please destroy my networking email template

I'm non-target reaching out to alumni. Is this format too long? Should I mention how I found their email if I got it from LinkedIn? Also should I attach my resume saying it's for "context about me"?

Hello Mr./Mrs. xxx,

I hope that this email finds you well. My name is xxx and I am a rising sophomore at [university of xxx] majoring in business economics. At school, I am involved in [xxx finance club] and [xxx finance society], both of which have led me to develop an interest in learning about Finance and Banking careers. 

I understand you may have a busy schedule, but I would love to have the chance to learn more about your experience working at [xxx firm] should you have the time to chat sometime in the next few weeks. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,
xxx

Comments (17)

  • Intern in IB - Restr
Jul 15, 2020 - 6:36pm

1. Use their first name, do NOT use Mr./Ms./Mrs.

2. Nix the "I hope that this email finds you well," just sounds forced

3. I would specifically talk more about why you're interested in their specific field, i.e. C&R Banking as opposed to "Finance and Banking careers," since it sounds like you aren't entirely sure what you're interested in and so they might be less inclined to get on a call if they think their effort might fall on deaf ears.

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Jul 15, 2020 - 7:02pm

for 1, what if it's an MD that I'm cold-emailing? Do I drop the Mr.Mrs. for that as well?

Jul 15, 2020 - 7:57pm

Yes - it felt weird for me at first too, but I was told by an MD to call everyone by their first name. No senior banker's feelings will be hurt if you call them by their first name

Array
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jul 15, 2020 - 6:38pm

I'm a rising junior, so take these with a grain of salt, or disregard completely (especially if this isn't for US).

Don't use Mr./Mrs., just say their first name. We're basically the same age as them.

"I hope that this email finds you well" seems odd. I'd cut it entirely, but at least cut 'that'.

Similarly, cut 'both of' from "both of which."

Definitely soften your ask a little bit. I'd leave it at "I understand you have a busy schedule, but I'd love to learn more about your experience working at [xxx firm]. Are you available to hop on the phone to chat sometime in the next few weeks?"

Length is good though. Resumes are hit or miss in my experience, but if you have particularly relevant experiences it might be worth including.

Jul 15, 2020 - 7:57pm

if you're doing it based off of linkedin look at their face/age. If they are around the same age as your parents then yea. this might be completely wrong but that's how I gauged it lol.

Array
Jul 15, 2020 - 7:11pm

People love talking about themselves, remember that.

Say "My name is XYZ, I am a _____ at ____________, interested in a financial career. I would love to buy you a cup of coffee or lunch in the near future to discuss what you do and why you chose banking/fiance as a career.

Thank you for your time, XYZ"

Be short and to the point.

Jul 15, 2020 - 7:25pm

When I used to send these emails, I always wrote about wanting to talk about their background, but then when I started to receive these emails myself, and asked those same questions by sophomores over the phone, it sounded very awkward and cheesy. Too scripted and not authentic.

There should be a better way to spin that around. I'd suggest instead of asking to talk about their background, mention specifically about their line of business (e.g. real estate debt capital markets,...), and mention why you find it interesting or better link it to your background, and go from there....

Jul 15, 2020 - 9:45pm

^this is good advice - was going to say something similar about tailoring the email to the recipient's line of work.

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.
  • 1
Jul 15, 2020 - 7:28pm
  1. Use first name in greeting
  2. Don't list out your experiences - I would attach a resume instead
  3. Keep it short- express your interest in speaking with the person (and their group) in 1-2 lines
  4. Take charge in scheduling - be flexible with your time, instead of "next few weeks", ask if they have time this week and tell them exactly when you are available. If they are getting slammed, reach out to them again the next week.

You should mention how you got their contact info, but it's not a big deal especially if you're speaking to an alum.

Most Helpful
  • VP in IB-M&A
Jul 15, 2020 - 11:02pm

As someone who has received hundreds of networking emails over the years, I have a few personal views in addition to what was already said above

The worst thing you can do is send a boiler-plate template email that we know you copy+pasted, changed the name and blasted to dozens of other bankers across the street. Frankly it's lazy and there is very little incentive for bankers to take time out of their day to speak. It's even worse when its blatantly obvious - i.e. the "Dear Name" or [Firm name] text is a different font than the body of the email (it happens more often than you think)

If you want to significantly improve your chances of getting a response, take 5-10 minutes per email and try to tailor it to the person you are reaching out to. Don't just say "I would love to have the chance to learn more about your experience working at [xxx firm]". Take it a step further and add some specificity. It's not hard - look up their linkedin and you can come up with a bunch of different hooks

* If they are in an industry or product group, mention you are interested in learning about that group (even if you're not actually...). if they have changed groups or offices, mention you want to hear about their experiences across different offices and groups

* If they have moved around banks, add a line about want to know how their experience at Y bank differed from X bank

* If they've been with the bank for 10+ years , mention how you're interested in learning how the firm has evolved over your 10 year career at xyz

You dont need an essay - just 1 or 2 tailored lines to pique their interest

  • Prospect in IB - DCM
Jul 16, 2020 - 1:54pm

I was wondering, do you feel like the word "love" as in "I would love to talk about X with you" sounds cheesy or inappropriate in this context? I'm a non-native English speaker, so I'm not completely sure how people I'm trying contact perceive it

Jul 16, 2020 - 3:09pm

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