Girl on tinder threatening to send my messages to my firm / boss
Hey guys, long-time member and current PE associate.
I matched with a girl on Tinder one night and we started messaging. Somehow, the conversation turned into an argument over stupid shit. In my drunkenness and anger, I replied calling her a fat*** and made a joke that she looked like she put on the COVID-30 / I would sign her up for Jenny Craig.
She replied with a long message how she was outraged I would dare say this in 2021 and that she would be screenshotting this and sending this to my employer. Note: I only have high-level info in my Tinder bio - first name, age, "Private Equity", school attended, pictures. I didn't reply BUT THEN she replies back with my full name and the name of my PE firm, PLUS one of my MD's email address (we're all listed on the firm website).
Found out the hard way it's easy to be googled. I'm legit getting nervous / sweating balls that she sends an email to my boss. What should I do? Am I overthinking and should just ignore her threat? Worst case she actually sends a screenshot and my boss reads it, what should I say if I get called out?
omg this is hilarious...i can't give any advice (since this hasn't happened to me), but good luck my man
If your boss is a female, you might as well quit right now.
if I were your boss, I would give you a PROMOTION. If your BMI is above 25 (guy or girl) you need to get accountable and get your shit together.
also wtf bro, your tinder is one google search away from your LinkedIn Instagram etc. Was it really so hard to just silently unmatch and be respectful? also this might backfire but offer to buy her a $100 Uber eats gift card to shut up. I don’t think she’d turn it down.
Lmao a BMI of 18.5 or below puts you at underweight and 24.99 is the beginning of overweight. Pls make factual statements. Ppl with a BMI above 20 are healthy LMAOOOO
lmfao bruh
DO NOT OFFER UBER "EATS" GIFT CARD after calling her fat***. Should have that much common sense.
not necessarily...i can't imagine cathie wood type taking it seriously if OP is a rockstar
What’s most sad is getting into arguments on Tinder. Clearly OP doesn’t get laid
This is the funniest thing I've ever read on this site. If this a troll, A+ shitpost. If this is real, I will be praying for you.
Although I admit it is funny story (and I included what I sent her for humorous purposes for this forum), this is 100% real. This was over this past weekend. Would appreciate any advice. I have not replied to her threat/message and we're still matched on Tinder.
maybe just apologize...
I use my nick name on tinder and am not so I proud to put my actual job on tinder (no girl cares your in PE). The only reason u should be putting ur job is if u r using it as a joke (like u work @pornhub or smthn). I also have a Snapchat where my username is based on my nick name as well. If u don’t have a nick name go by ur middle name or make up a name. Same thing goes 4 YouTube, WSO, Reddit, etc.
Well, your WSO name checks out…
Pray.
I am operating under the assumption that you actually were drunk and didn't have the full capacity to understand what you were typing. If you weren't and are using that as an excuse, then I have a lot less sympathy for you (albeit still a little). However, if you are telling the truth about that part, I'll help you out. First off, I would apologize profusely to the girl herself. Not that what she is threatening to do is right (it's pretty fucking slimy), but you and I both know she has the upper hand over you. Explain to her that you were drunk and that you are extremely sorry and regret what you said. If that doesn't work, then you have to go on the offense, because she obviously isn't going to be fazed by your attempts to cover your ass. Threaten to report her for blackmail, because that's what it is. Hopefully you can still screenshot all of the original messages, because this is extortion, plain and simple. If she doesn't back down and actually has the balls to send it to your boss, I would give your boss the same explanation you gave her about how you were drunk and didn't understand what you were saying (it will really help if you have proof to back it up, such as a video of you slurring your words from your friends or something, but I suspect this is highly unlikely). Then, after you are done apologizing profusely (you had better make it sound genuine as fuck) offer to do whatever you have to to make amends (within reason of course). And then after you suffer through the ordeal of facing your boss, actually report her for blackmail with as many different agencies/sources/lawyers as you can (as long as it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg to do it), because like I said, what she is doing is a straight up crime, unlike you, who just called her some mean names. Just my two cents. Godspeed. *Obligatory this is not legal advice, but you already knew that considering we're on a forum where downvotes are literally primate feces.
I'm seriously considering looking into legal counsel (paranoid maybe), but is it blackmail/extortion from her if she isn't asking for money or anything?
Well I think it’s pretty easy to prove that she’s doing it to harm your career. She’s not threatening to send it to your friends or family for shits and giggles. She’s threatening to do something in the hopes that it actually gets you fired. You’re not paranoid at all for looking into legal counsel.
Get legal counsel and send her a formal letter, if she's somewhat normal that will scare her. Go that route and the worst that can happen is she sends it anyway, then you can discuss it with your boss if she sends it and if he asks to speak with you.
No reason to go straight to your boss and get him involved without needing to. Also, realistically he won't care he may not even read the email, think about it if you got an email like this about a co-worker you'd think about it for a second, that's embarrassing, make a joke with them maybe and move on.
Immediately retain legal counsel, this is blackmail. Once you have obtained counsel pay your lawyer as much as humanly possible to get them to expeditiously send a cease and desist. After that you’re in the clear
Is it actually extortion if she isn't trying to get anything in return? Wouldn't it be some form of slander instead? I genuinely am curious.
