Girl on tinder threatening to send my messages to my firm / boss

Hey guys, long-time member and current PE associate.

I matched with a girl on Tinder one night and we started messaging. Somehow, the conversation turned into an argument over stupid shit. In my drunkenness and anger, I replied calling her a fat*** and made a joke that she looked like she put on the COVID-30 / I would sign her up for Jenny Craig.

She replied with a long message how she was outraged I would dare say this in 2021 and that she would be screenshotting this and sending this to my employer. Note: I only have high-level info in my Tinder bio - first name, age, "Private Equity", school attended, pictures. I didn't reply BUT THEN she replies back with my full name and the name of my PE firm, PLUS one of my MD's email address (we're all listed on the firm website).

Found out the hard way it's easy to be googled. I'm legit getting nervous / sweating balls that she sends an email to my boss. What should I do? Am I overthinking and should just ignore her threat? Worst case she actually sends a screenshot and my boss reads it, what should I say if I get called out?

 

If your boss is a female, you might as well quit right now. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
Funniest

if I were your boss, I would give you a PROMOTION. If your BMI is above 25 (guy or girl) you need to get accountable and get your shit together.  
 

also wtf bro, your tinder is one google search away from your LinkedIn Instagram etc. Was it really so hard to just silently unmatch and be respectful? also this might backfire but offer to buy her a $100 Uber eats gift card to shut up. I don’t think she’d turn it down.

 

What’s most sad is getting into arguments on Tinder. Clearly OP doesn’t get laid 

 

Although I admit it is funny story (and I included what I sent her for humorous purposes for this forum), this is 100% real. This was over this past weekend. Would appreciate any advice. I have not replied to her threat/message and we're still matched on Tinder.

 

I use my nick name on tinder and am not so I proud to put my actual job on tinder (no girl cares your in PE). The only reason u should be putting ur job is if u r using it as a joke (like u work @pornhub or smthn). I also have a Snapchat where my username is based on my nick name as well. If u don’t have a nick name go by ur middle name or make up a name. Same thing goes 4 YouTube, WSO, Reddit, etc. 

 
Most Helpful

I am operating under the assumption that you actually were drunk and didn't have the full capacity to understand what you were typing. If you weren't and are using that as an excuse, then I have a lot less sympathy for you (albeit still a little). However, if you are telling the truth about that part, I'll help you out. First off, I would apologize profusely to the girl herself. Not that what she is threatening to do is right (it's pretty fucking slimy), but you and I both know she has the upper hand over you. Explain to her that you were drunk and that you are extremely sorry and regret what you said. If that doesn't work, then you have to go on the offense, because she obviously isn't going to be fazed by your attempts to cover your ass. Threaten to report her for blackmail, because that's what it is. Hopefully you can still screenshot all of the original messages, because this is extortion, plain and simple. If she doesn't back down and actually has the balls to send it to your boss, I would give your boss the same explanation you gave her about how you were drunk and didn't understand what you were saying (it will really help if you have proof to back it up, such as a video of you slurring your words from your friends or something, but I suspect this is highly unlikely). Then, after you are done apologizing profusely (you had better make it sound genuine as fuck) offer to do whatever you have to to make amends (within reason of course). And then after you suffer through the ordeal of facing your boss, actually report her for blackmail with as many different agencies/sources/lawyers as you can (as long as it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg to do it), because like I said, what she is doing is a straight up crime, unlike you, who just called her some mean names. Just my two cents. Godspeed. *Obligatory this is not legal advice, but you already knew that considering we're on a forum where downvotes are literally primate feces.

 

Get legal counsel and send her a formal letter, if she's somewhat normal that will scare her. Go that route and the worst that can happen is she sends it anyway, then you can discuss it with your boss if she sends it and if he asks to speak with you. 

No reason to go straight to your boss and get him involved without needing to. Also, realistically he won't care he may not even read the email, think about it if you got an email like this about a co-worker you'd think about it for a second, that's embarrassing, make a joke with them maybe and move on.

