My Director hates me - should I quit?
I'm an Associate and the Director in my team is an absolute narcissist that is a massive d*** to me. He treats me horribly but is nice to others. He genuinely hates my guts.
Unfortunately, if I report this guy I would get told to fu** off because this guy is insanely good at his job, he's on track for MD and even though we both hate each other, I can't help but admit this guy is a superstar banker in the making. He's insanely smart but has the biggest grudge against me and hates me as a person.
Examples of things he does:
- Whenever I book holiday he calls me the day before telling me to cancel it as "important work" has come up
- He constantly says bad things behind my back, examples include saying I'm terrible at my job and that I'm going to get fired, he's also been spreading rumours/lies about me to colleagues.. he literally made up a bullsh** story about me and spread it round the firm which ruined my reputation badly (now even other teams at my company heard this bullsh** story and don't like me.. people I've never even spoken to?!) and no one believed me that he made it up, everyone was like "yeah sure he did".. He acts like a school bully to me and should be fired for this in my opinion but as I said before, he's a superstar banker so he's immune from everything
- He embarrasses me in front of colleagues, will publicly call my work sh** in front of others, even though my work is fine and the mistake he found is just a full stop missing from a bullet point or something
- He always gives me really bad performance reviews, his opinion is also highly valued so his reviews will determine bonuses etc
- Many other things
Now I just don't know what to do because I like everyone else and want to stay here but feel with him above me I'll be living in my own Hell non-stop and also feel he's ruined my reputation here a bit so feel I should just quit and start fresh elsewhere but feel leaving just because of one person isn't the right thing to do.
As mentioned, reporting him isn't an option as all the MDs love him because he's a superstar and he's loved across the entire firm, even HR love him. Everyone knows this guy could be the future 'rain maker' of the firm.
Would appreciate any advice, thank you.
Why does he hate you?
I'm not too sure I think at first it might have been due to a personality / mentality trait clash as we're very different people and then I must have been doing little things that that angered him over time. E.g. I turned up hungover and late once (in my defence I had no meetings and all my work was done plus it was a work party so understandable some of us might be hungover) but he still went full on crazy at me verbally abusing me saying me turning up late / hungover says everything about my character and upbringing and that he would recommend firing me if I do it again.
I also complained about him once to our MD years ago that he has been giving me a lot of work to do which the MD then snitched on me and told him and the Director got angry about that and called me up telling me I'm an idiot for saying that and then things have just continued to get worse from then. He now makes my life a living Hell.
I may get hate for saying this but you kinda asked for this. Well, for one I will say that if this guy is at the Director level and is a superstar banker then he should see you as an ant so the fact that he actually spends time spreading rumors about you makes him an incredibly immature person. But that's the only point I'll give to you.
First, if this guy barely knows you and you come to work late and hungover then you better expect to get shit. One thing is if he knows you intimately and knows you are a great associate and then maybe one day you arrive 15 minutes late - he won't care. But if you are just some dude then small details like that are almost never forgiven. Take this as a lesson because if you change team/bank then you better not pull this kind of shit until you've proven that you are the best associate in the entire room or you'll end up in this exact same situation. Nobody likes when nobodies act like they are above the rules.
The second is going above him to complain to the MD. This is an unspoken rule in the workplace: if you want to complain about someone, you first complain directly to them. If he giving you an insane workload? Then you invite him to coffee and tell him where it hurts. If he realizes that he should take it easier on you then congrats. If not then that's when you maybe want to take things above him. But now here is an unspoken rule in life: don't hurt anyone who you can't kill. Are you really going to get his boss involved just because one night you worked an extra hour? That won't cut it. Complain to the MD if this guy just raped you in the office. Anything below that and it's not worth it because he won't get fired. He will get a little shit from the MD but then that's it, and then he'll hate you.
That's why if you feel like someone has it out for you, but has not done anything that you could get them fired for, then that's when you go out looking for a new place to work.
Christ dude did you fuck his wife and mom at the same time?
Bro, if you heard the rumour/story he made up about me you would think I fu**ed his wife, mom, and his daughter then made him watch.
