Finance is Fucking Hopeless - Asking For Help
I genuinely do not know why I chose to go into finance sometimes. I’m a junior at a semi-target with an offer lined up for this summer, and even with that, I still feel completely lost. I’ve worked really hard to get to this point. I do not come from money, I was not raised around this world, and I did not come into college with some polished roadmap or built-in network. A lot of this has felt like trying to learn the rules of a game that everybody else seemed to understand years before I even knew it was being played.
And that is what has been getting to me. It feels like every opportunity I fight for gets taken by nepo babies or, at the very least, by students who were lucky enough to land in the right clubs, the right circles, the right pipelines early on. Meanwhile I feel like I have had to scrape and claw for every single inch. Even when I do “well,” it rarely feels secure. It just feels temporary, fragile, and one conversation away from being taken by somebody with better connections, better timing, or a background that makes people trust them more automatically.
I know I should be grateful for the offer I have, and part of me absolutely is. I know a lot of people would want to be in my position. But if I’m being honest, gratitude and discouragement have been existing side by side for me. I can be thankful and still feel exhausted. I can be thankful and still feel like this process has made me feel small, behind, and replaceable. Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I work, there are people who started ten steps ahead and will stay ten steps ahead because the entire structure is built to keep rewarding the same kinds of people.
That is the part I am having the hardest time making peace with. I do not feel like I have much agency over the decisions shaping my life right now. So much of finance recruiting and progression feels like it happens above your head. Who knows whom. Who can make a call. Who gets pushed through. Who gets the benefit of the doubt. Who is already seen as belonging in the room. I can study harder, network more, do all the right things, and still feel like the ceiling is being set by forces I do not control. That feeling has honestly made finance feel suffocating.
What makes it worse is that my reasons for wanting this are not shallow. I want to make my family proud. I want stability. I want the kind of money that actually changes what life looks like for the people around me. I want to feel like all the work and stress and sacrifice are leading somewhere concrete. But the more I look around, the more it feels like so many of the paths to real money and real mobility are guarded by people who already have both. And once you start seeing that clearly, it becomes hard not to feel bitter.
I think that is where I am right now. Bitter, tired, and honestly pretty discouraged. I have an offer, and instead of feeling relief, I mostly feel dread about how long this game goes on and how often merit seems to come second to access. I keep asking myself whether this is actually a path worth staying on if it is always going to feel like I am trying to outrun structural disadvantages that other people do not even have to think about. I do not want to spend years of my life feeling like I am permanently at the mercy of people who were born with better odds.
So I guess I am asking this honestly: has anyone else felt this way and still found a way forward? If you came from a background without money or connections, how did you stop feeling so trapped by the structural side of all this? How did you tell the difference between normal discouragement and a real sign that the industry just is not worth it for you? And if you did stay, how did you do it without becoming cynical, miserable, or resentful all the time?
I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has actually been in this position, especially people who did not have the family background, clubs, or network that seem to make this process so much easier. Right now I feel pretty stuck, and I think I need honesty more than motivation.
You've got an offer. That is better than many/most. Take the approach of showing up and doing great work with a good attitude. I didn't come from a well connected background, although I had an older cousin in IB who gave me some advice and pushed me towards that route and encouraged me to transfer schools, which I did. What he told me is that I know you will show up and work harder than anyone else, do that and people will take notice. You're already in. Just show up with a smile and work ethic...beyond that things will largely work out. People will like you and opportunities will present themselves. Getting hung up on the "other" that had better opportunities doesn't matter at this point. Just go into a good opportunity and do the best work you can. I wish I was an heir to a major fortune that sounds great, but it's not in the cards so I made the most of the opportunities that I did have.
Dude - chill. What on earth is this level of overthinking and obsession
The summer internship means nothing long term. I’ve seen plenty of people intern at GS and end up at random shops because they sucked. I’ve seen people with no background get great offers and people with connected background getting fired. You have no idea how low the competition is if you stick around for a couple years and try to move bank. Getting your foot in the door is just the first step. Nothing is stacked against you. Banking gives you plenty of opportunities to switch if you want - you just gotta work hard and be good and that’s the only thing in your power
One foot in front of the other. Control what you can control and accept what you can’t. You’ll be fine
First, I will acknowledge it can be a grind and it can be frustrating. I haven’t posted on here in a very long time and at this point I am approaching mid-career but figured I would give you my thoughts.
That being said, I think you really need to look at your mindset and attitude. Whether you think so or not this very much reads as a victim mentality I have to say. This will poison you in many ways.
Very much like you, I did not come with the traditional background or connections. I did not grow up with wealth and I went to a non target. After I graduated from under grad I took an FP&A job at a no name company for a year. During that time I made cold calls and e-mails to every bank in town. Eventually took a very low paid position at LMM bank and focused on doing excellent work. I made hundreds of additional cold calls and e-mails. I gained the trust of the partners at my bank and was open about my goals. They backed me 100% and ultimately helped me get a job at a prestigious bank via recommendation.
The truth is there are certainly people getting banking jobs through methods that do not require merit like you say. That will always happen. But there are also very many people, you will find once you work in banking, who don’t come from wealth or connections and got there because they are putting in the time and the work. Some of it is luck of the draw. But getting discouraged because you think you are losing out only to nepo babies or people who had some early advantage to you is not productive. It’s also a cop out.
