Girl on tinder threatening to send my messages to my firm / boss

Hey guys, long-time member and current PE associate.

I matched with a girl on Tinder one night and we started messaging. Somehow, the conversation turned into an argument over stupid shit. In my drunkenness and anger, I replied calling her a fat*** and made a joke that she looked like she put on the COVID-30 / I would sign her up for Jenny Craig.

She replied with a long message how she was outraged I would dare say this in 2021 and that she would be screenshotting this and sending this to my employer. Note: I only have high-level info in my Tinder bio - first name, age, "Private Equity", school attended, pictures. I didn't reply BUT THEN she replies back with my full name and the name of my PE firm, PLUS one of my MD's email address (we're all listed on the firm website).

Found out the hard way it's easy to be googled. I'm legit getting nervous / sweating balls that she sends an email to my boss. What should I do? Am I overthinking and should just ignore her threat? Worst case she actually sends a screenshot and my boss reads it, what should I say if I get called out?

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Comments (305)

Feb 16, 2021 - 9:04pm

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Feb 16, 2021 - 9:21pm

If your boss is a female, you might as well quit right now. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 47
Feb 17, 2021 - 1:56am

if I were your boss, I would give you a PROMOTION. If your BMI is above 25 (guy or girl) you need to get accountable and get your shit together.  
 

also wtf bro, your tinder is one google search away from your LinkedIn Instagram etc. Was it really so hard to just silently unmatch and be respectful? also this might backfire but offer to buy her a $100 Uber eats gift card to shut up. I don't think she'd turn it down.

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Feb 16, 2021 - 9:48pm

Although I admit it is funny story (and I included what I sent her for humorous purposes for this forum), this is 100% real. This was over this past weekend. Would appreciate any advice. I have not replied to her threat/message and we're still matched on Tinder.

Feb 19, 2021 - 12:02pm

I use my nick name on tinder and am not so I proud to put my actual job on tinder (no girl cares your in PE). The only reason u should be putting ur job is if u r using it as a joke (like u work @pornhub or smthn). I also have a Snapchat where my username is based on my nick name as well. If u don't have a nick name go by ur middle name or make up a name. Same thing goes 4 YouTube, WSO, Reddit, etc. 

Most Helpful
Feb 16, 2021 - 10:02pm

I am operating under the assumption that you actually were drunk and didn't have the full capacity to understand what you were typing. If you weren't and are using that as an excuse, then I have a lot less sympathy for you (albeit still a little). However, if you are telling the truth about that part, I'll help you out. First off, I would apologize profusely to the girl herself. Not that what she is threatening to do is right (it's pretty fucking slimy), but you and I both know she has the upper hand over you. Explain to her that you were drunk and that you are extremely sorry and regret what you said. If that doesn't work, then you have to go on the offense, because she obviously isn't going to be fazed by your attempts to cover your ass. Threaten to report her for blackmail, because that's what it is. Hopefully you can still screenshot all of the original messages, because this is extortion, plain and simple. If she doesn't back down and actually has the balls to send it to your boss, I would give your boss the same explanation you gave her about how you were drunk and didn't understand what you were saying (it will really help if you have proof to back it up, such as a video of you slurring your words from your friends or something, but I suspect this is highly unlikely). Then, after you are done apologizing profusely (you had better make it sound genuine as fuck) offer to do whatever you have to to make amends (within reason of course). And then after you suffer through the ordeal of facing your boss, actually report her for blackmail with as many different agencies/sources/lawyers as you can (as long as it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg to do it), because like I said, what she is doing is a straight up crime, unlike you, who just called her some mean names. Just my two cents. Godspeed. *Obligatory this is not legal advice, but you already knew that considering we're on a forum where downvotes are literally primate feces.

Feb 17, 2021 - 2:24am

Get legal counsel and send her a formal letter, if she's somewhat normal that will scare her. Go that route and the worst that can happen is she sends it anyway, then you can discuss it with your boss if she sends it and if he asks to speak with you. 

No reason to go straight to your boss and get him involved without needing to. Also, realistically he won't care he may not even read the email, think about it if you got an email like this about a co-worker you'd think about it for a second, that's embarrassing, make a joke with them maybe and move on.

Array
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Feb 17, 2021 - 1:44am

Is it actually extortion if she isn't trying to get anything in return? Wouldn't it be some form of slander instead? I genuinely am curious.

Dayman?
Feb 19, 2021 - 12:52pm

Nightman Cometh

Is it actually extortion if she isn't trying to get anything in return? Wouldn't it be some form of slander instead? I genuinely am curious.

