I Hate my Life
I know you've all heard it before on this forum so I will try to keep it brief.
Hate where I am currently in life and feel so behind. I'm shit at being an analyst no matter how hard I try I always screw up and am too dumb to understand anything. Yeah, I went to a decent school with decent grades but just think I got lucky and I also worked super hard and had a pretty miserable college experience so missed out on all that.
Yeah I was broke in college but quite frankly still feel like I am. You can read the bolded below for more context. Not sure where else the money is going but after rent, expenses, and my outrageous student debt payment I have barely anything left maybe saving 1k a month which I think is pretty depressing knowing that I'll have to do this forever to have a decent savings. No bonus is ever guaranteed especially with my performance apparently so I don't even consider that and I don't think I can't even make it to then.
Then there was that net worth thread that was put up and I just felt like shit reading that. Even college students have more than me. I feel like I missed out on opportunities in crypto and even stocks look like shit and my 401k and ira has just lost money despite being in index funds. Have a feeling all you people that are so rich now from that thread and made all this money in the market and will just dump everything on me and leave me with a huge drawdown.
It get's worse. I had so much Fomo and anger last few days that I decided to put everything I had saved so far including signing bonus (approx 20k) into a shitty crypto and scammed or whatever you call it. It's all gone now like that was heartbreaking for me and made me perform even worse at the desk. Everything was so bottled up in me I felt like exploding
I'm just so burnt out now and feel like I just don't want to continue this shit life. I know that in life is personal responsibility and all that and only I can take action to make it better, but the only way I see that being done is just quitting which I don't think is rational and I also don't want to throw away all work and debt that got me to this point. Also I would have to pay back a signing bonus with money I don't have at this time.
Maybe I wouldn't care so much if I had friends I could just blackout or whatever with on weekend night but I have pretty much no one in my life that cares about me.
Well that's pretty much all doubt anyone reads this far or cares enough but I have nothing better to do and don't want to check my email again for anything.