Should Goldie Become an Apple Guy?

I've been a Windows & Android guy forever. Always hated Apple. Just because. I felt they want to integrate into your life too much. I don't need that shit. All these pop-ups not letting you do anything until you sign over your children to their custody. If you have an Apple phone, you need an Apple fridge or your food will go bad. Fuck that noise. I've also always had a natural aversion to anything popular. In my book, if most people are doing it, it's probably a bad idea. I scoffed at the rich kids in Jr High when MP3s came around whose parents dropped hundos on those stupid bulky iPods. I had a slim little generic MP3 player that did the same exact thing I got for $30 from Target.

The other day, my 9-month-old daughter was crawling under my loaded barbell. She's just learning to crawl under stuff. The concept of changing her height to fit an opening kind of confused her before. So I'm between sets and I see her doing this. It's cute as fucking shit. You wouldn't even believe it. So I grab my phone and try to take a video, and it's frozen on the lock screen. By the time I get to the camera, she's done doing her maneuvers. Fury. Fury and rage. Not at that one incident alone. But at the collective bullshit that is my Android phones continuing to freeze and be slow all the fucking time no matter which phone I have.

It happened a second time. I missed two cute events. Do you know how much that upsets me? I picked up the phone, calmly walked outside so as not to scare her, and smashed it against the side of the house a few times. It's still there somewhere. Went back inside to my computer to text-from-pc my wife to pick me up a new phone from costco while she's out. My brand new Lenovo PC which cost like 1,500 fucking dollars and still didn't come with WiFi is loading slow as dogshit. I punch the screen and go message her from my laptop. Whatever is in the phone that sends texts was still operational thankfully. I later shot it with a bow. I wanted to see when it would stop transmitting. That is when it stopped transmitting.

She brings me a new one. The newer version of what I had. Guess what. Now the home button is gone. I have to navigate the whole shit through swipes like my life is Tinder. Because these dipshit Gen-Gofuckyourself trap music children would rather have 2mm of vertical screen space than a home, forward, and back button.

I do not want to learn to use a new piece of technology every 6 months. Technology is supposed to serve us - not the other way around. And why did you change my UI? It was not broken. It worked fine. You're just constantly changing shit to justify your existence as a useless fucking technologist keeping society on the hamster wheel of continuously buying newer shit because their old shit broke and isn't even made anymore and is now functionally obsolete. Oh cool a better camera. I don't give a fuck. Nobody can tell a difference anymore. Six cameras. Seven. The shit is still fragile as shit and breaks when it touches water. It also lags all the time and stops working after 2 years tops. How about fix that instead of adding more cameras.

VM: "Hi I'm calling you from AT&T DirectTV" DELETE. Block #. Goddamnit there was literally nothing I could have done to prevent myself from having to waste those 30 seconds on that fucking trash. Get your grubby paws out of my attention cookie jar, world.

My first Android was the Droid Razr and I liked it because it didn't try to get you to use a bunch of bullshit apps and try to give you all types of tooltips all the time and all kinds of other bullshit to take your attention away from using the tool and give it to the company that made the tool. It was pretty quick too. Phones are slower now. TVs are fucking slower. My TV takes forever to turn on. TVs used to be instant. Remember that? Flip phones were instant too. Consumer tech is not moving forward. There's just a new dummy born every minute to assume that the shit they're being given happens to be the best the world has ever seen. I have to replace control boards on ovens 2 years into purchase routinely. Conveniently right when the warranty runs out. Ovens from the '50s still work if you never replaced them. Old laundry machines and dishwashers work wayyy fucking better. All this green shit is garbage. I'll pay the 2 cents extra in water to have dishes that are actually clean. Thanks.

This Google Pixel is listening to me. I say some shit and see an ad for it later. It wants my kidneys. This will never stop.

I used to open a Windows, torrent all the programs I need, delete all the programs I don't need, and be good to go. Microsoft is so sly now. They won't even let you log in without making a microsoft account. Bitch I use Gmail suck my dick. We want Bill back. BRING BACK BILL. BRING BACK BILL. What is the point in pretending to allow me to change my default to Adobe when you're gonna change it back to your bullshit Microsoft PDF program which does not work at all every time I look away?

They let me use Adobe for 3 days before locking me out. They let me use office for 5. They have gotten way too slick at detecting licensing shit. I liked them because I didn't have to be in any ecosystem. Now they want my DOB and all this shit. Nah. If I gotta be in an ecosystem, I may as well be in one where the shit actually runs smooth and quick and is all well integrated.

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Comments (39)

Most Helpful
  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Mar 15, 2021 - 9:19pm

Mobile: Apple > Android

Laptop/Desktop: Windows all day, preferably a Lenovo in my opinion

Mar 16, 2021 - 2:03am


Apple for phones and tablets. Have an android phone but it's pretty slow, not worth the 400 bucks. Windows for PC, custom built PC with way too much RGB. Nothing comes close.

I'll second this. IMO apples iOS is better than androids and has been for quite sometime. I had several iterations of Samsung's flagship for years and after switching to iPhone I never looked back.

I can't agree with the unicorn puke RGB, but a custom built PC will run circles around anything, and up until recently cost significantly less.

