I Hate my Life

I know you've all heard it before on this forum so I will try to keep it brief.

Hate where I am currently in life and feel so behind. I'm shit at being an analyst no matter how hard I try I always screw up and am too dumb to understand anything. Yeah, I went to a decent school with decent grades but just think I got lucky and I also worked super hard and had a pretty miserable college experience so missed out on all that.

Yeah I was broke in college but quite frankly still feel like I am. You can read the bolded below for more context. Not sure where else the money is going but after rent, expenses, and my outrageous student debt payment I have barely anything left maybe saving 1k a month which I think is pretty depressing knowing that I'll have to do this forever to have a decent savings. No bonus is ever guaranteed especially with my performance apparently so I don't even consider that and I don't think I can't even make it to then.

Then there was that net worth thread that was put up and I just felt like shit reading that. Even college students have more than me. I feel like I missed out on opportunities in crypto and even stocks look like shit and my 401k and ira has just lost money despite being in index funds. Have a feeling all you people that are so rich now from that thread and made all this money in the market and will just dump everything on me and leave me with a huge drawdown.

It get's worse. I had so much Fomo and anger last few days that I decided to put everything I had saved so far including signing bonus (approx 20k) into a shitty crypto and scammed or whatever you call it. It's all gone now like that was heartbreaking for me and made me perform even worse at the desk. Everything was so bottled up in me I felt like exploding

I'm just so burnt out now and feel like I just don't want to continue this shit life. I know that in life is personal responsibility and all that and only I can take action to make it better, but the only way I see that being done is just quitting which I don't think is rational and I also don't want to throw away all work and debt that got me to this point. Also I would have to pay back a signing bonus with money I don't have at this time.

Maybe I wouldn't care so much if I had friends I could just blackout or whatever with on weekend night but I have pretty much no one in my life that cares about me.

Well that's pretty much all doubt anyone reads this far or cares enough but I have nothing better to do and don't want to check my email again for anything.

Comments (54)

Most Helpful
Dec 3, 2021 - 6:00pm

Ok - you can continue to have regrets and feel bad about your situation or you can take ownership of this. I've been where you are before. 6 figure loss, no close friends, and nothing to do after work besides sit around and wallow in self-pity.

First, money isn't everything. Ok, you fucked up and lost 20k. I fucked up and lost 140k. Learn and move on.

You aren't happy with your work product. Why? What specific mistakes are you making? Write them down and then write down how to fix them. Ask your coworkers how to fix them if necessary.

You have no friends - why is this? Do you live alone? Is this a new city? Try and become friends with fellow analysts. Join a gym and try and work in with someone. "Thanks bro - I'm Arroz con Pollo. I just moved here."

People are much nicer than you probably think. I know it can be hard to make friends - I have a handful from college I keep in touch with but not many. Why? Because I was an asshole. If you have opportunities to make friends and are having trouble, ask yourself why. It's ok if you realize you're a dick - now you can work to fix this.

Life is much more than money - you have a well paying job. Work hard and don't stress over tomorrow. The sun rises for the homeless man the same way it does for the rich man.

I have no plans tonight besides getting shitfaced and playing COD with the broskis. Why? Because I have few friends and they don't go out often and don't live near me. I'm working on meeting new people through gym classes and just being friendlier in general.

Do you have family? Are you close to them? You say nobody cares about you, but I'm here to tell you that's a lie. I care about you bro. Idek you but relate hard to your entire post. And you know what? Another person cares about you. You care about yourself. You pointed out how you don't wanna throw all your hard work away. You know you have worth bro, and even if you don't want to believe me, you are worth much more than a job.

Having the balls to type out your post is more than most people. You're a smart guy. Things will get better. Life has its ups and downs. Life sucks. But life is beautiful bro. Even when it seems like there's nothing in front of you, just know it's always darkest before the dawn or some shit.

I'm here for you bro. I believe in you, and deep down I know you believe in yourself too. You will make it through this and come out stronger. I hope you feel better.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 3, 2021 - 8:04pm

Thank you I try. To answer some of the questions. I just don't understand what I need to do on deliverables some times and just have no care for this industry. But as you said the job pays so I feel trapped. Also I sometimes will miss one detail or comment and get blasted. I don't give a fuck about the commas and periods and spaces or whatever the hell any more I'm sick of it and models are even worse I have no clue how to go about them.

