Comments (77)

Most Helpful
26d
Arroz con Pollo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I've been eating unhealthy past couple days and my stomach is fucked up. Having to squeeze to poop. Not fun.

Once had to get a colonoscopy and the tablets that make you shit to clean you out make you shit so much that you can't even touch your asshole to wipe without the burning of 1000 suns.

On a more serious note, my life has been pretty easy. I've recovered from a couple major surgeries and that wasn't easy, but it wasn't too hard either. I like the saying Joe Rogan always brings up about how "the toughest thing to happen to someone is the toughest thing to happen to them, regardless of what it is".

Looking back over my life, if I had to pick something, I'd say being bullied growing up. Being a minority didn't help, but I was extensively bullied from the time I moved to my new house to the time I graduated from high school. It was so bad that I remember one time in AP Human Geography, my crush looked at me and said she feels so bad for me.

What really sucked was having my own brother begin bullying me. He was my big brother, but starting in late middle school, he began acting like most other kids. High school he was exactly the type of person I loathed, and even in college, I hated him. He made fun of me for my first job out of college even though it paid more than him, and now I make 3x what he does. Who tf makes fun of their own brother's job? He's not a bad person per se as he's great to people in his group, but the way he treated me growing up was horrible. Nobody who acts like that is a good person deep down imo. How can someone post Bible verses and then treat their own brother like that?

So yeah, I'd say being bullying is at the top of my list. It's completely intertwined with who I am now. Even though I make a lot of money with a great career and am in amazing shape, I still have dreams where I'm say playing basketball with the kids I grew up with and can't do anything right. I have one of the most successful careers out of anybody I graduated high school with, and accounting for money from investments, I'm probably one of the most well-off. All of this seems irrelevant at times, because sometimes I still view myself as that kid with no friends.

Never went to homecoming or prom. Always sat with the "cool kids" at lunch, but was always on the outside looking in. Hell, I followed a few of them when I made my instagram, but the truth is they don't give a shit about me. Some have reached out asking how I got into the career I have now and stuff like that, but it's not a "how are you doing"; instead, it comes from a basis of transactional want.

There is no reason to put someone down for something out of their control. There's no reason to make fun of people from a place of malice. Coming from the south, you see a lot of the "window Christians" I'll call them. They act nice but act the exact opposite of what their religion preaches

25d
chumpchimp, what's your opinion? Comment below:

this felt very raw. I hope you find your peace someday.

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25d
corporateguy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I am a minority but grew up in 100% minority neighborhood so always wondered what it would be like to grow up like you all. By the time you get to college i feel most people have grown up or the fear of being caught bullying is enough to dissuade people or to not do it openly.

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25d
FinancelsWacc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

That unfortunately hit home, very similar circumstances... not so much bullied outright, but wasn't made to feel all that great. Partially my fault, partially the fact that kids can be raw and cruel. Sitting with the "cool kids" and always feeling like an outsider looking in is the perfect way to describe it. Stop reading my mind... it's creepy...

Hope you find your peace... even if only because it'll mean it's possible to find mine.

+1

24d
chacharat, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Though I can't really relate since I've never been bullied due to my height, I'm truly sorry about what you had to endure in your teens. Having your brother turn against you just so he can avail some social leverage is just... wrong. I hope you did confront him about it at some point and make him regret it. There's no excuse for his actions and you should be vocal about it as often as possible. You only get one childhood, and no one who attempted to ruin it should get away with it.

As for the other schmucks for whom you can't help yourself but ponder - they're not worth your intellect. There's nothing they can offer you. They can't redeem themselves. None of this is "their time." As you surely know, those who never developed a habit of working hard to earn things when they were young can't make up for that later. They will only stagnate and start sinking.Β 

Hence, they won't ever get near you or 'get smart' enough so that you'll have to communicate with either of them professionally. The only way they can mar your afternoon nowadays is if you make the wrong judgement and cut them some slack. Stop doing that.