It's not slander if he said it.
Its only slander if its not true I believe. She definitely would meet the malice and damages tests though rip op.
It would be very easy to state if this goes forward you run the risk of Tortious Interference. I’d have lawyer write that up.
go back to tumblr
Deny. Deny. Deny. "Friend took my phone, thought he was being funny when he was wasted, I don't condone language like that and apologize profusely. Clearly I need to re-evaluate my friendships. Kind Regards - Fatgirlhater69420"
Seriously you could deny it's you entirely - someone made a fake profile imitating you. Case closed
this is the right answer
Deny is correct - however admit NOTHING. Not your friend did it. Say she faked the screenshots with Photoshop.
If she didn’t demand money or another benefit then it is not blackmail. All she is doing is threatening (which is not illegal unless she is threatening to inflict harm or perform another criminal activity)
I actually have been in a similar situation like this (extortion, ex FWB) and had it resolved. I agree with lots of what @Monty Burns says, but have a few recommendations:
1. Beg.
2. Know the laws on extortion/blackmail vs. harassment.
3. Hire a private investigator. This sounds silly, but people generally have a misconception about what they do. I hired one, and I'm telling you that PIs are the most under-rated thing ever. Here's why:
4. If she contacts your boss: Deny.
You need the advice of a lawyer.
Let her send it and say it’s fake if it comes up (which is doubtful). Easy.
It'd be so easy for her to prove it's real, and once she does, all of OP's hopes of staying at his jobs are gone as he just blatantly lied to his superiors.
She’d have to prove 1) it’s not photoshopped and 2) that OP actually sent it. If OP sticks to his guns, he’s fine, especially on #2.
I agree actually. I'm pretty sure your boss has better things to do than dig into somebody's dirty laundry, especially if your boss is a guy. Plus, it's not illegal to call somebody fat. Why would you get fired for that? It's your personal life and you haven't done anything illegal, your boss shouldn't care about this. I wouldn't care 100% if I was your boss.
Also, even if somebody decides to dig into this, how would she prove it's not fake? You can delete her from your matches and your convo and if they inspect your phone they won't find proof. And her pictures can 100% be photoshopped. You can find somebody's account on Tinder and photoshop a fake conversation with them just to blackmail them.
Of course you do.
Agree with this. It's one thing if you posted something on social media, because you're always an ambassador of your company on public places, but people do all kinds of shit in their personal lives so as long as it's not illegal, your company has no business judging you for this. People dating, in a relationship, and married say regrettable things all the time. Your company doesn't police their personal life and probably would be afraid to gain that reputation because they took action on something that doesn't impact their business anyway.
I also agree. It's her word against yours.
Just uninstall de app and act as if nothing happened. If your boss happens to call you in and asks about the situation, just negate everything and even show him that you don't have that app installed.
From now on, nothing has happened.
Best legal advice in almost every circumstance is always to first just shut up, and then if something materializes deny everything. Either the accuser is able to prove it and then has to convince someone else to care or it just goes away.
Weird someone is claiming that - I am only on Grinder, is this a hate crime...?
Yeah, and its not a hate crime to call someone fat. I've asked a fatty for a nude just for the fun of it. Anyways, she has very little leverage over you in terms of legality. I would unmatach with her instantly.
post of the year
It's embarrassing but doubt you'd be fired for trolling fat chicks on tinder.
Dumb move, but remind her that you have screenshots too, and that while you were a drunk jerk, she'd be a felon.
Can you explain how is this a felony on her part?
She’s not a felon. Everyone is assuming she said “if you don’t give me $10,000 I’m going to send this to your boss.”
But all she said was “I’m going to send this to your boss”, which is totally not illegal. The former is blackmail and the latter is a big gurl fuckin you over for fun
dat ass is a felony
If she's not asking you for anything, it isn't. I'm leaning toward this being a troll post. We have mostly anonymous posting here so why a 'throwaway account'?
She doesn't need to be a felon for you to be innocent under the law. And what other reason does your company have to fire you besides that? This is your personal life. No firm wants to put their reputation on the line to fire an employee who got a little mouthy when they were drunk. That would be ridiculous. You probably wouldn't even get put in some sort of punitive training program through HR to improve your behavior because what you did didn't occur publicly or in the workplace, so there's no way to legitimately benchmark your progress. It's just a personal incident with limited context, and without access to all the information they would have a hard time justifying taking action.
You realize that there are whole online forums dedicated to people sharing Tinder convos? My friend was on my other friend's (who's a girl) tinder and sent something dumb as a joke, and the guy posted it on reddit and it literally went viral the next day. Unfortunately, this seems to be totally legal.
To OP: what she's threatening definitely is worse but also just don't be a jerk, it's not that hard.
When I get in arguments with fat chicks on tinder (cmon, we’ve all been there), I send the gut-punch message (in your case, the covid-30 comment) and then wait until I see the typing bubbles come up.
Then I unmatch immediately. I get the last word, and there’s no blackmail. No offense OP, but you’re kind of a noob at this
Fat girls hate him because of this ONE SIMPLE TRICK
Probably a dumb question but why the fuck are you guys matching with fat girls on tinder? Am I missing something here?
Real talk, I have never swiped right on a fatchick before