awesome post, AVP. Thanks!

His "Raider Rash" must be acting up today.

"It is better to have a friendship based on business, than a business based on friendship." - Rockefeller. "Live fast, die hard. Leave a good looking body." - Navy SEAL
 
Feb 4, 2013 - 10:31pm

AVPGuerilla:

6) should not leave the office before I do. Sit there and surf the internet or something- don't leave before your colleagues. 

Not fucking necessary. We let the kids go home if they don't need to be there, there's plenty of time to beat the life out of them.

It's more important that they come in before we do.

 
Jul 12, 2013 - 9:23am

Hey guys I know this is a stupid question but i read a few comments on this post about networking events, and I was wondering if there were any of those Happy Hour events in the LA area.

As for the drinking thing, I am 21 now but I did mention I HAD a fake ID when I was underaged. Is that just as bad?

 
Jul 12, 2013 - 9:55am

All the guys in my office are cool about the drinking thing...might be because we're all ER and not as high strung as the IB guys at the firm? My Sr. Analyst is an alum and low-30s and we talk about parties and the bar scene at our UG all the time.

 
Oct 9, 2014 - 12:57pm

Lol I see the suit vents thing way too often.

I'm bi-winning. I win here, and I win there.
 
Oct 13, 2014 - 4:07am

I agree with all but #6. If you don't have work, go home. It's not worth the bank's money for you to be sitting there surfing the net (most interns are hourly after all). If your boss has a stick up his butt that you're not sitting around rooting for him at 10pm or something, he probably has major self esteem issues. If he didn't give you any extra work by 8pm or so, ask him if there's anything you can do and if not, get the hell out of there.

 
Oct 13, 2014 - 2:36pm

Thank goodness I read through one of these types of threads during my senior year of high school so I haven't been too much of a try hard in my internships. I find it's all about mirroring those around you which seems to work well. As some others have said, be mindful of those around you and strive to look like the lowest rung on the ladder.

 
Oct 15, 2014 - 9:55am

Being that I just completed my summer internship I'm about the 1% non douche intern. There's no need to flaunt or show off. I wore brooks brothers a standard In my eyes. Shake hands once unless engaged and never did I talk bad. I am guilty of fake id... shit!

"Fugazi, Fugazy. It’s a wazi. It’s a woozy.”
 
Nov 19, 2015 - 6:14pm

5 was great. Haha, my Tissot Visodate is my favorite watch. You don't need to splurge thousands for a nice Swiss-made.

#REF!
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