 

Nightman Cometh

Is it actually extortion if she isn't trying to get anything in return? Wouldn't it be some form of slander instead? I genuinely am curious.

It would be very easy to state if this goes forward you run the risk of Tortious Interference. I’d have lawyer write that up. 

 

I actually have been in a similar situation like this (extortion, ex FWB) and had it resolved. I agree with lots of what @Monty Burns says, but have a few recommendations:

1. Beg.

  • Leave your pride at the door. Confess before her and God that you've been a complete asshole and just make yourself as pathetic as possible to try to elicit some sympathy. 
  • Make up sob stories ... do whatever you need.
  • This is mostly what she's after. She wants to be able to say that she put some finance guy in their place. 
  • This is of course cringe, but no one will know except you and her. Take the L and move on because if she wants to go to war, it's costly and time consuming.

2. Know the laws on extortion/blackmail vs. harassment. 

  • I can't tell from your post, but if what she does rises to the level of extortion, then you re-gain substantial ground here. If you're in New York State, even better. New York State treats any extortion or blackmail as an automatic Class-E felony, even if someone if blackmailing you for $1. 
  • If she hasn't asked for any kind of compensation to not expose your texts, bait her: "Please, is there anything I can do to get you not to do this." She'll likely take the bait, even just to see how much she can potentially get. The fun for her is having you on the hook. Once she blows up your spot, the fun part is over. If she throws out a number or asks for anything, confirm it with her: "So if I give you $X or do XYZ thing, you promise you won't send those to my boss?". If she confirms, Boom. Extortion. 
  • If she isn't asking for anything in return, you could argue that its "harassment," and these are typically minor charges. 

3. Hire a private investigator. This sounds silly, but people generally have a misconception about what they do. I hired one, and I'm telling you that PIs are the most under-rated thing ever. Here's why: 

  • Gather evidence: They will help you document your phone conversations and organize them in a way that can presentable in a potential court case. They might even coach you on how to communicate with her to frame the case favorably to you. They basically do the work that the police would do if they had the resources to give a shit about your case. Once they have enough evidence, they bring it directly to the District Attorney's office with an airtight, and skip the "investigation" stage. The DA can bring charges that same day. It's an easy win for them. 
  • Background information: They have access to police databases and non-public records. Give them enough information on this girl, and in 15 minute they'll have all the information the police will ultimately need on where to find her, address, employment, rap sheet, etc. 
  • Deterrence: Most PIs are former cops and some are lawyers as well and they are very comfortable dealing with people and remind them of the law. If you have enough time to gather evidence that she's extorting you, the PI will create a file, find her at her home or place of employment (file in hand), politely knock on her door, and say "Hello, my name is Mr. PI, I understand that you've been contacting my client and doing XYZ. My client requests that you cease this communication and make no further action to intentionally harm his reputation or employment status ... yada yada. If you do not cease these actions, I will be involving law enforcement as your actions as evidenced here in this file constitute extortion ..." you get the point. This almost always works. The 22-year-old Bushwick keyboard warrior will shit her pants. 

4. If she contacts your boss: Deny. 

  • Say something like: "I have an ex girlfriend who unfortunately is going through some mental health issues and, unfortunately, she acts out in ways that are destructive to herself and those who try to help her. I have used my own money to hire a private investigator to confirm that she is the one who created this fake profile of me to slander me. I'm doing what I can to get her the help she needs. I'm very sorry that she tried to involve you in this. I appreciate your discretion as I resolve this, and I don't foresee this being an issue any time again in the future."
  • Depends on your relationship with your boss, but if you REALLY don't want to be fired, then make this as touchy as possible for them. Mental health + personal relationships = radioactive to HR. Put them in a position where their best course of action is to take your word for it and hope it never happens again. They're not going to launch an investigation to see if that was really your tinder account. I don't advocate for being too blatantly dishonest, but this is a special circumstance.
  • I wouldn't recommend telling them you were drunk, even if it's true. Unless you're VERY close to that MD. Even then ... would advise against.
     

