How to accept not being good enough?

Best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, next best time is right now.

Thanks for your honesty OP. I came from a somewhat similar background - my family is well-educated and puts a premium on name, and it was disappointing for my parents to know I did not get into their "top-choice". I started as a pre-med student (chemistry & math) and quickly realized that I was doing what I was doing for them, not me. My freshman summer I took a 180 and declared a major in economics, and began recruiting for summer internships. I can't overstate the amount of time I spent networking, and in retrospect was prob too much for the roles I wanted. Flash forward to the end of this spring, I was able to get an offer from a solid shop. My college has a very small list of alumni in M&A, but I was able to leverage it. Besides the alumni base, ig networking is simply a volume game. 

From my experience, I would ask you why IB/high finance is so appealing - is it part of your desire for a career goal, or rather (this might be a bit of a reach) a way to fill your self-proclaimed void of achievement? If it is your career goal, I think with enough hard work you can force yourself into a boutique shop and get M&A exposure from there. Learning everything you can and lateraling out might be your best bet, imo. If its not the career appeal, start to think about what role you want in the business world that is notably less stressful. No point in burning yourself out for something you are relatively uncertain you want to do - there's a huge opportunity cost. 

comparison is the thief of joy, seems like a lot of your reasons for doubt and self-hatred are comparing yourself to others. Obviously to say someone (as a human) can just stop comparing themselves to others is impossible, but you can make steps to focus on what YOU are doing. Maybe delete your linkedin and IG for just a week and build a routine that you find gives you purpose? Try it for a week (don’t cheat!) and see what happens? Try things you have never done before, start a new hobby? Once you start to appreciate your optionality in life and the small things around you it will help you find purpose and build a plan that you can commit to. Good luck, and be happy about what you’ve accomplished thus far. I’m sure many people would be happy to be in your shoes!

There are miserable people in high finance and miserable people outside of high finance. A job, especially a job that works you to death, will not single-handedly bring you happiness. Instead of worrying about what you think is failure and the corresponding negative perception from others, control what you can control: yourself.

Quit being a sorry ass mf. Thats step number 1. You’ll figure out step 2 after that.

Get off of social media and stop comparing. Make new friends in your current school.

I can't tell you how many people who aren't "good enough" have great jobs on Wall Street/in finance. I frequently look up the profiles of people I see on CNBC, and there are countless times when I look them up and say "They went THERE?" With "there" being an unimpressive college. But what they did was work hard at learning what they needed know, and they networked like hell and eventually someone gave them their break. This can happen to you. All you have to do is learn the basics of the area you want to go into, practice talking-the-talk so it at least sounds like you know what you're talking about,have a genuine interest in your desired field and be personable when you get the opportunity to talk to people -- not annoying and verbose, but be polite, be brief and be pleasant. If you have a good attitude and you seem knowlegable/passionate about what you're talking about, SOMEONE is going to give you a chance.

But first things first -- you gotta form some relationships... that's the spine of a happy life. Try to reconcile with your family, and if that doesn't work (and even if it does), you have to start trying to form some friendships. They don't have to be best friends, but try to meet people who share similar interests as you: join a gym, a ping pong or chess club, softball league, Escape Room Club (is that a thing?)... the point is, when the professional part of your life is shit, you need to have these relationships in life to fall back on. And when things are good (and they will be if you don't give up), you want to share and celebrate these things. Bottom line, start putting yourself out there so that you can meet people so you can start having relationships and experiences with other people. As long as you're not a downer or negative person, it's gonna happen. Do this simultaneously with starting to develop your professional plan:  figure out what you wanna do, then figure out how to get there. That might mean taking a Back office or middle office job somewhere, or transferring to a school that has investment/finance clubs that will give you a network of people that will help propel you to where you want to go. But the point is, form a plan to get your goals, and then you'll have HOPE... and then take the required actions to help you achieve your goals, and you'll wake up everyday with a purpose and a plan of attack. This alone should put you in a better mood, and will also increase your chances of getting where you want to go. But don't forget, you have to work at also forming relationships so that you can improve your overall life and happiness, not just your professional prospects.

