GF stressed from job search and wants to take a break -- HELP NEEDED!

Hey everyone,

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months. She's a computer science major and has been under a lot of stress lately from recruiting. She recently asked for a break from dating, and I'm not sure how to handle the situation. I offered to help her out and use that as a bonding exercise, even though I work in trading and she isn't trying to do that. I believe I know quite a bit about the industry, because she is trying to work as a software engineer at a quant shop. She was previously interested in consulting (given that she liked the consulting club on campus) but that did not work out and she said the recruiting cycle has ended.

I feel like this is a bit unfair to me since I have worked a lot to help her out, but I can understand how she feels. I remember a time when my older brother shut himself off completely from the family for almost a week when he didn't get in his dream school. During Thanksgiving dinner I brought her out to a nice dinner and I felt that she wasn't grateful for all the time and money I put into her being happy.

Ultimately, I just want her to be happy, and I think she eventually wants to get into consulting. I don't know anything about coding since I was a Maths major. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Any resources about consulting or SWE I can point her towards?

Thank you in advance!

Comments (57)

1mo 
Hitman007, what's your opinion? Comment below:

She belongs to the.......

  • Intern in IB-M&A
1mo 

.

1mo 
Anon1254, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Let her take her break. You trying to force yourself / your views into her life / current situation will only drive her away more. Give her time and space. 

Array

  • 10
  • 1
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
1mo 

Another spectacularly horrendous take from the chicken man.

  • 6
1mo 
outofcapecod, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The chickenman is right. If something as trivial as recruiting is putting that much stress on the relationship imagine how she will react to actual hardship  

1mo 
hananburgh, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It's good that you want to make her happier, but you have to understand that you have to choose between your career and your relationship.

  • 1
Most Helpful
  • Research Analyst in AM - Other
1mo 

Use this as a chance to move on and find another girl who likes you more. If she is willing to 'take a break' (generally a soft way to break up or go out with another guy she has been interested in and see how that might work out while keeping you as a backup) then she doesn't take her relationship with you seriously enough.

Breakups are always tough but try to look at this as a positive - if she is giving up on the relationship now, how could you expect her to stick with you through tough times later in life (stresses only increase as you bring marriage, kids, and each other's families into the picture. 

  • Works at Goldman Sachs
1mo 

Good take here but just remember to stay empathetic. I know I can personally relate to recruiting being stressful. There have certainly been times where I wanted to put all else aside – family, school, friends, relationships – in order to direct my full mental energy towards recruiting. But Research Analyst in AM is right that there do exist greater stressors in life and this situation gives you insight into how she might handle future difficulties. 

1mo 
Dr. Rahma Dikhinmahas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm not buying for a second that her recruiting situation is driving the request for a break.  She's dumping you. Sorry.  Worst thing you can do is be desperate to keep her.  Find the next one. 

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
1mo 

Yeah the more needy a guy appears, the less a girl wants him. Next time don't make the same mistake of spending too much money on your girl (unless you wife her up)

1mo 
CRE-Wannabe, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Let her walk. If this is how she handles stressful situations in life, then it is an issue that will eventually reappear irrespective of what you do.

From what you have described, you sound like a good guy and will have plenty of options that are going to be a much better fit for you. It might suck now, but in a couple months I would wager you are going to be glad you walked before you sunk even more time, effort, and money into this relationship.

1mo 
sithlord69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Good take, this is an early indicator flashing at you OP. Securing a fucking job is also like the least stressful challenge one can face in the real world. Imagine if you guys face real struggle one day (financial issues, serious health issues, etc)

this chick is a liability

  • Associate 2 in Consulting
1mo 

"Whilst I don't want a break, if you do, then I'll accept it. However, it will be a permanent break if it happens - there will be no going back. You will need to decide now and, if you decide to stay, I don't want this to be asked again."

That's what you say, OP. You cannot win in this situation, you can only mitigate damage.

1mo 
Apex Kurtosis, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Nah bro it's over he doesn't need to write any of that just makes him seem even more desperate. She already basically told him she wants to break up. The best move is to consider it done and move on. As soon as a girl says she wants a break or whatever it's over that simple. She either got bored, has another guy courting her, or something else.

1mo 
kirklandsignature, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I would just relax and lay off for a little while without making any declaratory statements about "we are now on a break" - just take a break. In a few weeks or when the moons align be supportive from a distance, ask how she is and wait. If it's worth it, when the clouds part and her stress time is over there will be some perspective and you giys can get back to the good stuff. And establish a good way to resolve stuff and itll strengthen yalls faith. If not then it aint meant to be.

  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
1mo 
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

First, I don't understand why shit like that is discussed on WSO.

Second, you're a simp (definition - really on point).

Third, would you want to be with someone whose emotions fluctuate based on recruiting cycles?  

  • 8
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
1mo 

Friend at dinner: you're girlfriend seemed very angry, everything ok?