26d
Fast and Fiduciary, what's your opinion? Comment below:

When I first moved to SF I had no friends and lived in a really bad area in a sub leased apartment with a random guy in his 30s. My random roommate barely spoke english and was very unhygienic and cooked the most horrid smelling foods. I sacrificed my friends and my relationship for this new job in SF and I became really lonely really fast. After my 3 month sublease ended in that really bad apartment, I was supposed to find an apartment with someone I kinda knew from Miami who also got a job in SF. He flaked on me and ended up living with someone he went abroad with. I then didn't have a new place to live so I was living out of hotels and Air BnBs for a month. Despite staying in really shitty hotels in bad neighborhoods, this was costing me about a thousand dollars a week and I had to put most of my possessions in storage, so I was living out of 2 suitcases. These hotels also just had shared communal bathrooms and no hot water, and no kitchen obviously so I was having to eat out every day. Most of the money I was able to save was now spent. I had to ask my boss If I would be able to work out of the NYC office for a while until I found a new place to live since all my friends now lived in nyc. All the apartments I had applied for were quickly taken by other people. I gave up trying to tour places and would just send in my application but still couldn't get an apartment. They let me go to new york for 3 weeks where I stayed on my friend's futon in his tiny studio. I finally had a friend from college get a job in SF and agree to live with me. We eventually found a place and I was able to go back to SF in July and have been doing okay ever since. But that was such a pain to deal with.Β 

25d
networking_capital, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Tenderloin or SOMA? Those places just hit different. Stayed in Tenderloin for a brief period and the shit you see there is crazy.

Funniest
25d
thevillage, what's your opinion? Comment below:

rants about being bullied for being a minority

picks on someone with mental health issues in the same thread

nice

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25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Arroz con Pollo

Good news is you'll never need a feature on your songs - you can just switch between your personalities

You're confusing multiple personality disorder with bipolar disorder. They are fairly different.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

25d
Pug, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Realizing it is an important step to the right direction. Thankfully modern medicine is the best it's ever been in history, so for anytime to be born and be diagnosed with bipolar- now is the best time. I can't say it'll all be okay and your life will be easy; however, you can do all you can to be successful regardless. Rooting for you πŸ‘

β€œThe three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
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25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:
famejranc

living with bipolar

Do you have Bipolar I or Bipolar II? What medications are you taking? It gets easier.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

26d
LTRE1839, what's your opinion? Comment below:

When I was 7, I had to call 911 when my moms aorta dissected while we were doing chores around the house. We were singing the clean up song , when suddenly she went silent. I turned the corner into the living room (the irony) and she had collapsed. She could only snap to communicate. I got aspirin from the cabinet and called 911. She got lifelighted downtown and survived the emergency surgery, but then passed away less than a year later from anesthesia complications during a minor follow up procedure. My little sister was only 2, so she doesn't remember much. I was very close with my mom, and she was the rock of our family, so it was a pretty heavy loss that still lingers some to this day.

Or

My own medical issues... She passed on the heart disease issues to me, though thankfully not my sister. I was monitored most of my life, though negelcted that some in college. I had to have a major open heart surgery in June of 2020, just after finishing Undergrad. It was a 13 hour long procedure, where they replaced my ascending aorta and also placed 2 titanium bars to reshape my chest wall (nuss procedure), breaking most ribs. The combination operation has been done maybe 50 times in the entire world, to the point that my surgery team (one of the top aorta surgeons in the country) said they really had no data to predict how it would end up and that I'd be a whole medical study on my own. The recovery was grueling, to say the least. I couldn't even get up out of bed on my own for about a month. That was a tough pill to swallow for a stubborn and self sufficient 22 year old.

I managed to get healthy and get back in reasonable shape over the next year. I also earned my MBA during and after that recovery, graduating last December. I even received my job offer while crossing the stage. The chest bars were just removed this July, which was nice and not nearly as painful. Though the Dr's have seen some minor issues on recent echo scans of my heart, hopefully treatable with just medication. On the bright side, the fear and pain and challenges from that surgery have really strengthened my resolve as a man and my ambitions in life. I've got a beautiful girlfriend (soon to be fiance), her 4 year old son, and now a daughter of my own on the way in March, which I'm incredibly excited for. Being that I spent much of my life not knowing if I'd live long enough to have kids.

Though I certainly wish I still had my mom and never endured the medical issues I've had. I don't think I'd be the man I am today without facing those crucibles.

26d
Stonks1990, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Open-heart surgery is not for the faint of heart. Know that personally from my own father going through it. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, yet I choose to celebrate the life she had, as well as celebrate you for overcoming your own difficulties and turning them into something extremely positive. Congrats on the incoming kiddo & wife. Keep it churning - the best is yet to come!

25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:

By far my hardest times have been dealing with the gradual decline of my mom's brain with dementia. The last month has been incredibly hard for me. My mom's baseline has declined.

