Should I Report Him

A man who goes to my school recently posted that he accepted an offer for IB at a top firm. The only thing is he has numerous sexual assault allegations against him (including one from my friend which is how I know). The girls never pressed charges so it won't come up on a background check, but there are definitely complaints on file with my school's Title IX and he got kicked out of his fraternity because of the complaints so there is still proof. Do I report him? How would I even go about doing it? I also accepted an offer at the firm and am honestly worried the prestige make him cocky and will allow him to assault more women making the firm look bad. I feel like I can't morally not say anything, but I don't want to be reprimanded or have no one listen.


UPDATE: I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof. Thank you to everyone who left useful comments and offered help.

 

You say he assaulted many women and not even one pressed charges in today's environment? I don't know man. You're friend may be messing with you because in today's climate at least one women would have stepped and done the right thing if it was true.

I know the downvotes will come, but not one victim came forward and pressed charges to stop him from preying on future victims?

Come on now.

 

in today's environment, it doesn't matter if no one has pressed charges. doesn't matter if anything has been proven true. the only things that matter are:

1) is he male?

2) is he white? 

3) is he republican? 

If he ticks all 3 boxes then he is guilty until proven innocent. 

note - not my view of how should things be, but just a sad reality in today's america. 

 

Also every woman has an 'assault' story. And not in a "oh my god there is a rape epidemic!" way, but more in a "there is value in being a victim in todays society, and what is considered 'assault' is basically whatever you want it to be" way.

I've seen both sides of this plenty of times. There are many sketch guys make no mistake. But there are many more 'had too much to drink' stories from women as well that are just attention seeking diatribes to get a shoulder to cry on

 

Maybe you should. But are you sure that he hasn't changed and tried to make things right? A lot of things to consider before going down that road.

 

I am all for reporting against true assault and harassments, and definitely see a slippery slope when the evidence of a filed criminal case is lacking such as in the OP (although if he was already found guilty and tossed out of his fraternity it's a different case). That being said it's complete nonsense to say "he might have changed". A criminal is a criminal period. WASP frat dudes shouldn't get exceptions. 

Array
 

I find it funny how you automatically defer to profiling this random kid as a "WASP frat dude."

the only thing that pisses me off more than douchebags are douchebags pretending to fight for good

 

I don't think this is a case of changing. To me, it is pretty black and white. If there is no proof that he has actually done anything then you shouldn't tarnish his reputation. If he has committed sexual assault and there is proof then I don't care a damn if he says he has changed. OP should certainly report this if he has proof.

 

Yes, for $60M. Each accused/suspended player "received" $20M. I add quotes because in the 30 for 30, the players all said they received much less than that (assuming legal fees, annuity style payments).

Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career.
 

"You have all been told some fantastic lies" - David Evans, now Principal at Apex

Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career.
 
Controversial

You absolutely should, message me for help. I'm a woman who has gone through the Title IX process and have worked in IB. Also, ignore what these other commentators are saying about what happened being fake, anyone who has actually been harassed or reported knows that reporting is difficult because you need the right infrastructure in place to do it. 

 

If you decide to move forward with this, stick to the documentation that shows him being kicked out of the frat and the decision materials made by the campus hearing. Friends anecdotes and experiences, while personal to you do not count as evidence and honestly go against you if that is the main claims you are using to support this. Remember you're essentially trying to convince a stranger to fire (and potentially even blacklist) this kid so the proof to justify this needs to be formal and written. 

Array
 

Do you understand  that you are now an adult? You have zero knowledge  of whether this man is or is not guilty of criminal behavior, and if your comments identified  him by name, you could be sued for both slander and libel.  You can't go around accusing people of assault based on hearsay, and you can't just assume everyone accused is guilty. You, too, need to play by the rules-report problematic behavior  you have actual first person knowledge  of.

 

Principal in PE - Other

You're just starting out your career - don't get involved in this kind of stuff. Stick to your lane and focus on yourself and you'll be fine. This guy will dig his own grave.

This

 

Coming here to say that Fraternities are not a court of law and often have to make judgements on limited information.  Not to mention many universities have more or less forced Fraternities to play around in their politics through school regulated governance and rules.  

The best thing that someone can do and I have always supported this is, If there is an actual crime, go report it to the police. There is no need to drag peoples names through the mud, when we have a justice system to handle these sorts of things.  