I feel if I start sucking up to him and treat him like a God doing all his work perfectly then he will be nicer to me but at the same time do I really want this to be my life?
if he's that good, as you claim, he can't hate you. The only senior folks, whom I have seen act like this, are very incompetent to begin with. Really not that tough to become a MD at an investment bank, you just need one or two good clients, many incompetent bankers out there
fr? i always thought you really need to bring in a lot of business yoy
WTF I didn't know that either, due to my non pedigree background I always wondered how I would be able to bring in deals and clients consistently yoy, I thought you had to bring in literally 5 or so new clients a year and execute 10+ deals to even be considered an MD. Can anyone confirm what this person said?
Sounds like you made a bad first impression and never recovered bc small things added up over time. The only thing I can suggest is switch groups or banks bc sounds like things have become systemic from his views. Whichever place you go next, make sure to make a great first impression with everyone, at every interaction for the first 6 plus months at least. And you should be careful complaining to people like your MD because honestly they don't care much. And remember that most people aren't trying to sponsor you. Get a mentor or someone you can look up to wherever you go next.
If he is impacting your happiness and work reputation, you should switch teams ASAP before he brings you down farther. What you don't want, is him to degrade others opinions of you so that you can't find a new team, and then have him give you a shit bonus or fire you. That's essentially the endgame if you don't do anything, so you should act now and act fast while you still have some leverage and street cred. The only way to stand up to a bully is with force, but unfortunately for you, it sounds like he has a good reputation. So you should bow out of this conflict quickly, cus you can't win.
Think I would just apply elsewhere man. Hard to succeed in this industry if someone above you hates you (I am in a similar situation and might start to apply soon if things don’t get better)
Network hard and try to get into PE. When you are the client, then he will respect you.
I was in the same position at my former bank, and honestly switching banks is the best option for your sanity/career/happiness. Very sorry to hear you're in this position but the lateral market for associates and up (actually it seems good for everyone who started their careers pre-covid) is very good so you should be able to work things out.
* Following *
lmao, OP is busted. his director has entered the thread. but yeah, I would definitely quit; bankers often form quick impressions and it becomes very hard to change them. Live to fight another day, somewhere else.
My advice would be to go to a senior person in your group and ask to speak off the record.
At the meeting, just say you are cognizant that the director is a super star and you are just a peon and you want to candidly speak off the record, because the one time you complained it got back to him and he became vindictive.
And then ask for advice. Say that you have no idea why a fast rising director would have such a vendetta with a lowly associate, but you’re feeling discouraged. Should you leave? Should you try to ask the director what the issue is? Can you switch teams.
The best person to advise you would be a senior in your group or a senior at the firm that is not HR since you said he has friends in HR and a complaint could get back to him.
Sadly, you career happiness is most affected by your direct superior and not your firm or colleagues. Working for a decent person is worth 100k in my opinion, it’s simply priceless.
This is the absolute wrong approach. Dude already got busted for going around the Director's back and complaining to the MD. Bitching and moaning up the chain (again) will only make things worse. Either find a new gig or be a man and sit down with the Director to hash things out. It sounds like his work product isn't all that great and by being a rat he gave the Director (who maybe just didn't like him already) an opening to nitpick his work. His career at this firm is over unless he can have a come to Jesus moment with the Director (which he should have done a long time ago).
Beside the professional reasons given above, maybe he sees something in you which he lacks i.e. insecurity or he is comparing you with how he was in his 20s i.e envy.
Removed
Obscure reference lol
pls do spill the beans what happened?
I think this is a level of toxicity I would say is a bit beyond "normal toxic" work politics / environment.
Some people are just dicks, looks like you've met one of them. I don't even think it is intention, it's just his personality.
Some strange responses here…We have people who want to wfh more or dont like a coworker people say switch firms. Here is a dude literally getting up the arse and say oh goto “sr management for advice”.
The fact you posted this I hope you call a headhunter tomorrow. This dude is basically take out his frustration on you for the one time you went over his head he will NEVER get over it. Eff everyone else they all will back him up and they already have, you say you like those people yet they let this dude be toxic in front of them.
I truly think cause you said hes a “superstar” people tailoring their responses, truly quit man (with another job in hand).
If you're not going to leave then start standing up for yourself. You don't deserve that shit. Your vacation is your vacation and you need to tell him to shove it up his ass you're not cancelling. Or better yet, start calling him the day before his time off and tell him his was cancelled so he can see how obnoxious he is.