It is a mix of me opening up and making myself vulnerable and my mom just lashing out in anger and stabbing me in the heart. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie "Unthinkable" with Samuel L. Jackson, but the pain is similar to when he tortures the guy and gets him to open up and feel vulnerable and then he immediately stabs him.Β 

Two weeks ago, I saw my mom and she was so mean to me and she hit me. But, it's not her, it's the disease. I got back to my place after that and just couldn't work or do anything. I was so numb and closed off completely to the world.Β 

Then yesterday, by the grace of God, she was in a good mood and was happy. I arrived to see her - myself feeling.completely closed off and not letting myself feel vulnerable. But, that's the thing with love - to give and receive love you have to open up and feel vulnerable. We sat on a bench outside and she held my hand and kept kissing me on the shoulder and head and saying "I really really like you." It was a great moment and I thought that I might have lost her forever a few weeks ago. Tears were steaming down my face. I had my sunglasses on and people were walking by and I was trying to hold it together. I missed my mom so much and God gave that special gift of a moment yesterday and it just meant everything.Β 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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26d
Stonks1990, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I don't listen to Joe Rogan, but I really like [Arroz con Pollo]'s excerpt that he threw in there, regarding how the toughest experience one can face is a subjective struggle. It's true. I've thought about my own issues in life and they seem so overpowering at times until I compare them to someone else's. But comparing those kinds of things will get you nowhere, as they're just not logical constraints - you can't flat-rate pit them against each other like you can some logical things because emotional and mental stress is so subjective in and of itself.Β 

I've touched on this before, so I won't get too into it, but my toughest personal 'battle' was either losing my best friend to a car accident (college, I wrote a novel of a comment about that one) or splitting with a girl who I'd been living with and dating for nearly four years, which inspired my great solo vacation (also somewhere in an equally textbook-length comment).Β 

Directly contradicting my above statement, I'll compare the two as food for thought: losing my friend, who had physically died, didn't feel as bad as losing my then-girlfriend, who is alive and happy to this day. It's just different forms of grief. The loss of my best pal pushed me to the brink of failure in a good way, as I was determined to live THROUGH him and FOR him. Losing my partner had me retreat into the covers of my bed, afraid to open the blinds for fear of what might hurt me next. To this day, I have zero percent sadness about my former girlfriend, but still feel sad about my friend whose life was cut short. There are always "what could have" scenarios for both of those things, but I know that one wasn't meant to work out, and the other... well, if cutting a life short is 'meant to be', then I just have a hard time getting behind that one.Β 

However, I'm glad that I can write these posts in hindsight and not through the middle of them as I once would have. Even the most towering amounts of grief and loss ultimately become manageable. Something of this caliber never truly 'ends', as anyone whose been in a similar situation can testify to. It simply stops becoming the primary factor in your cerebral cortex and is slowly shoved out of your brain until it no longer reflects your DtD. And that's okay, not a bad thing at all - as long as you use the experience to ensure you come out the other side a better person. I certainly did, or at least I'd hope I tried.

My friend's birthday was last week. He would have been 33. October 30th, 1989. Contrasting that, I met my former partner for drinks a couple of weeks ago as well - she's since married, and we're good friends to this day. It's just fascinating how it all comes around, one way or another.Β 

Side note - Isaiah, I hope you are doing well & so is your mom. Let me know if you need anything.Β 

25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Thanks bro - I really appreciate it.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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26d
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Since we're playing defeat olympics:

Hardcore alcoholism. Like ambulance rides after not being able to even walk on my own anymore and barely even able to dial 911. All at home, always had the dignity to not try and do that crap out in public or involving driving, thank you very much. Highest of the worst record of 0.43 BAC at one point (that's not a f*'n joke either). Have to take medicine everyday to subdue seizures because I did enough damage to my nervous system. Imagine having a seizure on the highway at 75mph but thankfully not harming anyone else but wake up to an EMT cutting off your jacket to put you on the stretcher to check you. The potential that if I fell back into it, but then stopped, the withdrawal could pine box you. Also lost a few friends along the way (abra-ca-duh obviously).

It's hard, but I got it under control now. And I don't take that I can hold my job for granted. Now I'm watching an extended family member go through the same at half my age, and it's just painful. Both from watching them but also the shame of the family coming to me as "they've been through it, so they're the person to go to".

