Freshman Who Can't Relax and Overthinking (Advice needed)
Current nonnepo/nondiverse freshman at target who doesn't know what to do with his life. I feel so stressed out all the time. I want the best GPA, clubs, and I want internships because I look at my surrounding peers and they have an "edge" over me that I do not (ex. great internships prior to summer, more connections, being in more top-tier clubs etc.).
But due to the stress, I was able to dive myself to get a great GPA and got into one of the top clubs on campus, but I still feel it's not enough. I'm currently hunting for internships, but it's more difficult than I thought.
Moreover, because I was so focused on the grind, I felt I "wasted" my freshman fall because although I hung out occasionally, I couldn't be chill/relax in front of my peers (because of stress, which I think they could tell from my facial expression, even when I tried to mask it the best I could). I grinded needlessly at times when I didn't need to and could've hung out more instead. There's a sense of deep regret that is fucking with me.
Even after all this trouble, I still feel behind my peers who I see having more stuff than me. At the same time, they seem to have the best of two worlds, having a fun social life (FOMO) and staying on top while staying ahead of the recruiting race. I don't feel jealous, but I hate myself for being unable to be like them. I feel behind in social connections, and I will need to hustle in the spring/winter.
I also have immense stress because I have to attend mandatory military service. But because I am behind social connections and making friends (specifically my grade at college), this may turn out to be a blessing. Especially since many of these friend groups seem to have solidified (I can't seem to join them or maybe my social skills just suck).
Even in winter break, I continue to get stressed and grind because I always "feel behind" my peers updating their LinkedIn.
I know I need to touch grass and further my social life, but I always feel this sense of dread and inadequacy and its seriously eating me up from the inside. I really would like advice on how I can stop overthinking and achieve a balance between my social life and my recruiting-race life. I would also like feedback if its right to overprepare as a freshman (because recruiting timelines are so early).
I thought getting into college, especially a target, would be liberating in some aspects. Instead, I feel more stressed, inadequate, and lonely.
hardo (derogatory)
I know, but can you give me advice on my situation.
Touch grass - drink a couple beers
Limit your use of WSO from 12 hours a day to 10 minutes a week. Get some beers and listen to Thin Lizzy
A) not sure if this is bait. if you have mandatory military service, why are you grinding as a freshman? You cannot recruit during sophomore year so why tf are you grinding.
B) don’t take this personally and I mean this in the nicest way possible, there is something very wrong deep down inside of you. If you don’t really fix this, you are going to break one day. Chances are it’s gonna be ugly and you are gonna have all ur progress be set back. Think about it when you say get GS FIG, all you gonna worry about is what MF you are going to get into etc etc. Just stop what you are doing right now and introspect as there is something deep down wrong with you. Chances are you have huge self confidence issues and this whole entire banking pursuit is you trying to chase something to grants you prestige. Best piece of advice is find people in your life who value you for who you are as a person, not what you are.
Yeah I have military, but I’m still grinding so I have a solid foundation for connections and a decent resume (internships) so that I can worry less when I come back. Also my target school peer group can help me when I come back later.
You’re right, there’s something wrong with me. I don’t have many interests, I don’t really value material possessions, I just want security and I guess security. I don’t know how to fix this issue. I know I’m heading toward a bad path, but idk wut to do because my life has always been on chasing the next big thing. There’s nothing I’m passionate about and I think my mental is already bit fucked. I don’t know what made me wired this way, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I tell myself I’ll quit to a corp job after a two year stint, but knowing myself, probably not.
Okay so here are my thoughts on what you said:
1. I don’t know if security is the right word here or it’s just something you use to mask a deeper issue. If you want security, go be a nurse or doctor or get a government job. My hot take is that you at least partially are going into to finance bc it gives you that self confidence you lack right now. And that is totally fine, again hot take but investment banking is common path for people with self-confidence issues to pursue. I hopefully am not the first one to admit that may be partially why I’m down this path. Anyway, seriously ask yourself if you like who you are as a person? Are you happy? Do you view yourself better if you can drop in the convo with someone that you work at GS TMT SF. If not to the two former question or yes to the latter question, I’m pretty sure you lack some self-confidence to some degree and it’s partially fueling this pretty shitty thought pattern.
