Zookeeping IB Backup Plan

I know it's unlikely for me to get into IB because unfortunately, even though my A Levels were a long time ago, when I’m up against stellar applicants with all A*s from Cambridge, my A Levels can be a determining factor. There’s just no way I deserve a chance at elite jobs over applicants who’ve probably been groomed for this since birth by investment banking dynasties.

I still have so much anger towards myself for mistakes I've made in the past, like wasting my teenage years playing video games instead of studying hedge funds at 14. It's been really difficult to let go when it's constantly affecting my present. I mean, it’s brutal to know that I’ve ruined my future because I didn’t attend some Swiss boarding school where they teach you M&A by age 12. The only thing that's really kept me sane is zookeeping. Yeah, you read that right. I started taking care of a goldfish, which snowballed into a mini zoo in my backyard, and honestly, it’s been a decent outlet for all this pent-up frustration.

At this point, I’ve been working with all kinds of animals for a few years now – from ferrets to a llama I "borrowed" from a petting zoo – and, not to brag, but I’m pretty decent. Obviously, I’ll never run a place like the Bronx Zoo because I started way too late and don’t have the elite zookeeping pedigree (no formal giraffe experience, for starters). But I’m at a respectable level, you know, on the verge of mastering raccoon care.

I’ve decided if I don’t get into anywhere semi-decent for IB I’m just going to get my official zookeeping certification and go pro. Full zookeeper mode. I’ll start working with exotic animals just to take all the rage I’ve built up for ruining my future by not being born into a family of investment bankers and not reading annual reports at 13.