Banker With Terminal Illness - If I Can Make It So Can You
On this slow morning, I wanted to take some time to inspire others and share my story and see who else might relate.
Summer Before College
When I had graduated high school, I thought I was the absolute man. I’m from the suburbs of Chicago, and that summer was supposed to be like any other from the midwest: pools, sun, and golf from sun up to sun down. It was the type of summer that sells calendars. In my shoes, I had just graduated high school, I was headed for a semi target uni (pretty devastated I didn’t get an ivy but life happens this way), and I knew what I wanted to do: investment banking. At the time I only knew GS and MS, I had never heard of a DCF, and I certainly didn’t know what a levered beta was. All I knew was that I wanted to be rich, and this was the fastest way to get there. Fast forward 2 months and my summer wasn’t exactly going as planned. I had developed psoriasis like rashes that came whenever I was in the sun/when I ate certain foods. Through trial and error, I realized something was seriously wrong. 10 doctor visits and 2 ER visits later, I was looking like the picture of health on paper. So the doctors did what doctors do: wrote scripts for antibiotics. This didn’t help anything, but I still took them.
4 months into college
My first semester in college was the definition of fun. Even with this “medical condition” of effectively having random psoriasis like flares from eating certain foods/sun exposure, I still found ways to have fun. Going to school in NY, I was clubbing, eating endless Cipriani, and doing groups dinners to Zuma every other weekend. My condition got a lot worse, but I soldiered on. During this time I did my first internship in VC. The day I started my internship I had a rash on my chest bleeding through my suit jacket. This was my reality. But I thought if I kept taking these pills it would get better.
March 2020
By the time COVID rolled around, I was in bad shape. My cheeks were tomato red, I couldn’t eat anything without having random spots/bumps/and blemishes pop up, and I went into hiding. Ghosted friends, skipped classes, and was heading down a path to being a recluse. Then COVID hit, sending me to my parent’s house. While most people returned to school that fall, I did not. Because by then things had gotten even worse. My symptoms included: sharp needling pain anytime I laughed, sores on the body, swelling feet, and weight gain. No doctor could tell me what this was.
July 2020
Summer of 2020 was my hell. It took me to places mentally you cannot even imagine. I tried suicide that summer. Turns out its actually a lot harder than you would think. The actual mechanics to kill a human being are actually very tough. Out of 100 people who want to kill themselves, I think like 3 actually physically can. Defeated, tired, and hopeless, I carried on. And while all this was happening, I did a corporate finance internship virtually for a company based in Paris. They would give me an assignment when I woke up (their lunch time), I worked on it and turned it around in the afternoon. Had it not been for covid, I was supposed to be in their offices. In many ways, COVID saved my life and boosted the start of my career. Without this internship, I doubt I would have gotten where I am to this day.
October 2020:
I didn’t look in a mirror once that summer. It was only by a higher power’s grace that I got recommended to an unlicensed medical professional doing physical therapy that my story changed. He said I want you to take a stool sample. I was apprehensive at first after spending thousands on doctors across Chicago and NY, but I said sure. To keep it short, I found the problem: parasites in my gut microbiome that had infected my nervous system. Whenever you have a thought, do an action, or have an emotion, it passes through your nervous system. When that is compromised, your entire body is under fire. This unlicensed doctor had finally given me a diagnosis and 3 bottles of pills that she thought would help. In addition, he gave me an electrode machine that you stick onto your body for about 20 minutes a night to rebalance nerve activity.
December 2020
In the two months that passed I made major progress. So much so that you wouldn't recognize me. Gone were the bumps and blemishes. Gone were the swollen feet. I still couldn’t laugh or smile without some pain, but I was on the up. While this was going on, I was doing a super day with a MM for a middle office role. I can’t tell you the pain of faking a laugh during an interview when your nervous system is telling you to cut it out. We endure these things because we have no choice. We press forward.
Jan 2021 - Oct - 2021
Welcome omicron. If you remember, COVID cases surged during this time period, and it forced my MM internship online. The perfect set up. I continued to make a recovery in my health, but the lasting scars (as I was beginning to find out) could never be healed. I could only focus 2 hours at at time without then needing an hour break to reset my nervous system, and any thought that really pushed my brain left me out of breath, red, and in pain. I know that’s so difficult to understand and probably sounds made up, but it was my life. Fortunately for me, the MM role proved to be fairly simple given it was middle office, and I trudged on. Keep in mind all I wanted was banking. I kept sending apps, and in Nov of 2021, I got my lucky break and got 2 offers: banking for a LMM and the holy grail: the BB. I had made it. During my BB interview my body was so out of control I wore shorts to prevent a psoriasis flare on my legs. My face was so red after the interview from pushing my brain activity that it took 5 hours to settle down. This is my hell. But I made it.