2. Really hot take, but maybe stop what you are doing and re-evaluate your life choices. You state there is nothing you are passionate about so why are you going down finance then. Maybe finance is not the right thing for you? NGL at the end of the day, the fact that this job provides you the “security” you desire isn’t gonna motivate your ass to sacrifice your 6th protected Saturday grinding whatever bullshit task comes ur way until 2AM. TLDR what I’m trying to say is that IMHO you are just asking for more misery coming your way if you can’t fully justify why you are doing the path you are going down.
3. Action items: I would seriously consider stopping what you are doing and just see the forest for the trees. You have military service and honestly thats gonna eat up a lot of your time. Maybe think about taking it early. I agree with the analyst 2’s take that you just need to develop a different perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up in the swing of things and just worry about whats next. Like legit if I were you, I would stop and go cold turkey on this finance thing. Maybe take on another major unrelated to finance, join non-finance clubs etc. I know its gonna be hard, but I think its for the best of you because it really sounds like you don’t really know yourself right now which is scary cuz think about it you are committing to something that you won’t begin to experience until what 4 years down the line.
Been there. I believe that this is a phenomenon much more common than we think - the issue is that nobody dares to talk about it. What you need is to develop a new perspective on life.
Take this with a grain of salt because (a) I am not a psychologist (and you might need one lol) and (b) I haven't managed to get beyond that state of mind you are describing myself. But I think you need to accept the following:
You can only control your life to a certain extent. There is no such thing as "security". No matter how good you are and how much you try to optimize your life, your life will always be dominated by luck. The earlier you accept this, the better. Accumulate skills and become the best version of yourself. But do not try to control your life too much.
It is very hard to let go of control and even when I try to give it up, there are times when I do not have the self-awareness to realize it.
That's what I am saying: it's not just "letting go of control". It's an entire new POV on life what you need. Takes time and discipline
rude ig
That's no way of treating people online. Think about why you need to hurt people's feelings that much to validate yourself before starting to give recommendations online, prospect
You only feel like you wasted it because you compare your life to what you hear and see online (drinking, girls, partying) most those people are lame dawg, don’t be another clog, do what makes you happy, if it’s getting a 4.00 then get the 4.00. The other stuff is noise to throw you off and make you less competitive, go at it 100% and win
Find a hobby or try something new on campus. It doesn't have to be a finance club. Join club sports, volunteer, or study abroad. Also, stop comparing yourself to others. Get off Linkedin or any of the finance circles at your school. It's not over if you can't land a BB/EB offer out of college.
congrats on Wharton
Not Wharton but a good target. If it was Wharton I would’ve been in a worse state.
congrats on U Chicago
Ride it out. Or get an actual mentor instead of relying on anonymous forums and getting advice from potentially a high school senior lmao.
where do i find and maintain mentors?
Upperclassmen are a good start.
Take it easy man - there's way more to life. Go out and have a few drinks. Relax.
Woah. Please go drink, go to a bar, do something else, enjoy college.
Workout more
You definitely go to Dartmouth or Duke
You should really see a therapist. Seriously, make an appointment. I’m sure your college has a mental health department and can connect you to a psychologist. There is no shame at all in speaking to someone. It’s the only way I got through my depression and my life is as great as it is now. There’s something wrong with your psyche that you need to repair, and you won’t be able to do that by posting in an online forum. You need professional help, just like you would see a doctor if you broke your leg.
Did you get in to any clubs/frats/orgs your freshman year? maybe talk to those people
Sounds like me at your age.
See a therapist or a doctor or start meditating. Seriously avoid technology and LinkedIn as much as you can. Find people who value and care about you!
Money and security, at the end of the day, is completely pointless if you don't have anyone to share it with. Loneliness SUCKS and it sounds like you're pretty lonely. Fix that first and then the career stuff will follow.
Sounds like you are jealous of your peers. You need to take some time to do some introspection and figure out how to not compare yourself to other people. This is a valuable skill in life.
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