I just look around a see everyone else doing so better whether in this job or outside of it with all this crypto stuff. I feel like I'm missing out on this bull market and will be left with nothing by the time I make enough to even buy a normal index fund. And as for friends yes I'm new in the city and don't know anyone. Family is no better. I'm glad to hear you care though even if we don't know one another. I honestly just can't the finish line or path up from here for myself. 

Dec 3, 2021 - 11:34pm

I understand not caring about the menial tasks but look at it this way: each missed comma is a reflection upon yourself and who you are. Personally, I am extremely protective of anything my name is attached to. I take pride in my reputation. Shit happens - if you're getting blasted, maybe look at different banks.

It honestly sounds like you would leave banking if the debt wasn't so much. This is where real life hits you in the face. Do you want to suck it up in banking to pay off the debt quicker or leave and enjoy your life but have the debt hanging over your head for a longer time? Only you can answer this question.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Only compare yourself to the you of yesterday. I personally know several professional athletes making millions. I was better than a few of them - got injured and now slave away at a corporate job. I could bitch and moan but I accepted it. Now my goal is to own a team rather than play for one. Obviously a long shot but fuck it we're all gonna die.

Do research and invest in stuff you understand. You have nobody to blame but yourself for that $20k loss.

I know I've typed a lot. I'm in my young 20's and see a lot of myself in your post except you have a better job than me.

You have a lot of stuff you need to seriously think about. Personally, I recommend to stop drinking if you are currently until you can come to peace with your past decisions and current situation. You don't have to be happy with the decisions you've made - just learn to accept them.

Life is amazing bro - if you can, try and get outside in some nature even if it's just for an hour. Actually look at the leaves. Look at the bark on the trees. I know you're feeling down but that's a personal choice.

Feel free to PM me if you want, but I'd prefer to converse here in the open. Maybe someone going through something similar can find something helpful

Dec 6, 2021 - 3:07pm

Real Alpha Male Silverback MVP ish of reply And I don't care what nobody else says... I would also like to add my support to anyone brave enough to face the darkest sides of their existence, you guys are never alone and never will be and once that you make it through your battles you'll see how everything had a meaning and a sense. You're not alone guys

Funniest
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Dec 3, 2021 - 6:02pm

So let me get this straight. You put $20k into a shitcoin which somehow crashed to $0 under a matter of days? Regardless of the fact that you're retarded, not even the BSC shitcoins absolutely drop to $0 so quickly, so you are obviously exaggerating. Start by getting a grip holy shit

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Dec 3, 2021 - 6:07pm

So you put $20k in a pajeet shitcoin, probably after looking at a chart on a website literally named Poocoin, and you expect any compassion? Bro even people in the crypto community would be making fun of you. How the fuck did you get into banking?

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 3, 2021 - 6:11pm

Jeez, can't comment on OP's situation but this jackass intern obviously know nothing about crypto. Look on the avalanche ecosystem right now rugs are being pulled left and right. He could have most certainly gone to zero instantly and not from some 'poocoin' that you allude to below. My best guess is it was one of the new DAOs or reflection tokens that are popping up all over AVAX. Volume is insane and the pumps are crazy. They are legit projects but whales dump them and rotate so quickly. I've made a ton myself personally from these trades last few days OP got caught on the other side of the trade. By the way, don't be such an asshole to someone who obviously needs help you should be ashamed.

  • Managing Director in PE - Other
Dec 5, 2021 - 9:51pm

You on the spectrum motherfuckers are a problem in this business.  You completely missed the point here cmon man

To OP - if the job isn't a great fit thats ok. Find something else now that you have a good name on your resume, preferably in a city that may suit you better and can provide a lower cost structure. Imagine if you went to law school and racked up 300k in debt, or shit even dental school and racked up 300k in debts, only to go make 100k out the gate with a grim future. You are not in a bad position even though you may feel you are. 
Look around at working for a company or industry you may like - there are some much nicer people that work at companies - they actually care about family time and not being an asshole 24 hrs day and attending industry conferences. My point is you've made it a lot farther already than you think, now find what you like to do and try to pursue. dont sweat the loans too bad, it'll work out you just need a decent job that you can sustain.

on the net worth page, when I was in my early 20s, shit even late 20s I didn't have jack compared to some of those posters and now I have one of the higher net worths for my age.  But, none of that shit matters! I was happier in my 20s when I wasn't worth dick and my wife liked me before I made good money so maybe she liked my dick and not my bank account?
 

