Why investment banking is so cool (gaslighting only)
So many threads are negative I figured wed start something fun here. Why is IB the hottest career? (creative answers only)
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Because I get paid double the median household income at 22
Median household income is 55k. You get paid triple of that lol
The median household income is not 55k - it’s 70k.
We don’t have to pay for dinner (and 140k base btw)
We get to use Pitchbook and FactSet shortcuts and know Excel secrets (hint: row height and data labels).
What’s the shortcut to make leader lines pee pee yellow? Its for a frend
Alt h b I up arrow x1 left arrow x4
Nothing in the corporate workplace makes your life easier more so than knowing Excel shortcuts lol. If y'all ever pivot to something remote, you probably have the skillset to do "40 hours of work" in like 15 hours or less.
Outside of going straight to a UMM/MF PE, I do think IB is probably the best job out there post-college (I honestly think consulting outside of the MBB / T2 is mostly bullshit). I wish I had the grades / foresight to do that when I graduated. Now at 30+, I know I can't handle the lifestyle with my current life setup hence why I'm not doing IB post MBA.
The best job outside of college is quant trading, that is for sure.
I have a degrading kink
Cause I wanted to defer the answer to “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” to a couple of years after undergrad
Get to hop on calls, attend in-person meetings, and execute live M&A deals with people at the absolute top of their fields. CEO/CFO/COO-level executives at corporations and principal/director/partner-level executives at private equity funds. You learn how they talk, how they act, how they think, what’s important to them, perhaps even pick up insights and observations on what’s made them so successful. Assuming no nepotism (bold assumption), you will never have the chance to interact with the sheer volume of senior execs that you do in IB or adjacent fields.
You get to wear cool branded merch 😼
I can spend a week in the Maldives at 23 years old
Pro: You can afford a week in the Maldives at 23 years old
Con: You need to spend the other 51 weeks of the year aligning logos for 100+ hours a week at 23 years old
Steep learning curve, you can get to learn from the brightest minds
Guys gaslighting only! Hah.
We advise multibillion dollar companies in their most important strategic matters
literally paradise
I get to wear branded gillets
lmfao
Cause it gets college kids (me) going better than Adderall and Viagra together
Tis better to be rich and miserable than poor and miserable
In the capitalistic United States, money makes the world go around. Guess who makes the money go around? I am literally christ compared to a Software Engineer.
a fast-paced environment or whatever other bullshit I said in my interviews. and coke. lots of coke.
Based coke enjoyer
You and me are quite alike, intern.
Also a non-target haha; one day I'll be God's second sanest cokehead
Oh hell ya I do this to my gf every day...
Your seniors don't make you work 90 hours / week because they're mean or abusive. They do it because they love you. And they expect more from you than you expect for yourself because you have low self esteem. If you want to never achieve your potential and be a loser all your life and get divorced like your parents that is fine, but your MD was just trying to save you from yourself. If you think it's hard on you, it's way more difficult for your MDs. They are the real victim, and you owe them never-ending gratitude for standing by you despite all of your flaws and fuckups.
Don't be like your parents who gave up on their dreams and got divorced. Keep working 100 hour weeks for your MD.
always make sure to tip your MD during bonus season
Will always love this little-known fact about Wall Street
Where can I sign up for your professional and relationship coaching
It's a really chill environment and you get to work with super smart down to earth people.
ducera ranked as #1 employer of choice for WLB by graduates and employees
Moelis LA is catching up. They just implemented protected wedding days so employees are no longer cranking comments while waiting to walk down the aisle.
Congrats on Cascadia Capital!
Rush hour commute only on the way into work
All banks follow a "No Jerks" policy which is really well enforced. Almost as well enforced as protected Saturdays have been.
140 base at a prestigious EB
I have a Bloomberg terminal and access to Euronext level 2 stock data.
Why is everyone missing the most important point?
Because it’s prestigious.
Not really I mean making MD is about as easy as getting into Pre-K these days because literally every single smart person goes buyside and never returns
Because it's fun and silly and formatting my little spreadsheets and pitch decks make my tummy feel all tingly inside.
Because my bosses give me so many opportunities to create value in a fast paced, high pressure environment, with the ability to work with industry leaders.
"Entrepreneurial environment"
You are always near good restaurants
As you are working for an elite institution and are clearly smart/accomplished and working with similar folks, clients will treat you with respect and work around your schedule to accommodate your life's happenings
I joined because I like my protected Saturdays actually protected
If sex these days was as unprotected as my Saturdays we wouldn't have impending population decline
In occaecati et ut aut optio reprehenderit sunt totam. Ut inventore ipsum perferendis tempora molestiae itaque ut. Non accusantium fugiat quod minima sequi dolorem molestias. Dolor quos dolore fuga non.
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