Guy Emails Fraternity Brothers about starting a Hedge Fund and Bagging Slams
From 2011, originally posted on Totalfratmove.com
——- Forwarded Message ——-
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:35:13 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Great Job Opportunity – PLEASE READ
Brothers,
As some of you may already know, I have been interested in the world of finance for some time. After a series of summer internships, however, I have somehow found myself without a full-time job offer for the upcoming year. Fuckin’ Obama’s fault for strangling this economy.Luckily, due to the tough job market, my dad has agreed to let me access my trust fund early (mid 7-figures) to start a relatively small hedge fund, ___ Ventures, after graduation. I’m emailing you guys today to let you know that, for the rest rest of the year, I will be recruiting 2 full-time employees and 1 intern to help me get this off the ground.
With my financial expertise, help from my powerful father and connections, and a skilled team, I have no doubt that this fund will rise quickly to prominence. We’ll all get filthy rich and, inevitably, bag hot slampieces. If possible, I’d love to give all 3 of these positions to my brothers.Although you would technically be working for me, I like to think of it more as a team effort. I know that my education and background qualifies me to lead a venture of this sort, and I would really appreciate your support. Below are the job descriptions. If interested, please email me a resume, cover letter, and paragraph describing why you would be excited to work with me.
Position 1: Lead Investment Analyst
-Because I will spend most of my time networking, raising money, and handshaking with industry bigwigs, I need someone with a strong quant background to take care of the majority of actual analysis.
-Finance experience preferred but not required
-Compensation: Low six figures with benefitsPostion 2: Office Manager/Secretary
-Although this may not sound like the most prestigious role within a fund, someone needs to hand the day-to-day operations and while I and my Lead Investment Analyst conduct strategies to make us all rich. This person would also be in charge of hiring hot secretaries for us to ogle (and possibly slam) during the workday.
-Detail oriented person needed
-Compensation: $70,000 base with benefits (like working close with a slampiece)Position 3: Intern/Pledge
-This position is available to all sophomores and juniors. Think of it like pledging my hedge fund (so xxx and xxx need not apply)
-I will judge this position primarily based on how hard you pledged and how I rate your slampiece pulling ability
-Compensation: $25/hr with a good opportunity for full-time employment post graduation.I’m really excited to get this going, and I hope some of you will be joining me. Let me know if you have any questions at all.
Sincerely,
xxx
I don't know which hedge fund has a better chance of succeeding - this one, or the one managed by the 15 year old.
This one is going to make the rounds.
Edit: From Jezebel:
Waiting for the follow up "I started a hedge fund with my brothers and I lost my trust fund"
Cool. They can host toga parties for prospective investors into their fund.
Would invest/10
Are hedge funds just a thing traders who lost their edge but want to float by making market returns start?
sounds like a Pike. fucking pussies.
picture reminds me of how much i can't wait to see the movie
As dumb as this is, you know these guys are gonna have a blast pissing all that money away.
"With my financial expertise, help from my powerful father and connections, and a skilled team, I have no doubt that this fund will rise quickly to prominence. We’ll all get filthy rich and, inevitably, bag hot slampieces."
lolz
I wonder what their strategy will be... local micro?
Subtle.
Lead Investment Analyst ... "finance experience preferred but not required" LOL
Okay, all joking aside, can someone explain this to me? Is this legit? Is this the actual thought process of rich, entitled kids?
'I have no marketable skills and can't find a job. But it isn't my fault. Let's hire someone who can invest and someone who can run an office. Let's have them do that, and I'll take the profits.'
lol
Have you read both books? Amazing
My uncle used to work on the CME. Back in the 1980s & 1990s, when pit trading was profitable, it was common for wealthy parents to buy their son's memberships in order to trade on the floor as locals.
I'm going to give you an SB for that as soon as I can.
Who is this guy...
nay, will check it out, thx
This is hilarious! I think I'm going to "bag myself some hot slampieces" at the local Stop&Shop
"somehow found myself without a FT offer" and "Obama's fault"
We've got a real winner here.
Saving this for a rainy day.
"bagging slampieces" and making "low 6 figures" with no financial experience required?
Where do I sign up?
Next stop, H/W/S!
This is obviously Lumina Investments' second fund - must've killed it in their first few years.
My money's on the 15 y.o.
"bagging slams"
convinced this was a troll when i saw it on twitter this morning. still think it's a troll now seeing it on wso.
dont care. fuckin hilarious. didnt know uc-wilmington had greek life.
I guarantee they'll buy shares of Apple.