 

Actually you are being condescending in asking this rather than initiating a quick google search of why don't college students report rape? It shows:

So what’s happening? Why aren’t students coming forward to report sexual assault?

study funded by the DOJ uncovered many different reasons that have remained fairly consistent over the years. Specifically, researchers found that students:

  • Said they did not have proof that the incident occurred
  • Were afraid of retaliation by the perpetrator
  • Were scared of hostile treatment by the authorities
  • Were uncertain the authorities would consider the incident serious enough
  • Wanted to prevent family and others from learning about it
  • Didn’t know how to report the incident

Most startling of all though is that, “Victims may not define the event as sexual assault or report the incident because they are embarrassed, are reluctant to consider someone they know as a rapist, or do not understand the legal definition of sexual assault.”

https://everfi.com/blog/colleges-universities/students-dont-report-sexu…

 

Yes, a woman here myself I wish people would stop protecting these assholes. The fraternity evidence in itself should be enough - you don't need to even use other anecdotes. Silence is compliance and women face a lot of hurdles before they can report such behavior.

I was kicked out of my fraternity for getting upset at the fraternity for inviting high school girls (underage girls) to the party. The guy is probably a jerk, but if you don't know the real facts it's not your business.

Array
 

No, you're spreading a dangerous idea. The fact that there are multiple allegations doesn't automatically make him guilty. You still need EVIDENCE. Each allegation needs to be checked out. If this doesn't happen, you set a bad precedent where multiple people can conspire to falsely accuse a guy. Not saying that's what's happening here, but you can't set that precedent.

 

Jesus. I’m impressed that someone can be this condescending in so few words.

Just because people have very reasonable disagreements with you on a complicated topic, does not make them horrific, virgin, incels who dislike women.

If you have trauma regarding sexual assault, I am truly sorry you have suffered. Otherwise, you’re a bit of an asshole.

I am so thankful guilt is decided in a court of law and I cannot wait until the current environment normalizes.

 

Take a deep breath and calm down for a moment. There was no evidence that Nick Zhao did what he did. Don't know if you are aware but that's pretty important if you want to call someone guilty of rape. The same thing applies here. You need to prove that this guy actually raped people before you go around claiming that.

 

I'm a guy, and I totally understand that chicks can destroy your life by falsely accusing you, and that sucks. I know people who have had it happen to them in real life. It seriously pisses me off because the injustice and sexism in the system is such a double standard. However, this doesn't seem to be the case here. If the evidence is this damning that there are multiple reports against him and he got kicked out of his frat, he likely did do something. Not sure why guys on here feel the need to defend every other guy in every other situation, even when they're prolly in the wrong. People on here are making gender into a team sport.

 

We're not defending the guy. We're saying that OP needs to take the proper legal avenue to hold him accountable. You don't report someone to their employer based on your hunch that he "likely" did something wrong. Multiple reports and getting kicked out of a frat does not prove him guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. You have to report him to the authorities and let them run the investigation. If he is found guilty, his employer will not hire him after a background check.

 

I don't like how you mention the fact that they're going to a top firm when deciding to report them. It should be entirely irrelevant and it makes it seem like you want to drag them down, no matter how good your intention actually is.

FWIW I would stay out of other people's business and would only report on behalf of someone else if they were incapable of doing it themselves for whatever reason. Aim to be supportive and encouraging for your friend so they can come forward.

 

Background checks are pretty consistent across firms... 

All I'm saying is - it shouldn't matter which firm it is, if he's guilty he should be reported.

 

Absolutely  not. You have no first hand knowledge  of the events, and could be held liable for defamation  of character if the offer is withdrawn. Let HR do its own background  check, you have no facts to share other than hearsay and rumors.

 

If i were you, I’d email a junior HR woman to catch up over the phone. I’d tell her that there are a few rumors I’ve heard about the guy & they are worth looking into. I wouldn’t go into any details but if she wanted to know more, I’d recommend she follow up with the school. I’m sure she’d also reach out to the guy.

 

Definitely do not do this. HR will screen him AND you for reporting it. None of this will be kept confidential and you'll be thrown into a spiral of sh*t. Believe me, I've seen people escalate things to HR and have it backfire. If you have PROOF of him committing a crime then go to the police but do not get engaged in corporate drama cause it will backfire. While all your colleagues will be grinding you'll be known as the guy chatting with HR.

 

Send an anonymous email (make up one in gmail, etc) to HR and tell them who they should reach out to more information (eg campus contact) and let them sort out from there. Few bullets of things you know is good enough.
 

Don’t get on a call to discuss. Just tell them to get in touch with campus contact. The right authorities will dig around figure out what to do from there (is it a bad tip or real smoke). It’s the right thing to do and no different then any 1800 lines for anonymous reporting you’ll get trained 20 times a year at your job. 

