LOLing at private equity bros

Oh wow, so prestigious, you're "cranking" until 3am every day to make $400k per year!  Your deals are on the front page of the Journal!  Have fun taking notes on the 9th mind-numbing IT diligence call of the day while your VP is suggesting dumb changes to your 75 tab model.  While you're worrying if the numbers tie in your 100 page IC memo, I'll be waking up at 9am, meditating for an hour, going for a walk through the park and enjoying the morning sunshine, then hitting the gym, having lunch with my wife, playing with my dog, reading books, hitting the sauna in my building, cooking a healthy dinner (you're probably eating some greasy seamless trash that's destroying your health, lmao)

Enjoy wasting the prime of your life to make realistically, like, $10mm after tax by the time you're 40.  I'mma enjoy my life.  

Comments (104)

9mo
123xX, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Exactly. This reduction in life span to build generational wealth for someone else, I do not understand.

  • Principal in PE - LBOs
9mo

Lol. Seriously. So much small dick energy here.

Do what makes you happy.

If OP really had it all figured out he wouldn't be putting out so much toxic energy trying to convince internet strangers that they're doing life wrong because they're doing it like he is.

If I had to guess he's doing it that way against his will and this post is a feeble attempt at trying to convince himself more so than anyone else.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
9mo

>small dick energy

>toxic energy

>internet strangers

Please stop speaking like this forever

Controversial
9mo
tierlistgoat69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Unless you're at some sweatshop/shitty culture fund, you're likely to be working 60-65 hours a week in a city with plenty of slutty blondes/busty latinas/whatever your thing is, meaning the prime of your life isn't wasted. 
 

Plus saying "I work at Apollo/KKR/Bain/Ares" is the world's best panty dropper.

9mo
tierlistgoat69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Honestly depends on the context. If you're some 6'2 lax star from UVA who's dad is a principal at KKR and got you the job, you'll be hot shit because you're attractive and successful. If you're some STEMirgin who actually had to grind to get an offer, you'll be lumped in with techbros in the "moderately wealthy but an absolute social and aesthetic disaster" category.

9mo
NahFAM69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The panties that drop to that......aren't the panties you want to be in 

Nah
  • 17
8mo
Chuck Rhoades, what's your opinion? Comment below:

NahFAM69

The panties that drop to that......aren't the panties you want to be in 

If she has a dump truck, I really don't care

'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'
  • 2
9mo
grieze, what's your opinion? Comment below:

How barren of a personality and confidence do you have to have in order to rely on your job to hope for an ounce of pussy lmfaoooooo

$100 says you were the finance virgin in college who could never get laid and thought once you have cash girls won't be able to ignore you.

9mo
tierlistgoat69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I was basically the equivalent of an Oxbridge frat star, I was on the rowing team and built like a Greek god (6'2, 196lbs). I was inside Oxford Brookes sluts on the daily and inside Santa Monica sluts during the summers.

  • Business School in PE - LBOs
9mo

I'll have way more than $10m at 40. This guy is full of it.

  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
9mo
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Clearly you enjoy work life balance over money. That's fine, but that doesn't make your choice inherently better. Ideally everyone would want money + work life balance. The only way to do that is to make enough money to the point where you can retire and live off passive income and do whatever you want everyday. This post just seems like you're jelly of private equity people and want to justify your choice of picking a lower paying job for more time off. 

  • Teller in Non-profit
9mo

Ukrainian soldier: "Sir, I need you to enter the shelter for your safety."

9mo
103929, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Never met a PE Associate who is doing their job properly to be taking notes on DD calls by themselves rather than getting their advisors to do that

9mo
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'll be waking up at 9am, meditating for an hour, going for a walk through the park and enjoying the morning sunshine, then hitting the gym, having lunch with my wife, playing with my dog, reading books, hitting the sauna in my building, cooking a healthy dinner (you're probably eating some greasy seamless trash that's destroying your health, lmao)

Are you homeless? 