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Mar 15, 2021 - 9:32pm

I had an android phone before I switched over to apple. My phone started lagging less than a year into its use and the screen broke twice (once from a simple wall tap lol). Switched over to the iPhone 7 and used my iPhone for 4.5 years before upgrading to the iPhone 12 Pro this month. My iPhone 7 didn't lag till I switched over and was actually pretty tough. I dropped it multiple times and it didn't break and stuff. The software itself is very neat and fast since its so optimized given the end-to-end control that Apple has. 

My suggestion would be to switch over to Apple. 

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Mar 16, 2021 - 5:22am

Meh, I feel the pain but Apple would be just as frustrating, far more expensive, especially for the part that you will have to give them every aspect of your life, not to mention learn the new OS. 

I buy Chinese before even considering them. 

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

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  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Mar 16, 2021 - 9:09am


Meh, I feel the pain but Apple would be just as frustrating, far more expensive, especially for the past that you will have to give them every aspect of your life, not to mention learn the new OS. 

I buy Chinese before even considering them. 

The fuck is wrong with you?

Mar 16, 2021 - 10:02am

I didn't start that fight

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

  • Intern in IB - Cov
Mar 16, 2021 - 5:49am

Never understood why people keep comparing $400 Android phones with $1,000 iPhone. Obviously iPhone will be better. But if you compare it with a $1,000 Android phone it is a different story... And at the end of the day it is all a matter of taste

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Mar 16, 2021 - 9:29am

Exactly. I get tons of shit for using a high end Samsung. But the actual functions of my phone are comparable, and the lesser functions (camera quality) aren't far off. Plus I can get it for ~100 or so less. So why not stick with Android? Apples are for homos anyway.

  • Intern in IB - Cov
Mar 16, 2021 - 4:16pm

It is not really true nor comparable.

First Samsung for example support major updates for 2 years, then security updates for 4 years.

Then it happens that sometimes Apple send major updates on old phone but without some of the new features, in these cases, saying that Apple continue to support old phones is a bit misleading.

Also, for Android there are some new features that can be directly deployed by Google through Google Play Services, without waiting for the manufacturer to send the latest major update.

Finally, yes it is true that Apple support their phones a bit longer, but there is not that much difference, and it is easily understandable, since Android device manufacturers often have a much wider range of phones. 

Mar 16, 2021 - 11:26am

I really regret going from my Google Pixel to iPhone 12. Next Pixel release, I will give this iPhone to fiancé and get a Pixel again. 

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Mar 16, 2021 - 11:52am

I really like the iPhone's (my iPhone 5S is still going strong), but for PCs/Laptops I prefer the Windows interface and its compatibility with basically every software program. In addition, Windows PCs/Laptops are just good so no problems there. Friends with non-Apple smartphones are constantly complaining and changing their phones.

Mar 16, 2021 - 2:03pm

There is a 'trick' with windows 10 if you do a clean install that allows you to create a local user without any connectivity crap like, in the old days.

I will stick with android because of the optionality. Whenever I get a new device I spend a couple of hours setting up everything exactly how I like it with macros, layouts, etc. Why would I pay a premium to get into the 'apple ecosystem' when I lose all of that? Not to mention I don't really like their designs since the notch became a thing.

Mar 16, 2021 - 6:55pm

You need to make sure your system is not connected to the internet when you do the Windows install. At a certain stage the process will prompt you to connect your pc to the internet, but you still have an option "Continue with limited setup". If you do that you create a local account with a username like you used to with old Windows. 

Mar 16, 2021 - 4:49pm

The new Macbook Air M1 is probably the best $999 you can spend on a computer, it's insane. Read the reviews. And my 2011 MBP still kinda works, I just broke the screen and needed to upgrade. 

Mar 27, 2021 - 3:18pm

 It really comes down to how you treat your machines. I bought a windows laptop in 2014 for grad school, and it still is more than capable for what I need. I even tried to play a game the other day and it did fine. Windows can definitely stand up to Mac in a lot of cases.

I used a Windows95 laptop at work a few years ago. Needed it for one script to test something, but it was stable as shit.

  • Analyst 3+ in IB - Gen
Mar 17, 2021 - 10:23am

If you don't have iMessage girls will make fun of you. Longtime Android dork, switched to iPhone and it's far better. 

Also great: Airpods, Apple watch.

PC is much better though. Cross-compatibility with other apple devices isn't worth the loss in functionality.

Mar 17, 2021 - 3:31pm

I'm on Pixel 5 and my wife uses a recent iphone.  The image quality on the Pixel is just insanely good and everyone is usually shocked.  With young kids, superior image quality is a big deal since I take pictures at least 1x/day and everything else like gmail, etc runs buttery smooth on the Pixel.  Only pang of regret was when I was getting invited to Clubhouse and there was no Android version (yet) :-)


Mar 27, 2021 - 2:03am

From someone who had an iPhone, switched to Samsung, back to iPhone, I gotta say iPhone 100%.

Androids feel like an old PC after a year. They lag and all of the customizability that it allows you to do will make the phone lag, just like it would for a PC.

I'll own a PC until the day I die, but iPhone > Android.

Also, who wants green text?

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