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What are the most annoying things your coworkers do in the office.

Regardless of industry every office has its own quirks and annoyances. Whether you be in banking, real estate, marketing, if you're in corporate America and on a floor that consists of 50+ people then it is certain that there will be some fucking whack jobs sharing the space along side of you.

One of my biggest peeves is when someone starts busting my chops and asking me for shit before I even put my bag down and take my coat off. I get in at 7:30 and leave between 6-7 every single god damn day. Can I please just sit down and maybe read a newspaper and have some coffee for 5 minutes before you start asking me for shit. Another I've noticed is that people walk so fast it is insane. I've been in the working world for about 4 years now and have never seen an entire office speed walk every single time they get out of their chair. My cube is very close to one of the coffee stations and have witnessed about 3 full speed collisions when one person has a fresh out of the Keurig Newmans Best. Painful and hilarious at the same time, especially when it was an analyst on VP collision.

These are a couple of mine, please take a minute to vent and share yours.

Comments (232)

Oct 8, 2013

People who clip their nails. Bosses who come out of their office and stand near your cubicle and have a 45 minute conversation about how great they were back in the day. I literally rage inside at both of these.

    • 1
Oct 8, 2013

Best username ever.

Oct 8, 2013

Cooking eggs in the kitchen microwave. Smells not good.

Oct 8, 2013

Having salesguys or managers calling in or checking on business within 15 minutes of the market open/close. One of the last things a trader in the live markets needs...

Oct 8, 2013

Telling me, at great length, how the weather is today. I HAD TO GO OUTSIDE TO GET TO THE OFFICE I KNOW HOW THE WEATHER IS. Sorry that just absolutely drives me insane.

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Oct 8, 2013

People who cut everyone off after two words and then ask annoying questions immediately after, and then cut you off again two words into the answer. You can't ask a question, answer one, or even say "Hi, good morning" before they're prattling off like a twit. These are typically the same people who use twitter a lot. I just call them twits.

Oct 8, 2013

Not in an office anymore, but...

-Woman next to me taking care of personal hygiene
-Fucking around on a forklift in the warehouse when hazardous materials are present
-Trying to talk to me about weekend plans when I'm on the phone with 3 separate customers, trying to transfer 4 shipments, and trying to prep for weekly outbound haul

Best Response
Oct 8, 2013
D M:

Not in an office anymore, but...

-Woman next to me taking care of personal hygiene

-Fucking around on a forklift in the warehouse when hazardous materials are present

-Trying to talk to me about weekend plans when I'm on the phone with 3 separate customers, trying to transfer 4 shipments, and trying to prep for weekly outbound haul

Dunder Mifflin?

    • 4
Oct 8, 2013

If only...

Oct 8, 2013

Sometimes when our group needs to send an email to a client or director, my VP will stand over my shoulder and try to help me word it properly as if it's my first day on earth. Even worse, he usually just watches silently as I type, word for word. I swear it's the most fucking pressure I've ever felt....want to just turn around and ask him to put a gun to my head while he's at it

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Oct 10, 2013

True that! Hahaha... totally true..might as well pull the trigger

Oct 8, 2013

Easily my #1 would be a higher up who is less than a year from retirement, pulling you into his office to tell you about his glory days and what it was like when he was cutting his teeth.

The stories are great the first time around however you hear the same 8 stories again and again like an ipod on shuffle.

The real kicker is when you have shit to do and now you need to find a way to make up for the 45 minutes you just spent hearing about the times when pen and paper ruled the world.

Typically, these stories have no value add or insight to be gleamed. You just smile and nod while he/she figuratively faps away to the days of old. Mind you this person is no longer a decision maker and won't be providing feedback for reviews, promotions, layoffs.

You learn nothing and you can't even earn brownie points. Every minute one of these soul sucking people pull this shit you lose a minute of your life. Bonus points for when you aren't at your desk and someone else flips shit asking where the fuck you were for the past 45 minutes.

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Oct 8, 2013

The chatty receptionist.. You can hear her laugh echo through the entire office even with my office door closed.. She undoubtedly has the best time at work.. That laugh drives me crazy..

The purest form of giving is anonymous to anonymous..

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Oct 10, 2013

We have 3. One for front office, middle office and back office...I know that feel

Oct 9, 2013

I had someone tell me about his commute in to work every day for over a year. I get it, something interesting to you, but boring to me, happened on your way in to work.

My biggest pet peeve in general, is when people are completely oblivious to non-verbal cues. For instance, someone interrupts you while you're in the middle of something and you say, "uh-huh" and keep typing away while looking at your screen instead of at him/her. Yet, they stand there and keep talking. What the fuck? Can't you tell I don't want to talk to you?

Another big one is when someone asks you the same stupid question multiple times. Let it sink in buddy or how about you write it down somewhere?

When you say, "How are you?" then he proceeds to give you a long explanation of everything he's doing and how great everything is for him. Guess what? 'How are you?' should be responded with, 'Great, how are you?'. It's the equivalent of saying hello, I don't actually want to know how you're doing.

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Oct 9, 2013
DickFuld:

When you say, "How are you?" then he proceeds to give you a long explanation of everything he's doing and how great everything is for him. Guess what? 'How are you?' should be responded with, 'Great, how are you?'. It's the equivalent of saying hello, I don't actually want to know how you're doing.

I've actually started not responding when I get this (pretending I didn't hear), unless it's an honest question (it's not, it's a fake thing to say). Or I'll just say "good" but leave out the "good, and how are you doing?" It's stupid, let's just be honest and admit we don't care.

