Biggest and most common BS you've seen on a resume? Funny

Maybe I'm the only one here who absolutely hates cocky people but anyways I just thought mention somewhat of a rant. A classmate of mine was talking about how he has recruiters calling him all the time, etc. So I asked in a non-confrontational way if I could see his resume so I could know more of what to put. In work experience he put he's been a PM for 8 years (He's 20 mind you) so I asked him more about it and says he uses Merrill edge lol. I asked how much AUM ballpark figure he has because I figured someone being that bold would be upfront and his response was "I would never disclose info on behalf of my shareholders" I then responded with "oh really what licenses do you have? 7? 63? 65?"

He then said "Uh... um.... actually I just use whatever money my dad gives me." I thought I'd share and will ask to those of you who look at resumes a lot: What's a funny resume you've seen where you already knew they were full of shit? Or what is common thing people shouldn't lie about but do in their resume? I would think what he put isn't all too uncommon.

Comments (70)

Aug 31, 2015 - 12:29am
SSits, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Most common BS: "passion for finance"

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
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Jan 17, 2020 - 8:33pm
JamesTrickington, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Honestly, probably not necessary to write it (or something like it) at all! Your resume is prime real estate for details about your experience and what you will be able to contribute to the firm, in addition to your other interests, and "passionate for finance" shouldn't make the cut if you ask me.

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Jan 3, 2020 - 12:03am

Literally saw a linkedin job ad for a startup's co-founder this morning... Some startups are really something else.

Jan 16, 2020 - 1:52pm
GUH, what's your opinion? Comment below:

its just cringe man

Buying tesla weeklies is literally free money.
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Sep 2, 2015 - 9:38am
ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

In one sense, yes your friend is spewing BS.

In another sense, it may stand out. If you were an interviewer or HR would you want to talk to the guy who appears to have some knowledge of trading or some guy whose highlight is managing the college economics club? You can hire a garbage man or an engineer--a sanitation engineer.

Sep 5, 2015 - 11:11pm
PeterMullersKeyboard, what's your opinion? Comment below:
ironman32:

In one sense, yes your friend is spewing BS.

In another sense, it may stand out. If you were an interviewer or HR would you want to talk to the guy who appears to have some knowledge of trading or some guy whose highlight is managing the college economics club? You can hire a garbage man or an engineer--a sanitation engineer.

Found the guy also putting this on his.

It'll get you questions, however I can almost promise you anyone putting "PM - 8 years" as a college student is usually an idiot, lying, and doesn't know anything about actually being a PM. So, yeah. I guess it's great, if you want to give the HR department a laugh and end up on the Business Insider front page soon after.

Unless you're Ken Griffin starting and running a fund out of your dorm room with a fucking satellite dish hanging out of your window and killing it in your spare time, nobody wants you to shove your "portfolio management" down their throats with BS terms and exaggerations. One, humble little line about trading in your PA is fine, and you can tell them more about it if they ask. Which they probably will, if they think you're worth asking.

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."
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Sep 2, 2015 - 9:46am
NESCAC, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This isn't BS, but when I see a resume with "financial modeling", or any variant of that, under their "Interests" section I get a good laugh.

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Sep 3, 2015 - 1:50am
delete account, what's your opinion? Comment below:

See this quite a bit on linkedin.

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Sep 3, 2015 - 11:48am
heister, what's your opinion? Comment below:

One day I hope to see a CV that says "Fluent in bullshit". That person will be hired on the spot.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

  • 7
Sep 5, 2015 - 11:12pm
PeterMullersKeyboard, what's your opinion? Comment below:
heister:

One day I hope to see a CV that says "Fluent in bullshit". That person will be hired on the spot.

You hiring? Let me send you mine quick...

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."
Sep 4, 2015 - 1:58am
delete account, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Classic. How about people who put "strong technical" BS that they have no certifications or even a degree in? lol

Sep 3, 2015 - 10:45am
asd_za, what's your opinion? Comment below:

My best:

The "Global CEO" title - its cool that you have your own company on the side, but to give yourself a c-suite multi-geographic title for your one-man-show is honestly a bit much.

The "Strategic thinker" - its a graduate favourite to claim strategic thought and then fail on simple market entry case studies.

"Advanced level at (insert every computer program imaginable here)" - I cant recall someone telling me they are intermediate or basic at something like Excel. Everyone is advanced, until, of course, they see advanced.

Sep 3, 2015 - 5:15pm
delete account, what's your opinion? Comment below:

As far as the advanced level part I completely agree and never put that kind of stuff on a resume. I can see how some would argue that they put it on there because some job postings have things like "experience in MS office required" quite often.

Sep 3, 2015 - 10:54am
vanillathunder, what's your opinion? Comment below:

To me, any "investing experience" on resume without a thesis is BS to me, no matter how young or old the person is. Example: "generated a 60% return on a portfolio of 50,000 USD in a one-year horizon". Issues with this one: 1. time horizon too short to judge alpha-generation ability 2. what did that person buy in the portfolio? (if that person says GILD or FB, without even knowing in detail why, that person is just herding, not investing). The 50,000 USD is fine actually.

Sep 4, 2015 - 9:59am
CuriousAnalyst, what's your opinion? Comment below:

" So I asked in a non-confrontational way if I could see his resume so I could know more of what to put. "

He showed you his resume to presumably "help" you out and then you go post on here making fun of him.

Got it.

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Sep 4, 2015 - 2:18pm
delete account, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If you actually read the whole thing I just wanted to see it because I knew more than likely it was full of shit.

Sep 4, 2015 - 3:29pm
CuriousAnalyst, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Human Capital:

If you actually read the whole thing I just wanted to see it because I knew more than likely it was full of shit.

yes but he didnt know that. He let you see it assuming you wanted to look at it in good faith...................