I'm telling you, work hard at what you need to do, start relentlessly contacting people on Linkedin and persevere even when you get a ton of rejections -- and it's gonna happen for you. Might take 6 or 12 months, but it'll happen. Good luck.

“Say no to drugs” kids will not like this but the simplest/easiest way to “fix” your perspective in a situation like this is to try acid/shrooms (provided you do not have bpd). It will pretty much force you to take the bigger picture and reevaluate what is important in life. If you do not believe me read any of the thousands of anecdotes online. IMO the interns telling you to just pull yourself by your bootstraps are not addressing the actual problem which is the feeling of guilt/depression when comparing yourself to peers. And let’s be honest we all know this won’t go away if you turn off social media or pick up a hobby, even if these do help. It’s more important to make yourself realize that none of this is as important as we make ourselves think it is, and psychedelics are meant to help with exactly that.

First of all, be proud of yourself for getting to the final year of university while overcoming the personal adversity of being kicked out of the home. But, you need to wake up and realize there are so many VALUABLE career paths OUTSIDE of "high finance." Yeah, it doesn't sound as "cool" to work in marketing at mid-market tech company or in FP&A while you see others get into big brand names like Goldman, etc. but that doesn't mean you can't find a good starting point. 

I had a TBI in high school, had to relearn to walk and read, and was only accepted into a non-target for a fucking liberal arts degree. I picked my ass up, wiped the chip off my shoulder, and decided to make the most of my situation. I found I had a knack for writing and by the end of my undergrad I was writing and delivering briefings for my company's (no-name tech company I interned at and then got promoted to consultant) executive team, government defense partners, and other stakeholders. I was discharged from treatment after five years, finished my undergrad on time, went straight in for my MBA, and now lead a strategy program, working 60 hours a week, at a MM PE Portco making 160k a year at 24 years old. Is it Goldman? No. Is it responsibility, manageable hours, and good money? Absolutely. 

"High finance" isn't the only path to success and you need to remember "it's what you make of it." Pick your head up and make the most of what you got, you won't recognize yourself a year from now. Find a skill you are good at, find a niche where you can bring value to a company with this skill, and make your company and yourself some fucking money. 

PM me if you need it.

I suggest a longer-term view and a growth mindset.

You might not be good enough today. 100% authentic experience: I was such a shitty intern that my then MD in equity research said I was never going to work in an investment bank because I had (1) a poor attitude; (2) such a lack of attention to detail; (3) questionable work ethic; (4) not self-studying hard enough. 

Now I work in an investment bank and got an A2A proposal 1.6 years in. I'm a big old for an Analyst/Associate position, and my bank is not Goldman or Lazard, but I've been constantly learning, growing, and improving. I don't see why you cannot accomplish the same. 

Look at Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. I’m sure they have failed more times than they succeeded. You have to take a VC approach with your life. Keep trying multiple times, and eventually one will work. From there it’s grinding but then you also have to deal with politics. But that’s another story. If you truly want to be successful and have no BS with politics you must own the factors of production. 

time will make you realize that some things you can't change and just need to do the best you can given your circumstances

all of the above, plus these: First, I extremely doubt you'd be the first finance major from ur uni pursuing a front office role so look search company linkedin pages for alumni. Second, the ppl dont have to be alumni for you to build a general connection. Try finding people from the same hometown/state/region. Third, call up regional boutiques in your area if you really can't get an interview through external applications. Geography plays a big role in recruiting.

Also restrain yourself from using LinkedIn unless you're using your time to look for professionals to contact

I'm sorry guys, but someone has to say this: there is some non-zero probability that OP is trolling. Your parents kicked you out and disowned you because you got into some universities, just not the top ones??? Sorry, but that sounds fishy as fuck. Either you have the worst parents that have ever existed in the history of all humanity or you're lying; Occam's Razor says you're lying. 

On the off chance that you have some sincerity in your post then you should realize that your career and the success/achievements that you will draw from it go way, way beyond what job you end up right out of school. There are plenty of other ways to work in finance both now and as your career progresses. I'm on my way to meeting my goal of becoming an MD and I work at a job that I thoroughly enjoy and make a very, very good living for myself . . . and I didn't even work in finance until my late 30s! 

