For women - BF makes less
Really looking for input from the women on the forum here. Do your partners make more than you? Told somebody my boyfriend's industry today and they were shocked that I would choose finance when my bf would make much less than me. Do women in finance have to make more than their partners? is it difficult otherwise? my bf doesn't work in "high finance." His sister works in PE but bf thought it wasn't for him. Kinda worried now.
I once dated a girl with a massive trust fund and she still made me pay for all of our dinners.
You pay for meals with dollars, she pays you back with sexual favors.
Seems fair.
Username checks out
My childhood friend did the same with his college girlfriend. He did get to stay over her penthouse apartment in the city they were living in (owned by her parents who lived in the countryside). Worked out for him, married her and she's an only child. His mother in law spoils them and the couple will inherit a large chunk of money (somewhere around $20M). I don't want to judge but I do feel the money aspect is one of the reasons why he ended up choosing to settle with her. She does come off as spoiled to those in our friend group who've hung out with them more after the wedding.
Yeah I didn’t know the exact amount, but it was definitely low to mid 8 figures. Her brother had a Ferrari and a G Wagon and a 7 Series and huge mansion and basically did nothing for work. She wasn’t a big spender and she wanted to be an actress and speech pathologist. She obtained speaking roles in some major films and series including the Dark Night Rises, House of Cards, and Veep. And like 10 other roles.
She wanted to get married, but I wasn’t that into her and declined and broke up with her. Also, in my 20s I was fully convinced I’d be a billionaire and didn’t think 8 figures was that much, although I do now.
I am always amazed how someone knows so much about another person’s life. I just too much time focused on mine.
You think there are women who post in the off topic forum here? With this crew?
In all seriousness, we often use compensation as a synonym for drive, when it isn’t always. Drive is sexy. If you’re out earning your boyfriend or husband by multiple factors but he’s driven to be the best at whatever lower income career he does - perhaps as a school teacher, or a pro bono attorney, or an artist, or whatever - the chance of the two of you working is infinitely higher than if he’s just some cubical dork who can’t “keep up” with you professionally.
Find someone who excels at what they do. Hopefully that makes them a lot of money, but if it doesn’t, that’s where you come in.
edit: The MS on this post is a WSO incel counter. Let’s see how many chuds here have never touched a woman.
this is actually really nice to hear. thank you :)
Based answer. Money = a lot but not everything.
this is so on point that I was confused at first why it had 4 MS
then I realized that those MS come 100-hour week slaves that see the IB prestige and 200k compensation as the ultimate proof of their value as humans being and as means to get - unsucessfuly until now - their first kiss lmao
I chose to piggyback off yours, but read all of the threads below and most had the same sentiment.
While I agree with most of what you said, when you bring kids into the situation it alters the chemistry. So yeah NOW drive is sexy, but money(yes in general) somehow believe that career is a plus or a primary attribute that a man looks at. When she is faced with the realty that children need their mother more than their father for the first 5 years of their life, she will resent that. Obviously a father is important, but she will take the brunt of the stress, care and responsibility as that is what children seek from their mothers.
Now maybe you found a diamond in the ruff, but women who want kids don't seem to understand this. I wish it was sexist, but it is simply biological.
There are no women who regularly use this off topic forum. Most people who post here as a female are probably trolling.
oh. i didn’t know that, thank you. sorry
Any woman who says they are okay with this is either 1) lying or 2) will never work a day in her life.
My cousin has made probably 2-3x the amount that her husband has made in their career. Never has been an issue with them. Both earn 200K+.
Your only experience with this are probably woman in finance or other business pursuits (including consulting or big law). To these women status means a lot - why else would they pursue soul sucking / rigorous careers.
But I assure you there are a ton of higher paid women in STEM fields (medicine, engineering, computer science, etc.) that absolute do not care. They don't want their husband to be an at home all day leech, but their brains are wired differently enough - typically - that they really arent chasing the same status symbols. Typically they also didnt pick careers because of 'prestige' but because they are a bit nerdier and admittedly more masculine
Your mileage may vary, but in my broad social circle the 'you got to make more than her bro' guys are almost consistently the least sexually appealing in the group. To no surprise, the only value they bring to the table with women is their income
Only woman that uses the OFF forum is financeabc. Would try elsewhere
Only you can decide what you are ok with and not ok with, and what you are willing to hear from society (and whether you are ok with it or not)
So basically....
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eh who cares
Why are you worried about what others think about your situation? I never understand where this comes from. If you like where you are and are confident that your combined income in the future will be enough to do X,Y,Z, then fuck what anyone else thinks. No need to bend your life so a few judgmental pricks aren’t “shocked” at your decision, particularly if they’re all like in their early 20s lol
Honestly women in high paying roles set themselves up for difficulties later down the line when they judge their partner by their wallet. I mean you do understand that is inherently sexist.
