Inspired by an @overheardonwallstreet post in which a MD apparently said: You mean to tell me Helen Keller figured out how to read but you can’t figure out what’s wrong with the model?
Brighten our days with the wittiest/funniest/most brutal insults and comments you’ve heard in IB.
| +19 | How do we get as sharp as possible? | 8 | 3h |
| +17 | Q&A | Analyst | 8 | 1d |
| +14 | Best way to kill time? | 7 | 21h |
| +12 | Upselling yourself when you’re unqualified | 1 | 21h |
| +5 | Deciding what Keyboard is the best | 12 | 15h |
| 0 | Analyst Y1 - Messed up In First Week | 0 | 2d |
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"My shoe is more useful than your sensitivity table." Unknown MD
Room temperature IQ
Not in IB, but when I was in school, our fans at an athletics event told another team's star player he ate his subway sandwich from the side and drank beer with a straw and I don't know that I've ever laughed harder.
Some low standard comedy
I can see that....idk maybe in the context it was funnier.
Don’t get this
Sounds like an absolute riot!
back in my day you could call someone a fag and it basically ended their professional career permanently.
now it has the opposite effect
Nobody knows what it means but it's provocative
+SB
No, not +1, that's not a damn insult. Do not empower this cretin!
I was at Greenie's the other day and overheard a couple Moelis analysts (associates?) say "Moelis? More like Moel-ass!"
Tells you a little something about the Moelis culture I think…
"They couldn't even critically think themselves out of a wet paper bag"
Trader tells MD 'If I'd been more attentive to that trade, I'd have done it correctly.'
MD says 'If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.'
Some of the best dark comedy comes from frustrated MDs shitting on lawyers. One of my fave rants...
"No, don't send it to [Lawyer X], X is fucking quick sand. He is human quick sand with feet and arms. Matter of fact, give him a fucking brain teaser to pontificate on to keep him busy and we'll catch up with him later."
Or from one Associate to the next "He is so soft. The pastiest and frailest. Dude looks like a fucking tissue paper went through chemo."
Also that one quote from Liar's Poker where Michael Lewis is describing the "Human Piranha" and says something to the effect of "He dismissed the entire London trading floor with the wave of his arm, "Eurofaggots" as he called them."
I fucked both of your dads
Most scathing comment that was thrown around our office was, "he doesn't understand the business." Kind of a statement that you were a worthless human being even if you were smart.
Lol I feel like that is also used when someone is right about something and sees through all your conjecture so the senior banker dismisses them as "doesn't understand the business"
Yes, that too at times. It was an insult thrown at analysts and fellow MDs as well (who probably understood the damn business!)
A PE Partner was debriefing with us after a management meeting with our client and said "That CEO couldn't lead his shadow into the sun". Always loved that one.
I've shared this before on an old thread, but it's a good one.
A PE partner, to a portfolio company CEO, discussing a proposed comp plan: "Your raise will be effective when you are."
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