Go look in a mirror and say this, "It's just a job, I deserve a happy life." And if you decide to leave, do something absurd on the way out, all we have in life is absurdity and spite.
Leave. The lateral market is still relatively strong.
Having a good relationship with your VP / Director is vital for career advancement. You are not going to be able to mend the relationship.
If you really want to stay…
My advice is to sit down with him and squash the beef. Just tell him how you feel and have a 1 on 1 conversation. Might have to swallow some pride just for the sake of it all
If you don’t really want to stay I would consider leaving, people often quit bosses - not jobs. But that’s got a lot of other implications
Start looking to lateral immediately. Based on your description of this, it’s not going to get better. Is this “superstar” Director bringing in deals or just running them? They could be great at pointing out grammatical errors but ultimately they will need to bring in business to survive and this guy sounds like a banking hardo that isn’t going to develop great long-term relationships with clients. Telling this guy you quit (with another job in hand and a bunch of work on your plate) will feel great.
Just lateral, I guarantee that in the slightest downturn he’s going to put your name as the first to be cut. That sounds like an awful culture.
You should look for a new job. And learn from your mistakes in this one.
You probably have no future at this firm if you’re getting bad performance reviews.
Just confront him one on one. Be straight up with him about your grievances, tell him he doesn't have to like you but that you will not tolerate disrespect. Basically grow a fucking pair and don't involve any other higher ups. Did this with analyst at an HF while I was interning and it worked perfectly. He gained respect for me and a little bit of fear lol he was never a condescending dick head again after that. Maybe different at an IB Though.
Got bullied, complained to big bully’s mom, then bullying got worse.
Time to change school.
Lol dude switch firms or fix it (may have to switch all the same).
Yes, he has a bullying streak, but the thing about sucking up to bullies is that they may accept it or they may think even less of you - your risk to take.
If you want to give it a last shot, I suggest bringing his favourite coffee to him or smth and then asking him out nicely for a drink to "ask for advice" but basically professional groveling. Then acknowledge that you got off on a bad start with him and apologize for disappointing him in the past, but highlight that you would like to know how you can better support him / be a better assoc, blah blah blah.
You know how people in this industry are like. Get to ass kissing
And of course, plenty of sadists in this industry. So start prepping to exit and if you don't see him getting any better, just leave.
honestly so funny to me LOL
I think you've got a couple of options. Before I get to that, my general thoughts are that you frankly gave him a reason to dislike you. Perhaps not a reason to hate you and undermine you, but showing up late/hungover and then snitching on him for working you too hard, gives him some grounds to dislike you. Especially when the irony is that he could easy point to the fact that you show up late/hungover, make some silly errors etc to prove that you're not very good at your job. Do I think you're a terrible employee who deserves to get terrible reviews/fired? Probably not. Does it sound like you're an all-star associate? Not really, maybe you've picked it up since and we all learn lessons when we're young, but it's tough to overcome first impressions, especially by senior bankers who often times don't care about leadership and mentorship. This director sounds like he's a rainmaker and he makes money for the firm. Even if junior people hate him, it likely won't matter that much. Now with that said, I think you've got two broad options.
Option 1: If for some reason you love the firm and want to stay. I think you need to have a honest discussion with this director. Go get coffee/lunch, block an hour, and have it out in a nice way. Acknowledge that you've made some mistakes and that you're working hard to be a top bucket associate, get promoted, etc, but that you feel like there's some lingering discontent and that you want to clear the air. Admit to some mistakes early on, but point to how things have been better and ask him for advice and mentorship. At the end of the day, you want to make this guys life better/easier, that's what's going to get you in his good graces. Make him want to staff you on every deal. If he's a somewhat reasonable guy, maybe he'll realize his error and try to work with you.
Option 2: Just quit. So much of our worklife is dependent on who we work with and you absolutely need people pulling for you at the top. Relationships in the workplace are a huge determinant of your success and you need a senior banker thinking that your'e MD material. Sometimes you just get unlucky and get off to a rocky start and it's too tough to recover from. You just have to hop firms and get a fresh start, happens all the time. Learn from you mistakes and move on. Don't spend any more time trying to endure your current role. You'll continue to get bad reviews and bad bonuses, you'll move up slowly if at all, there's nothing you can do about it.
I don’t think anyone could’ve said it better
This is the kind of advice that really helps to keep this community and website going strong.
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