Anyway I'm rambling but look man, you seem like a good dude.  Practice some self compassion, don't be so hard on yourself man.  If your friend was in your situation you wouldn't think he was done for, you'd be able to see that he's accomplished plenty. 

Choose light over darkness my friend, you are young and have potentially 60+ years ahead of you and you won't be doing what you are doing today.  All the best. 

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Gen
Dec 3, 2021 - 6:15pm

Keep your head up, king. The nice thing about feeling like you're at rock bottom is that means you've survived the worst and now it can only get better from here

Dec 6, 2021 - 9:51am

Don't look at those net worth threads. They pop up every few months and its just an ego boost for contributors. Anyone that comments is probably the top percentile and (most likely) have no student loan debt. You'll lose every time benchmarking to those types of posters. Survey of Consumer Finances shows avg. net worth of someone under 35 is like $76k, Personal Capital estimates it is $88k for a 20 year old. No one here is posting that. I feel like shit about my net worth for my age but per various sites, I'm doing well relative to my age group. That just serves as a measuring stick and then my head goes back down to work on dollar cost averaging. 

Also, we as a group need to get rid of the instant gratification in a world of crypto, NFTs, and TQQQ-esque risk-on trades. I feel like risk appetite has gotten so out of control with young people and we don't even know it LOL. Some institutional investors allocate like 5-10% to crypto and even guys like Grayscale or Bitwise don't recommend much more than that. The minute you get jealous of a 14 year old getting rich off a jpeg is the minute you put on way too much risk in a volatile asset class and get smoked. No one loses (long-term) investing in index funds, just DCA, and be patient. Index investors should have done very well the last 12-18 months so IDK why you think you've performed so poorly. 

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Dec 3, 2021 - 8:46pm

This (shitty time in your life) shall pass. Start exploring other interests -- join a gym, billiard club, tennis, improv class... just start doing shit to remind yourself that there are other things to do other than work. And hopefully, you'll enjoy the activity and meet new friends. Also, consider other job that more closely aligns with your passion. Just take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that job does not equal life. Figure out what you'd rather do and start pursuing that. It'll give you a goal and will give you hope, which is powerful. Good luck.   

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 3, 2021 - 8:50pm

Thank you. I did try the gym and I still go but just to get my heart pumping. I can't get big or muscles or any of that because I don't have enough time to eat enough food during the week and enough sleep for recovery. I know on any other forum I would be called lazy for this but I'm sure most people on here actually understand how this job works. As for other passions, I do have but not anything I could make a job out of. 

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Dec 3, 2021 - 9:12pm

Maybe passion could be tangentially related to job -- for instance, if you were a foodie, look for a finance position related to restaurants (banks or PE that focus on that arena). Point is, try to think of how you can incorpoate something you're interested in into your job. Also, don't let some of your a-hole superiors get you down. Yes, nobody likes to be yelled at, but if your team sucks, start looking for another job now. Not all coworkers/firms are jerks, and every young employee makes mistakes. Just, as I'm sure you've heard, focus on not making the same mistake twice.   

  • Intern in IB - Restr
Dec 4, 2021 - 1:39pm

just a personal anecdote but i was one of those dudes whose main excuse for not going to the gym was "i dont eat enough anyway", but in my experience you can still progress amazingly and even get bigger without overhauling your diet. An added benefit of this is that once you notice gains without changing your diet, it will make you 1000% more focused on actually improving it so that you can maximize those gains. I still eat super inconsistently but the gym has become one of my favorite hobbies. Very rare for someone to go to the gym and not be super glad they did afterwards.

Dec 3, 2021 - 9:37pm

You feel like this because of the lost 20k. I've never been scammed, but I bet it makes you feel like shit.

When I was younger I emptied out my taxable and cash accounts for gambling. Lost about 500k and felt like killing myself.

But it gets better. It's just money, you can't take it with you. I think you need to focus on the other stuff. Not having friends and stuff like that is not sustainable. Are you decent looking? Why not hit the apps? Nyc is awesome for dating as guy if you're not ugly or fat or short. It can really help your self confidence to have some fun dates. Other piece of advice is to find time to work out and get those endorphins pumping.