Present:
I’ve made so much progress since then. I did my BB summer, and I got the return. I spent the entire semester before learning excel, PPT, DCFs, 3 statements: the works. I put everything I had into it because it’s what I always wanted. It was the happiest day of my life getting the return offer. I couldn't stop smiling. What I didn’t tell you? My morning routine takes 2 hours and my night routine takes 1.5. 30 minutes on the electrode machine, eating the same gluten free bread and egg with 5 pills, and drinking a probiotic smoothie while sitting down and meditating. At night it’s something similar. How is that sustainable, you ask? It’s not. I slept about 5 hours a night for those 10 weeks. When I got back to my airbnb, I didn’t go to bed like the other interns. I had to deep breathe and destress. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect during the day. Certain foods will trigger a psoriasis outlash on my body, and I can’t tell you what it’s like running to the bathroom during a fire drill to apply cream on it, but that was/is my life. It is not a good life. This disease has taken everything from me. With my current medical team, they say treatment is being stale given the parasites went so rampant for so long that it’s soon to become untreatable. In the past 2 months, I’ve seen some resurgence in symptoms I had during those dark days in 2020. When it comes back fully, they do not believe anything will stop it. Untreatment leads to a complete failure of the nervous system, hospitalization, and eventually a vegetative state since the body is begging itself to shut down. This is many many years away, but the cracks in the armor are showing. I’ve lost everything to this. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed for the worse. I’d give all of my days left to feel the sun on my face like I did only 3 short years ago. To be able to eat a pizza at 11pm with my closest friends, not worrying about the ingredients, how fast I was eating, and whether or not my digestive system could handle a pepperoni pizza.
I write all of this to you to say you can fucking make it. I was doing interviews, sending apps, and networking when my life was literally ending. When I couldn’t look in a mirror or have any emotion because of the literal pain that caused. I was 20 years old when this happened. That’s a death sentence to know you’re entire life will never be how you want it. Instead, you’ll spend it watching other people live/do the things you want to. And through all this, I made it to the upper echelon of the business world. If you’re reading this, find it within you to do the things you want to do. Do it while you can. Do difficult things. Push yourself. Through out all of this torture, I developed the habit of working harder than anyone else. Not because I wanted to. Because I had to. Now, nothing phases me. You think a fire drill or a VP yelling at me is going to shake me? A year ago I was writing a suicide note with my opposite hand because my dominant hand was swelling. You cannot break me. The world will take everything from you. But if you can just go a little further, hopefully, you will find a way. I write this as I am about to enter into a new phase of treatment by an unlicensed medical professional giving me unapproved supplements by the FDA just to make it through the day. If I can make it, you can make it too.
Quite inspiring this. Hope you find the resources to heal. Health over wealth. Thanks for sharing.
Simply put, your HIM… fire me up!!
Unbelievable…really not much to say except you are a hero. Reminds of Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning when he talks about finding meaning in suffering.
That’s tragic. Glad to see you were able to find some treatment and pursue what you wanted in life.
Were the parasites in your colon?
Started in gut and moved to colon. That's part of the central problem now.
Oof I’ve been having colon pain as well, did a colonoscopy 3 years ago and they found nothing. It’s really gotten bad this year and doctor aren’t sure what it is, other than hemorrhoids which I’m getting taken care of. I’ll definitely go get a stool sample too now, this story kinda freaked me out tbh.
My suspicion is that the "treatment" they prescribed actually worsened your condition. Antibiotics are known to destroy your gut microbiome, which paves the way for the parasite to thrive in the absence of healthy gut bacteria. It's crazy how unknowledgeable/lazy some doctors can be.
Thanks for sharing. This is incredibly inspiring.
My father and another relative also have mild psoriasis (my father on elbows and knees and my relative on its head). Interestingly, when they were in humid regions (Ireland or UK) their psoriasis worsened. So my father moved to Spain and he doesn't seem to get more psoriasis (I would say that it's a combination of weather + lifestyle/less stress + foods that made his conditions improve).
Nonetheless, truly inspiring. I also felt like shit and got diagnosed with mercury poisoning. It primarily fucks your nervous system and memory, but I'm also getting better with treatment. Health is wealth.
Truly inspiring!!
Incredibly inspiring!!
Keep your head up king. Truly an inspiring read and I hope there is a positive ending to your struggle
u absolute god
never falter
King energy fr fr
Holy crap man that’s incredible. Prayers are with you
You are an example. Cheers
Might be called a sissy for this but this story literally made be cry. I don’t even know you and I’m fully invested in you. Keep it up much love !!
Big facts. Keep killing it KING!!!!
I thought my story was tough, I’m nothing. YOU are an inspiration my friend.
Whether there's a divine plan or we're floating around in space on a rock, our lives are all cosmically speaking short. You've inspired many people and I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes.
This is so inspiring. I wish you the best in the future. Thank you so much for your message.
no proof
i was born flaccid thru sheer determination i now have an erection that rip through my jeans
Seriously can we ban everyone above who didn’t have the self awareness to realise this is a post mocking the hardos who would probably still throat their MD even if the doctor only gave them 50% to make it to bonus season?