Actually it's designed to own only one stock: APD
Are you sure? I would think they have a significant holding in Petrobras (NYSE:PBR)
what's wrong with Petrobras?
Petro"bras" duh
All kidding aside, he sounds like the perfect client.
Hey, where is your sexy avatar?
lol why didnt his father just get him a job...
hahahahhahaha
How much slampieces would I get access to for every stick introduced?
Y'all might be laughing now, but when I...
I mean, when THAT GUY is drownin' in dollahs and swimmin' in slampieces, y'all gon' be eatin' crow. Just sayin'.
Hahaha!
Why not work there as a "Lead Investment Analyst" for a year, get your six figure salary and then gtfo?
Topic: How to get $1 million
First, start with $5 million...
The hedge fund division of Prestige Worldwide.
Pre-financial crisis, such a venture may have had a chance of taking off... e.g. David Einhorn was supposedly able to start his fund with only $900,000 in 1997 - about $1.3 million adjusted for inflation. Post financial crisis and post-Bernie Madoff, it's a lot more expensive to get a hedge fund launched, you would probably need at a minimum 8-figures to have a legitimate chance at getting off the ground.
Haha, but at least Einhorn did an analyst stint and actually worked at a HF before he tried (i.e. had a legitimate clue as to what he was doing)
Can we please get a hint at who the father is??
So did the fund blow up or what happened to it?
This is what happened:
Hahahaha...I was going to post the exact same thing. Golden.
Could also be a TKE. Those guys suck. But then again, there are no rich entitled kids in TKE.
Fuckin Pikes.
Great. Thanks for sharing. Hahaha
Any chance it's this guy?
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-02-24/hedge-fund-born-in-senator-s-b…
He IS greek - ZBT from Wharton, I believe. That being said, with his internships... he really couldn't find a FT?
Not really. The dates are wrong. ADW Capital started up in February 2011, but this email is dated December 2011. Though, the time stamp may not mean much and could have been doctored.
ha, isn't this one even sexier? me doing some tango?
LMAO.
Bag hot slampeices. Excellent.
Obviously there's a trend now where fraternity and sorority brothers and sisters can't keep basic secrets and are wiling to F their friends by spreading private emails far and wide. Definitely a bizarre trend and not something I would expect my fraternity brothers to have done.
Easy solution--don't be a douche
So don't be an 18-22-year-old college male? Ok.
To be fair, stuff like this is barely, and I mean barely, scratching the surface of the sort of things that rotate around in a fraternities social media circle.
^ Insecurity. Good luck working in this industry...
This is like the most insecure industry. I'll fit right in.
And I'd cal it distaste for the culture coupled with mild jealousy of the benefits of membership.
Bro what's your chill:pull ratio?
How is this ratio calculated and over what timeframe? Urban Dictionary proves itself fruitless.
Pretty much all the investment bankers I know are frat bros. I don't know why that happens, but it's something I've noticed.
Ya I definitely didn't get any pictures of balls sent to me in my fraternity days.
I'm not sure what to make of that
tasteful thickness
Do you at least get some these days?
Not at all. Not even as an alumni do I get perks
Gotta love the hate on this site. Guy sends an email to his brothers and they send it out. I am sure no one on this site has said anything to a friend, through email or in person, that would look bad if taken out of context and sent to the world.
And wow, guys like girls and try and get laid. News at 11.
"Update! While the email was indeed sent from the account of the banker bro in question, according to a member of the fraternity, the bro himself did not write it. From our inbox:
I write to you suggesting that you edit the article to include at least the notion that the email was a parody, because I know that it is. I am currently in the fraternity that that person was in, and that email is something we call a "sting" — an email from someone else's email account that blasts them for their flaws, ridiculous actions, embarrassing moments. The guy who supposedly sent the email was a common target of stings, being a bit of a pompous ass from time to time. Since we all care much more about what a person has done rather than what their father did, that attitude was pretty unpopular in the house and he often got stings mocking him for it. ...the guy that got "stung" ... had absolutely no hand in writing it and wouldn't be ridiculous enough to send that out to our list. Even though the sting has some basis in his actions and words, he's not nearly the person the email portrays him as being. Today 12:13pm":( I want to believe...
Source?
This seems much more logical.
yes i have sent many offensive things out in my life, but no i have never emailed anything this delusional and lame. And to settle the question, yes fraternities are bastions of douche-baggery, repressed homosexuality, and most of all, conformity...of course that doesn't mean every frat bro fits this description,but the majority, yes indeed.
This has all been very disappointing. And somewhat confusing as it's from 2011. Whatever, I'm out.