It would be very easy to state if this goes forward you run the risk of Tortious Interference. I'd have lawyer write that up. 

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Feb 18, 2021 - 7:36pm

Seriously you could deny it's you entirely - someone made a fake profile imitating you. Case closed

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:15pm

I agree actually. I'm pretty sure your boss has better things to do than dig into somebody's dirty laundry, especially if your boss is a guy. Plus, it's not illegal to call somebody fat. Why would you get fired for that? It's your personal life and you haven't done anything illegal, your boss shouldn't care about this. I wouldn't care 100% if I was your boss.

Also, even if somebody decides to dig into this, how would she prove it's not fake? You can delete her from your matches and your convo and if they inspect your phone they won't find proof. And her pictures can 100% be photoshopped. You can find somebody's account on Tinder and photoshop a fake conversation with them just to blackmail them.

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:47pm

Kevin25

I agree actually.

Of course you do. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Feb 19, 2021 - 12:39pm

Agree with this. It's one thing if you posted something on social media, because you're always an ambassador of your company on public places, but people do all kinds of shit in their personal lives so as long as it's not illegal, your company has no business judging you for this. People dating, in a relationship, and married say regrettable things all the time. Your company doesn't police their personal life and probably would be afraid to gain that reputation because they took action on something that doesn't impact their business anyway.

Feb 17, 2021 - 12:28am

I also agree. It's her word against yours.

Just uninstall de app and act as if nothing happened. If your boss happens to call you in and asks about the situation, just negate everything and even show him that you don't have that app installed. 

From now on, nothing has happened.

Feb 17, 2021 - 1:31pm

Best legal advice in almost every circumstance is always to first just shut up, and then if something materializes deny everything. Either the accuser is able to prove it and then has to convince someone else to care or it just goes away.

Array

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Feb 18, 2021 - 5:44pm

Yeah, and its not a hate crime to call someone fat. I've asked a fatty for a nude just for the fun of it. Anyways, she has very little leverage over you in terms of legality. I would unmatach with her instantly.

  • Associate 1 in RE - Comm
Feb 16, 2021 - 11:05pm

She's not a felon. Everyone is assuming she said "if you don't give me $10,000 I'm going to send this to your boss."

But all she said was "I'm going to send this to your boss", which is totally not illegal. The former is blackmail and the latter is a big gurl fuckin you over for fun

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:13pm

vanillapeguy

Can you explain how is this a felon on her part?

dat ass is a felony

-

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Analyst 3+ in Consulting
Feb 19, 2021 - 1:27pm

She doesn't need to be a felon for you to be innocent under the law. And what other reason does your company have to fire you besides that? This is your personal life. No firm wants to put their reputation on the line to fire an employee who got a little mouthy when they were drunk. That would be ridiculous. You probably wouldn't even get put in some sort of punitive training program through HR to improve your behavior because what you did didn't occur publicly or in the workplace, so there's no way to legitimately benchmark your progress. It's just a personal incident with limited context, and without access to all the information they would have a hard time justifying taking action.

Feb 17, 2021 - 4:43pm

You realize that there are whole online forums dedicated to people sharing Tinder convos? My friend was on my other friend's (who's a girl) tinder and sent something dumb as a joke, and the guy posted it on reddit and it literally went viral the next day. Unfortunately, this seems to be totally legal.

To OP: what she's threatening definitely is worse but also just don't be a jerk, it's not that hard.

Array

  • Associate 1 in RE - Comm
Feb 16, 2021 - 10:42pm

When I get in arguments with fat chicks on tinder (cmon, we've all been there), I send the  gut-punch message (in your case, the covid-30 comment) and then wait until I see the typing bubbles come up.
 

Then I unmatch immediately. I get the last word, and there's no blackmail. No offense OP, but you're kind of a noob at this

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:22pm

Everybody's posting here saying "dumb move, post of the year, hilarious, pray" - have you guys never had an argument with somebody or expressed something controversial over the messages? I bet everybody sent something that they could be embarrassed of if it was shown to their boss.

Feb 21, 2021 - 12:36am

I have sent several text messages endorsing criminal activity, so if those were ever leaked I'd probably be fucked lol

Hasn't everyone? You're fine. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:37pm

My advice would be to just stop responding, delete her from matches and convo with her, and forget about it.

If somebody brings it up, which I doubt (if the boss gets the email, he may read and discard it cause it's not related to work and has nothing to do with him), then act surprised and say you've never talked to this girl. Somebody must have stolen your pictures from your account and made a fake account just so they can get matches and troll people.

