VP thinks I’m not masculine because of my coffee order.
Went out for a coffee with a VP at my bank. He offered to pay and asked what I wanted to order. Told him I wanted a vanilla latte after he ordered an espresso for himself. He shot me a look & smirked a bit which I thought was weird but didn’t think anything of it until we sat down. He mentioned that he didn’t think a vanilla latte was very “manly” and that “real men” drank real coffee (I guess Americano’s and espresso’s only?)
He made some weird jokes during the catch up after and acted a bit off. Am I thinking too much or is this sort of thing normal?
Edit: He asked if I worked out, told him yes and he was pretty surprised. Then asked if I wear Yoga pants to the gym because a vanilla latte was the typical “woman in yoga pants drink”.
Maybe if you ordered a cookies and cream frappuccino you might get some light-hearted poking... but who gives a shit about a vanilla latte?
His issue, your order is totally fine. Some people in IB have zero social skills.
Ordering a Frappucino is a power move
FTFY
just tell him you bench press 315. issue over
Just give your balls a tug. It’ll be okay!
Is this universal or just a common thing in your culture/area to judge people based on what they order?
That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out.
Typical trading VP, making a joke that does not land so following up with a joke that does not land. VP is probably trying to lighten mood and failing miserably. Order whatever you want and quickly skip the topic the dude will get the hint, the joke didnt hit bro.
god zoomers are the fucking worst
is it a normal thing to judge people for their order?
i dont know... is it a normal thing to be too autistic to understand and engage in banter?
The funny part of OPs post is not being able to handle a little ribbing is also a feminine trait, and getting upset / confused about it like he did only puts himself further into the 'non-masculine' hole. You dont want to be the guy everyone picks on, but you also dont want to be the guy that cant take a joke and is basically left out of other social bonding opportunities.
The issue wasnt your order OP, it was your response to it.
Yeah this ain’t it chief. It’s 10x more masculine to stand up for something that doesn’t feel right to you than just “taking it” because of the pecking order. Masculinity = knowing yourself and being true to your values; what you just described is called being a bitch.
Just wondering - are you atheist? Because funnily enough the people who call out God or JC usually are not believers, which I find ironic. It’s like your soul is crying out for God and you are completely unaware.
Yes, we judge people by what they order, how they deal with the waiter and whether they’ve got table manners.
A VP once made some comment about a coffee I bought
Meanwhile we found out that guy is a full vegan, and he was out here yapping to us about buying “manly” beverages lol smh
Assert dominance. Claim territories in the office. Piss on his chair.
Pissing with the compounds of that vanilla latte could be the worst thing happening to him lol
Double down and start wearing yoga pants to the office
It's funny because I had the complete opposite experience when I was a first year analyst. My VP was definitely one of the boys, but the first time that we went to Starbucks, this guy orders a vanilla latte with almond milk and like 20 more details and instructions. The guy's order was basically a full written paragraph. I just ordered a plain latte. I remember also thinking, "Wow, what's up with this guy?"
This totally happend guys.
I think the VP was trying to establish a level of fraternal/friendly rapport by teasing you (as a joke), about something that he might have seen as an easy target for poking fun/prodding; but nothing to be taken seriously.
His teasing (joking) fell flat, and so he tried again; and that too fell flat. I see it more as an awkward attempt to tease/joke, that continued to fall flat.
For example, when you ordered a Vanilla Latte, he could have joked something like "...are you sure you don't want extra soy, or pumpkin spice in that too?" as a way of teasing about manliness.
I know a lot of guys who tease like that, in a sort of playful prodding, to establish a friendly connection of fraternal rapport.
For example: Imagine if getting drinks, and everyone orders Scotch (neat, or rocks), and you order a sour apple martini. That might lead to some teasing, but it's all meant in a "bro" culture/fraternal context; and not really intended as anything negative.
I think the VP intended lighthearted teasing (as a joke), in a bro culture/fraternal context, and I wouldn't see it as anything more than that.
I know of an older CEO at another PE firm, who likes to tease the younger people around the office, about their coffee order -- it's like his method of locker room towel-snapping (e.g. on a sport team), and not to be taken seriously.
This is for sure it. Basically a game of tennis and OP was unable to hit the ball back.
Hell, even flirting works this way. Dont take everything at face value
Respond back with wit, this was a great opportunity to show him how intelligent you are/he was testing you for sensitivity. You should’ve doubled down and said “how’d you know I got yoga pants the other day” and turned it into a joke. I personally would’ve found this hilarious.
I used to do this when Jewish extremists would bully me circa 2001-2008. It never worked. SO to my autistic Jewish bros though, eventually a fat dude from South Florida had my back even though his family were IF. Good man, wish I knew what happened (he moved to Canada and we all never heard from his family again).
Buy your vp a pair of yoga pants for the holidays, or donate one of your used pairs of yoga pants
Shoulda hit him with "real men only drink black wawa/711 coffee on their way to their job in manual labor at 6AM"
I am not familiar with coffee in USA for different gender. Can someone please state which coffees are designated for men, and which are not.
There is no such thing. This is made-up nonsense by a person with the maturity level of a 5 year old.
VP needs to touch grass.
Why are you, as a man, not ordering and immediately guzzling down a piping hot Americano and scalding your esophagus in the process? Be a man.
No joke pretty much everyone now wears lululemon abc pants to the office
Do you happen to work here?
On the positive side, you have diversity protection now
The guy is really insecure in his masculinity.
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