What should I do moving forward.

Question: I don't know what to do with my life from here and I need help.

Note: I'm not an American nor did I grow up in America.

Long post, brace yourselves.

Growing up (age 7-10 ish) when someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life I would say 'CEO of Microsoft'. I thought I wanted a career in tech because of this. Then I tried coding and I fucking hated it. It was pretty mind-numbing and repetitive. So I tried to find another career as a long term goal. At the time (10th grade) I was taking all science subjects apart from economics. When it came to picking something to study in college, I picked economics. It was the only thing I felt I could spend my time doing for the next four years. I also liked math at the time and since the two go hand in hand I thought I could double major, get my Ph.D. and maybe win a Nobel prize or something. I just completed my first 'real math class' (my first math class was Calc 1 and I did most of it in high school) and while it was intellectually stimulating, it felt less like a challenge and more like an incessant grind. Also, the idea of teaching at a university for the rest of my life rubs me the wrong way.

I tend to look up to smart people. Not just intellectuals, but those who looked at a game/problem, be it life, career, etc, and figured out a way to either succeed in that system or solve a complex problem with wit and a splash of creativity. I also look up to connected people. When I went out with my dad to buy a suit for prom he brought along a friend who seemed to know every boss at every boutique we went to. It was fun watching them catch up like old friends and then proceed to give my dad a deal on an otherwise really expensive suit. Since then I wanted to be that guy who knew a guy for every problem.

The option of becoming an investment banker just seemed like a good idea. I would be rich ( or just relatively rich depending on how you look at $450-300k a year) and I would be very well connected. So it seemed like common sense. However, all else being equal, I would not pick a finance job over any other job. I just don't love finance and without that love I don't think I will even make it to the level of making that much money considering the work you would have to put in. And this gets into probably my biggest fear.

I don't want to look back at my life when I'm 40 years old and regret everything. My mom did that and she's lucky to have my dad or else her career switch would have ruined her.

I want to find something I love to do and pursue it will all my energy. Whether or not the money follows will be irrelevant. At least I'll enjoy what I'm doing.

Looking back, I feel like the only reason I wanted to be the CEO of Microsoft was that he was the richest man in the world at the time. I feel like the only reason I picked economics was because after doing research I found out it led to well-paying careers and it is a good major for people who didn't know what they wanted to do in their lives. I, however, feel like this is an apartment that I am late on rent for and I have 3 years to move out of or be homeless. I can't stay in college forever and I feel the need to pick a career for myself soon or I will become someone who didn't maximize their potential in life.

Somedays I look up at the ceiling and think to myself 'why the hell didn't you just go into engineering as everyone told you too? you were good at STEM. why did you not just keep going that route?'. But then I remember that I couldn't see myself as an engineer, scientist whatever. I just couldn't imagine it.

I want to enjoy what I do. I want to be respected. I want to be well connected. I want to be powerful. And hey, having a lot of money and a nice car and a luxury watch wouldn't be so bad.

Honest to God opinions, don't hold back, what do you think of me and what would be your advice for me moving forward?

I'll probably add more information later as I continue to dive deeper into my mind. Subscribe to watch my deep dive into insanity.

Edit: I just found out that bill gates left Microsoft in 2006. I'm a rising sophomore in college. I feel like an idiot now.

Edit 2: I thought I should put some context about my personality. I'm on the more introverted side but I'm not anti social. I can carry on a conversation but with new people at events like networking events it's difficult to get a natural conversation going. when people talk about finance they talk about how extroverted everyone is and that to climb up you have to basically be a Chad who could win over a duchess with a five minute conversation. I know social skills, like any other skill, can be learned. However, my natural inclination to be introverted only adds to the ammo the part of my mind that shouts 'Go back to STEM' already has.