 

Good grief, do none of you have a legal or HR background? HR does not seek out "rumors", only verified documented events that will be legally defensible when the offer is withdrawn. Plus the University  will absolutely  neither confirm nor deny anything. All sorts of people, especially  ex-spouses, have grudges against others, and if HR chased down all the nasty rumors out there, no one would ever be hired. Either it appears in the written record of the background  check or it is irrelevant. 

 

You are relying on yet more hearsay without first hand knowledge  of anything.  I promise, the HR department calls the legal counsel  before withdrawing  an offer (that's me), and that lawyer wants evidence of misconduct, not some rumor. Would you like to lose your job because I started a rumor you were emotionally unstable? Of course not. Lawyers want documentation.

 

Another reason why you shouldn’t post on LinkedIn

 

Lots of tension/debate. Sadly nothing is going to happen either way. The one lady explained in depth, DOJ report why the issue exists. Best thing OP is to support your friend and possibly donate money to a cause so in the future these hurdles are gone and the proper authorities deal with the issue so no one like yourself is in that situation.  
Casualty of our industry your character (till written record) is not going to be challenged like other industries.

 

Honestly I felt in same shoes as you; my brother was claiming that he was doing something unethical at work,  and I was upset because I wanted him to marry my friend Elizabeth. I also thought - was if I tell on him. But I think that in this situation with the guy you know ------ im not religious but I think this bible quote I think is true:

"There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known."

So - regardless if you tell or not - he will get found out eventually. I think knowing this will keep you in PEACE. 

Punishment is coming towards ur friend. 

 

Why do you keep making baseless claims like this (believe it or not wildly off even with me)? High finance ivy league educated women aren't a large subset of the dating pool to say the least, so even if you feel like you are getting a lot of support in this thread, the real world is incredibly different and there are many girls who do not act or think like you.

Array
 

no woman is going to remember you or care about you enough to espouse false allegations

Are you sure about that? Have you heard of the Duke lacrosse case? I suggest you take a deep breath and think this through for a moment. Understand that a person needs to be proven guilty before you can call them a rapist. What's the alternative? That we believe every accusation and throw people in jail with no investigation?

 

This is a tricky situation, and an even trickier one to comment about without getting mounds of monkey shit thrown at you

Jokes aside, I'm not sure if input from here is going to help make this decision for you any better. Go with your gut, wish you and everyone involved good luck. Hope it gets settled in a peaceful way.

 

"UPDATE: I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof. Thank you to everyone who left useful comments and offered help".

You do know that Title IX offices don't deal in proof since they have no burden of proof, right?  If not, you should have before you decided to use their office as a vessel to get this kid's job rescinded.  There are many, many instances of kids getting expelled from school because of Title IX complaints that had absolutely 0 merit.  When these same complaints go to court, they are either dismissed outright or take the jury 10 minutes to deliberate..

Not saying that all Title IX complaints are BS, but that they don't need to have any merit to be made or recorded.  The likelihood that they are BS goes up exponentially when there are no police reports and the kid is still at the school.  

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done
 

Exactly my thinking. One it still does not add to the story, and still should not change ones opinion on to handle the situation which is through the authorities.  

It is almost like the prospects want to act like the firms that they are joining are these perfect angels,  when most of these firms get fined out the ass every year for violations.  

 

As a man, I am seriously aghast at some of the commentators blaise attitude to this issue. The overwhelming tide of comments seem to be " mind your own business" and "bring up proof". While I would certainly think twice of reporting someone who has a lone anecdotal story which might or might not be true and which might harm the person's career, multiple sexual allegations as well as his fraternity kicking him out because of the complaints certainly warrants a heads up, I would believe. 

I presume most of the guys commentating here are very young and/ or dont know many women personally or the troubles that they might face if they have been sexually assaulted to bring up "evidence" or report it when it has happened as most women that I personally am acquainted with and who have gone through this harrowing and horrifying experience usually are ashamed to bring this up in public or fear retaliation from the perpetrator if they dare report it.

Coming from a developing country, let me assure you of the dangers that women face in these countries- They would be living under the severe threat of acid attacks, rape or even murder if they dared report something like this to the authorities. While the consequences might not be so severe in the US, they would still be very wary of actual physical harm being caused to them.

 

Woke culture has created a permanent Witches of Salem trial environment, where we conveniently swap out the highly American and truly liberal “innocent until proven guilty” for the classically Communist China approach of “guilty until proven innocent.”

