All you ever wanted to know about Banking (msg from the front line)

*** Small intro you shouldn't read if you don't have time ***

About 7 months ago multiple users of this community answered an online poll on this website. We just had to select the bank at which we worked, most of us thinking it was anonymous answered.
Then, to our dismay, some joker realised that he could figure out where we worked from this poll, that dumb ass then decided to post all our nicknames as well as our bank's name in a post.
Many qualified people as well as myself left the forum based on this, and all you newbies were left in the dark. Just like I stopped participating in this forum many months ago, I am not coming back. What I am merely doing with this post is shedding some light on the industry as a way for me to give back to this forum.

*** End of small intro ***

*** who i am ***
I work front office on the trading floor of one of the only bulge bracket banks that hasn't been completely destroyed by this crisis. I work in London, I talk to my mates in NY all the time. We still had bonuses, and we are not on the verge of being nationalised. What I do on a day to day basis is irrelevant, and what I will do is try to explain what banking is, and enlighten some of you poor college students.

*** recruiting this year ***
To put things in perspective for this year's recruiting:
My buddy was in charge of getting an intern for his desk this summer. He showed me where he was picking his intern from: a big fat book of about 600 resumes. That was for one internship. All those resumes had been pre-screened before by HR, and they ALL looked the same: two thousand internships in banking, valedictorian of their class, etc...
In other words, if you don't network, and don't meet anyone to put your CV in bold in front of us. You have 1 chance in 600 of getting a job.

*** trading floor ***
The trading floor is f...ing intense. If you can't figure s.. out for yourself you will be out of that door really fast. Business is tough right now, senior people are fighting over small accounts, don't count on having those accounts being given to you anytime soon. You have to fight for them. There are 10 000 kids that want your job, there are 20 000 city workers more qualified than you waiting for your job. Good luck keeping it.
The lay offs have been everywhere, it's hard. Trading is not FUCKING EASY. You work 12 hours per day, you wake up really darn early. You stress out all the time, a mistake can cost your bank millions. People don't stay on the floor after 40 or you risk a major heart attack.

*** M&A ***
M&A: I don't work there, but you have to be a fucking masochist to work in it. My flatmate works in M&A, he comes home when I wake up (I wake up at 5:50, this is NOT exagerating, this happens often!); then he is back at it at 9. The hours ARE FUCKING INTENSE IN M&A!!! And the next few years you WON'T be getting a fucking bonus for it. THe good thing about M&A is that it is easier for you to get in it. M&A class: 125 kids, FI and Equities including research, trading, sales: 25 kids.
You will be a living corpse if you do M&A. You will suffer. You will be somebody's bitch. Why people do it is beyond me. My flatmate is giving out 3 years of his life for some elusive PE job if the economy picks back up.
Now some people actually enjoy it, one of my best girl friend works at GS and she fucking loves it. She lives at the office, but she loves getting hit hard with some monster spreadsheet on a saturday night.

*** the indispensable ***
Back office, middle office: Shit head college students making fun of those jobs should be hung and never given a job in banking. Those are good jobs, it's just REALLY hard to make it to front office after. Your hours can be better, you are less stressed, but if you have to deal with traders this can suck. Back office and middle office are the people who help me put my spreadsheets together. They fix my computer when I have a problem. They talk to hedge fund's back office for me. THey settle the shit I was too dumb to settle. In other words without them I would never be able to do my front office job.

*** clothing ***
Clothing: You are a fucking moron if you spend more than $1500 on suits, ties, etc... Watch? Branded shit? You are a FUCKING ANALYST no one gives a flying fuck about what brand of shoe you are wearing.
Buy white/pink/light blue shirts. Two nice suits that you rotate to the dry cleaner. Two pair of shoes with rubber soles (last longer). Now the yanks apparently have something against brown shoes, so stick to black.
I wear ties only around clients, but some banks make you wear ties all the time. In this case buy one tie for the blue shirt and one tie for the pink shirt. Both of those ties will go with the white.

*** making it in banking ***
THat part you were probably waiting for :)
Network. That is probably the only piece of advice I have. There is no particular profile we are looking for. All we want is someone who is strong enough to work in banking.
Interviews: If you make it that far, you are pretty darn lucky. At this point worry about being nice, I don't care if you know how to hedge your gamma. Your interviewer needs to like you and see that you are smart. Good luck with that.
School: if you are from a no name school, I hope you are in NY or London and can sneak in into networking events. If you make it into front office at a BB good job. There are people like you in banking and you shouldn't desperate. But it is SOOOOO much easier to have a good name on your CV.

*** is it worth it ***
Yes.
THis job is hard, hard on your personal life, hard on your health, hard.
I love it though, I like the intensity. But if the government decides that I don't deserve my bonus, like everyone else I will give a big fucking finger to the government and start working less, and be less profitable as a bank.

*** firing ***
It sucks. I lost my team. I was relocated because I was lucky. My neighbor is a consultant and her job is to fire people at Nomura. People are getting axed everywhere. It's a bloody fucking massacre. Now I am getting ready for Monday, because it is back to fighting and surviving.

*** end note ***
I wish you all the best prospective monkeys. Getting my front office job in S&T was the happiest day of my life. The money is amazing even w/out the bonus. The people you interact with are brilliant and are a pleasure to be around. Just be ready to swim next to big white sharks, because we don't fuck around in this industry.
(Also, league tables are fucking bs. Where your team ranks is what is important. So instead of masturbating over some bull shit ranking look at the strength of the bank in the particular sector that interests you. If you are at gs in some shit team, you will have less clients than a competitor, and thus you will have less bonus. DO work for a top bank however, the name does matter if you want to exit.)

Also do NOT msg me, because I have 20 unemployed friends to find a job for, and I couldn't care less about you. That and I am not active on this forum anymore (no time to fuck around)