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26d
TheBusinessAdministrationMajor, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Isiah, have you gotten yourself into some insidious trouble where you're trying to farm WSO user's information and personalities?

I spend 20 minutes writing a introspective reply and I pressed the back button. What the FUCK?

TL;DR My career is a failure despite everything. It'll drag me down. . I feel stuck because I enter numbers into Excel and I want to apply to a decent MBA program, but they're all asking me about employees I've managed, initiatives I've led and budgets I've had to work with.

I haven't led any initiatives or accomplished anything other than burning myself out. Boss asked for feedback, gave honest outstanding feedback and was ghosted. Literally floated the idea of a 10 minute structured product and procedure troubleshooting session during our meetings, and was ignored. This was based on the frequency and types of questions I've notice my juniors and some seniors bring up. (I might not have accomplished anything or managed any people, but I'm pretty sure I'd be a good leader/manager.)

My current job, which I should have left last year when I started whining about it, but I really am leaving it soon, no later than 10 weeks (been looking for the past 6 weeks without any responses), is like your first Rotary Club meeting. You go in thinking about all the great shit you can do for the community but it's just a bunch of old people, who's motto was self above service until they retired. They can't even finish their soup but insist on wasting food in a three course meal before brainstorming the next canned food drive. Pew, pew.

25d
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

My tough times? One word: cardioversion. I'll save you the gory details, you can look it up for yourself. I still can't watch videos of people going through it.Β 

I cannot begin to express how damn scared I was. I always tell my friends that if you take the world's most avowed atheist and leave them alone in a hospital room and tell them they're having a cardioversion in 12 hours, they will find God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha . . .

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25d
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I can relate with that so I totally empathise. The part I left out in my post above is going through Tachycardia. Not the same obviously, but similar.

25d
m_1, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Diagnosed with severe spinal issues at 17. Had really bad chronic pain from then until 23/24.Β 

I still can't run or do anything that involves putting too much pressure on the spine as I will aggravate the issue, but I am only at a 1/10 or 2/10 for pain levels which is basically pain free and not a huge issue for my quality of life. I can lift now and I just have to be careful, no issues benching 300+ or doing shoulder press, but I definitely can not squat heavy or do deadlifts.Β 

Before, I could barely think, had issues walking, etc.

25d
Bossdogfrog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dad died of heart attack when I was 13. Motherfucker was drinking and smoking too much. Still remember the day when the nanny basically b-lined me to the airport to meet my mom on my way home back from school. Flew directly to the funeral and he was in the dirt 3 days later. Other than that, nothing else really, maybe one or two hairy business deals when I was getting started, almost went under for it but survived.

25d
BBA18, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Thankfully haven't had any major deaths or illnesses in my immediate family, which would be at the top of the list if I had.Β  My low point was probably when I was 19 - had several athletic scholarships that were lost when I suffered a career-ending injury.Β  I fucked around in school banking on the fact that I would either have scholarships to play college ball or go to BUDs if I didn't get any offers.Β  The injury removed the possibility of doing either, so I was pretty well fucked.Β  I had previously had 3 major injuries in the last 2 years and had spent 8 of the last 24 months more or less laid up recovering from surgeries, so I was burnt out on being injured to begin with as well.Β  Athletics had been my entire life up until that point and all I had wanted to do for a career since I was 7 years old was to be a Navy SEAL, so losing those things put me in a very bad place mentally.

I had previously had 3 major injuries in the last 2 years and had spent 8 of the last 24 months more or less laid up recovering from surgeries, so I was burnt out on being injured to begin with as well.Β To avoid a longer story, the injury was misdiagnosed, which led to it not being treated properly for months, making the pain symptoms worse.Β  I wound up being completely immobile ~23.5 hours/day for over a year.Β  During that time, I got fat as fuck and developed a strong physical dependence on painkillers that I was prescribed by my doc, and was more or less by myself all the time.Β  All of my good friends were playing college ball, so I didn't see them and hearing about their seasons in our group chat bummed me out at the time.Β  All in all, I went from a very good athlete w/ a full-ride and a promising future to a fat, wildly depressed drug-addict in pretty short order.