You can't stereotype all fraternities... big difference between the average frat at Ohio State and Vanderbilt University (from my experience).
The Vandy guys get in their fair share of mischief but they're quite civilized, and arguably more personable/scholarly/prepared for the real world than the average non-frat peer. Brothers are encouraged to get high GPAs at a competitive school, are obligated to do community service, invite their parents and alums to their parties, raise money for the school, usually dress formally (suits) for their events, etc. Partying has its role but these guys seem more interested in leveraging the network for their careers. Now, to stereotype myself, the same cannot be said about my friends that attended schools such as Ohio State, Miami U (Ohio), Albany.
My fraternity roadtripped to vandy this year and there was nothing but socially awkward herbs.
Vanderbilt, being arguably the smartest school in the region, def attracts a fair share of awkward individuals. And they have the most mediocre looking girls of any Southern campus that I visited. The frat scene seemed normal though. Very different experience than my h.s. friends that went to Ohio State/Miami U (Ohio).
I had a brief stint working in Atlanta, including with a Vanderbilt grad, and roomed with UGA and Georgia Tech grads... plenty of weird people that went to Tech too but it's a good school so it is what it is. I also learned about the football rivalry between the Gators and Bulldogs.
I would add that UGA has the best looking girls in the country.
Side note, everyone here likes NY but there is a lot of $ being made working in finance in Atlanta. I had a buddy making $180k in portfolio management (w/ CFA) in his 3rd year out of school... hours were good and relatively stress free. And cost of living is amazing. I lived in Buckhead for $1,000 a month (2k w/ roomate) with a gated community & pool. Work was a 10 minute commute. LA Fitness cost $40 a month and was a great gym... crowded but amazing girls.Also plenty of fun nights at dive bars (Churchills/War Room lol). Atlantic ocean is a 3 hour drive. Gun ranges everywhere. Grimy strip clubs (Pink Pony). White water rafting 2 hours away in Tennessee. Brave tickets were $15 and you can easily move to better seats. Went to a Hawks-Mavs game that was on TNT with good seats for $95. Atlanta is a great city albeit swampy.
McCOYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frat on good sirs.
What are the nicer parts of Atlanta? And are there bars where most of the "young professionals" usually frequent, or do all the college kids, young professionals, and older people kind of mingle together?
I agree that UGA has some of the hottest girls. Visited Athens once and the place was crawling with blonde southern girls.
Buckhead is by far the nicest area. You can rent an apartment or house. There's also an exclusive wooded area off West Paces Ferry full of mansions... many $5M homes of old money, athletes and execs. You can also live downtown close to park. Check out Post Properties apartments... the most expensive locations are usually the best and are a fraction of NYC prices.
The dive bars are mostly for young professionals (look at Cain Hills Place in Buckhead for mostly college crowd and amazing girls... the street looks grimy during the day but is cheap and fun). Sports bars are a blast on college football days, obviously Saturdays are chaotic. Grads will cluster to watch their schools at certain places. Another popular option is to go to taco restaurants (Tin Lizzies) and get loaded on margaritas. If you want something with a better atmosphere then visit one of rooftops at the W hotel, including one in Buckhead. The club scene is mostly of sketchy drug dealers... 23 year-olds with Bentleys kind of deal.
The only drawback of Atl is that you need a car. The Marta is okay to get to the airport or sporting events but without exaggeration, do not go on the Marta after 10pm if the train is not crowded from some function (Braves game). South Atl is bad and ppl may f*** w you. You also shouldn't be driving around south Atlanta either. It's like NYC in the 1970s.
God bless America.
Bros.
enjoy :) haha a classic
I didn't see his taxes so it is possible but the guy doesn't seem like the type to exaggerate that kind of thing. Supposedly he was making low six figures and threatened to leave and so they gave him a big raise to give him an incentive to stay... I believe it was anchored by another employee's salary that he felt he deserved.
As a Vanderbilt grad you def have to admit that the girls there beat ANY northern school and every other target and semi-target.
Idk, there are quite a few preppy liberal arts school throughout the Northeast that have better talent
"Position 1: Lead Investment Analyst....Finance experience preferred but not required" lol
Should I join or "pledge" a frat, bro?
Glad this thread came back to the front page, missed some of the comments. I'm moving to Atlanta, hell I'll go wash towels at the LA Fitness
Man if I had a rich dad or friends rich dad, I would have started at least 3 hedge funds in college or right after. Also bagging was used frequently in my vocab till the age of 25.
What do you use now?
Hahahaha
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