The alternative could be to profusely apologize in front of this girl and beg her not to send it, but I think if she made an effort to find your MD's email she may still send it in addition with the messages of you begging her not to send them, which will put you in a more difficult spot. Cause then saying it's fake is less believable. You will just let her enjoy this whole thing more and fuck yourself over harder. Girls like this usually don't have sympathy for successful guys who offended them even if they apologize. So, she'll probably send this shit anyway. But don't freak out. You've done nothing illegal, and nobody can prove that you even had any conversation with this girl. So, chill and just forget about it. Everything's gonna be fine.

Feb 16, 2021 - 11:42pm

Kevin25

If somebody brings it up, which I doubt (if the boss gets the email, he may read and discard it cause it's not related to work and has nothing to do with him), then act surprised and say you've never talked to this girl.

No

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Intern in CorpStrat
Feb 16, 2021 - 11:49pm

Hi, female here...we really do our research and have a talent for finding your exes, coworkers, family, and maybe even your boss' email...the internet is a magical place.

As someone who has personally done her research on guys, my guess is that she wouldn't actually do this. I personally would never actually email the boss, even if I were to threaten that. She might want something else, in this case it might work just to give it to her/apologize and unmatch.

I would do damage control by responding and apologizing and saying your friend took your phone, drinks were involved, you went out to bars, a friend's place, whatever. There was chaos and someone got your phone somehow. Apologize profusely for your friend acting inappropriately, if you think you can pull that off. This depends on how long you were talking with the girl, how fast you replied, etc.

Remember she was arguing too so she may not be totally clean here either. If she said something that theoretically could have set you off you can try blame it on that.

If all else fails, own up to it and ask if there is anything you can do to make it better (read: make the issue go away). You might have to throw money at it (reasonable amount, please nothing crazy), but it could be worth it to you to get this off your hands (and much less than getting a lawyer involved).

Another thing to consider: how would this convo go with your boss? How close are you with your boss?

tl:dr - she sounds like she is bluffing, figure out if you can blame it on something else, on something she said, etc. Last resort apologize and ask what you can do to make it right. dating apps suck. better luck with the next girl.

Feb 17, 2021 - 5:15pm

why is she getting MS? You have to apologize and make them feel good about themselves and how they're ~right like as mentioned in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Just do it so you can get what you want - not getting in trouble w your boss

Feb 17, 2021 - 7:12pm

mef

why is she getting MS? You have to apologize and make them feel good about themselves and how they're ~right like as mentioned in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Just do it so you can get what you want - not getting in trouble w your boss

The girl in question that OP made an off hand comment needs to learn to act like an adult as well. I would agree with a simple apology, but beyond that she needs to get over it and move on with life. Writing essays and paying her a small fortune will only continue to enable her to act this way in the future with other guys.

Array

Feb 20, 2021 - 9:28am

Female here too - A bit hard to give advice based on limited details from OP, but honestly I'll just tell him to shut up, delete all evidence, and pretend nothing happened - no apologies or nothing. Many men in this industry have been revealed to do worse things than this and yet their colleagues have no issues with it, why should he grovel and apologise over a stupid (and yes, childish) argument with a non-important female? (I'm pretty sure this chick ain't an equal colleague or someone more powerful/with a higher standing than him.) I personally don't think fat shaming is right, but sadly this is still very much considered a libtard stance and from my experience, most guys in finance will not think much of it. If he shuts up and moves on, the girl has just another typical fat-shaming comment screenshot (as every fat woman has experienced), but if he apologises, she will have a glorious 'fat-shamer being humiliatingly pWnED' screenshot. I'm not sure about sending legal letters, because she will think you're taking her threats seriously. (but it depends on how crazy that woman is - some people are just batshit insane and you have to take drastic actions. In this case, she sounds comparatively mild... )

Funniest
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Feb 17, 2021 - 12:50am

I'd double down and offer to pay for her Planet Fitness membership for her not to send it. How do you know she belongs to planet fitness? That's where you triple down 

Feb 17, 2021 - 3:46am

This is gold advice! You're not gonna be an intern for long - future rainmaker coming through!

I don't know... Yeah. Almost definitely yes.

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Feb 17, 2021 - 1:48am

I feel like there is very little chance she actually goes through with it. Just hang tight and let it pass. Eventually it will be in the past and you won't be feeling so nervous about it.

Dayman?
Feb 17, 2021 - 2:00am

UNMATCH IMMEDIATELY. RESPECT YOURSELF BY NOT WASTING TIME ON THEM, RESPECT THEIR TIME BY NOT TALKING TO THEM. 
 

