The end of my journey

Damn I have never related more to a post. I'm trying desperately to get out of IB and have multiple interviews lined up, but between working non-stop and being constantly tired, I just have no energy left to put into these interviews. I've started dreading each workday and I can honestly say that nothing in IB interests me anymore. I thought closing my first M&A deal would change my life until I realized that the only people who cared were other bankers. Same thing with my first IPO and everything else I've worked on. What good is prestige if none of your family or friends have even the slightest idea what you do on a daily basis? I'm grateful to have been given the opportunity to work in IB, but it's just mind-boggling how toxic this job can be. Great way to put yourself in a financially healthy position, but the tradeoffs are ridiculous and I honestly can't see how anyone can do this job long-term.  

Takes balls to recognize the toll a job has taken on you. Take a nice break, use that money to live a little and move on to something with better WLB. Best of luck brother.

Good luck brother 

Head up king. You are worth more than any job - never let that define you.

In the exact same situation and thinking like you….this type of life eats everything around and inside you, COVID just making it 10 times worse…

Never have I related more to a post on this website...

Have been at a BB in Australia for 2 years. What was once a job I loved, I now have no desire to complete. 

Spend my days thinking about quitting, but do not have the mental energy to recruit for new jobs. Really feel like I am stuck in this job because I don't have the balls to quit without something else lined up, despite how bad my mental and physical health has become. 

I'm glad that I am not the only one struggling in this COVID environment. Take care of yourself mate. 

Side comment but consider checking for vitamin D deficiency. It is quite common AFAIK and can contribute to lack of energy and some of the things you mention.

All the best

Best of luck OP. You got this, you earned it

The start

Intern in IB-M&A

Ranked mid to top-bucket consistently, I have been lucky enough to participate on some large and insightful transactions and was able to strengthen my relationships with some managing directors with whom I really enjoy working and from whom I learn a lot.......

.....In exchange, I have both learnt a lot and made a lot. For the first one, I am still amazed and love the fact that I am able to learn new things everyday and thrilled with the reality that I am able to personally speak to CEOs and CFOs of some of the largest American and UK companies......

....I have always been an intellectually curious person: that is why I loved this job, because I would be able to get to know how different industries work, and get paid for that. Yes, you would have to surf through seas of dreadful work, but for me it paid off. Until it did not.

Chose your quotes above for a reason.....I'm gonna tell you something which may seem insane right now. I think that you're gonna be a lifer in finance.  What it sounds like is that you need a really long hard break to rest up and recoup, but from your quotes above, it's clear to me that you're one of the rare people who really does enjoy this. Get better and take time and re-evaluate everything but I don't think this is the end of the road for you. 

You need to get laid to clear the head. 3 years with no sex is not explained by IB. It’s the other way around: you are overdoing work to compensate for lack of other things (sex, relationships, you name it). The job is what it is, but if you want to stay you should find the way to make it balanced. I’ve known great ANL that were great without taking it to the extremes you are describing. So do some self reflection - otherwise you’ll have the same issues at any job.

You have developed a great skill set / finance knowledge which no one will ever be able to take from you. You can use that to personally invest, or join a better WLB corporate job, become a master in your industry and go into VC or PE Operational Roles. 

OP - 

A final thought.  As one gets older, relationships and activities outside of work becomes increasingly relevant as it is better to have a well-balanced lifestyle (for a variety of health reason, whether physically and/or mentally).  As you are regrouping your thoughts, consider what kind of lifestyle you want to live as well.  Plenty of professions in and outside of banking would cater to such.  There is no doubt that your skillset is highly sought after in today's environment.  In terms of recruiting, they want to know your story, and how you were able to conquer the challenges in your life.  

As one of my favorite authors who passed not long ago, Terry Goodkind, “Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it.” 

Don’t worry you’ll be fine with your pedigree. Banking is not for everyone.

I dropped out of BB as I couldn’t handle the stress, I didn’t like the (what I thought was menial) tasks, and I didn’t like the culture of aggro people at 2am.

These days I’ve gone to do other things (HF) and make multiples of what the best bankers in my year would make and more than what most average team leaders would make. And work 30% the hours, doing something I enjoy. Banking is not the be all and end up. In fact I look across the street these days and wonder why they work so hard for so little money, if money was what mattered.

so good luck take your time to recover life will work itself out. And if you look making money, you’ll find another angle that suits you.

It honestly sounds like you need a break, but also have been very successful to date. I would seriously consider taking some time off, reconnecting with friends and family, maybe travel a little bit. Once you are a good 3 months out (average of how long it takes to change mentality based of me and my friends consensus), you will have a much clearer head and I think you'll be surprised at how much confidence you have in whatever direction you choose. Good luck and congrats on a job well done. It's time for some R&R. 

how much money do you have saved up? 

Congrats.  You made it.  3 solid years with great relationships and great pay. Hopefully you saved and invested a lot of it because the last few years have been incredible.  

I think it's fine to quit now.  A solid plan would be take 3-4 weeks off from everything and get your sleep, health, exercise, and diet in check.  You're physical and mental health will soar.  After that, I would think about getting back in touch with any friendships/relationships you wish you didn't have to sacrifice.  Perhaps get a few friends together and take a trip down to Miami or something. Maybe casually try some dating.  Just get your whole life into a different perspective.