    I agree actually. I'm pretty sure your boss has better things to do than dig into somebody's dirty laundry, especially if your boss is a guy. Plus, it's not illegal to call somebody fat. Why would you get fired for that? It's your personal life and you haven't done anything illegal, your boss shouldn't care about this. I wouldn't care 100% if I was your boss.

    Also, even if somebody decides to dig into this, how would she prove it's not fake? You can delete her from your matches and your convo and if they inspect your phone they won't find proof. And her pictures can 100% be photoshopped. You can find somebody's account on Tinder and photoshop a fake conversation with them just to blackmail them.

     

    Kevin25

    I agree actually.

    Of course you do. 

    "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
     

    Agree with this. It's one thing if you posted something on social media, because you're always an ambassador of your company on public places, but people do all kinds of shit in their personal lives so as long as it's not illegal, your company has no business judging you for this. People dating, in a relationship, and married say regrettable things all the time. Your company doesn't police their personal life and probably would be afraid to gain that reputation because they took action on something that doesn't impact their business anyway.

     

    I also agree. It's her word against yours.

    Just uninstall de app and act as if nothing happened. If your boss happens to call you in and asks about the situation, just negate everything and even show him that you don't have that app installed. 

    From now on, nothing has happened.

     

    Best legal advice in almost every circumstance is always to first just shut up, and then if something materializes deny everything. Either the accuser is able to prove it and then has to convince someone else to care or it just goes away.

    "The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
     

    vanillapeguy

    Can you explain how is this a felon on her part?

    dat ass is a felony

    -

    "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
     

    She doesn't need to be a felon for you to be innocent under the law. And what other reason does your company have to fire you besides that? This is your personal life. No firm wants to put their reputation on the line to fire an employee who got a little mouthy when they were drunk. That would be ridiculous. You probably wouldn't even get put in some sort of punitive training program through HR to improve your behavior because what you did didn't occur publicly or in the workplace, so there's no way to legitimately benchmark your progress. It's just a personal incident with limited context, and without access to all the information they would have a hard time justifying taking action.

     

    You realize that there are whole online forums dedicated to people sharing Tinder convos? My friend was on my other friend's (who's a girl) tinder and sent something dumb as a joke, and the guy posted it on reddit and it literally went viral the next day. Unfortunately, this seems to be totally legal.

    To OP: what she's threatening definitely is worse but also just don't be a jerk, it's not that hard.

    Array
     

    When I get in arguments with fat chicks on tinder (cmon, we’ve all been there), I send the  gut-punch message (in your case, the covid-30 comment) and then wait until I see the typing bubbles come up.
     

    Then I unmatch immediately. I get the last word, and there’s no blackmail. No offense OP, but you’re kind of a noob at this

     

    Probably a dumb question but why the fuck are you guys matching with fat girls on tinder? Am I missing something here?

     

    I have sent several text messages endorsing criminal activity, so if those were ever leaked I'd probably be fucked lol

    Hasn't everyone? You're fine. 

    "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
     

    My advice would be to just stop responding, delete her from matches and convo with her, and forget about it.

    If somebody brings it up, which I doubt (if the boss gets the email, he may read and discard it cause it's not related to work and has nothing to do with him), then act surprised and say you've never talked to this girl. Somebody must have stolen your pictures from your account and made a fake account just so they can get matches and troll people.

    The alternative could be to profusely apologize in front of this girl and beg her not to send it, but I think if she made an effort to find your MD's email she may still send it in addition with the messages of you begging her not to send them, which will put you in a more difficult spot. Cause then saying it's fake is less believable. You will just let her enjoy this whole thing more and fuck yourself over harder. Girls like this usually don't have sympathy for successful guys who offended them even if they apologize. So, she'll probably send this shit anyway. But don't freak out. You've done nothing illegal, and nobody can prove that you even had any conversation with this girl. So, chill and just forget about it. Everything's gonna be fine.

     

    Kevin25

    If somebody brings it up, which I doubt (if the boss gets the email, he may read and discard it cause it's not related to work and has nothing to do with him), then act surprised and say you've never talked to this girl.