I eventually got the injury treated to a point where I could function normally, kicked the painkillers, decided to more or less reinvent my identity (was just as an athlete before), and put a big focus on getting back into college and achieving academically.Β  Things tend to work out in the end / happen for a reason, and I wound up on a much better career / earning track than if I had played ball at a shitty academic school and picked the easiest major.Β  That said, I spent years missing football and running through what-if scenarios in my head essentially every day.Β  That said, I still feel a lot of shame / worthlessness about the fact that I was of fighting age during the longest war in American history and was unable to serve.Β  That has started to wane as the war has ended and I'm moving out of being fighting age, though.Β 

All in all, I've been very fortunate.Β 

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done

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25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:

BBA18

Thankfully haven't had any major deaths or illnesses in my immediate family, which would be at the top of the list if I had.Β  My low point was probably when I was 19 - had several athletic scholarships that were lost when I suffered a career-ending injury.Β  I fucked around in school banking on the fact that I would either have scholarships to play college ball or go to BUDs if I didn't get any offers.Β  The injury removed the possibility of doing either, so I was pretty well fucked.Β  I had previously had 3 major injuries in the last 2 years and had spent 8 of the last 24 months more or less laid up recovering from surgeries, so I was burnt out on being injured to begin with as well.Β  Athletics had been my entire life up until that point and all I had wanted to do for a career since I was 7 years old was to be a Navy SEAL, so losing those things put me in a very bad place mentally.

I had previously had 3 major injuries in the last 2 years and had spent 8 of the last 24 months more or less laid up recovering from surgeries, so I was burnt out on being injured to begin with as well.Β To avoid a longer story, the injury was misdiagnosed, which led to it not being treated properly for months, making the pain symptoms worse.Β  I wound up being completely immobile ~23.5 hours/day for over a year.Β  During that time, I got fat as fuck and developed a strong physical dependence on painkillers that I was prescribed by my doc, and was more or less by myself all the time.Β  All of my good friends were playing college ball, so I didn't see them and hearing about their seasons in our group chat bummed me out at the time.Β  All in all, I went from a very good athlete w/ a full-ride and a promising future to a fat, wildly depressed drug-addict in pretty short order.

I eventually got the injury treated to a point where I could function normally, kicked the painkillers, decided to more or less reinvent my identity (was just as an athlete before), and put a big focus on getting back into college and achieving academically.Β  Things tend to work out in the end / happen for a reason, and I wound up on a much better career / earning track than if I had played ball at a shitty academic school and picked the easiest major.Β  That said, I spent years missing football and running through what-if scenarios in my head essentially every day.Β  That said, I still feel a lot of shame / worthlessness about the fact that I was of fighting age during the longest war in American history and was unable to serve.Β  That has started to wane as the war has ended and I'm moving out of being fighting age, though.Β 

All in all, I've been very fortunate.Β 

Wow that is some story. I also thought about going to BUDs and made initial steps with the Navy. My brother went. I also wished I played college football like my dad and grandfather (QB @ ND).Β 

I'm glad you made it through to the other side. What kind of athletic sports or activities are you able to do now? Physical health is related to mental health so it must feel great to be able to move around after that horrific year of being immobile.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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25d
BBA18, what's your opinion? Comment below:

First of all - very impressive shit from your dad and grandad and condolences on ND's season...my team sucks this year too.

Unfortunately, I'm not able to do a whole lot.Β  I'm pretty much down to running a couple of miles, doing some core, and hitting a very limited upper-body workout.Β  I had to throw in the towel on leg day several years ago, unfortunately.Β  I've been procrastinating on swimming, which is where I'm probably least limited physically

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done

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25d
FinancelsWacc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Can I ask you to reflect on all the positive (and negative) things you did after the initial loss of your scholarship?

I ask selfishly as a cousin of mine is in a very similar position. He's been athletic his whole life, all he's ever worked on or cared for, and at the start of this season he had to go through multiple shoulder surgeries that effectively ended his pitching chances. Not saying he was an MLB prospect, but he definitely would've made it to a D1 school and had the next 5-6 years to figure out if going pro was a prospect or if he had other interests / passions in life.

He's not all that academically bright and now having to focus purely on his test scores the college prospects seem bleak (which would be fine if he had other passions / interests). The school / career guidance is easy for me to give, but I feel utterly useless in helping talk through the emotional / psychological things he must be going through. I'm trying to convince him to talk to a professional, but that's a longer process.

