Friend has a huge crush on a married woman
How can I talk sense into this guy? We're in the same class, and recently he met a married woman who is a first-year. She has only been out of college for a few years and got married last summer. He met her through a student club and has managed to spend time with her as a result. My friend is insanely attracted to her physically, going so far as to say that she's the most beautiful woman he has seen in the last several years. Aside from that, he genuinely finds her fascinating, smart, and nice. The crush is becoming unbearable for my friend, so I told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to quit this club and cease all contact with her. First, she's married, and she's obviously not gonna leave her husband. Second, I find pursuing a married woman highly immoral since it disrespects the covenant between the woman and her husband. Third, NOTHING good can come out of this. People will get hurt.
Looking for advice on how to help my friend and prevent him from going down this terrible road. Am I giving him the right advice?
Wow man that's terrible. That actually happened to one of my buddies a few years back. There really is nothing to do other than just sever all contact with there. You've done all the right things.
Believe me: NOTHING good can come out of this. Best case for your friend is that they sleep together and now she's screwed from a marital perspective. Worst case is that something happens, she gets pregnant, their marriage gets broken up, and then he's on the hook for child support....
If he's got the proper discipline to hang around her with the idea that it's never going to happen physically, then that would be fine. However, from the looks of how you've described it, that does not look like an option. Exit that investment before it blows up. He'll go through the stages of grief, but a couple scotches and another beautiful women, and he's back in the game. good luck!
Sound advice, one that I agree with.
There are pretty much only 3 outcomes if he continues this. In order of decreasing likelihood:
So pretty much there is no good outcome. In a different world, if they had met before she met her husband, perhaps things could've been different. I've been trying to ram this into my friend's head.
Not making this up... a guy that I used to work with was a cop in his former life. He was sleeping with a married woman on the side and thought that her husband didn't know. Well, he ended up finding out, and came home to confront the wife. They got into an argument and he shot her dead. No joke. Don't mess with somebody that's married.
You're friend is a shit.
That he has no sense of honour, respect, human dignity etc that cut in before his attraction to this woman even fired up... that's pretty damning on his character.
While I would hesitate to say that your friend is lacking in character, I would readily state that he needs to grow a pair and face reality.
man this is getting me turned on
Thats funny OP because I also have a friend in a similar situation. We're in the same class, and recently he met a married woman who is a first-year. She has only been out of college for a few years and got married last summer. He met her through a student club and has managed to spend time with her as a result. My friend is insanely attracted to her physically, going so far as to say that she's the most beautiful woman he has seen in the last several years. Aside from that, he genuinely finds her fascinating, smart, and nice. The crush is becoming unbearable for my friend, so I told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to quit this club and cease all contact with her. First, she's married, and she's obviously not gonna leave her husband. Second, I find pursuing a married woman highly immoral since it disrespects the covenant between the woman and her husband. Third, NOTHING good can come out of this. People will get hurt.
How can I talk sense into this guy?
Let's be real. You probably can't talk sense into them because if they're dumb enough to do it in the first place, they're also probably dumb enough to think that the rules of probability do not apply to them and it's somehow going to work out.
Your best bet is probably to quit being Mr. nice guy and tell them straight to their face that they're being fucking retarded and need to cut out what they're doing before somebody gets hurt.
Ask him if he can sever all ties with her, and if he can't, I would consider anonymously contacting her husband with something explaining the situation VAGUELY. She might be in hot water, but your friend will likely come out completely unscathed with her being the one to completely cut ties with him. If they haven't had sex and your friend is the more obsessed one, she's going to choose her husband.
you always want what you can't have. but don't press too hard, you may damage the friendship. tell him your opinion if he asks, but don't harp on it. if he doesn't break it off and then gets heartbroken, be there for him too, but this is out of your hands.
no amount of logical argument will stop a man from going after what he wants.
Haha your "friend"
Is she going on Yacht Week???
Lol good one. Nah, she barely goes out; almost no one sees her at any school function or party. She's VERY traditional in terms of her dress and values. I can't think of any other woman in b-school who is like her.
Plot twist: her and her husband are a swinger couple
This seems a little extreme
your friends a bitch
Tell him to walk away. There is still more fish in the ocean.
First: Does he just have a crush on her or is he pursuing her? Those are very different things.
Second: Why is he involving you in this?
Well he's not "pursuing" her in the sense that he's planning on asking her out. But he does try to spend as much time with her as possible when they are on campus, and they've had a lot of personal talks that are totally unrelated to school or the club.
As to your second question, he confided in me because he wanted my advice. I told him what I thought and that he must cease contact immediately. The bro would not listen, so I'm frustrated because I don't want to see him get hurt.
Homewreckers are pretty common in MBA, including for married couples. There is some infamous couple breaking up their marriage in class above you.
Yeah I think I know who you are talking about.
In my class, 2 couples who started school engaged both broke off their engagements to date their classmates. Both couples are still together; one is already engaged. WILD.
Were they hooking up like rabbits though ?
So how swoled out is your friend? How much can he squat ass to grass. Lol
WTF is wrong with you guys? Didn't know WSO was a bunch of Puritanical prudes.
I guess this is an America trait - being prudes about sex. You know, no person could get elected President if they had a mistress in this country (what is wrong with Americans???) - whereas no one would care in France.
@"mbavsmfin" Your friend should try to bone this chick just to get it out of the way.
Don't ask, don't tell - no harm done.
Americans, stop being sexual prudes!
Mississippi begs to differ! AL is the top 3 tix sales for 50 Shades and church attendance... I love the south sometimes. http://yellowhammernews.com/faithandculture/huge-alabama-sales-help-pro…
I fucked the wife of one of the guys in business school. It was what it was. Not proud of it, but she fucked a lot of other guys in town, so it's not like I felt I was ruining the marriage.
Your friend won't ruin the marriage. She'll either be faithful or not. Very little to do with him.
Bigger question is does she even know your "friend" exist? Sounds like guy has a crush on a girl you have no chance at anyway. So who cares
Sounds like your "friend" is in love with another dudes wife. Which is totally delusional. Either she will cheat on her husband which means you'd be an idiot falling for a person like that or she's faithful and someone you'd want to care about, but guess what, cause she is faithful your forelonging is worthless.
Move on.
while initially I hesitated to articulate in fear I might deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy..i have decided to offer my two cents on this matter. 1. IF (i say if because with all the detail you provided I personally think its you) your friend confided in you, why would you post his situation on WSO? 2a. Nothing wrong with simply crushing on a married woman..i'm sure a lot of people crush on kim k and other good looking married women 2b. making any kind of advance on her would be morally wrong but if she's interested that's between your friend and the woman 2c. your role as an outsider looking in was done once you gave him your advice and outlook on it. BUT since youre determined to be involved hit some philly clubs/bars and Wharton/Penn social events and try to pick up chicks with him. if he gets some his attention will shift from her and if you get some yours will shift from posting stuff like this on WSO
I took this seriously, then saw that this was a brady post. well done sir
So scandalous, they need to make a original HBO drama about MBA life. Yacht Week, ending engagements, huge IB offers, silicon valley startup geeks... WOW!
I know you're being totally facetious, but MBA life is certainly more scandalous and wild than people think.
^^^ Looks like another marriage is about to be broken up. INTENSE. Pay attention OP
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