    No

    "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
     

    Hi, female here...we really do our research and have a talent for finding your exes, coworkers, family, and maybe even your boss' email...the internet is a magical place.

    As someone who has personally done her research on guys, my guess is that she wouldn't actually do this. I personally would never actually email the boss, even if I were to threaten that. She might want something else, in this case it might work just to give it to her/apologize and unmatch.

    I would do damage control by responding and apologizing and saying your friend took your phone, drinks were involved, you went out to bars, a friend's place, whatever. There was chaos and someone got your phone somehow. Apologize profusely for your friend acting inappropriately, if you think you can pull that off. This depends on how long you were talking with the girl, how fast you replied, etc.

    Remember she was arguing too so she may not be totally clean here either. If she said something that theoretically could have set you off you can try blame it on that.

    If all else fails, own up to it and ask if there is anything you can do to make it better (read: make the issue go away). You might have to throw money at it (reasonable amount, please nothing crazy), but it could be worth it to you to get this off your hands (and much less than getting a lawyer involved).

    Another thing to consider: how would this convo go with your boss? How close are you with your boss?

    tl:dr - she sounds like she is bluffing, figure out if you can blame it on something else, on something she said, etc. Last resort apologize and ask what you can do to make it right. dating apps suck. better luck with the next girl.

     

    Fuck that, don't apologise for her crazy and not being able to take a joke. Just lay low and keep cool. Plus, if you're good at your job, your private life shenanigans should not be much collateral for getting fired. 

     

    mef

    why is she getting MS? You have to apologize and make them feel good about themselves and how they're ~right like as mentioned in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Just do it so you can get what you want - not getting in trouble w your boss

    The girl in question that OP made an off hand comment needs to learn to act like an adult as well. I would agree with a simple apology, but beyond that she needs to get over it and move on with life. Writing essays and paying her a small fortune will only continue to enable her to act this way in the future with other guys.

    Array
     

    Female here too - A bit hard to give advice based on limited details from OP, but honestly I'll just tell him to shut up, delete all evidence, and pretend nothing happened - no apologies or nothing. Many men in this industry have been revealed to do worse things than this and yet their colleagues have no issues with it, why should he grovel and apologise over a stupid (and yes, childish) argument with a non-important female? (I'm pretty sure this chick ain't an equal colleague or someone more powerful/with a higher standing than him.) I personally don't think fat shaming is right, but sadly this is still very much considered a libtard stance and from my experience, most guys in finance will not think much of it. If he shuts up and moves on, the girl has just another typical fat-shaming comment screenshot (as every fat woman has experienced), but if he apologises, she will have a glorious 'fat-shamer being humiliatingly pWnED' screenshot. I'm not sure about sending legal letters, because she will think you're taking her threats seriously. (but it depends on how crazy that woman is - some people are just batshit insane and you have to take drastic actions. In this case, she sounds comparatively mild... )

     

    1) why are you wasting your breath on fat girls in the first place

    2) do you really think you are the first dude in finance with a vengeful ex/female acquaintance who does not understand corporate etiquette or how real jobs work? If an email complaining about one of my analysts trolling on a dating app ever hit my inbox, I’d probably chuckle tbh. I’d also think back on all of the unhinged girls I’ve encountered and assume she is just as insane. And we all know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
     

    I doubt there’d be any repercussions professionally. Maybe an obligatory “don’t do that shit” but it’s not like you were being a bigot or sending those messages from your work email. If anything, she will come off looking like a batshit weirdo and you will be seen as immature. 
     

    And don’t apologize. It’s too late for that anyway and you should never negotiate with terrorists

     

    Dear *insert fat girl's name*,

    Thank you for telling me about your concerns - I would like to assure you that we are taking this very seriously and are looking into the matter. In particular you mentioned that he called you a "fatass". Could you send us a dozen or so pictures of yourself so that we can disprove the veracity of his claims? Please get back to me ASAP as I will be meeting with him soon.