OP: Yep. Just that time of the year again. 

  • 4
  • Analyst 1 in IB - CB
1mo 

Dude, just wake up and move on to the next girl who wouldn't call for a "break" when there's something stressing her out in her life. You are over-empathizing with her and that's skewing your perception of this whole thing. A break is undoubtedly the precursor to some changes to her behavior (becoming more nonchalant and not being as attentive as before), which likely leads to eventually breaking up. Cut the loss while you are still only a few months in and start focusing on other aspects of your life or finding that next girl.

1mo 
bearfuxor420, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Opinion from the other side of the isle.

I broke up with my girlfriend this summer after 4 years together due to mental health issues and she reiterated her love continuously and after a few months we came back together and this is the happiest ive been in a long time.

Just take a step back and reiterate your feelings to her and dont make her feel guilty for feeling this way (often its not her idea: hardest thing for men to understand, including myself, is that emotions and feelings are not rational so do not think of them rationally) often there are no reasons besides a chemical imbalance in the brain. If she uses this break to better herself u should to

  • 2
  • 1
1mo 
WombatsInKombat, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Bro, women will literally blame the stress of anything to justify a break up.

"My dog died"

"I didn't get the gold medal so i need to train more"

"I need to finish my book"

You don't get rid of your support structure when things get tough, you get rid of the things that are disposable. The same way you don't chop off your limbs when the doctor tells you to lose weight, you get rid of the fat. Girl's lost interest, one way or another. She doesn't value you half as much as you value her. She literally said she wanted to stop dating...you.

Shit got tough and her instinct is to cut and run while you spend actual money and time with a known dollar figure attached to it on a losing cause. Given all that's transpired, do you see her ever putting the time and effort into helping you if the shoe is ever on the other foot? Or do you see her cut and run? A young person should be grateful for mentorship, she's pulling away because she thinks she can do better. So what?    

You should consider this a dodged bullet, you've only invested a few months into her. Thank her for the memories and move on. And if smart, techie girls are what you're into, rejoice! You're probably in a city. 
 

  • 2
  • Associate 1 in IB - Cov
1mo 

If she's going to ask for a break for recruiting, then what is she going to do when her manager gives her a short deadline?

Jokes aside, she is likely using the recruitment as an excuse and either has someone else in mind she wants to "relax" with or she is just wants to break up but be nice about it. Frankly, if you lost your job or were having a tough time, I'd think you'd want company from friends/significant others. Something doesn't add up, so she either is trying to break up nicely, is looking at someone else, or is actively cheating on you.

  • 1
  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
1mo 

here's a nice quote I just came up with: if you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be.

  • 1
1mo 
Apex Kurtosis, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I kinda like the sentiment of this but you're saying that if someone leaves you and sleeps around with other people then comes back to you, you should take them back? Idk man if someone breaks up with me we're done forever. There's over 7 billion people on this planet and I'm sure you'll find one who stays with you and doesn't leave. Why would you chose someone who did?

1mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yes that advice is terrible. He is a simp.

Array

  • 1
1mo 
goldenarrow, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You guys are clueless. She's just trying to end it in the nice way. And you guys are acting like you really believe it's her stress?  
 

She has a right to end things with him. Her choice. 

1mo 
Apex Kurtosis, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yeah it's because most of these guys are simps and would compromise their self respect in a heartbeat to have a girlfriend.

  • Associate 1 in IB - Cov
1mo 

This is only a few month relationship, she is moving on. Save face Op and take the hint. 

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
1mo 

just because she doesn't want a relationship with him anymore doesn't mean she belongs to the streets...

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
1mo 

I don't understand the MS? A girl is not obligated to stay is a relationship, especially if he is as needy as OP. They've only been dating a few months. sheesh

1mo 
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Are you actually serious dude? Taking a break for recruiting WTF??? People are goddamn married and don't 'take a break' when studying for the CFA or a guy is an IB analyst for 2-4yrs. She wants to break up for recruiting? Are you honestly kidding me? Run from this girl, you don't want to be near her LT unless you want to get emotionally wrecked later down the road 

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
1mo 

were you born yesterday bro? she's dumping you while trying to avoid feeling bad about it 

1mo 
Apex Kurtosis, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It's over bro. The whole stress from job searching thing is just the excuse she's using to let you down easy. Move on. Do not try to negotiate with her to stay in the relationship.

If you actually believe that excuse your still pretty naive and got a lot more life experience to live. I know it's tough and it sucks at first but after it's over you'll realize life still goes on.

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
1mo 

Bro I'll definitely help. Just drop her digits and let me help her out

  • 1
1mo 
HardestOfHardos, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm sorry but if you agree to this "break" then you deserve to be cheated on.

Relationships are making it work. Through thick or thin. She's not willing to make it work which to me means wants to dump you. Writing's on the wall and you shouldn't be pushed around.

  • Associate 1 in IB - Restr
1mo 

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1mo 
donatello23, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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