I approve of fat shaming but don't do it on an account with your real name and photos you donut 

  • VP in IB - Ind
Feb 17, 2021 - 4:07am

1) why are you wasting your breath on fat girls in the first place

2) do you really think you are the first dude in finance with a vengeful ex/female acquaintance who does not understand corporate etiquette or how real jobs work? If an email complaining about one of my analysts trolling on a dating app ever hit my inbox, I'd probably chuckle tbh. I'd also think back on all of the unhinged girls I've encountered and assume she is just as insane. And we all know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
 

I doubt there'd be any repercussions professionally. Maybe an obligatory "don't do that shit" but it's not like you were being a bigot or sending those messages from your work email. If anything, she will come off looking like a batshit weirdo and you will be seen as immature. 
 

And don't apologize. It's too late for that anyway and you should never negotiate with terrorists

Feb 17, 2021 - 2:51pm

Completely loved the last sentence applied to this context, haha.

"Anyway, four dollars a pound"

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Feb 21, 2021 - 12:12am

Dear *insert fat girl's name*,

Thank you for telling me about your concerns - I would like to assure you that we are taking this very seriously and are looking into the matter. In particular you mentioned that he called you a "fatass". Could you send us a dozen or so pictures of yourself so that we can disprove the veracity of his claims? Please get back to me ASAP as I will be meeting with him soon.

Thanks,

*MD*

Feb 17, 2021 - 7:34am

if you're based in the southeast, I may know you. if this is who I think it is, it's not your first brush with the sunday scaries, remember that wedding a few years back and how you were sooooo worried about that? shit happens, just wipe twice.

if I don't know you, then my advice is this. assuming the incident was very recent, you can still try to apologize if you think it'd be well received, but remember than an apology is also an admission of guilt. If I were you however, I'd just stop all communication, unmatch, delete tinder, and get on with your life as if nothing will happen.

here's the hard truth - this could be nothing or it could get you fired, but you have no real control over the situation at this point and if you sit there groveling to this chick how desirable of an outcome is that? she already has what she needs to fuck you over, why pour gasoline on the fire? like the female poster said, she's probably bluffing.

I say this could get bad because BIG rainmakers at my firm have gotten axed for shit like saying a racist slur in traffic because another car had their camera on, a comment on their personal facebook that the company finds disagreeable, companies today don't care who you are, and once you've made a mistake in the world of social media, no amount of apology will undo it. I don't think this is healthy, but it is what it is.

next, I'd reflect on why you swiped on a chick you're clearly not attracted to. for sport? because you think chicks like being made fun of like in high school? whatever the reason, stop doing that, there is extremely limited upside and possibly large downside as you've discovered. if, on the other hand you did find her attractive but your drunken self got the best of you, that's different, and I can't really tell you what to do there, because zero contact with females while inebriated is not possible, and stopping drinking is also likely not tenable. finally, in case this does go south, make sure your network and resume are both healthy. if it's not a fat chick nuking your career, it could be a bad bonus or getting passed over for a promotion, so always take care of #1.

Feb 17, 2021 - 11:50am

thebrofessor

if you're based in the southeast, I may know you. if this is who I think it is, it's not your first brush with the sunday scaries, remember that wedding a few years back and how you were sooooo worried about that? shit happens, just wipe twice.

Commercial Real Estate Developer

Feb 20, 2021 - 9:43am

I agree with most of what you're saying, but is calling someone a fatass considered comparable to a racist slur or political stance though - especially to a MD in the southeast? From those around me, it seems like most people, except for my liberal friends and fatter ones, still think that fat people are a result of laziness and are less deserving of sympathy, while most understand that race is something one is born with thus something that one shouldn't be attacked on, and political stances indicate moral values and can piss off the wrong crowd ($$$). 

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Feb 17, 2021 - 8:40am

WOWWW this is awesome. Definitely apologize. You realize if you're fired, it will be pretty easy to figure out who this is? 

  • Analyst 3+ in PE - Other
Feb 17, 2021 - 8:57am

So you said something mean to a woman from online dating. Is your boss really going to give a fuck? Who cares, unless this bitch is Tim Cook's daughter no one in finance is going to give a flying fuck. Unless your MD is a woman, then you're fired.