    Thanks,

    *MD*

     

    if you're based in the southeast, I may know you. if this is who I think it is, it's not your first brush with the sunday scaries, remember that wedding a few years back and how you were sooooo worried about that? shit happens, just wipe twice.

    if I don't know you, then my advice is this. assuming the incident was very recent, you can still try to apologize if you think it'd be well received, but remember than an apology is also an admission of guilt. If I were you however, I'd just stop all communication, unmatch, delete tinder, and get on with your life as if nothing will happen.

    here's the hard truth - this could be nothing or it could get you fired, but you have no real control over the situation at this point and if you sit there groveling to this chick how desirable of an outcome is that? she already has what she needs to fuck you over, why pour gasoline on the fire? like the female poster said, she's probably bluffing.

    I say this could get bad because BIG rainmakers at my firm have gotten axed for shit like saying a racist slur in traffic because another car had their camera on, a comment on their personal facebook that the company finds disagreeable, companies today don't care who you are, and once you've made a mistake in the world of social media, no amount of apology will undo it. I don't think this is healthy, but it is what it is.

    next, I'd reflect on why you swiped on a chick you're clearly not attracted to. for sport? because you think chicks like being made fun of like in high school? whatever the reason, stop doing that, there is extremely limited upside and possibly large downside as you've discovered. if, on the other hand you did find her attractive but your drunken self got the best of you, that's different, and I can't really tell you what to do there, because zero contact with females while inebriated is not possible, and stopping drinking is also likely not tenable. finally, in case this does go south, make sure your network and resume are both healthy. if it's not a fat chick nuking your career, it could be a bad bonus or getting passed over for a promotion, so always take care of #1.

     

    thebrofessor

    if you're based in the southeast, I may know you. if this is who I think it is, it's not your first brush with the sunday scaries, remember that wedding a few years back and how you were sooooo worried about that? shit happens, just wipe twice.

    Commercial Real Estate Developer
     

    I agree with most of what you're saying, but is calling someone a fatass considered comparable to a racist slur or political stance though - especially to a MD in the southeast? From those around me, it seems like most people, except for my liberal friends and fatter ones, still think that fat people are a result of laziness and are less deserving of sympathy, while most understand that race is something one is born with thus something that one shouldn't be attacked on, and political stances indicate moral values and can piss off the wrong crowd ($$$). 

     

    WOWWW this is awesome. Definitely apologize. You realize if you're fired, it will be pretty easy to figure out who this is? 

     

    So you said something mean to a woman from online dating. Is your boss really going to give a fuck? Who cares, unless this bitch is Tim Cook's daughter no one in finance is going to give a flying fuck. Unless your MD is a woman, then you're fired.

    For real tho, what kind of sad person feels the need to snipe you at your place of employment for calling them fat. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

     

    step 1)  un-match and change your Tinder pictures and bio text

    step 2) do nothing (obviously, don't repeat this behavior)

    worst case, if she does email to your boss, and if your boss asks about it, you can say "i have no idea who that person is...or why they are catfishing...maybe some grudge from a friend of an exgf...idk"  (like shaggy teaches, always deny "it wasn't me")

    My 1st day at big investment bank, we were told

    "going forward, anything you say or write in any medium could be posted on the front page of the wall street journal and reported to your boss....because there is a non-zero-probability if you work in finance, someday, it will"

    This is good life advice.

    just google it...you're welcome
     

    faceslappingcompilation

    step 1)  un-match and change your Tinder pictures and bio text

    step 2) do nothing (obviously, don't repeat this behavior)

    worst case, if she does email to your boss, and if your boss asks about it, you can say "i have no idea who that person is...or why they are catfishing...maybe some grudge from a friend of an exgf...idk"  (like shaggy teaches, always deny "it wasn't me")

    My 1st day at big investment bank, we were told

    "going forward, anything you say or write in any medium could be posted on the front page of the wall street journal and reported to your boss....because there is a non-zero-probability if you work in finance, someday, it will"

    This is good life advice.

    I disagree with the "non-zero probability" line. You in fact manage your own career. If you don't like the popularity of a celebrity, then don't accept that partner promotion or global head or whatever it may be that may potentially put you on the WSJ. 

