Dealing with Napoleonic Complexes
I don't mean to sound like a douche but I I've noticed that 99% of the time when I work with someone at school who just refuses to get along with me from the start, they're short guys. Has anyone faced any troubles being really tall/muscular in an IB setting? It gets frustrating because I do my best to not be a dick or intimidating, and I still manage to piss off short guys by just existing.
It could certainly be some quality that I unknowingly give off, but curious if this is something others have experienced.
How tall are you?? Maybe they're just shocked. My friend group consists of no one 6'3 and taller not because of height discrimination but because that person is either an athlete and too committed to have fun outside of that or are just weird looking/give weird vibes/act superior. Don't think height is a big deal for most guys, at some point you just have to ask yourself if you're the problem. The world doesn't form bonds based on height, haha This post is funny.
6’4
But why do u think anyone over 6’3 is “weird?” Proves my point man, can’t you just be friendly?
You're right OP. For whatever reason I get along well with guys who are also over 6 feet. Short guys tend to be quick to any perceived slight. Been called arrogant by a few short guys but never tall guys. Think that's because when I'm just being myself, it comes across as cocky from their perspective. It's all good though, we can just be the bigger man. Lol. I get it though. It's ridiculous how women can openly talk about only liking men over 6ft; that's something men can't change. Meanwhile, fat people are actively shortening their lifespan, but if you bring any attention to it, it's body shaming. Not to mention that there are still an inordinate amount of people on this planet going hungry, but 300 pounders can't put down that 5th meal of the day which could've held a hungry kid over for a week.
Sorry, you’re right that does sound like there’s a hard cutoff. My point was moreso that in my personal friend group, we don’t have anyone over 6’3. We welcome anyone of any height but my general observation (I was social chair of my fraternity and president of various finance clubs), the really really tall guys (like 6’5 and up) are usually either athletes and/or have a sense of awkwardness or superiority, or so it seems. Personally, I never judge based on height. I always give the tall guys a bid because I come from a family of abnormal height and have heard the same concern. My favorite cousin plays D1 and is 6’5. Can safely say my cousin thinks he’s better and is frankly a bit odd when it comes to social settings (entire family agrees too). Maybe it’s because he grew up to be so above average in stature? I do think gigantism is a bit of a undesired beauty trait, I mean look at the ancient chinese they used to literally bind their feet to make them as small as possible. That’s just one example but I think society has normalized the fact that being super tall, you ought to be a gifted athlete if not you’re almost an enigma. Sorry if this gets misconstrued don’t mean to insult in any way.
This problem might not go away. It’s worth maybe thinking about how you are acting that is turning those people off. I also think this is a problem everyone has—pretty girls notice guys AND girls often discount them as dumb. As a confident short guy, I noticed certain woman are very bothered by my confidence. Asian woman especially tend to find me particularly off-putting and tended to tank me in interview settings. Eventually I learned the type of people that I pissed off and changed my behavior. In interviews and settings where I work with Asian women I generally will be less confident, more self deprecating, and defer to them more. Part of going through undergrad and maturing as a professional is understanding the type of impression you give and being self aware enough to adjust how people perceive you. Short guys might see you and immediately feel angry or be looking for you to play the douchebag role. Try to defer to them more and give them power in situations—it might go better for you.
Why do you believe Asian women find you off-putting?
Same reason short people find OP off-putting. In short who knows. I can theorize, and my theory is generally they are more rule following and me going against the grain or being untraditional in some areas bothers them.
Edit: to clarify to, it’s not like I have a problem with Asian women, it’s more that I’ve found of people who have tanked me in interviews or complained about me professionally (always for being arrogant) all have been Asian girls—likely 5+ times from undergrad to years in my career. So at a point, you gotta be like, “well maybe I should pay particular attention to those people because they clearly don’t vibe with my background or have some bias against me that I need to adjust for”
Is pandering to a stereotype worth it though? It seems as if you are limiting your own prospects when it comes to working with Asian women and short men. Unless your superior is part of one of the two abovementioned demographics and being your true self in front of them is threatening to your long-term career, why fake things?
It’s not really faking things it’s more just being more aware of how you come off and having social awareness. A great example—if I hang out with my friends who work minimum wage jobs, I don’t wear a suit and order the fanciest shit because it will make them feel bad. I also probably won’t talk about the recent trip I took overseas. If I get an Asian woman interviewing me, I might try to act less sure of myself. It could be once working, I act more confident, but that’s something you play by ear as you get more information. OP noticed a pattern and I also noticed a pattern—it’s not being fake, it’s acknowledging people have biases and will perceive you different ways. Much in the same way, if you are black, you might want to lean into more quantitative interests to balance a bias people might have that you are a “diversity hire”. Biases are real and we all have to learn how others are sometimes biased against us.