OP’s motives (“it could reflect poorly on my firm if more allegations are made”) are spurious. The firm is much more committed to securing and perpetuating its own prestige, especially if all it takes is axing a 2nd yr MBA Associate, than OP ever will be.

We’re long past the point where anyone tries to shrug off rape. That’s entirely beside the point. The point is that you don’t go about proactively ruining other people’s lives on gossip. You don’t take matters into your own hands just because the criminal justice system doesn’t rule to your liking.

The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
 

Woke culture? "highly American and truly liberal "innocent until proven guilty" ? "classically Communist China approach of "guilty until proven innocent."

Please, I would ask you to not try to classify people into neat little boxes for your own convenience. People are much more complex and multidimensional and cannot be segregated into binary extremes. For the record, I am neither American nor Chinese and there are a few things that I admire and find loathsome about both countries and systems of government.

While I have travelled to dozens of countries and (stayed in China for a couple of months), by my own experiences through travel, meeting people and through pop culture, I desire to live in neither of these countries as my core value system does not ally with either in spirit.

I was only responding from my own experience of women who have gone through something similar, to lend support to the OP's point that it is entirely plausible as to why none of the women filed an official complaint against the gentleman in question. From the part of the world that I hail from, only a miniscule amount of women actually report anything official for fear of reprisal. Take note of what I said " Coming from a developing country, let me assure you of the dangers that women face in these countries- They would be living under the severe threat of acid attacks, rape or even murder if they dared report something like this to the authorities."  I would presume that women even in highly developed countries also live in a similar fear if not to this extent. And as I said, while a solitary allegation could be a case of "he said, she said", I would find it very concerning if multiple women have something similar to say about a certain individual. It certainly needs to be looked into with a closer lens by whoever is the concerned authority.

Furthermore never did I exhort anyone to carry out a witch trial. In case the context is missed, I am supportive of what OP has updated- " I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof." This seems to be a reasonable middle ground to take in this instance

 

No, you shouldn't try to screw up someone life because of allegations that never even resulted in charges being pressed.

What is the Title IX office going to do? Try to ruin peoples' lives by telling their future employer about allegations that have come up in the past? Why would the school even expose itself to that sort of risk?

 

Wouldn’t. Title IX does not mean evidence. And without evidence to back your claims you risk serious litigation risks/damages of reputation which law firms are quick to jump on especially regarding title IX— it’s based on a more-likely-than-not standard rather than a clear and convincing standard, which some say is not constitutional in nature. I wouldn’t go down that path unless you are willing to accept the potential consequences

 

As someone who has been assaulted (and by the way, never pressed charges, was able to speak directly to the person and explained what happened from my perspective), I think very few people applaud survivors of sexual assault. A loud minority gives applause. However, the vast and silent majority see most claims as attempts to win attention.
 

Many women will not file charges because they don’t want to be judged and the process is emotionally taxing. If the women are going into male dominated industries too, then of course they don’t want that on record! Being a whistleblower  type of person makes you risky.

However, I think the poster made the right decision. It’s important to consider these things, but it needs to be handled with the authorities. As supportive as I am of survivors of sexual assault, it’s ultimately not the place of a bystander to damage the accused person’s reputation. This  world does not need more vigilante justice. Eventually he will be found out.

 

Women lie all the time with respect to sexual/romantic relationships. The idea that a man--without actual first hand knowledge--would attempt to destroy someone else's career is infuriating. Mind your own fucking business unless you have real, actually first hand knowledge. I can't believe this is actually controversial. Our society is truly in a freefall. 

Array
 

I hope this guy doesn't go after anyone else if he did commit any acts of assault. Unfortunately going after him this way when he has no actual charges pressed against him won't really yield any results other than creating a headache. The firm likely won't rescind on the basis of hearsay and it's difficult to imagine the school going out of their way to provide private complaints to firm HR due to poor optics on their end. Complaints don't equal proof so that's one thing you got wrong, no matter how good your intentions.

 

It’s crazy the number of shit takes I’ve seen on here and the amount on incels that are on this page with shitty attitudes towards women / rape allegations that perpetuate a lot of these guys not facing consequences for this kind of shit - do better lads.

Having said that, I do think it’s a slippery slope. He definitely shouldn’t be working in finance given that multiple women have filed allegations which clearly shows he’s done some shady shit.
 

It depends how you want to proceed with things. You have to be sure that there is evidence from the case that got him thrown out of his frat as I think it will take solid evidence to make the BB rescind the offer. Also, if nothing gets done due to insufficient evidence then you could get burned. Maybe talk to your friends to present any evidence they may have. Best of luck OP. 

 

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