    Array
     

    I'm relatively sure your boss can't legally do much to you without running into a wrongful termination suit. If you got into an argument with some chick outside of work, and it had no ties to work, then it's totally unrelated. What you were doing was on your time, on your own social media account, without dragging the firm into it. Company cannot legally do anything. You weren't exposing them to any liability, since you posted with an anonymous account on a private network. If the boss starts hassling you, say "it's not related to work, it's a private dispute between two people."  

     

    ^ not true at all in the US. They can fire you for pretty much any reason other than a few protected classes like race, gender, age etc. 

    People have absolutely been fired for comments they’ve made that are slurs or similar. There is almost no recourse. 
     

    With that said, I’m not sure what to do here. There’s some gray area re: if she’d actually send it and if his boss would respond. 

     

    Bro are you seriously sweating over the fact that you called some random girl on a dating site a fatass and that she'll tell your bosses about it? If I was your boss I'd just tell you to stop being retarded and get better game. No one cares about your personal dating life and how you bombed with one girl on tinder who's also a fucking nutjob. Just ignore and move on.

     

    grieze

    Bro are you seriously sweating over the fact that you called some random girl on a dating site a fatass and that she'll tell your bosses about it? If I was your boss I'd just tell you to stop being retarded and get better game. No one cares about your personal dating life and how you bombed with one girl on tinder who's also a fucking nutjob. Just ignore and move on.

    The boss cares if it somehow ends up in the newspaper. So yeah, the boss will care.

    Array
     

    First --  Get the fuck off social media / tinder (or whatever the kids use today) / spend a few bucks and pay someone minimize your current social footprint.

    Your singular goal here is to avoid the SJW crowd rising up and attacking / protesting/ Antifa burning the FIRM. Not you. The Firm.

    You can handle any bunny boilers yourself and in due course

    Second --  This ONLY works if you have blood brother type friends.  Yes, I have been the "drunk texting friend" in the following scenario (slightly different circumstances, but you get the point).  Walk into your bosses office TOMORROW and tell him some derivation of this...

    "Matched with some girl on Tinder while out with buddies having a few.  Left the table to head to the bathroom.  Came back and they are all laughing saying. "Look at the response we gave...".  Appalled, I f*cking told them off.  I do not want this to reflect badly on the firm, but this SJW is now trying to doxx me because her feelings were hurt on Tinder and here is the actual conversation (phone ready of course).  Mean comment I know.  I am thinking about hiring a lawyer to tell her to cease and desist.   I do not want to make a big deal of this, but I felt you needed to know.  I am looking for personal advice on how best to handle this from the firm's perspective and minimize any potential blowback.

    Third -- The ONLY way you fight these animals is head on.  Loud, proud and fuck you.  Apologize one last time repeating the story above.  If she decides to send a knife to a gun fight...  Get all of HER information (make sure you have it BEFORE this conversation) and then push out a long sigh and say, " I'm so sorry to hear that, At advice of my counsel, I will have to let your employer (NAME) know that I will be filing a restraining order against you for harassment, limiting all forms of communication between you, me and my firm and filing a criminal complaint against you for blackmail and harassment with the local police precinct.  Wait for the response...If she goes full psycho, then you are prepped for the fall out.  If she whimpers away, consider it a life lesson.

    Fourth -- Get the fuck off social media / tinder/ whatever

    Namaste. D.O.U.G.
     

    Why get boss involved before email gets sent - you 100% label yourself as immature. But if they don't email or he misses it then you're fine. And if he brings it up the net outcome is the same. Plus if you come to me before I know you're guilty - it's not like the rest of us haven't seen it all. You are managing risk with your firm not with this person. Period.

     

    My advice would be to consider your options and control the narrative. 

    The outcomes are:

    1. Email not sent: Although it seems unlikely/annoying, it may be best to apologize, but the person may just send it anyway. 
    2. Email sent and ignored: Your MD probably doesn't respond to all of his/her emails directly, rather has an assistant reply on his/her behalf, so there's a chance the email will be ignored. 
    3. Email sent and read: If your MD does see the email, then I would advise trying to control the narrative - I would hope the firm would trust your word over some screenshots. 