For real tho, what kind of sad person feels the need to snipe you at your place of employment for calling them fat. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Feb 17, 2021 - 9:05am

step 1)  un-match and change your Tinder pictures and bio text

step 2) do nothing (obviously, don't repeat this behavior)

worst case, if she does email to your boss, and if your boss asks about it, you can say "i have no idea who that person is...or why they are catfishing...maybe some grudge from a friend of an exgf...idk"  (like shaggy teaches, always deny "it wasn't me")

My 1st day at big investment bank, we were told

"going forward, anything you say or write in any medium could be posted on the front page of the wall street journal and reported to your boss....because there is a non-zero-probability if you work in finance, someday, it will"

This is good life advice.

just google it...you're welcome
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Feb 17, 2021 - 4:37pm

faceslappingcompilation

step 1)  un-match and change your Tinder pictures and bio text

step 2) do nothing (obviously, don't repeat this behavior)

worst case, if she does email to your boss, and if your boss asks about it, you can say "i have no idea who that person is...or why they are catfishing...maybe some grudge from a friend of an exgf...idk"  (like shaggy teaches, always deny "it wasn't me")

My 1st day at big investment bank, we were told

"going forward, anything you say or write in any medium could be posted on the front page of the wall street journal and reported to your boss....because there is a non-zero-probability if you work in finance, someday, it will"

This is good life advice.

I disagree with the "non-zero probability" line. You in fact manage your own career. If you don't like the popularity of a celebrity, then don't accept that partner promotion or global head or whatever it may be that may potentially put you on the WSJ. 

Array

Feb 17, 2021 - 7:40pm

you don't need to be an MD to get press...if an analyst / associate / VP does something horrendously stupid....you can also wind up in the paper.

Recall those rogue traders...they were not MDs...

just google it...you're welcome
Feb 17, 2021 - 9:30am

I'm relatively sure your boss can't legally do much to you without running into a wrongful termination suit. If you got into an argument with some chick outside of work, and it had no ties to work, then it's totally unrelated. What you were doing was on your time, on your own social media account, without dragging the firm into it. Company cannot legally do anything. You weren't exposing them to any liability, since you posted with an anonymous account on a private network. If the boss starts hassling you, say "it's not related to work, it's a private dispute between two people."  

Feb 17, 2021 - 10:43am

^ not true at all in the US. They can fire you for pretty much any reason other than a few protected classes like race, gender, age etc. 

People have absolutely been fired for comments they've made that are slurs or similar. There is almost no recourse. 
 

With that said, I'm not sure what to do here. There's some gray area re: if she'd actually send it and if his boss would respond. 

Array
Feb 17, 2021 - 9:41am

Bro are you seriously sweating over the fact that you called some random girl on a dating site a fatass and that she'll tell your bosses about it? If I was your boss I'd just tell you to stop being retarded and get better game. No one cares about your personal dating life and how you bombed with one girl on tinder who's also a fucking nutjob. Just ignore and move on.

Feb 17, 2021 - 1:39pm

grieze

Bro are you seriously sweating over the fact that you called some random girl on a dating site a fatass and that she'll tell your bosses about it? If I was your boss I'd just tell you to stop being retarded and get better game. No one cares about your personal dating life and how you bombed with one girl on tinder who's also a fucking nutjob. Just ignore and move on.

The boss cares if it somehow ends up in the newspaper. So yeah, the boss will care.

Array

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Feb 17, 2021 - 3:20pm

The boss firing him is more likely to end up in the newspaper than him calling her fat. Seriously, do you think before you comment?

Feb 17, 2021 - 4:25pm

I seriously doubt anyone will make a whole article about a random tinder conversation gone wrong. Plus this girl is a nutjob and chances are she's not gonna do shit, she just wants to feel some sort of power or stroke to her ego. Again this whole thing sounds ridiculous and OP is worrying about nothing.

Feb 17, 2021 - 9:45am

First --  Get the fuck off social media / tinder (or whatever the kids use today) / spend a few bucks and pay someone minimize your current social footprint.

Your singular goal here is to avoid the SJW crowd rising up and attacking / protesting/ Antifa burning the FIRM. Not you. The Firm.

You can handle any bunny boilers yourself and in due course

Second --  This ONLY works if you have blood brother type friends.  Yes, I have been the "drunk texting friend" in the following scenario (slightly different circumstances, but you get the point).  Walk into your bosses office TOMORROW and tell him some derivation of this...

"Matched with some girl on Tinder while out with buddies having a few.  Left the table to head to the bathroom.  Came back and they are all laughing saying. "Look at the response we gave...".  Appalled, I f*cking told them off.  I do not want this to reflect badly on the firm, but this SJW is now trying to doxx me because her feelings were hurt on Tinder and here is the actual conversation (phone ready of course).  Mean comment I know.  I am thinking about hiring a lawyer to tell her to cease and desist.   I do not want to make a big deal of this, but I felt you needed to know.  I am looking for personal advice on how best to handle this from the firm's perspective and minimize any potential blowback.