Towards the end of month 2 pick up on recruiting and hopefully you can land something and start in the new year.

Loved your post. Having been in the job 5 years, I just quit 3 months ago. Decided to take a motorcycle license and travel the world by motorcycle with my wife until I figure out what's next (yes, she's as crazy as me and also quit her job)

There's so much beyond that work that we cannot really appreciate while at it.

For the future, well... Maybe IB, PE a personal venture or really something else).

Keep your head up, it not you... It's the work, sometimes the teams you work with and mainly the lifelong relationships you established that you got sloppy during that time that need care.

Do it.

I left 1 month ago without anything lined up. For the first time since my freshman summer I was able to enjoy a summer month hanging out with friends, boating, golfing, and reading by the pool. I lost 25 lbs and get to feel the sun on my face as much as I want.

Casually started sending out resumes after two weeks all across the street and the interviews piled up (that’s w/o the immaculate deal exposure you’ve had). Mentally reset and charge your soul, the grind will always be waiting for you, but life’s clock doesn’t stop ticking.

Stay happy and healthy OP.

OP - I totally feel you and understand the burnout. I recently quit IB to move into a slightly more relaxed PE role. One thing I would also suggest is perhaps consider pushing back a bit at work and taking on a bit less work. You've been at the bank for a while, and I'm sure you've done a great job and thus you have goodwill and a good reputation built up. It's time to cash in on it, and tell your staffer / seniors you need a little bit more personal time. Since you've performed well and you're in good rep with them, they'll likely understand, not take it personally against you, and go slightly easier on you for a bit. Take that time to recharge, focus on what matters to you in life and go from there.

This is what I did recently and helped a lot for me. I realized that no one will stand up for yourself, except yourself. Cause if you don't people will just take advantage of you and continue staffing you to no end. Head up brother.

Wow, that story made me laugh - "haven't had s*x in 3 years" lol. I've always wanted to be IBanker but due to many reasons never managed. So, I've been a data scientist in a couple of the FAANG tech giants in Asia (first Tokyo, then Bangkok, now Hong Kong) for several years. For the 3 years before the covid (let's compare your time frame of 3 years) i've been with a different girl every other night, some of them were Thai actresses, taiwanese singers, japanese swimsuit models, and so on. I've also been travelling 4 months a year - Bali, Tibet, Africa, you name it. AAANNNDD i just checked that my annual compensation is the same as IB associate 3. Reading such blogs makes me happy i am not IBanker, and petty bankers. THANKS A LOT :))))

I can totally relate to this. Let me give you my experience; maybe it can be helpful to you. 

Had the same experience when I was by the end of my second year as an analyst: I realised I was top ranked in my MM boutique - because I invested a lot in putting through the hours and weekends - but I hadn’t built anything outside that. I made my life in the office, a very micro environment, become my entire life. So I was a “king” in a microscopic world, but a no one, with very few friendships and connections, in the real world. When I realised that, all the motivation and enthusiasm for the job fell through and I started hating every single day spent in and outside the office.

But there is a light outside the tunnel my friend. In my experience, what helped me was to take 2 weeks of vacation during Christmas time to reunite with family, doing absolutely nothing (not even studying for interviews or working out, because I was burnt out from the inside) and shutting off completely from work. By the end, I re-gained confidence in myself, interest in building an active lifestyle and pushed during my third year - with a much more balanced lifestyle - to get my promotion to associate. And then left the bank.

But hear me out: three elements were key for me: (1) you need a plan, (2) step up for yourself and (3) then change environment. 

(1) it’s not clear to me if you’re close to promotion to associate: if you are, push through and get it. Then leave. To do that, you need the 1-2 weeks vacation to switch off completely and reset yourself. Take them now, and shut off your phone and laptop. Nobody will die and the world will go on. And guess what? Nobody will hold a grudge against you. Also, you’re saying you have a good reputation where you are. To do the above, you need number 2 below. 

(2) nobody will ever respect your personal time (unless you are in the unlikely position to work with people who love their personal life - which is rare in banking from my experience), hence you need to put limits to what you can do in a single day and defend your time against people. This means you need to learn to be able to call it a day: set a time, max 1am (only up to promotion), then you say (unless it’s an extremely rare occasion where stuff needs to get done), “I’m done, I’ll do it tmr”. Then you go to sleep. You tell your associate that you need to sleep to function properly and that’s it. Remember this sentence: “people above you, don’t have power over your life or time”. They cannot tell you “you cannot do this, you cannot do that”. If you’re hungry and need lunch, then you go and get it and get a break - who cares what the associate says. If you want to go to the gym, you coordinate things and you go. This mindset is fundamental because it will always accompany you whatever job you do. If you’re easy to be pushed down, people will take advantage of that.

(3) change is physiological in people’s growth. Once you achieve your goal, you move on. It will be up to you if to another bank, or PE or what the fuck you want. It’s your life and you want to live it to its fullest: who the fuck cares if you don’t make millions. You want to be happy right?

These are reflections from my experience, of course. I moved to another bank and I am living a much balanced lifestyle - and I’m loving it. NO money is worth the time I’m able to invest in personal things. At the end of the day, you need to do what makes you happy