    I would recommend apologizing (nothing to lose/something to gain) or spinning the narrative if it comes to that.

     

    OP here - received one email so far from the MD who's email address she threatened to send. Had a heart attack when I saw the notification on my phone, but it was work related.

    It seems like there are two divided opinions over what I should do. (1) I ignore it, unmatch/delete Tinder, pretend it never happened and deny if I get called out by my boss (2) I try to apologize to the girl, say my drunk friend took my phone (we're still matched)?

    Is there a way to make a poll here over what the majority think I should do? 

    If I offer her money ($500?) and she takes it, would it then be considered blackmail/extortion on her part and I have some legal protection now? I'm having trouble sleeping and concentrating over this whole stupid situation 

     

    >In my drunkenness and anger, I replied calling her a fat*** and made a joke that she looked like she put on the COVID-30 / I would sign her up for Jenny Craig.

    What you did wasn't illegal, in fact, it seems you were concerned for her poor health (and high risk for COVID mortality) and in a drunk state you casually gave her some health and fitness advice. From my point of view, she owes you a debt of gratitude,. 

     

    You have already given this chick too much of your time / energy. If you unmatch her, I promise you will never hear from her again

    If you really just said she gained Covid-30 and could use Jenny Craig, you’re fine. Go live your life.

    If you said “you fat slut, I hope your next BF beats you”, you may need to do some damage control and also see a therapist.

     

    Why don't you just say your friend/roommate/whatever was over and without you knowing used your Tinder. You normally don't use Tinder (hence why you only see it now from another notification), and that you feel terribly sorry etc., and if there's anything you can do to make up for your friend's terrible behaviour? She'll have to be nuts to still notify your boss (in which case you were fucked anyway) and you get to apologize without admitting guilt 

     

    Are you a retarded person? Unmatch her asap wtf. Once you unmatch her there's a less than 30% chance she actually sends it and a less than 10% chance your boss will take some crazy tinder chick's word over yours. If you keep engaging her it's only going to make it worse

    To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.
     

    Do NOT pay her. There's no guarentee she won't send it regardless. 

    Take the advice above. Apologize to her. Unmatch. Move on with your life. Hopefully nothing happens.

    If something happens, take the next steps and update this forum. 

     

    Listen my son. Reply her: Omg I am sorry for this! I was out with my friends and ended up at a party where I lost my phone. Just a new phone and logged into everything and saw this with a lot of other things that happened to my social media accounts. Really sorry again and I will change my password away from 1234 so this does not happen again. I would love to make it up to you again, how about dinner? 

    Or, delete your account. Anyone can make a tinder account of your name and use a picture of you. If she does go forward with this she prop wont come far because she need proof that it is you that's behind this and doubt that tinder would share this information bla bla. If you are concerned just pay a lawyer some cash and talk about it they will give you a nice answer where they can explain to you by the law that it would not be a problem. 

    Also man up, u fag go pick on people on your own size, not someone on tinder that is looking for sex. 

     

    You're going to try to go to dinner with a girl you just called a fat**** in a drunken rage? Don't see how that can go wrong

    Major intern vibes

     

    You are an associate in PE and spend your weekends arguing with people you’ve never met on Tinder? That’s embarrassing man.

    You matched with her in the first place so you either thought she was attractive despite her weight, or you have very low standards for yourself. This, compounded with the fact that you called her a fat*** when getting angry, shows you have the emotional capabilities of a 6 year old.

    Please take some time to evaluate why you put yourself in this situation in the first place. Then take some accountability and stop acting like a little bitch.