Best comment on this thread. It’s amazing how often you run into adults and professionals that have little to no understanding of how they’re perceived, or have got it completely wrong lol. I agree with everything you said with a caveat: there are times where you simply cannot give a fuck what people think/have to say and do you but those situations have to be picked carefully. Being fully aware of situations & being able to discern when to not care of others’ opinions, be you and go on vs when to adjust yourself slightly to facilitate an interaction in order to get the best outcome, is an elite social art imo that not enough people think about cultivating.
Yep. It's about congruency. People subconsciously attribute certain personality traits onto others based on perception and appearance. Everyone expects the fit, tall guy to be confident and capable. But many people don't expect that of short guys. So when one does exhibit those traits, it seems wrong and "off putting". It's the same with attractive and unattractive people. Attractive people can get away with being flirty and being bold with women. But if someone unattractive tries it, they're a creep. I believe it's also called the "halo effect".
This is so refreshing to read. Well put. I thought it was just me who had this take where people assume the short / not handsome / not "white in finance" guy that is actually confident/flirty/competent being immediately singled out and somehow perceived as arrogant or off-putting. Happens too often in this field unfortunately
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Don't know anything about you but I know a tall guy who's entire personality only works because he's tall (he's like 6'4"). If he was 5'7" (average height) he would just be the most annoying guy ever because he only commands attention/respect because he's tall. He has this air of superiority that is extremely off-putting to me (I'm 6'0" btw so not even short). If there's something about being taller than people that gives you some natural feeling of confidence/dominance/superiority, make a conscious effort to keep that shit in check.
I've known taller dudes than me who were extremely chill and humble and respected my "space" upon meeting me. Of course there's always going to be guys that are jealous of you for being taller/better in shape/richer etc. but make sure it's not a problem on your end. Cheers bro.
Just make sure you're not that type of guy.
maybe it's just human psychology but we perceive short people as more aggressive. Bad example but people say Christian Horner is a whiny pos (which is deserved) while Toto (6' 5'') is seen as just a dominant male even if he's also whiny.
This isn’t true—if anything it’s actually the opposite lol. There’s mad studies out there that show both men and women find short men more likable and approachable (a huge part of this is they are less threatening). I have this debate all the time with people as a short guy—the wage gap due to height is mainly confounding with confidence/ short people are very not confident. That said, on paper you actually are viewed as more approachable and likeable if you aren’t a weirdo. The problem also is there’s a ton of short guys who just have a bad attitude because they feel society has wronged them and they are angry little shits.
I say this as a big RBR fan, but Horner is a shit stirrer (in the best way) while Toto is a pretty no-nonsense guy. I don't really see either as naturally aggressive - in the competitive sense maybe but not as personalities.
The entire concept of a napoleon complex is a double standard. Taller guy gets pissed off or isn’t in a good mood and it’s just that, but a shorter guy does the same thing and it’s somehow all about his height. Napoleon was average height anyway. Height should be treated like any other physical attribute, it’s not that deep. You might be unintentionally putting those people off. Plus not everyone will get along with you, it’s alright.
Actually the noble Corsican hegemon of all of Europe and the known world was not short, it is mere British, Prussian and Russian propaganda.
It stemmed from the fact that his exalted Old Guard regiments had height requirements and as he often led from the front of his army (where the Old Guard were), his (above average) height appeared shorter compared to 6'2 monsters with 2' tall hats.
I'm 6'2 and I get along well with unattractive/short women and guys alike. I don't get along with minorities, gays, jews or poors though.
-%17 so sad.
You sound like a closet homosexual.
In short we're all in a highly competitive field trying to make our way to the top, substituting women for money and prestige...which leads to women. Until they (and you & everyone else) are comfortable in their own skin, it will always be there in some shape or form. mentally its all the same with inferiority or thought of they were not being taken seriously, and jealousy. But there's science and data backing that someone who is taller and stronger rises up ranks and can command a room (see how many CEOs are taller than 6 feet). The ability to see in real life that being successful in business can remove the physical inferiority of finding a mate is going to bring the same 'mate mentality' in the workforce. But there is a big de-lineation between that, and annoyance due to arrogance. If everyone gives you looks, it might be more of a 'you' problem.
As a small, skinny guy who is pretty damn loud, a warped sense of humor and obnoxious maybe to some, but now unapologetically myself, I grew up with a majority of my friends being large football guys. Never had an issue, was comfortable with myself. But I totally went through a phase where I had a "chip on my shoulder" and a majority of it came from my height and weight (was/is a type who could eat 4,000 calories of pure fat and not gain anything) insecurity. Felt like most didn't take me seriously (luckily women were never an issue). Now I've established a career, got married, had a realization that its really all in your head. Once they figure out that part it'll go away. Otherwise we got more incels i guess lol.
I relate to this guy. TBH girls just like a cute and nice confident guy. Average height won't make or break especially to a girl who is 5'5 - 5'8.
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