24d
BBA18, what's your opinion? Comment below:

On the positives/negatives side,Β At the time I couldn't see any positives to it and, frankly, there are no visible positives when you're in those shoes.Β Β 

Most guys who reach that level of athletics have their entire identity, worth, and ambitions tied up in their sport.Β  Losing all of that very suddenly is traumatic, depressing, and overwhelming because you basically have to put what you've been working towards for over a decade in the rearview and start from scratch.Β  It's kind of like a grieving process, so I would expect it to take some time before he pivots to putting a ton of energy into anything else.Β  Personally, I was out of school for 2 years after my injury - 1 year rehabbing and another working a shitty, dead-end job that made me realize how much I needed to get back into school.Β Β 

With regard to the test scores, those probably won't save him at this point if his grades aren't good.Β  Especially if he's not overly intelligent (I'm not either and had shitty test scores).Β  The best route is probably JUCO - easy to get a a near 4.0 if you try at all and go to class, that GPA opens up doors at a lot of colleges that were previously closed, and a lot of schools have good scholarships for kids in the JUCO national honors society (cut-off to get in is around 3.7).Β Β 

My very general advice is:

1.Β  He should stay away from booze & drugs completely for a while.Β  I didn't stay away from either and it compounded the problem.

2.Β  Avoid doing nothing.Β  If you're completely checked out of everything, you wind up sitting around w/ your thoughts all day and his thoughts are going to suck right now.Β  There's gotta be something else he enjoyed/liked which took a back seat to athletics that he can maybe do now.Β  For me it was hunting, and that was very therapeutic.

3.Β  It's ok to take some time off from things to figure out what's next.Β  Maybe it's college, maybe it's a JUCO, maybe it's coaching, maybe it's a trade school or a blue-collar job, but it's impossible to know what you want to and/or should do when you'd banked on one thing your entire life and the rug just got pulled out on you.Β Β 

4.Β  Stay social and stay around family.Β  Family may need to stay around him, because I think it's most people's inclination to withdraw when they're in his shoes.Β  Obviously, this just compounds the depression.Β  I withdrew big time, particularly from my high school teammates, who I was (and thankfully still am) incredibly close w/.Β  At the time, I wanted to separate from anything that reminded me of football, and that was my teammates.Β Β 

5.Β  Silver lining is that serious athletes tend to learn a lot of very real and applicable life lessons from sports.Β  The most important/common one being how to deal w/ adversity and understanding that adversity actually strengthens you.Β  I always held onto that in the back of my mind and it was the primary thing that kept me from a bad outcome.Β Β 

6.Β  If he's close w/ a coach, he should talk it through w/ him.Β  I had a great dad, but my coach was like a quasi-father who had spent 30 years working w/ kids like me, really understood how tough the situation can be, and would give me no BS advice based on past experience w/ guys in the same situation.Β  There's something to be said about getting practical advice from someone you implicitly trust and know understands your world incredibly well, as opposed to a therapist who was infinitely less creds in dealing w/ athletes...very tough to trust their advice when you're in those shoes

7.Β  If his injury allows him to work out, he should.Β  Self-worth is already down probably, and getting out of shape is gonna make things worse, especially for someone whose life has revolved around being an superior athletic

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done

  • 5
25d
financeabc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

One of the most difficult times for me was watching my grandfather going through lung cancer and chemotherapy.Β  I was 13 at the time, and watched him deteriorate rapidly.Β  At the time, it was a rough experience partly because he lived in the same house as me.Β  Looking back on it, the experience gave me the opportunity to spend more time with him.Β  We were not very close until this experience, despite living in the same house.Β  During the summer during last few months of his life, we went fishing like everyday, which was a nice bonding experience

The following is going to sound very trivial but at the time, it weighed on my mind in a bad way.Β  As a teen, my physical development happened at a later age than for most guys. The delayed development affected my confidence and my overall state of mind, especially when it came to interacting with girls.Β  I was always thinking that some nice looking girl would prefer someone who looked older than 13. I realize now that most of issue was in my own mind but it did not feel that way at the time.Β  Β Β 

  • 6
25d
traderguy123, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I posted about it a few months ago and saw such strong support here that honestly really helped me get through some of it in the short term. To be frank, from an outsider's perspective seeing someone like myself come here and complain on a forum makes you really think why would he/she come here to tell us about this instead of doing X, Y, or Z? In reality, I really needed a place to let some steam off and read real human responses and especially hear some of the straightforward advice regarding legal complexities I would face as well as the heartfelt comments giving me support. I didn't post on Facebook, I didn't post on Instagram, and I didn't post on Reddit (although I probably could've as it had that informal community-type feel). I posted here because I felt like it was disconnected enough that I wouldn't have to hear the sadness and disbelief in the voice of my friends and family but I was still able to see people respond to me.Β 

