Videos like this genuinely make me embarrassed to be apart of this field

I wake up at 8:50am for my 9am call. I hurry to the bathroom because I have the runs from the stress. I call in from the can and switch to my computer 10 minutes into the call. Hope someone else has notes.

9:00-10:30am we discuss the recent model I made, as my VP walks through the architecture and takes the credit. An assumption comes up that the company throws a fit over even though it’s just changing a toggle-able assumption. My MD says, “Sorry, that’s our analysts fault, don’t know what the fuck he was thinking. Hey Mike fix that after our call will you?” No ones on the call named mike, and it’s fixed live, but we all know he means me.

10:31am: I go over to my roommates room and tell him I’m going to quit. He says, I’ll believe that when you actually get laid and come out of your room more than 5 minutes at a time. I tell him I used to be a poon king, he tells me he’s pretty sure I’m a virgin at this point. I get pinged and go back to my desk.

10:33am: VP on another transaction tells me he’s going on vacation so he needs a deliverable pushed forward. I tell him it’s going to be tough to complete with where my other transaction is. He says, “get it to me by tomorrow am.”

10:33-11:00: I write emails confirming receipt and handling bs admin shit like booking a conference room or coordinating filling out a form for compliance. I ask an admin to help and they don’t respond until 3 hours after I do it.

11:00-12:00pm I move logos around to prepare a deck for an internal meeting to be held at 6pm. My VP turns it, and tells me I need better attention to detail after he finds that some public financial information was pulled yesterday eve instead of this am and the number and footnote weren’t updated. In my head I debate explaining that it’s right, it’s just as of yesterday, which is noted in the deck. We probably don’t need day-of public financials for an internal call considering it was just background information anyway. I make the change to avoid him blowing up my sleep somehow later in the day because he is bitter.

12:00pm-2pm I finish building a model I have been working on and order food. I eat at my desk and debate doing dishes because my fork falls and spreads day old rice all over my carpet. I sent the model to my VP.

2pm-3pm VP calls me and complains the model doesn’t make sense. We discuss it as I explain how the model works. He eventually agrees it makes sense and we change nothing.

3pm-3:05pm a post MBA associate pings me, telling me she needs me to immediately complete a task that I know isn’t time sensitive. I tell her I’m tied up, and she complains that this is PRIORITY. I tell her she’s free to email my teams and ask them if she can borrow me to help her. She says, “These are going to be the things that separate the top performers come end of year” she has been here 2 months.

4:00-6pm: A 2 hour diligence call, where I take notes because the MD demands they are circulated after each call. No one reads them.

6pm the MD that scheduled that internal call says we are pushing the meeting by 20.

6:25pm the MD says we are pushing the meeting by 15.

6:45pm the MD says let’s just connect internally tomorrow at 7am before his run.

7pm-8pm The MD from the call this am says he thinks we need to rebuild the model because after thinking about it he doesn’t like the way it is currently done because it’s too confusing even if it is more accurate and the way the company thinks about the business. I know I will be up till 3am.

8pm-8:15pm: I go outside and call my mom she asks how work is and I tell her “it’s going great, kinda like summer camp” she tells me I should get a girlfriend.

8:15pm-8:45 I realize I’ve been pinged 5 times while gone. I respond to each request/ message.

8:45-3am I work on the model

3am: I consider wanking, but realize I actually value sleep more than sex. I think about how that’s probably a great way to know if you work in a sweatshop or not. 
3:15am I fall asleep

3:30am I get pinged by a VP asking for a status update on the internal meeting deck because he thinks we need to update for daily market changes/ EoD price for an internal deck despite the fact that they will immediately be wrong at market open and the deck won’t even be looked at for the internal meeting. I tell him I will do it first thing tomorrow. He tells me he’d appreciate if I was more proactive. I tell him, I appreciate his feedback.

3:45 I set my alarm for 6:30 am because the MD wanted to get a call in before his run.