Dealing with a tough breakup while working in IB?
Can anyone share their experience of dealing with a hard breakup while working in this job?
Recently got out of a long term relationship and am feeling really shitty and in a pretty dark place. I think getting crushed by this job the past few months not only is making it worse now, but honestly had a big impact on why the relationship ended (I felt like I just have no emotional capacity and everything outside of work exhausts me). Honestly I don’t really feel comfortable sharing this with anyone in my personal life and should probably see a counselor but I think this is towards the lowest I’ve ever felt. And then on top of that I lost the person I would normally be able to share these feelings with.
A few years behind you but experienced the exact same thing. Over a year removed from breakup, and it deadass could not have happened at a worse time in my life. Truly.
I've noticed that being bored and having little or nothing to do makes it much worse. It leaves me only thinking about her and what happened, and how lonely I am, as well as how much it sucks to be where I'm at now mentally compared to way back then with her.
If I was an IBD AN2, I would probably try to lateral to something more manageable in terms of WLB. You mention how the job has been crushing you since even before the breakup, and maybe this is a sign to take a step back and figure out if there's a change you can make that can substantially increase you mental health and put you in a better place.
Again, I'm a few years behind you but experienced a similar, extremely painful breakup, so I'm just trying to imagine what I would do if my breakup occurred in the same time period you're experiencing this in.
And your last sentence hits so hard man. I dealt with so much other shit this whole year and I didn't really have any other person in my life to find comfort in and comfortably share everything with. I obviously have my unbelievably amazing parents and some great friends, but I would tell her anything and everything, and I haven't been able to really pour myself out since then, which has been so difficult with all the other shit I've been having to deal with.
I completely understand how you feel man, I experienced the similar situation. Both got broken up with at horrible times, you in the midst of stressful analyst years, and me in the midst of the worst time in my life while in college.
I was in counseling for a bit immediately after the breakup because I really was on the edge, and it definitely helped. Again, it is still brutal on me and my mental health on a regular basis over a year later, but go get help. Make time for it somehow. It won't fix it all or make everything okay, but it will give you someone to confide in and get professional help from.
Good luck man, and hang in there. It's a horrible feeling, I know it, but use the good parts of your life and the people you love to help keep you going and stay motivated in keeping yourself up.
being in IB helped me deal with a similar breakup cuz i just didnt have enough time to rue lol.
still sucked ass tho
Currently dealing with this now and it is ruining me. Extreme anxiety, inability to sleep, complete loss of appetite and motivation to work out. I wake up borderline shaking every day with feelings of dread and unhappiness. I feel you brother, it fucking sucks.
Similar to you, I do not feel super close to any of my NYC relationships where I could share these feelings. I completely relate to missing the one person you can share this type of stuff with. Im completely lost. If you want to pm, would be willing to chat.
Hang in there. Happened to me a year ago and was going through the same stuff.
As dumb as it sounds, time heals all wounds. Get through it, and you’ll come out a better person
Wouldn’t know, I’m in a relationship with money… you wouldn’t get it
And your girl probably cheats on you regularly.
Your gf name is moolah eh?
I’m glad you cared about her, at the very least it means you are emotionally in tune and have the full ability to have another fulfilling relationship - just when you have more capacity.
I also went through a breakup a few months into my An1, we were together for just over a year…it gutted me but if anything I realized that she wasn’t “the one” for me. IB is a 2 year sacrifice to put you on the right path to lead a financially comfortable life, an important basis for that future family of yours. She may not have seen the two kids, white picket fence and dog with you - otherwise she might be a little more resilient (assuming it wasn’t a messy breakup). Know that after you feel the pain (I gave myself 48 hours of pure play depression - cried, ate like shit, didn’t clean my room the whole nine) and then I got the fuck up. Kept my gym routine and stayed focus…you have many years to meet a woman that fits your visual aesthetic and values the short term sacrifice for your career or happens to meet you once you have more capacity. IB does not give a fuck about you, you have to claw your self worth from it. Maintain your gym routine, sleep, eat right, go on a spiritual journey so you aren’t controlled by your dick needing someone to smash or cuddle at night to be happy. You got this.