I went to a non-target, non-finance that nobody here has likely has ever heard of. I went for my MS and was able to get into CF via an internship during a hard job market. It’s important to remember a few things.

1. Focus on getting the most out of the opportunities you are given. It’s really important to remember most people who make it to finance roles got lucky. Many hiring managers openly admit on this forum it’s hard to differentiate and they just look for the first good enough candidate they see. Not even to get into factors such as who your family is, where you are from, etc. Just commit that whatever you get you will do your best. People can sense if they are your backup plan when they interview you

2. You don’t know what you don’t know. There are many people who make it to IB/PE and hate it. So don’t compare X/Y. Focus on being where your feet are. You have no idea if you would be happy in finance anyway. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Be a yes person. Save your no’s for when they count. The only way you find out is by saying yes. I saw so many people in grad school not get new opportunities because they said IB or bust. So now they pay a shitload to get a degree that did nothing for them. They could have had a corporate role that might have kept them in the game. Instead they are still engineers just with more debt and a new title.

3. Come to grips with the fact that not everybody gets the same opportunities and that not everybody makes the most of them. I know several people from wealthy families who had a cake walk into IB, couldn’t hack it and are out of finance all together. Just because someone else got the opportunity does not mean they will make the most of it. That applies to you too. Even if you got in, you might have sucked.

4. Don’t fall victim to resulting. You are honestly trying to play the wrong hand here. You are trying to play a non-target with no alum network like a target. The results have been bad but your EV was negative to begin with so you should have expected that. Some positive EV options may be to focus on getting into an MS program now or to get into an IB adjacent field like FP&A where an MBA program might give you a path to use your experience to leverage an opportunity.

5. Lastly, your friends doing well is the best thing that can possibly happen to you. If it makes you sad, rethink how it plays out.

Glad you are seeing a therapist. It does get better. If I had to wager a common theme across all fields, finding your first job is a universally terrible experience. It’s more about timing than you think, but boy does it feel personal. Once you apply for experienced roles, you know if you miss it may be due to lack of experience, not the right experience, etc., but the first job it feels like they are picking other people over you because of their personality. They aren’t. It’s mostly just who was the best candidate, first.

Bruh, it’s all about perspective. There is no singular, absolute measure of success. School, company, grades, money, air miles status, access to gold clubs, private jet, patents, start ups, # of cancer patients cured, religious virtue doesn’t matter. Hero in one country may be a war criminal in another. So fuck the opinions that drown out your own inner voice. Bring your own measuring stick, don’t need to abide by those of others.

Personal favorite one is having top percentile schlong length. Works on all insecurities. You’ll find yours too. Maybe you’re wider.

Just keep crying bro

Just want to say. I can associate with you as having similar episode in life trying to 'compare'.

Actively comparing with everyone in the room, why we have similar backgrounds they can achieve this and that, have a great role/ salary, etc.

At the end of the day, it is not about comparing with others, it is more comparing with yourself. It might sounds lame, but similar to what others saying. Sometimes you have a set mission of how it looks like to be successful, but might be success can look different for different individuals.

Just saying for some food for thoughts, cause there is no point pushing yourself to a corner, your well-being is more important than anything to be in the game :).

Stop comparing. Just don't, its toxic. Focus on what you can do now to get a nice position further down the line. Maybe not tomorrow, but it can be done.

Too long. didn't read that shit

You’re already one in 100 million. Beat every other sperm in the cohort. 

Take it from someone who got a top degree at a top institution and works at a top EB - it’s categorically not the case that the best and brightest end up in banking. 
 

Once you’ve worked on a shitty mid market PE deal and seen management (often with little or even no formal qualifications - either worked their way up the ranks or lateraled in from some mid tier accounting firm to an FP&A and ultimately CFO role) cash out more equity than your MDs will make over their whole careers, it’s quite the reality check.

It's simple. You don't.

This brought a tear to my eye… +1 SB