Third -- The ONLY way you fight these animals is head on.  Loud, proud and fuck you.  Apologize one last time repeating the story above.  If she decides to send a knife to a gun fight...  Get all of HER information (make sure you have it BEFORE this conversation) and then push out a long sigh and say, " I'm so sorry to hear that, At advice of my counsel, I will have to let your employer (NAME) know that I will be filing a restraining order against you for harassment, limiting all forms of communication between you, me and my firm and filing a criminal complaint against you for blackmail and harassment with the local police precinct.  Wait for the response...If she goes full psycho, then you are prepped for the fall out.  If she whimpers away, consider it a life lesson.

Fourth -- Get the fuck off social media / tinder/ whatever

Namaste.

D.O.U.G.

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Feb 17, 2021 - 10:03am

Honestly, this is probably the best move. Well said.

Feb 17, 2021 - 1:41pm

itssosimple

tell her go ahead then you'll sue her for x large sum for defamation 

Defamation is about untrue statements, not true statements. 

Array

Feb 17, 2021 - 10:11am

My advice would be to consider your options and control the narrative. 

The outcomes are:

  1. Email not sent: Although it seems unlikely/annoying, it may be best to apologize, but the person may just send it anyway. 
  2. Email sent and ignored: Your MD probably doesn't respond to all of his/her emails directly, rather has an assistant reply on his/her behalf, so there's a chance the email will be ignored. 
  3. Email sent and read: If your MD does see the email, then I would advise trying to control the narrative - I would hope the firm would trust your word over some screenshots. 

I would recommend apologizing (nothing to lose/something to gain) or spinning the narrative if it comes to that.

Feb 17, 2021 - 10:21am

OP here - received one email so far from the MD who's email address she threatened to send. Had a heart attack when I saw the notification on my phone, but it was work related.

It seems like there are two divided opinions over what I should do. (1) I ignore it, unmatch/delete Tinder, pretend it never happened and deny if I get called out by my boss (2) I try to apologize to the girl, say my drunk friend took my phone (we're still matched)?

Is there a way to make a poll here over what the majority think I should do? 

If I offer her money ($500?) and she takes it, would it then be considered blackmail/extortion on her part and I have some legal protection now? I'm having trouble sleeping and concentrating over this whole stupid situation 

Feb 17, 2021 - 10:26am

>In my drunkenness and anger, I replied calling her a fat*** and made a joke that she looked like she put on the COVID-30 / I would sign her up for Jenny Craig.

What you did wasn't illegal, in fact, it seems you were concerned for her poor health (and high risk for COVID mortality) and in a drunk state you casually gave her some health and fitness advice. From my point of view, she owes you a debt of gratitude,. 

  • Associate 1 in RE - Comm
Feb 17, 2021 - 10:57am

You have already given this chick too much of your time / energy. If you unmatch her, I promise you will never hear from her again

If you really just said she gained Covid-30 and could use Jenny Craig, you're fine. Go live your life.

If you said "you fat slut, I hope your next BF beats you", you may need to do some damage control and also see a therapist.

  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Feb 17, 2021 - 11:09am

Why don't you just say your friend/roommate/whatever was over and without you knowing used your Tinder. You normally don't use Tinder (hence why you only see it now from another notification), and that you feel terribly sorry etc., and if there's anything you can do to make up for your friend's terrible behaviour? She'll have to be nuts to still notify your boss (in which case you were fucked anyway) and you get to apologize without admitting guilt 

Feb 21, 2021 - 2:16am

Are you a retarded person? Unmatch her asap wtf. Once you unmatch her there's a less than 30% chance she actually sends it and a less than 10% chance your boss will take some crazy tinder chick's word over yours. If you keep engaging her it's only going to make it worse

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  • 2
Feb 17, 2021 - 10:27am

Do NOT pay her. There's no guarentee she won't send it regardless. 

Take the advice above. Apologize to her. Unmatch. Move on with your life. Hopefully nothing happens.

If something happens, take the next steps and update this forum. 

Feb 17, 2021 - 11:14am

Listen my son. Reply her: Omg I am sorry for this! I was out with my friends and ended up at a party where I lost my phone. Just a new phone and logged into everything and saw this with a lot of other things that happened to my social media accounts. Really sorry again and I will change my password away from 1234 so this does not happen again. I would love to make it up to you again, how about dinner? 