Seen all these breakup posts recently. Here's the advice I wish someone gave me when I was your age:
You need to be thankful it happened now rather than after divorce and losing half your net worth and losing custody of your kids. You need to have more confidence in yourself man... you're a young guy with a great job and will continue to earn well throughout your life. You don't need a woman to support you. You're in the top 1 percent of earners your age and will continue to earn well if you stick around in the industry.
When girls are in their 20s and teens, they tend to date around. They want to try to get the best for themselves, status wise and financially. Usually though, this doesn't end up happening, and most women need to compromise when they get into their late 20s or 30s. I doubt your ex is going to find a guy like you to COMMIT to her for the long term and marry her. The smart girls date guys with a lot of potential when they are young and stick with those guys for the long haul (they don't run away). Those are the girls who end up getting the best deal. The guys who do end up doing really well (7 figures +) later in life and who were single, they're in a different camp. They tend to not get married or only marry the girl if they have a secure pre-nup. These guys date on their own terms and command what they want when they hit their 30s. You should aim to be in this camp.
Don't sweat it man, enjoy life. Continue working on yourself, and make the best of life. Things get easier as a guy as you get older.
And even if she finds better, there's so many women out there who would be happy to be with you and stick around with you for the long haul.
This is such a great comment.
Went through one a year ago, had been dating for 3+ years, etc. Fortunately happened at a time when work was pretty good (returns) and was plenty busy to distract myself. Contrary to some advice persistently advising to distract yourself, just ensure it's in a healthy way. I'd also say... this might be contrarian advice but really sit with it. Be alone with it. Understand how you feel and what irks you about the uncomfortable feelings of going through a rash life change. Break-ups aren't easy but life isn't either so try and spend a little time alone to process and digest those feelings. Your future relationships will thank you.
Other than that, there are positives constantly to draw from it. Yes you lose someone you've been close to and who knows you better than most, but 1) you are you're own biggest fan and best friend and 2) you now have plenty more time to grow yourself. It sounds sappy but the comment above also touches on important dynamics of age and status that are unfortunate parts of young dating life. Immerse yourself in work and crush it, find new hobbies and spend time with friends, and then just focus on what truly makes you happy. Annoyingly one of the only working remedies for a breakup is time but ultimately this too shall pass, but you have to do the extra leg work to ensure you're a better man on the other side of it.
Keep your head up
Hey man - went through a break up a few months ago after finding out my long-term girlfriend who I was living with was cheating on me. Unfortunately PE recruiting kicked off two weeks later then the biggest deal I’ve been on shortly after that. Honestly was one of the shittiest months of my life and working 90 hours a week while moving into a new place gave me no time to process anything.
Not sure the culture of your group, but I would try to reach out to your staffer and say you’ve had some personal things come up and see if it’d be possible to get some relief on any accounts or even just a couple days off where you can focus on anything but work. Break ups suck for everyone, but having to go through one while aligning logos until 2 am every night is fucking miserable.
Regardless I can say the past 6 months I’ve grown a ton as a person and it’s really given me more perspective on what’s actually important to me in life. I’m positive man you’re going to get through it and will eventually be thankful it ended when it did. Try to limit the negative coping mechanisms (food, drugs, alcohol, etc.) and find time to just sit with yourself and process things. Obviously easier said than done in this job but you need to figure out how to prioritize yourself for the next few weeks. There’s a lot more to life than banking and prioritizing your own mental health is seriously more important than v34 of whatever deck you’re on. You might have to start caring a little bit less and pissing people off about a less-than-perfect work product, but it’s far more important in the long run to prioritize your sanity.
Unfortunately the next few months will probably suck, but you have to just accept things for what they are now and start making moves to work on yourself. As someone else mentioned, if you don’t think you’ll be able to get any time for yourself with your group, it may be a good idea to start looking into something with a better WLB. This stuff is no joke and I was super lucky to have a pretty chill past couple of months with how bad the markets have been.
Lastly, again not sure of the culture of your group, but it’s been amazingly helpful for me to lean on other people. I’m sure there are 1-2 other analysts you would consider friends you could maybe talk to? If not, this is a great time to start putting yourself out there and really trying to build relationships where you can do so. I was the same way in that I really leaned on my ex for emotional support and had to force myself out of my comfort zone to open up to others (something I’ve never been good at) after it ended. You’d be surprised how receptive and supportive people can be. Just having anyone to vent to can be immensely helpful.
Seriously, best of luck man and feel free to reach out if helpful to talk privately.
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