Age, psychology and divorce
So, I want to add to the Love Line discussion something I brought up over the weekend at dinner with friends over heavy drinking. For my wife's work, her good looks plays a big part in her sales. She's turning 40 this year and although she looks great, the psychological factor of turning 40 gets to her. We are around the same age, I'm less than one year older.
I did say something a bit insensitive at dinner, that our friend who is my wife's same age works as a knowledge worker so she doesn't not feel the same career insecurity as her getting older. Wasn't dissing her intelligence, but trying to make an important distinction and dissect the insecurity about age.
There was some of the Eat Pray Love discussion, where the woman runs away from a decent guy to pursue her elusive desires around the world. I usually express my distain for that attitude (after all I'm that decent guy) but the come back was "at least they did not have kids" so she could do all that.
So, I brought up something I learned on a podcast (perhaps Tim Ferriss) couple years ago of a guest who spoke about 43 being the age he see's the most divorces. Why?
Podcast Guest: because that's the age you're feeling like you still have the ability to pivot and if you have kids they might be old enough, that leaving won't be too bad.
My Wife: probably comes from the woman [the divorce] and it's probably because there's still a chance for a new life (early 40's) using what's left of sex appeal.
My thoughts: this slow motion train wreck called turning 40 and the aftermath, can lead to insecurity, a mental shift of "time is not on your side", unhappiness, and maybe even divorce.
Society and people I've known in the past have mentioned axioms:
40 is the new 30's
the older you get the more you know how to enjoy life
you learn in your 20-30's, you do in your 40-50's, give back in your 60+
Caveat: just prior to the Pandemic, I attended my 20th high school reunion and obviously there's looking forward to seeing old friends and the girls I liked. We would be around 38. For my 30th reunion, we'd be closer to 50. Somewhere between those numbers is a psychological shift in me too.
For you monkeys old enough to be around 40 or above, how do you navigate this mental shift? How do you help your spouse? How do you prevent "43" from happening?
At dinner, I had a follow up ask: what % of the economy is driven by sex appeal? The answers ranged from 15% - 50% (for Las Vegas economy 100%). Anyways, I think age, sex, and motivations are related.