Should Goldie Become an Apple Guy?
I've been a Windows & Android guy forever. Always hated Apple. Just because. I felt they want to integrate into your life too much. I don't need that shit. All these pop-ups not letting you do anything until you sign over your children to their custody. If you have an Apple phone, you need an Apple fridge or your food will go bad. Fuck that noise. I've also always had a natural aversion to anything popular. In my book, if most people are doing it, it's probably a bad idea. I scoffed at the rich kids in Jr High when MP3s came around whose parents dropped hundos on those stupid bulky iPods. I had a slim little generic MP3 player that did the same exact thing I got for $30 from Target.
The other day, my 9-month-old daughter was crawling under my loaded barbell. She's just learning to crawl under stuff. The concept of changing her height to fit an opening kind of confused her before. So I'm between sets and I see her doing this. It's cute as fucking shit. You wouldn't even believe it. So I grab my phone and try to take a video, and it's frozen on the lock screen. By the time I get to the camera, she's done doing her maneuvers. Fury. Fury and rage. Not at that one incident alone. But at the collective bullshit that is my Android phones continuing to freeze and be slow all the fucking time no matter which phone I have.
It happened a second time. I missed two cute events. Do you know how much that upsets me? I picked up the phone, calmly walked outside so as not to scare her, and smashed it against the side of the house a few times. It's still there somewhere. Went back inside to my computer to text-from-pc my wife to pick me up a new phone from costco while she's out. My brand new Lenovo PC which cost like 1,500 fucking dollars and still didn't come with WiFi is loading slow as dogshit. I punch the screen and go message her from my laptop. Whatever is in the phone that sends texts was still operational thankfully. I later shot it with a bow. I wanted to see when it would stop transmitting. That is when it stopped transmitting.
She brings me a new one. The newer version of what I had. Guess what. Now the home button is gone. I have to navigate the whole shit through swipes like my life is Tinder. Because these dipshit Gen-Gofuckyourself trap music children would rather have 2mm of vertical screen space than a home, forward, and back button.
I do not want to learn to use a new piece of technology every 6 months. Technology is supposed to serve us - not the other way around. And why did you change my UI? It was not broken. It worked fine. You're just constantly changing shit to justify your existence as a useless fucking technologist keeping society on the hamster wheel of continuously buying newer shit because their old shit broke and isn't even made anymore and is now functionally obsolete. Oh cool a better camera. I don't give a fuck. Nobody can tell a difference anymore. Six cameras. Seven. The shit is still fragile as shit and breaks when it touches water. It also lags all the time and stops working after 2 years tops. How about fix that instead of adding more cameras.
VM: "Hi I'm calling you from AT&T DirectTV" DELETE. Block #. Goddamnit there was literally nothing I could have done to prevent myself from having to waste those 30 seconds on that fucking trash. Get your grubby paws out of my attention cookie jar, world.
My first Android was the Droid Razr and I liked it because it didn't try to get you to use a bunch of bullshit apps and try to give you all types of tooltips all the time and all kinds of other bullshit to take your attention away from using the tool and give it to the company that made the tool. It was pretty quick too. Phones are slower now. TVs are fucking slower. My TV takes forever to turn on. TVs used to be instant. Remember that? Flip phones were instant too. Consumer tech is not moving forward. There's just a new dummy born every minute to assume that the shit they're being given happens to be the best the world has ever seen. I have to replace control boards on ovens 2 years into purchase routinely. Conveniently right when the warranty runs out. Ovens from the '50s still work if you never replaced them. Old laundry machines and dishwashers work wayyy fucking better. All this green shit is garbage. I'll pay the 2 cents extra in water to have dishes that are actually clean. Thanks.
This Google Pixel is listening to me. I say some shit and see an ad for it later. It wants my kidneys. This will never stop.
I used to open a Windows, torrent all the programs I need, delete all the programs I don't need, and be good to go. Microsoft is so sly now. They won't even let you log in without making a microsoft account. Bitch I use Gmail suck my dick. We want Bill back. BRING BACK BILL. BRING BACK BILL. What is the point in pretending to allow me to change my default to Adobe when you're gonna change it back to your bullshit Microsoft PDF program which does not work at all every time I look away?
They let me use Adobe for 3 days before locking me out. They let me use office for 5. They have gotten way too slick at detecting licensing shit. I liked them because I didn't have to be in any ecosystem. Now they want my DOB and all this shit. Nah. If I gotta be in an ecosystem, I may as well be in one where the shit actually runs smooth and quick and is all well integrated.