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Sep 4, 2015 - 2:22pm
ivedtara, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Well here comes a startup to solve this problem but focused more on tech side.

https://www.techinasia.com/cloudswyft-it-recruitment-assessment-training/

  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
Sep 18, 2015 - 10:49pm
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

From some recent resume reviews ...

"My time as an intern at company provided me with absolutely invaluable opportunities to leverage those skills at [different company.]" Extra emphasis on the word invaluable to describe your typical, 'get coffee, check my calendar' freshman year internship.

My favorite, though, is when people list 5+ languages on their resume and it goes a little something like this: Language skills: Fluent in English, Chinese (basic), Spanish (basic), Arabic (basic), Latin (basic), Ancient Greek (basic), Russian (basic)

Interests: burlesque, Africana existentialism

Jan 15, 2020 - 9:19pm
Ruhm, what's your opinion? Comment below:

"Interests: burlesque"

... would consider.

Sep 11, 2015 - 10:15am
billsyall, what's your opinion? Comment below:

To follow along with some of the posts on this thread, the person that should receive the most interest on their resume should have in bold print...

"Extremely willing to shut the hell up and listen to all direction, which shall then be diligently converted to work product in the exact order directed"

Sep 11, 2015 - 11:53am
DukeMonk, what's your opinion? Comment below:

When people put that they "spearheaded" the "charity efforts" of their greek org. Congratulations, you've shown that you can sit at a table in the plaza for a couple hours with a crappy sign that you made while hungover and try to sell T-shirts that nobody wants or realistically wears for $20.

Incoming Spring Discovery Day Participant at J.P. Morgan Stanley
  • 2
  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
Sep 14, 2015 - 3:50pm
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Advanced proficiency in Microsoft Excel - only knows CTRL-C and CTRL-V shortcuts

"Built fully functional operating model, merger model, DCF, and LBO..." at previous internship. Couldn't balance a simple balance sheet and half assed DCF.

"Personal trader" with triple digit returns from simulator

Jan 2, 2020 - 9:37pm
TacoTuesday, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Guy listed relevant coursework and one class was listed as venture capitalism...

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Mar 19, 2020 - 5:39pm
TacoTuesday, what's your opinion? Comment below:

it's called venture CAPITAL not CAPITALISM bruh

Array
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Jun 23, 2022 - 4:23pm
PrivateTechquity πŸš€GME+BBBYπŸš€, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Is it not possible a professor actually named a class about VC that? I've seen similar for completely unrelated subjects.Β 

Array

Jan 3, 2020 - 6:43pm
French Hardo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The greatest I have ever seen while interviewing interns at my bank was:

  • 2 months at a consulting firm and 6 bullet points explaining how he contributed to 6 different projects

Pls, if you havent been for more than 1 year, dont ever think of putting more than 3 bullet points per work, try to make it simple to read, you wont gain extra points for making your cv longer, and yes, it makes it tedious to read, so you will lose attention from the beggining if what you state is not meaningful

Jun 23, 2022 - 4:47pm
Isaiah_53_5 πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž, what's your opinion? Comment below:
anoss

Just saw this on Linkedin:

Imgur

hahahahaΒ 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jan 16, 2020 - 9:12am
neink, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You guys laugh, but you'd be surprised of how many of those things are actually considered as positive by HR. That's where the problem lies.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

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Jan 16, 2020 - 1:16pm
Troy McClure, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Interesting... Could you elaborate on that?

Array

Jan 16, 2020 - 1:58pm
neink, what's your opinion? Comment below:

One major problem is that HR has absolutely no idea of what exactly the job they are doing the screening for is. They certainly know the description that is given by the department, but if you asked them what does the dep do, they don't know.

So how does HR screening work? By looking for keywords. (This has been partly automated and it makes you understand how clueless HR is, if they can be effectively replaced by a machine). They look for something that includes enough keywords that match the description of the job they are screening for.

Thus the more bullshit overblown experiences, the better. Started a dozen of startups? ''It shows initiative!''.

It's not even an easy problem to solve, because HR does mostly thankless work that noone with ambition wants to do.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

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Jan 16, 2020 - 11:39am
hunt4dollas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I was part of a investment club and I was the newest and youngest there, they all put excel junkie on their resume....and landed jobs and internships from it.

Jan 16, 2020 - 6:04pm
Whatever1984, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Dean Keaton:
If you list poker as an interest on your CV you better know how to talk about it or you'll look like a fucking clown.

Depending on the position bughouse chess may be the preferred sport. I hear that they live for it over at Jane Street. Personally, I can't find anyone at work to play it with.

Not a resume, but in an interview for a graduate internship (and a very well paying one) one of the candidates spent about 15 minutes talking about how getting his black belt in karate had taught him discipline and how to succeed through hard work. ...suffice to say that he did not get the offer.

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
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Jan 16, 2020 - 12:51pm
Invalid_CREdentials, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Enim eaque quis amet et. Vel minima eveniet error qui quis asperiores magni aut. Unde atque reiciendis adipisci sint rerum in non. Fugit ut qui maxime blanditiis. Sapiente totam quisquam nihil ipsum laborum consequatur dolorem.

Don't @ me

Jan 17, 2020 - 9:35pm
BillAckmansHair, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Jan 18, 2020 - 4:53pm
TargetButStillPlebeian, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Est dolore est deserunt quis. Esse neque inventore maxime in qui nihil quis. Non porro et fugit ea. Sit earum sapiente repellendus placeat. Sint qui deserunt non voluptas. Sit qui tenetur fugiat repudiandae quisquam quis expedita.

Jan 19, 2020 - 2:04pm
snortingcaffeine, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Harum error quasi illo. Sint commodi repellat corporis suscipit et architecto.

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