Back in March, I lost my brother and dad to a mental health-related issue, and my Grandma followed in April unrelated. It was one of the most stressful and difficult times of my life as I was in my senior year of University, about to graduate and start my life. It taught me how to be strong and courageous in times of great stress as I was able to come to terms with the death and finish up my last semester of University and graduate. I started my full-time opportunity after as I realized delaying starting my life would put even more stress on me (Ended up in quant trading and was not going to risk having to re-recruit in a difficult and competitive job environment). More importantly, though it made me think more about where I want to be when I'm 25, and what I want to accomplish by 30. It made me look at life from a different perspective; primarily one of a positive light because I realized why should I be sad when I don't have to be. It was a tragic event but I was going to continue my life and make the most of it because sitting and dwelling on negativity like that would not bring them back, would not make me happier, and would not put me in a positive mental state which I would need to support my mom after losing her husband of 30 years and her only child.Β 

I am fortunate to have such strong personal networks and relationships with my friends that I was able to stay mentally strong throughout the events, and I now meet with a therapist on some random website that was recommended to me that is quite popular. I met with her twice and felt like I was making progress with each session, and now we kind of just focus on my personality and how to keep my mental clarity while working through the tragedy and living with a significant other. I'm only posting this again to raise awareness of the fact that there are occasionally positive and fortunate people who may have faced some significant struggles to get to where they are, and I now think about every person and their emotions/mental health much more seriously than I did before.

25d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Wow bro - you've been through it all.Β 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

25d
traderguy123, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Remembering back I believe you commented on that thread and told me to focus on positive activities and preventing myself from falling into a destructive spiral. I really appreciated that comment and kept that to heart. You never know who's on the other end of the screen and who you can help just by typing a few sentences. It sounds stupid to think some anonymous person with diamond emojis and open hands or someone named dickbutt123 etc. can have a tangible impact on the mental health of someone, but it definitely can.

25d
FinancelsWacc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Hardest thing I've ever dealt with was watching my grandmother fight and ultimately lose her battle against cancer. Started with breast cancer, she had surgery but shortly thereafter it wasn't looking too great, they found multiple myeloma (blood cancer).Β 

She was an immigrant who spoke broken English and had a limited understanding of what was happening to her and how the procedures and treatment was supposed to help her. She had already suffered through surgery, constant doctors visits, and chemo for the breast cancer and now her family and doctors were recommending another round for the MM. At first she really didn't want to but the family ultimately convinced her (very tough to write that because in hindsight I think it may have been the most cruel thing we could've asked of her). This time it was much more brutal.

A month or two passed, she wasn't getting much better but things seemed stable (although I only ever got updates from my parents... maybe they weren't fully honest; I don't have it in me to confront them). I remember I was taking a train into work and must've missed a few calls from my parents. Finally got service and a bunch of missed calls and a text came up. It read "she's not doing well, you should come"

I don't even remember but my body must've been on auto pilot. A buddy told me after the fact that he was so confused why I had gotten up a handful of stops early and gotten off the train. Instantly called an Uber back to my home state from NY. Few hours later I got there, rushed in, and saw my grandmother completely out of it, doped up on drugs, and as frail as can be at maybe 90 lbs. of soaking wet skin and bones. She wasn't really responding to sound cues, couldn't eat anything... I remember bringing her some water and ice chips and her scolding me because it, in our native tongue, "tasted like shit". That was the first time she called anyone by name and it meant so much that she was aware enough to recognize me. Later that night we caught up with her docs and they said she had maybe a week at most to live.

I called my brother, got him up to speed, and told him to come home ASAP. He was in UG at the time, about a 4 hour car ride away. Worst part was he was a freshman so no vehicle or friends with vehicles. The idiot calls me back a bit later and is asking which buses he should take. In that moment I realized I was inadvertently downplaying the situation, told him to Uber home however much it cost. If nobody would take the ride, to call in local rides and ask if anyone would bring him home. Luckily he found a guy open to long haul drives and made it to the hospital.

