Best/Funniest Insults

Inspired by an @overheardonwallstreet post in which a MD apparently said: You mean to tell me Helen Keller figured out how to read but you can’t figure out what’s wrong with the model?

Brighten our days with the wittiest/funniest/most brutal insults and comments you’ve heard in IB.

 

No, not +1, that's not a damn insult. Do not empower this cretin!

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

Some of the best dark comedy comes from frustrated MDs shitting on lawyers. One of my fave rants...

"No, don't send it to [Lawyer X], X is fucking quick sand. He is human quick sand with feet and arms. Matter of fact, give him a fucking brain teaser to pontificate on to keep him busy and we'll catch up with him later."

Or from one Associate to the next "He is so soft. The pastiest and frailest. Dude looks like a fucking tissue paper went through chemo." 

Also that one quote from Liar's Poker where Michael Lewis is describing the "Human Piranha" and says something to the effect of "He dismissed the entire London trading floor with the wave of his arm, "Eurofaggots" as he called them." 

Yinz in the flesh
 

I've shared this before on an old thread, but it's a good one.

A PE partner, to a portfolio company CEO, discussing a proposed comp plan: "Your raise will be effective when you are."

"Son, life is hard. But it's harder if you're stupid." - my dad
 

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