Or, delete your account. Anyone can make a tinder account of your name and use a picture of you. If she does go forward with this she prop wont come far because she need proof that it is you that's behind this and doubt that tinder would share this information bla bla. If you are concerned just pay a lawyer some cash and talk about it they will give you a nice answer where they can explain to you by the law that it would not be a problem. 

Also man up, u fag go pick on people on your own size, not someone on tinder that is looking for sex. 

  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Feb 17, 2021 - 11:34am

You're going to try to go to dinner with a girl you just called a fat**** in a drunken rage? Don't see how that can go wrong

Major intern vibes

  • Associate 1 in AM - Equities
Feb 17, 2021 - 11:31am

Why would you even consider reacting to this? What sort of boss would care what mean thing you said to a chick on a dating app wtf? 

  • Prospect in IB - Ind
Feb 17, 2021 - 11:34am

Pull one from Trump's playbook: deny everything and gaslight her if she actually goes through with it. I highly doubt that your boss would press you on this. "COVID-30" is a hilarious line btw.

Feb 17, 2021 - 11:39am

Two words: "plausible deniability." As others have said, photoshop means you can believe nothing today is real.

Three words: "I am gay." Worst case, you go nuclear and claim you don't use Tinder because you're gay. 

Just deny.

Array

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Feb 23, 2021 - 9:48am

If she's as fat and ugly as OP says she is, then isn't that just as good at being gay?

OP, don't say you're gay. If she is as disgusting as you say, then you are in the clear. MD will realize you'd never stoop that low to match with a fat girl.

Feb 17, 2021 - 12:50pm

You are an associate in PE and spend your weekends arguing with people you've never met on Tinder? That's embarrassing man.

You matched with her in the first place so you either thought she was attractive despite her weight, or you have very low standards for yourself. This, compounded with the fact that you called her a fat*** when getting angry, shows you have the emotional capabilities of a 6 year old.

Please take some time to evaluate why you put yourself in this situation in the first place. Then take some accountability and stop acting like a little bitch.

Feb 17, 2021 - 1:38pm

You're making very broad accusations/assumptions

1. I don't spend my weekends purposely trying to argue with women on Tinder, this was my first argument in months. You also don't know who started it.  I'm using Tinder to get laid, not argue with randoms

2. You're saying I have very low standards for myself because I swiped right on a "thicc" gal? That's a big insult to this girl you are implying (coming from you a fellow woman). Also, at 1am on a Saturday, I subtract 20 pounds from their pics

3. The next time you get into an argument and say an insult or something you regret when you are angry (I'm sure you've never done this ever), I hope the other person as the next step takes a photo/video and sends it directly to your employer to get you fired

Controversial
Feb 17, 2021 - 1:24pm

For a bunch of supposedly intelligent people, all of your critical thinking skills are actually abhorrent. Blame it on a friend? What are you, 12? Suing for defamation? Defamation based on what, the things that he actually said?  
 

It's so painfully obvious that none of you have ever had to take accountability for anything in your lives, particularly when it comes to the way you speak to and treat women. Might be worth some introspection why your innate response to conflict is to resort to slurs and insults. I know it's a foreign concept for the eternally privileged, but some day these things will have consequences, and when you inevitably get left behind it won't be due to political correctness or diversity programs, but to the fact that you don't know how to talk to anyone who's not a straight while male without being a complete dick.

Feb 17, 2021 - 2:20pm

This is a hilarious thread. Honestly made my day.

SB for the advice (and username).

Array

Feb 17, 2021 - 4:03pm

Yes only the "eternally privileged" say something they later regret. Everyone who isn't a straight white male would never get into an argument with someone and verbally overreact. And if they did, they would issue the most prompt and sincere apology possible to settle the matter, lest their reputation be impugned. 
-----

Do you actually believe your own bullshit or do you just like making shit up so you can feel morally superior to others?

Array
  • 12
  • 4
Feb 18, 2021 - 1:33pm

Liberals in a nut shell. Why can't everyone but me be perfectly reasonable and level headed at all times in dealing with things? Also anyone who disagrees with my opinions is a racist/sexist/ableist/privileged/oppressive/hateful/bigoted/immature/uncaring/insensitive/cold horrible human and I'll do my best to hurt them in aspects of their personal and professional life that have nothing to do with me or the situation.

The chick made it personal for OP when she brought the his job into a stupid tinder dispute. Not only is she allegedly fat, but now she's a verified cunt and gets 0 sympathy.

Mar 2, 2021 - 4:04pm

Grab that racist 'straight white male' privilege BS linguo and shove it where the sun don't shine. I've seen plenty  of people of colour doing plenty (as in majority) of the evils which you condone on a day to day basis (domestic violence, rape, murder, black-victim crimes, crime in general), and we don't call it black privilege or whatever privilege.