Over that next day a bunch of friends and family came to visit. My blood boiled for 2 days straight as a bunch of fuckers I have met once or twice in my life came into the room and eventually started screaming / hollering my grandmothers name "its so and so, do you recognize me?!" as if that mattered one fucking bit in that moment...Β 

She passed about a day after my brother got there. Looking back I'm so grateful we got to spend time with her and as much as holding her hands and sitting by her side as she took her last breath was painful, it would've been infinitely more painful had she survived another few weeks. COVID began, the world shut down, and she wouldn't have had a room full of her family next to her as she passed.

She passed the day before my birthday. I've never told anyone this... it has been a few years but I absolutely fucking hate that time of year now because all it does is force me to re-live those last 48 hours with her and all I remember is my pain and that of my family's.

25d
MrPermaBear, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dealing with panic attacks - the real kind.

I suffered from severe panic disorder for about a year. I've always been a "anxious" person, but while grinding for the CFA exams and a mix of other life events happening, something snapped. I remember the first time it happened like it was yesterday. Heart rate in the 180s and dreaded my then imminent death. Every day I genuinely thought I was going to die from my heart blowing up in my chest and it sent me to the ER a handful of times. Its tightening up just typing this. It ended up being the fear of panic attacks that would cause panic attacks and required medication. Its hard to explain unless you've been there.

Meditation and learning to breathe are definitely key. I'm actually happy I went through it. It still lingers, but I've learned a lot about the human mind through it. I've been through a lot of tough times, but real mental health issues are definitely no joke.

25d
Frog The Jam, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The realization that a big part of people's life is already decided for them the moment they came into this world. They either conform to that social economic class they grew up in or they decide to change and go beyond that. Most people stay comfortable and stay within the same class. Very few actually can go from low class to the high class. Growing up low class is like a death sentence, no one questions anything, the dumb stay dumb, no one can think for themselves, it is a real problem.

I think if more people realize this, they would start to question more things in their life. Sometimes advice from people the closest to you aren't always good advice. They can't understand what you can understand and they can't see what you see because they don't get it.Β 

The reality is highly educated families with kids have a huge leg up on those born to families from the low class. So it's not so surprising to anyone when upper middle class people are successful because they were groomed and set up for that life. Someone from poverty isn't set up for shit...

25d
Frog The Jam, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I agree. It's all relative like you said. I think the child of very high achieving parents making 60k a year would be considered underperforming honestly. With all the resources available to the upper middle / high class if someone wants to make 100k+ out of college it is basically a given. Most people from low class backgrounds are happy for $25 dollars an hour and they feel happy with that because that is miles better compared to how they grew up and their parents making minimum wage, but as humans one should understand that if other humans can make a lot of money than why can't they do so as well?Β 

Most people from the low class background never seem to ask questions or have any curiosity. That's why the thought process never occurred in their head in the first place. Which is kind of sad because as humans we all are capable of so much more and so many people limit themselves...and they don't even know it.Β 

Being successful isn't a secret thing lol. Anyone can do it, but those who grew up disadvantaged are more likely not to be financially well off or if they are somehow their lack of knowledge will come back to fuck them up like athletes making millions to only retire in a year and already gone broke...

When I say it is a death sentence, it really is and it is really also a curse. A curse of not having knowledge and growing up not having the right guidance.Β 

23d
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Deal Team Six

This is a great prompt and I wish to reply with my own but I cant given the fact that I would effectively dox myself. This is why I wish you could still reply annon for off topic as a certified user.Β 

Damn - ok cheersΒ 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

23d
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Ravena

Alcoholism / drug addiction. I was let go from an early stage fund that just hit $50 billion this year because I couldn't hold my shit together. It's there every day. Usually I've got it under wraps but if I slip up I'll blow my whole life up, disappear for a days etc.

Read my post above, I can totally relate.

23d
SafariJoe, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž

When were the hardest times for you?Β 


Dealing with backstabbing.

SafariJoe, wins again!
13d
yournewcfo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

not my own experience but the VP who invested in the startup I was working at once told us that her hardest experience (up until when this conversation happened) was when she was working at MBB and sent client the wrong version of the operating model, she couldn't sleep for a whole week straight. Now she's dealing with that startup founder in the midst of an embezzlement case and accounting fraud (not FTX) and the company completely crumbling down because of it, and I can only imagine how this experience will impact the rest of her lifeΒ 

11d
clutchmuffin, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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6d
CDOsAndThiccHoes, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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6d
Arroz con Pollo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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