Finance Bros- the most fragile house pets on Earth

You IB / PE / HF guys love to act like you’re killers. You’re not. You’re domesticated mutts in corporate kennels, wagging your tails for a fatter bonus.Your entire identity is a fucking name tag. Goldman, Blackstone, Citadel take the brand away and you’re just another overcaffeinated Excel monkey who’d fold the second you had to make a move without a team holding your hand.You look down on everyone outside your bubble because you’re scared shitless of them.Because they don’t play by your rules, and deep down you know you can’t win in a game where prestige means nothing. Real operators don’t need your approval, your “track record,” or your LinkedIn flex and it makes your skin crawl. You think you’re irreplaceable? Fuck no. You’re a line item on payroll.If you got hit by a bus, your desk would be cleared before the blood dried, and some 23-year-old would be in your chair before the week’s over. You worship “impact” but everything you touch is forgotten the moment the deal closes. Your life’s work is a stack of PDFs in a corporate archive no one will ever open again. You’re not changing the world, you’re moving numbers from one column to another so someone richer than you can get even richer. You’re not lions.You’re not killers.You’re well-fed zoo animals preening for tourists. And here’s the truth that keeps you up at night: If you quit tomorrow, the world wouldn’t just replace you it wouldn’t even notice you were gone.

51 Comments
 

I mean, technically not wrong, most "finance bros" aren't printers, they're broccoli headed idiots from Binghamton. 

Also, I did a brief stint in tech. It can be worse. Instead of idiot broccoli heads, people in tech are either extremely liberal or beleive the worst thing to happen to this nation was the 19th amendment. 

 

The type of crashout that occurs when bro couldn’t get off the iu Kelley waitlist

 

Not even. Bro hasn't even gotten through AP Calc ffs. Still a fucking sophomore

 

Type of post you make when you realize you’re too dumb to get into a target school

 

WestCoastChimp1:

So you are either (1) in fact a high schooler raging about the industry or (2) someone in industry (and therefore 5-8+ years older than a high schooler) asking about the high schooler pipeline? Idk lil bro just take the roast


Im not in high finance and neither am i in hs/uni

 

So you’re saying that you both A. are not in high school or undergrad, so you’re asking irrelevant questions and B. aren’t in finance at all? Get off the site, it’s not for you.

 

Bro actually thought that a field dominated by ivy league grads, high GPAs, rule followers was dominated by "lions" or "killers". Time to turn off the TV kiddo

You're talking about corporate America, not Sons of Anarchy. You do realize even like the PE partners and tech startup founders are a bunch of goobers too, right? If you think the real heavy hitters are hanging out at Goldman Sachs, you better pay better attention in your high school classes. 

 

I mean it is true though. I have been so brainwashed and grown up with media like the big short, wall street, wolf of wall street, etc. 

I thought finance would be a bunch of type-A, overconfident, flamboyant and money driven characters. Pls don't go into that those movies were about trading not M&A I get it I get it. But still. I thought its a bunch of sharp dudes, earning the big bucks but also living their life.

Fast forward I would say most succesfull ppl are a bunch of nerds over-obsessed about work/delivering good output for their superiors without any inch of pushback.

It is actually crazy how this perception of finance is different from reality.

 

It is a good point - that character archetype is so pervasive in literally every show about finance, law, movie studio execs etc. and I have never seen anyone operate like that successfully in real life. All of the best “killers” I’ve encountered in real life are - polished, prepared, calm and just super genuine and kind and great at connecting with people.

Think the only people who try to emulate Bobby Axelrod IRL are like Instapreneurs who sell solar panels and don’t realize everyone is laughing at them (OP may fall into this bucket)

 

Don't knock the solar game brother, plenty of people in that business are making money hand over fist. You'd be so shocked like I was. It's a grind like anything else though. But CA, TX, NM, FL, or any other sun belt state, and a solar salesperson is making fat commissions. 

 

Put the fries in the bag lil bro. No I don't want to listen to your soundcloud.

 

"Hey guys, I’m a sophomore just getting into watches and looking to pick up my first piece. Budget’s around $75. Wrist is ~6.9" around, 3" across, so nothing too chunky.

Open to anything clean and reliable. Not into showboating, just want to start learning the game. Appreciate any recs thanks in advance!" - promiskus

 

damn, so many egos are hurt from this post i can see. OP, I agree with you. The fact of the matter is, if you want to swing big in life, you need to create a platform, a company, or something useful for people that you can extract value from. The richest and the most powerful people are not some traders at Citadel. Those people are Elon, Zuck, Bezos, and the ones who build stuff. People here are just roasting you because the truth hurts to them lol 

 

He ain’t wrong. It is simply a paycheck. However 90% of those playing the game are such fucking boners they actually believe they bring some special sauce. They can’t face the  reality that the people, including themselves, and the capital are literally just commodities. So they peacock and talk about the things that “differentiate” them like the prep schools, universities, clothing, vacations, watches, restaurants and clubs, etc.


Yeah there are levels and some people / firms are obviously better than others. Doesn’t matter. I’ve been around a little while and you’re mostly all homogenous fuckin losers as evidenced by the replies to this supposed HS kid lol

Here to conduct pig business.
 

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