True or not, I couldn’t tell whether to be happy this kid has made it despite all his hardship (which I am - good for you man) or feel sorry for him that despite this terminal illness that has completely ruined his quality of life he is still IB obsessed…
Enjoy your life bro. Not sure I would want to work in IB in your situation.
To think that someone would be dealt this hard of a reality check and they actively choose to go into the most monotonous, soul crushing, and frivolous white collar career is ridiculous, and borders on almost phony prose.
The moment I had close calls with family during my analyst stint was the moment my priorities switched. Family and health over this pseudo “hustle” culture of sweetening and thickening my MDs pockets.
Would be impressive writing if this were all made up, plus, he/she has no incentive to do this
What is the condition called exactly? Do you know how you got it?
Also, not to dissuade you from your tremendous achievement but IB is going to send you to your grave a lot faster. When the paralysis starts to come, you don’t want memories of sitting in the office crunching Excel. Use the brand name on the resume to lateral to something more cushy and enjoy your final years.
I deadass cried while reading this. You are truly inspiring and I hope everything works out for you. You should be proud of yourself - not many people can do what you did.
Incredible story and making me want to get myself checked out. Eerily similar symptoms, especially with dominant hand swelling and itching that is spreading. What are some of your other symptoms if you don’t mind me asking. PM if you want to keep private ofc.
Very impressive shit, dude. You're going to go far. It's cliche as fuck, but adversity always winds up being what fills your reserves of will & strength later in life, and you've got plenty to draw from.
Had something similar myself - illness that had serious neurological implications/symptoms that the doctors didn't figure out for over a year. Basically developed symptoms mirroring dementia, zero energy, the right side of my face was mostly paralyzed & drooping...bad times. However, I was in high school at the time and got bad enough that my parents pulled me out of school, so I had 0 responsibilities during that tough time. For you to be recruiting, doing internships, and school while going through it like that is beast-mode shit. Much respect, sure that you'll kill it, enjoy your future successes.
Best of luck in your professional and personal live.
Thanks for sharing, really inspiring!
What would you say was more taxing on you, the terminal illness or being a banker?Really inspiring story, I know how much of a b*tch the colon pains can be. Stay healthy and don't neglect your health, I know that job and other stuff must keep you occupied, but a run once in a while would be optimal I can say from experience how many lives regular checkups save, when you pay for it might as well get the most out if the insurance, at the very least, being a little health conscious helps at times. Cheers!
You ever done a hair-tissue-mineral analysis (HTMA)? You may be deficient in and/or have too much of certain minerals. That can cause some crazy problems and help identify fortifying minerals that you can add/optimize.
Will certainly pray for you man, that’s brutal. I’ve seen folks close to me go through immense amounts of pain and frustration because of untreated/unidentified illnesses and it’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you have a good attitude through it. I hope that you find peace in all this and that Jesus meets you where you are.
i hope you make it, bro
Kylian Mbappe, we all watched the final and saw how well you played. Keep it up and you may be considered the greatest football player ever. I'm surprised that football players visit this forum.
LMAO what the fuck
Your drive and motivation is admirable. We all wish you the best of health and wealth.
Your the man dawg. Thanks got the reminder for gratitude and pushing one’s self. All the best for the future man. Do not lose hope at all. There’s so many developments in autoimmune diseases every year - keep trying new stuff. And keep on killing it in IB.
Thanks for sharing your story, I just took a medical parasitology course this semester and that shocked me to my core. Just know that you’re not alone bro, I suggest you go on YouTube and search “Inthemoney neurological problems”. In case you’re not familiar he’s a stock and options YouTuber, incredibly intelligent and your story reminded me of him because he’s going through a similar experience. It’s good to see you shined the importance of mental health throughout your experience. Your strength is inspiring and despite your setbacks your character reflects what bravery truly is. I’m sorry to hear about your recent attempt, but I’m relieved you found the courage to not only pull yourself through it, but also come and share it for the soul purpose of lifting others. Thank you for your selflessness, the hardships you’ve endured have become a shining light to others. I hope you can put this part of your life behind you soon when you find the right medicine/treatment. Godspeed stranger, enjoy your time on this spinning rock in space.
Thank you, soldier. Your words mean the world.
Really inspiring story and glad you're still here. You've faced far more challenges than I ever have.
Hey OP. Could I DM you? I've had serious gut microbiome issues the past several years. Had some relative success with "regular" doctors but at this time looking to see what else is out there.
Just get the spice melange bro, I heard Tom Brady is broke after FTX so shouldn’t be that hard
Our church prays for sick people with terminal illness and a lot of them get healed. DM me if you are interested in prayers.
Interested. Please leave them here.
Please email me directly at [email protected]. I need your name and phone number and I can have my friend who prays for sick people call you. His prayers are usually quite short but he has pray to over the phone in order for this to work. He has seen a lot of miracles. It may take a few weeks for him to get to you because he is swamped with prayer requests. Alternatively, I can give you the church's prayer request hotline, but from experience they may never get back to you due to the number of requests they get each day.
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