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
Dec 4, 2021 - 2:24am

As a senior analyst who is closing on my third year I want to give advice on how to have better performance but as someone who is completely burned out, cries for hours every other day and lost any sense of life outside work, even missing on doctors appointments - I want to say I feel you and I am sorry. Not a day goes by where I don't think what is wrong with me or where I went wrong. Hope you find some peace and hope things get better. Happy to listen if you want to vent

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 4, 2021 - 12:33pm

How did you make it that far feeling this way? A third year feels soooo far away from now. I can barely imagine getting through the next months for me

Dec 4, 2021 - 4:04am

Assuming this isn't a troll, I'll break this down into the two categories I see:

1) you think you're dumb and bad at your job in banking and

2) you're pissed that you rage-bet on some shitty cryptos which lost you money

Both sound like you problems honestly. Like to your first point, you're not behind at all and you can improve with a few self-critical moves and taking feedback from others. You're just an analyst and people expect you to fuck up. It's up to you to make it better. 

Second, it sounds like you made some wildly shitty bets for whatever unexplained reason and are now all sad that you lot your money on it.

I just think you need to reassess what is important to you and focus on improving your job performance instead of acting out in ways which are detrimental to your self-worth and your net-worth. Take a couple days off of work and have a real think about this - I think you'll find that you're responsible for a lot of your misgivings and can easily improve without much time.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Dec 4, 2021 - 1:53pm

Sorry to hear my man, definitely caught the short end a lot lately. 
 

hoping things take a positive turn for you, but a lot of that depends on your mentality. 
 

sunk costs are sunk costs, the 20k sucks but you'll get it back. Fwiw I'm a first year analyst and only have 5k in savings, pay 2200 in rent. 

through all of your answer it seems like you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others and judging yourself relative to others instead of relative to yourself. This is a recipe for unhappiness. Of course there are tons of young or unsophisticated idiots who made tens of thousands on crypto and I'm jealous too, but you need to remember that they're outliers and there's a lot of availability heuristic at play. Just buy the current dip, and keep your eyes out for the "next crypto"… it's never a bad time to buy and NFTs and DAOs all of de fi is booming. Of course return profile is lower at this point but still exponential.

don't worry if others seem happier, seem better at work, seem like they have more friends or more money - I promise you that beneath the surface we are all fucked up and lacking things and unhappy about things, you are not alone my man.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 4, 2021 - 2:06pm

This dip makes things even more painful as I have no cash now to buy at all even. Truly missed this whole wave and who knows what the hell stocks will do once I make enough to actually invest. I bet they all cash out their profits by next year when I get a bonus to invest for the first time.

I try not to compare but it's pretty hard. Will probably just remove all social media including even linkedin. I also struggle to believe honestly that those who are making a lot are outliers but I guess I'll take your word for it at this point since I'm so exhausted of it all

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Dec 4, 2021 - 3:25pm

It's hard not to compare to others or care what others think, but it's so liberating once you do.

once you realize how much free real estate strangers, people from your home town, old college people you don't speak to, Instagram followers, own in your head it's almost laughable. It's an easy trap to fall into but all the stress and anxiety that comes from trying to impress others (job, money, showing off travel, restaurants, bars, on IG) when their opinions have ZERO effect on you is just pointless 

Dec 4, 2021 - 2:08pm

1. if you compare yourself to the luckiest people on Earth, then you'll always feel unlucky. people who posted on that net worth thread are among the luckiest people on Earth coming from wealthy American families going straight to high finance from undergrad. I'll tell you that like 90% of people in the world work until they die just to get by and pay for rent and food. go travel to south east Asia and you'll see people driving Tuk-Tuks and motorbikes 24/7 in horrible traffic breathing gasoline and risking their life (because the traffic has no rules) just to make $2 per day and pay for rent in their shack and basic groceries, while their sisters and cousins are getting sold in sex slavery. if you live legally in America/UK/Canada/Australia/New Zeland/rich European countries, you already won a huge lottery and you can't fucking complain. if you can live comfortable life in your 30s or 40s, you already have a better life than 90%+ of people in the world. consider life prior to that a necessary sacrifice. yes, some lucky people (luckiest 1% of the world) don't have to sacrifices their 10s and 20s, but 90%+ of the world sacrifices their whole life and never really have a chance to enjoy life, so appreciate that you can start enjoying your life since your 30s or 40s.