Array

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9mo
MillánAstray, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Why worry about what others do? Just do what you like and stop comparing or analyzing other peoples life. 

Some are hardos that enjoy working 24/7, others prefer to work a 9 to 5 and have time for themselves, others hate to work and are just hippies with the bare minimum... just do what you like or if you are doing something you dislike, work towards changing that.

And also, not everything is black and white. I'm pretty sure there's hundreds of funds were you can earn a very competitive salary and have a very decent WLB, it's just a matter of search and discover. 

  • Principal in PE - LBOs
9mo

I'm pretty sure OP can't get/keep a job at any one of those firms, which is where the sour grapes come from.

He's been dominated and bested and subordinated like the beta he is, and now he's doing the quintessential beta move… rather than stepping up and competing when faced with a challenge/adversary, he timidly retreats while trying to convince himself that he never wanted to play that game to start with. Ironically, every time he hits some hardship or friction, he seeks the comfort of this same weak narrative to sooth his aching sphincter… for here is a butt that gets fucked daily by anyone and everyone that feels like ejaculating in this empty flaccid vessel of a man.

Quite sad really. Mediocrity stinks like rotting carrion.

Wake up and be a man. Go live your life.

  • Consultant in Consulting
8mo

Well, it sounds like you possess an imposing intellectual horsepower - at least comparable to that of a 15 years old who just finished reading his first Nietzsche book (the condensed version). Surely reading a second one could help you further refine the sophisticated and profound vision of life you have already developed?

  • Intern in IB-M&A
8mo

found the jaded principal who has worked 80+ hours for the past 10 years just so he/she can be "Principal in PE - LBOs"

who else would feel the need to type such a reply

  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
9mo

Only $10m? What kind of bitch ass fund are you working at? I'll have you know I intend to be worth at least $25m+ before I die of a heart attack at my desk by the age of 40 thank you very much. GOOD DAY SIR!

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
9mo

there are 20 year olds who ran 4 figures up to 8 figures the past couple years taking degenerate levels of risk in crypto while the PE bros who called it a ponzi slave the prime of theirs lives away. Funny how the world works innit

8mo
NahFAM69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

🤣🤣🤣 People will say it isn't true, but articles were posted on Bloomberg about how firms increased pay because of jealousy. These financial services professionals were jealous of random crypto nerds, who went all in on AssCoin based on due diligence from Reddit users "CumAtmebro46" & "Eatass420", and then went on to become richer than some of their bosses. At the end of the day, just do what you're good at and makes you happy. If it doesnt make you happy, at least do something that makes you comfortable and pays well. You just have to know what you want out of life. At the end of the day, professional actors, athletes, social media influencers, music artists, DJs, and etc pull in way more clout and cash than most. 

Nah
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
8mo

its just so comical when you have people who have made every decision in their life based around "prestige" and wealth, sacrificing their time and working so hard, only to be completely lapped by people who put in 1/1000th the effort but at did their own thing and won

8mo
AttackSnail, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is true and despite the fact that it was successful, it is not a strategy that can be repeated and iterated upon with confidence over time. Most of those were one-off moon shots. The name of the game is sustainability and while getting rich off aping money into crypto is sick, it's just not something that has been a proven strategy for consistent gains (yet?)

  • Analyst 3+ in HF - Other
9mo

Lol just work at a HF. You'll get to do what OP gets to do except you'll get paid 7 digits. Can't guarantee if you'll get laid though.

8mo
worklikeamachine, what's your opinion? Comment below:

"Observation without judgment is the highest form of intelligence" ~JD Krishnamurti

Stop caring about what other people do. For some; "making it" might mean working that prestigious finance job where your soul is sometimes bound to the current deal you are working on by Satan himself. They enjoy that, their personalities are more in line with that. And concurrently they make a disproportionately higher amount of money compared to other people working in a salaried role/equity role.

There are others who would rather spend their time on their own accord, and make less money. Different personality, different priorities.