Women in high finance have a much smaller dating pool if they start caring about their partner’s wallet. Think about it, men in high finance have an endless pool as they are happy to date future stay at home mothers, or even someone doing a shitty fashion / marketing job that pays peanuts.
My partner makes less than me because he’s at a corporate. I didn’t start dating my husband because of his money because he didn’t have much to begin with. I do expect him to be able to afford his share of expenses but I don’t expect him to pay for me. I love this man for his heart, for his endless devotion to me, for his endless support in whatever I want to do, for being there for me every single time I felt crushed, burnt out, anxious. I love him for his ability to enjoy life today and now, where I don’t have to worry about what my net worth will be or how I will make MD. This to me is happiness - the now. I cannot become like him, but he brings me so much joy. I do however sometimes elbow him a bit to keep getting promotions. He told me he likes that I push him to grow.
There is no right wallet to date. It depends what your expectations are from a partner and what works for you. Your partner is not a wallet, he is a human being, the most important investment you will make in your life.
Why do you care what other people think? Anyone that would say those words that directly to you is pretty shallow. Why are you surrounding yourself with such people? Does that make you happy?
“I do sometimes elbow him to keep getting promotions”
Lmao so fuckin emasculating
Yeah Jesus that’s just sad
This shit happens even if you have a stay at home wife though, who just wants to spend more money
Key is to find a woman who isn't money obsessed. I mean damn this chick is on MD path and likely earning mid six figures, if her husband is in corporate is probably at the very least making low six figures, and still fucking nudging about promotions and bragging about not being focused on net worth
Your HHI likely clears a half mil gain some perspective lmao
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The women who do "shitty fashion/marketing" that pays "peanuts" at least don't settle with a beta
yea imagine if they settled for some RBC M&A chud lol
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have you never interacted with a female in your life
Like @CRE said above, I think it's all about drive. Due a previous business I had, a lot of my friends are musicians. Many of them are dating woman that outearn them substantially, but it's not an issue because these guys aren't sitting around doing nothing all day. They are trying to improve their craft and grow their band's audience etc.
That is very different than some guy that just sits around smoking weed all day, has no hobbies or anything he is passionate about, etc..
A wholesome, well-raised woman (or woman who truly treats men and women equally as society pretends you are supposed to do), wouldn't even be worried or think about this. Given you are a women working in corporate america and are 'kinda worried' about your bf making less, then you are probably pretty shallow or at the very least just easily influenced by others. I think its probably the latter. Either way, I don't think your nature will change and the problem will stay in the back of your mind while your together. It is possible to make the complete shift to stop associating with vain people & letting them influence your relationships and how you view your partner, and place all your validation in your partner and caring what he thinks and says and letting him lead you spiritually. This will lead to fulfillment until you die. Or you can fold and accept that you are shallow and care more about the status of your relationship and how others view it, and partner up with a finance bro and you will feel like you are winning while you are young, and then get a bit bitter when your older and that status is offset by your age.
My wife is not in finance, so I'm not sure if this applies to you.
Many years I made more than her, until she went independent and is earning a multiple of what I bring home. This was a mutual decision many years ago, that is financially unfolding and paying out now.
For me it is fantastic to see her have a monetary success beyond the rest (self esteem, recognition etc.). No issues at all.
As @CRE mentioned before, money is just one dimension of success and drive.
And as always in life, there may be someone earning more or less than you and him. So no need to waste much time thinking about it.
Enjoy the cash, and the benefits it brings with it. Likewise, brace yourselves to the drawdowns wealth sometimes may bring it be related with. Nothing to explain to other people, as long as both of you are aligned.
Might work now, but eventually you will slowly lose respect for him and this isn't going to end pretty
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change your circle, make me friends, stop hanging out/talking to these people who make you feel this way about your partner. it’ll only get worse over time
Why do you care? Beyond implications for wealth division and spousal support were you to get married and spilt up, or if you want to have kids (all of which are pretty important).
If you’re worried about his opinion - you owe him nothing and you owe yourself everything to get the best opportunity to make the most amount of money in a way tolerable to you. If he’s insecure with it but can’t give you a similar lifestyle / financial security that you’d like to have, dump him.
I think you should date whoever makes you happy. I know this is a boring platitude, but seriously. Being around someone you are attracted to, makes you laugh, makes you want to be better (indirectly or directly) all factor into fulfilment. Who cares if they make less money, if they are still motivated and talented in something else.
love this, thank you squirrel.
Women use this site?
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It shouldn’t matter, why does it to you?
it doesn't, that's why i was surprised about someone making that comment. just here to check the way other women in finance may think, clearly didn't achieve that outcome but some decent perspectives nonetheless. if it mattered i wouldn't have been with him. it doesn't and it wont
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