     

    You're making very broad accusations/assumptions

    1. I don't spend my weekends purposely trying to argue with women on Tinder, this was my first argument in months. You also don't know who started it.  I'm using Tinder to get laid, not argue with randoms

    2. You're saying I have very low standards for myself because I swiped right on a "thicc" gal? That's a big insult to this girl you are implying (coming from you a fellow woman). Also, at 1am on a Saturday, I subtract 20 pounds from their pics

    3. The next time you get into an argument and say an insult or something you regret when you are angry (I'm sure you've never done this ever), I hope the other person as the next step takes a photo/video and sends it directly to your employer to get you fired

     

    You are once again acting immature by trying to justify yourself for swiping on a girl that you consider fat / unattractive. Just own up to your actions. If you regret what you did, just say it to her and genuinely apologise.

     
    Controversial

    For a bunch of supposedly intelligent people, all of your critical thinking skills are actually abhorrent. Blame it on a friend? What are you, 12? Suing for defamation? Defamation based on what, the things that he actually said?  
     

    It’s so painfully obvious that none of you have ever had to take accountability for anything in your lives, particularly when it comes to the way you speak to and treat women. Might be worth some introspection why your innate response to conflict is to resort to slurs and insults. I know it’s a foreign concept for the eternally privileged, but some day these things will have consequences, and when you inevitably get left behind it won’t be due to political correctness or diversity programs, but to the fact that you don’t know how to talk to anyone who’s not a straight while male without being a complete dick.

     

    Yes only the “eternally privileged” say something they later regret. Everyone who isn’t a straight white male would never get into an argument with someone and verbally overreact. And if they did, they would issue the most prompt and sincere apology possible to settle the matter, lest their reputation be impugned. 
    —————

    Do you actually believe your own bullshit or do you just like making shit up so you can feel morally superior to others?

     

    Liberals in a nut shell. Why can't everyone but me be perfectly reasonable and level headed at all times in dealing with things? Also anyone who disagrees with my opinions is a racist/sexist/ableist/privileged/oppressive/hateful/bigoted/immature/uncaring/insensitive/cold horrible human and I'll do my best to hurt them in aspects of their personal and professional life that have nothing to do with me or the situation.

    The chick made it personal for OP when she brought the his job into a stupid tinder dispute. Not only is she allegedly fat, but now she's a verified cunt and gets 0 sympathy.

     

    Grab that racist 'straight white male' privilege BS linguo and shove it where the sun don't shine. I've seen plenty  of people of colour doing plenty (as in majority) of the evils which you condone on a day to day basis (domestic violence, rape, murder, black-victim crimes, crime in general), and we don't call it black privilege or whatever privilege.

    But maybe we should start! Bring out the stats.

     

    6andthecity

    For a bunch of supposedly intelligent people, all of your critical thinking skills are actually abhorrent. Blame it on a friend? What are you, 12? Suing for defamation? Defamation based on what, the things that he actually said?  

    Well, maybe not 12, but most people here are definitely teenagers or, at best, college kids in their early 20s.  Hence all the awful conservative trolling, the terrible advice thrown around in situations like this... it's sad, really.  But you do see why things like #MeToo are necessary, and even when they go too far, an improvement over what came before.  This guy wants the ability to be an asshole to who he likes, without repercussion, and now wants a way to weasel his way out of consequences for his actions.  He says downthread that he does this on a fairly regular basis, too. 

    It's so painfully obvious that none of you have ever had to take accountability for anything in your lives, particularly when it comes to the way you speak to and treat women. Might be worth some introspection why your innate response to conflict is to resort to slurs and insults.

    If this guy was capable of introspection (or any of the people sympathizing with him) he wouldn't be haranguing random women he met on Tinder every couple months.  The time for that passed.  

    I know it's a foreign concept for the eternally privileged, but some day these things will have consequences, and when you inevitably get left behind it won't be due to political correctness or diversity programs, but to the fact that you don't know how to talk to anyone who's not a straight while male without being a complete dick.

    SJWs ruin everything.  Don't make it more complicated than that.

     

    Lol. "Weasel his way out of the consequences for his actions". 

    There is something about the potential repercussion and the severity of his actions. There's a reason why we don't chop people's hands off for stealing in the Western world. OP deserves a drink in the face, or a mild slap on the chin, not a ruined professional life/career. 

    I don't know... Yeah. Almost definitely yes.
     

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