You can do it, but you need to adjust your mindset if you want to move further.
Welcome to life. Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth, others aren’t born with jack shit (& also weren’t lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in history, I might add). Take the wins you got. You’re smart, you’re in good health, and you were likeable enough to secure a job a lot of nepo babies couldn’t. Nobody cares if you feel like you belong at Goldman Sachs bc of xyz; if that’s the case, break down that barrier, date someone in the c-suite’s daughter. In other words, MAKE SHIT HAPPEN, don’t complain to strangers.
The reality is everyday post-grad you’ll be falling and building the ladder on the way down. How quickly you adapt is how you survive.
While nepo hires do happen, that is not the market today. What you’re actually upset about is how hard everyone else is working. Maybe it’s easier than them vs you. If that’s the case, yes it does mean you’ll have to work harder to stay in the industry.
Getting the offer is just the beginning and the easier part. Staying is a lot harder, but it becomes manageable over many years of doing something.
dude don’t compare yourself to these kids who went to wharton -> GS -> Blackstone or whatever. Obviously you didn’t have access to the same structure/opportunity set growing up (if you did and now you’re salty - it’s on you).
What you need to focus on is this - what is unique about you which will allow you to excel.
why would you even want to follow that path mentioned above - working 90+ hour weeks for 5-10+ years just so you can be MD/Partner at 40 making a couple mill. Look at how accessible making money is nowadays (AI, social media, etc).
From the quick skim of your sob story - sounds like you landed a decent offer. Do that for 2 years and then lateral/go buyside. no one outside of this community and maybe your parents care whether you’re at GS or UBS. Find out what you want to do with your life and make enough money so that you can go do it.
Your story reminded me of what friend tells me -- his interviewed for same position same bank as his roommate, his roommate got in, he got rejection.
His roomate got in because he did an internship at a smaller bank in prior summer. Then my friend asked how did you get that small bank internship. Reply: because prior to small bank internship, did an internship at a small fund. Then how did you get that small fund internship. Reply: because prior to small fund internship, did another internship with a PWM firm during high school -- using dad connections
So the roommate career trajectory is like: his dad put him in PWM firm internship during high school, then freshman year he get a fund internship because of that PWM internship, then sophomore year he get a bank internship because he had 2 prior internships while other applicants have zero. Then come junior year he easily got into big bank summer analyst program -- he has 3 internships on resume and beat other applicants outta water. After summer analyst program -- it's 80% chance of return offer
Whereas my friend's career trajectory is like : study, join clubs ( he is active in all 3 finance clubs ) , network, then get rejected by summer analyst programs because of having zero internships to talk about in interviews. He sent our 300 network in-mails per week, worked his ass off to finally get a MM low-tier bank. And his roommate are like playing video games and partying with girls and get into the best bank with low gpa and zero effort
Yeah I mean this is exactly how I feel.
Is this at a target school?
yes, a target school
If not at target school then it's not even possible to get in unless applicant has 3 internships
You have an offer so not sure why you care anymore. Yea it was hard but so what life is hard.
You have an offer, which most people do not. Be grateful you were lucky enough to get the offer, everyone works very hard to get one and only a few get one.
Just focus on yourself and block out the extra noise, it doesn’t really matter at EOD we are meat creatures on a floating space rock
in transactional deal making, merit will always come second to access. if you want your future to be decided by pure merit go into trading
Hey man, honestly can't agree with you more. Like yourself, I am a first-gen immigrant in North America with no industry connections, going to a non-target school, doing a very non-target major (think social sciences). Despite this, I did 2 Consulting internships, 1 AM internship, and am currently doing a PE internship in Silicon Valley (two of them being very recognizable firms). Trust me when I say this, you are not alone in this. The odds are definitely stacked up against people like us, but that should never be a reason to be discouraged. Rather, use that as a fuel to prove people wrong. And honestly, it sounds like you are killing it. Most people in my school can't even land an internship let alone an IB offer, so just keep up the good work.
oh boy this is exactly how i felt - i am an immigrant as well - so fighting for the positions but also needing a visa and living in a different country too was definitely a mess at the time. And yes most of the people around me had connections, and somehow new people in the industry etc. My family barely even heard of investment banking. And putting together those realities was hard. But frankly it kind of creates thicker skin for later on is the best way i can put it.
People who despite all the odds manage to break in and not let it break you come out much better equipped vs someone who got things more or less handed to them. I actually touched on this in my substack "Off track, by design" where i wrote a piece on being an immigrant in those circles and that actually setting you up with some moats that you can actually use later on. Some of it eventually pays off imo - some of it was just pure pain and thats's for sure not fair and there isn't much we / I can do about it.
The way i think about it is actually that you are starting to build that network for yourself without the help of anyone else - and i m not saying this will put you in those circles - but the gap feels a bit smaller eventually. I have also purposefully decided to not be in the circles of just nepo babies - but people who are actually working hard for what they have and want more real stuff. I think PE and IB are very saturated with those super connected profiles - but if you chose to get out of the bubble and go out into the real world for me personally it felt a lot less elitist and a bit more real - even though there are people with connections everywhere.
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