2. invest only in investments with fundamental value>market value. learning this lesson early on is great, even if it costs your $20k (it's a very small price to pay for this valuable lesson). btw, even if you invest in great investments with great fundamental value, you still might lose 30-50-70% - that's the nature of market, so don't invest what you need now, invest only if you can hold long-term (5+ years).

3. a lot of people don't have friends. NYC is full of lonely people. you can try to find friends or girlfriend, or just learn to enjoy your own company and your hobbies.

Dec 4, 2021 - 4:43pm

I was in the same position like a month ago. Completely incompetent team. Was a complete clown show, felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting for no reason and getting no credit. Sometimes that fire in your ass makes it easier to get that next job, use it to your advantage. For me, that desperation to get out made me absolutely kill (in a good way) every single interview I had. Best of luck man.

Dec 5, 2021 - 3:02pm

Hey, I think the first thing you should do is stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone goes through something different so it really isn't meaningful to use someone else as a benchmark to your own success. Comparing yourself to others can be useful if you can use it as a motivation to improve but don't do it to your own detriment. Measure yourself to you from yesterday and try to improve everyday. By the time you look back, you will have made significant progress.

Look up Morgan Housel's recent piece called Assured Misery. It is a great post that I think will help you clarify your inner thought process on this topic.

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Dec 5, 2021 - 3:32pm

Keep grinding you will pay down that student debt. Once that is paid off then start taking risk like crypto or whatever. You will get there. 

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Dec 5, 2021 - 7:51pm

what youre making now is peanuts to what you'll be making in the future. keep on advancing in rank broski, the job isn't rocket science. get a script for stims to stayed focused in this fucking boring industry.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 5, 2021 - 8:12pm

Is it really that much money I should expect in the next few years? I feel like everything is dependent on bonus which cannot be relied on? I'm paranoid of being screwed or something honestly. Also do you really think the job is that easy?

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Dec 6, 2021 - 10:25am

I feel you on the net worth thread...I have no idea how so many of these people have so much saved already. I feel like theres exaggeration there. I've been in 18 months and have $20k saved. Lots of student debt, long term girlfriend that I always pay for dates, pricey apartment...list goes on of expenses. I'm now maxing out my traditional IRA and doing a backdoor conversion ($6k), maxing out 401k ($20k), and putting a few hundred into brokerage each month. That's before my bonus, where I'll save maybe half. I feel like that's sufficient enough for being 23 years old. If I invest only this way and nothing else (which is pretty conservative), I estimated having ~$5-6 mil by age 60 when I retire. I think that's more than enough for me. I'm keeping my head up, and you should too

Also- I'll never touch cryptos just because I'm risk adverse and don't want some tiktok investor ruining my retirement savings...people can make more than me in crypto and I'm completely fine with it

Dec 6, 2021 - 3:58pm

There is always going to be a bigger fish. You have to stop for a second and see how far you have come. You are working in banking, which is the culmination of years of hard work. Don't be so hard on yourself and relax. You will perform better under less stress. 

  • Analyst 3+ in IB - Cov
Dec 6, 2021 - 5:47pm

Assuming this is serious -

I'm absolutely sure the 20k loss is making you feel like complete and total shit. I've been there. Understand in the scope of life $20k is basically nothing and you will earn it back soon. What is harder to get back is your long term mental health, wellbeing, and your youth. 

I can't advise you specifically what to do without knowing your specific situation but here's a few thoughts: 

Get off WSO. It will only make you feel more like shit. As someone who's worked in the industry for several years now, I can tell you with full confidence most of the posts are bullshit. 

Maybe IB isn't for you. And that's OK! If you're in this job you're probably not an idiot. There's so many more jobs that are more meaningful and rewarding than this. It's a great employment market so a great time to look around. 
 

I was feeling the same way as you last spring, and I started looking, networking and ultimately got a position with a pretty good salary, uses all the IB skills I developed, and is incredibly fulfilling and meaningful. 
 

I don't check this everyday, but feel free to drop me a message if you want thoughts. Don't want to dox myself. 

Dec 7, 2021 - 12:28pm

This (depression et. al) is a mental health problem and less of a logistics/events based problem. Plenty of people hate their job, have no friends, have no money, etc but still continue life happily.

Might wanna consider talking to a psych and getting depression meds. Theres no stigma involved, you have a medical condition.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 24, 2021 - 12:44pm

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