But maybe we should start! Bring out the stats.

Feb 17, 2021 - 4:15pm

6andthecity

For a bunch of supposedly intelligent people, all of your critical thinking skills are actually abhorrent. Blame it on a friend? What are you, 12? Suing for defamation? Defamation based on what, the things that he actually said?  

Well, maybe not 12, but most people here are definitely teenagers or, at best, college kids in their early 20s.  Hence all the awful conservative trolling, the terrible advice thrown around in situations like this... it's sad, really.  But you do see why things like #MeToo are necessary, and even when they go too far, an improvement over what came before.  This guy wants the ability to be an asshole to who he likes, without repercussion, and now wants a way to weasel his way out of consequences for his actions.  He says downthread that he does this on a fairly regular basis, too. 

It's so painfully obvious that none of you have ever had to take accountability for anything in your lives, particularly when it comes to the way you speak to and treat women. Might be worth some introspection why your innate response to conflict is to resort to slurs and insults.

If this guy was capable of introspection (or any of the people sympathizing with him) he wouldn't be haranguing random women he met on Tinder every couple months.  The time for that passed.  

I know it's a foreign concept for the eternally privileged, but some day these things will have consequences, and when you inevitably get left behind it won't be due to political correctness or diversity programs, but to the fact that you don't know how to talk to anyone who's not a straight while male without being a complete dick.

SJWs ruin everything.  Don't make it more complicated than that.

Feb 18, 2021 - 3:37am

Lol. "Weasel his way out of the consequences for his actions". 

There is something about the potential repercussion and the severity of his actions. There's a reason why we don't chop people's hands off for stealing in the Western world. OP deserves a drink in the face, or a mild slap on the chin, not a ruined professional life/career. 

I don't know... Yeah. Almost definitely yes.

  • 1
Feb 17, 2021 - 3:11pm

Female here.. 

I don't think she'll send it. She's just trying to scare you and it's working. If she was gonna send it she would have done so already. 

Don't send money. Guilty people send money. and there's no guarantee that she'll drop it.

You could send her a cease and desist letter for slander and libel?

Another idea send me your tinder, i'll get you banned for being a fake account LOL

Feb 18, 2021 - 11:57am

Yes, you're right I can! 

She was upset bc he reminded her of all the times ppl have called her fat. Not mad at him in particular. He holds no weight being a rando on Tinder. But, I just don't think she'll send it now, it's been a couple of days. Has forgot about it. She found the MDs email in the moment. 

Also, when apologizing you should have worked on her emotions. Like I said that because I was a fat kid and I was bullied? Or my ______ died so I've been argumentative lately. 

Feb 17, 2021 - 3:48pm

Thread of the year right here. I've always wondered about these type of things happening and I'm surprised about how many people recommended lying about it and weren't memeing. If I was an MD, and a low level employee told me that the conversation was fake, I honestly would be less inclined to believe them. What are the odds that someone would create a fake account with your info and pictures and use it to argue with fat chicks on Tinder? Incredibly unlikely. This could cause them to dig deeper and it could play out incredibly unfavorably. 

I'd estimate that following odds:

1) Chance that the girl actually sends an email 30%

2) Chances that your MD reads the email or it doesn't end up in Junk box 60% 

3) Chances that your MD would bring it up 40%

4) Chances of repercussions 15% 

Basically there is little odds that something bad may actually happen. Then you have 2 options on how to deal with it, respond to girl or not respond. I would go with the latter and take my chances. In the 7% chance that your MD broaches the subject with you you can 1) tell the truth or 2) Lie. If you tell the truth, you can basically say that it was a moment of weakness and a hard lesson learned. Likely scenario is that your boss will instruct you to send an apologetic email to the girl and maybe a $100 gift card to Jenny Craig. If you lie, I would recommend coming up with a more believable story. Something along the lines of: "yes, it was my account. Yes, I was drinking heavily that night BUT my boys and I mess around on each others Tinder accounts for fun and my boy said something deplorable. Lesson learned the hard way and I will never let my friends near my social media again. I was mortified when I saw the conversation and her reaction which led me to unmatching her and praying that it would never come to this. What would you have done differently in this situation?"

  • Summer Associate in ER
Feb 19, 2021 - 12:35pm

What are the odds that someone would create a fake account with your info and pictures and use it to argue with fat chicks on Tinder? Incredibly unlikely.

True. But you can say instead that your account was hacked. Has the same effect and is much more plausible. You could even fabricate evidence of your credentials being leaked on the dark web

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