Most of this nonsense is seen in the younger college autistic crowd; most of which are more vocal online and on social media than real life. A taxi driver in New York would run over both the insecure nerdy finance douche, and the 20 hr a week pencil neck ayahuasca smoking hippie just the same. To that guy, both of them are fuckin retarded for walking where cars drive

I think- therefore I fuck
  • 7
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
8mo

It's not about the money. It's about being the absolute best, and winning at life.

Living to enjoy is all great, but there comes a far greater joy and pride from sacrificing your time to reach the heights of the business community and be in a position to do amazing things. Sure maybe most of us won't be the CEO of a public company, but sometimes merely the chance of it happening is enough to push you far enough and give up what some people couldn't imagine living with out because to some of us, being average is not a choice we can live with

  • Principal in HF - Event
8mo

But is it? How is what he's saying is wrong on a fundamental level? Genuinely curious

It's not wrong. That's what makes it funny. The shit we all do is so stupid on a cosmic level, and our ego-to-societal-value-add-ratio is so low compared to doctors / teachers / firefighters / soldiers you just have to laugh.

  • Associate 1 in ER
8mo

Academic research backs up the notion that private equity produces generally mediocre results. Steven Kaplan of the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business and Antoinette Schoar of the Sloan School of Management at MIT, in an August 2005 study on private equity performance, conclude that "LBO fund returns net of fees are slightly less than those of the S&P 500." The study covers the period from 1980 to 2001. Kaplan and Schoar's results should dismay prospective private equity investors. Because the authors make no adjustment for leverage, the failure of LBO funds to match stock market returns adds the insult of higher risk to the injury of poor performance.

Buyout partnerships charge substantial management fees (often ranging between 1.5 percent and 2.5 percent of committed funds), a significant profits interest (usually 20 percent), and a variety of transactions and monitoring fees. The general partners of many buyout funds suggest that they engage in more than simple financial engineering, arguing that they bring special value-creation skills to the table. While the value added by operationally oriented buyout partnerships may, in certain instances, overcome the burden imposed by the typical buyout fund's generous fee structure, in aggregate buyout investments fail to match public market alternatives. After adjusting for the higher level of risk and the greater degree of illiquidity in buyout transactions, publicly traded equity securities gain a clear advantage."

Because buyout transactions by their very nature involve higher-than-market levels of leverage, the basic buyout-fund-to-marketable-security comparison fails the apples-to-apples standard. To produce a risk-neutral comparison, consider the impact of applying leverage to public market investments. Comparably timed, comparably sized, and comparably leveraged investments in the S&P 500 produced an astonishing 86 percent annual return. The risk-adjusted marketable security result exceeded the buyout result of 36 percent per year by an astounding 50 percentage points per year

  • Yale Investments Office, David Swensen

PE investors = active investors = life of underperformance net of fees = technically adding no form of value to society.

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
8mo

yes but don't these studies take into account underperforming private equity firms? The literature says that a disproportionate amount of the PE returns come from the few top performers. So yeah if you're working for the average or slightly above average PE firm then I doubt any value is being added. Go work for a top 5 and it's a different story. 

8mo
boneappletea, what's your opinion? Comment below:

There is plenty of literature taking the other side of this argument as well. Also, when you buy a public security that company already typically has substantial leverage… you are just buying the equity. Public co capital structures aren't all that different than UMM or MF-owned private business. Wouldn't ascribe much value to his opinion if he doesn't understand that.

8mo
MoneyisFreedom, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm a PE bro (if that just means I'm a male in PE). I don't use or think in terms of "prestige" because I have a working class background and never thought in such terms. 
 

It's interesting that you think $10M after tax by age 40 isn't worth it. To each their own sure - but just an FYI, the vast majority of people don't think that this figure is something to scoff at, incl. myself. I'll happily take ~$400k/yr doing whatever when a decade ago I was working in retail during HS, that is extremely worth it to me. 

  • Works at Other
8mo

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8mo
TheBuellerBanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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8mo
poignant, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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