I'm walking by you in the hallway and you ask how I'm doing as I'm about to turn the corner? Why not just "hey John" and a smile?

Apparently Europeans will give you a 10-minute answer if you ask.

Oct 9, 2013

I worked on a trading desk and the people who didn't jump in on what the desk ordered for lunch drove me mad

Oct 9, 2013

When your boss tells you to change something, but you secretly know when he sees what he's asked for he'll have you change it back to the original. -_-

Robert Clayton Dean: What is happening?
Brill: I blew up the building.
Robert Clayton Dean: Why?
Brill: Because you made a phone call.

Oct 9, 2013

Yes!!!
Or having the dance of a VP wanting a slide in, the MD wanting a slide out and around and around it goes - FML

Oct 9, 2013

Working in Malaysia, lots of coworkers love to burp, no shame, no attempt to hide it just guys and girls letting it all out after lunch.

Shit ringtones piss me off too, one guy in particular rotates between: various Taylor Swift songs, transformers themetune and it's variations, a morse code beeping type thing - It never stops. Then the others with their little chipmunk laugh ringtones and old Macklemore songs, it does my head in.

Oct 9, 2013

People that talk about their kids. People that eat pungent foods at the desk. Easily the worse.

Oct 9, 2013

From an intern's point of view, the one guy in your group who's like your unofficial boss and quite obviously walks by your desk multiple times during the day to make sure you're there and look as if you're concentrated on the computer. That shit makes me nervous to leave the desk for anything.

Oct 9, 2013

- PAs chatting loudly and having fun when you are in the worst possible situation and when your life is on the line (e.g. model not working anymore, 300 edits to put in the next 30mn for a presentation for a client call...etc...)
- the worst thing I believe was when I got some guy sitting next to me for 3 months and who was calling his clients from the office in an open space environment and litterally shouting instead of talking, like if the other one couldn't hear well, that was just ridiculous. Apparently the guy was an external hire who used to have his own desk and office hence he wasn't really used to operate in open space but I just couldn't concentrate with this guy shouting stuff next to me...people at the end of the floor were complaining every day...it was horrible and hilarious at the same time. The guy was a tool and actually looked like John McGinley...

Oct 9, 2013

- Ditto on the "just arrived and people asking me for shit" thing. What I can't stand is that usually those people are socially awkward. Like they will ask you: "Hey how are you?" Not even waiting for your answer they will ask their request, showing how little shit they give about your actual well being.

- Women in the workplace talking about utter bullshit like fingernails and or amateur psychology or even tiny details you could really care less about. Not all women are like that but some are.

- Filthy people. I swear even in the highest level firms, from MD down to intern, you will have some filthy people who dont know basic hygiene rules.

- The usual: People who dont know basic rules of politeness, or conceited people, etc...

Theres probably alot more lmao..

Oct 9, 2013

When you are sitting near the door and some douche forgets their swipe card and proceeds to knock on the door several times a day to get in and just expects you to drop what you are doing and get up and let them in.

I am not a fvcking bellhop, you forgot your card so wait until somebody comes to let you in!!!

Oct 9, 2013

spraying cologne in the office and palm then shaking ur hand!!!! YUCK

Oct 9, 2013

People who chew with their mouths open during lunch

Oct 9, 2013

And when you can actually hear the noise it makes even when they're 2 or 3 desks away.

I've actually heard people lick their fingers after eating very loudly...

Oct 9, 2013

people who fart secretly and put on poker-face

Snootchie Bootchies

Oct 9, 2013

Im an Intern.... my boss usually never gives me work. Then gets pissed off when he thinks I'm doing no work. WTF?

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.

Oct 9, 2013

-People who (at their desk) shake their salads forever, I honestly have thought about doing them bodily harm.
-Also people who eat yogurt and will scrape and scrape with their spoon to get every last bit. Seriously, 30 scrapes to get that last drop?!? stop it!!!!

Oct 9, 2013
CZtrader:

-People who (at their desk) shake their salads forever, I honestly have thought about doing them bodily harm.

-Also people who eat yogurt and will scrape and scrape with their spoon to get every last bit. Seriously, 30 scrapes to get that last drop?!? stop it!!!!

I'd do this to Nutella

Oct 9, 2013

DBags that apparently can't piss straight. How hard is it to use the bathroom without pissing all over the place? Lack the ability to aim straight? At least clean up after yourself.

Oct 9, 2013
Kirk Lazarus:

DBags that apparently can't piss straight. How hard is it to use the bathroom without pissing all over the place? Lack the ability to aim straight? At least clean up after yourself.

This.

Death is certain; Life aint.

Oct 14, 2013
Kirk Lazarus:

DBags that apparently can't piss straight. How hard is it to use the bathroom without pissing all over the place? Lack the ability to aim straight? At least clean up after yourself.

CONCUR!

Oct 9, 2013

- client's receptionist got so angry because my colleague took a cookie from their breakroom

- as an intern, the AVP would get mad at me for staying late (he goes home before 5) because it made him look bad to other coworkers. He also gets furious that I browse the internet when I have downtime while he concentrates on his fantasy team and the other intern reads a novel on her cube

Oct 9, 2013

Hovering around your desk. Being lazy (e.g., where's this, i can't find this figure...let me Ctrl F that for you).

Oct 9, 2013

what's worse than that? when you sent them the file in the first place ASKING for them to find it for you because you were stuck on some other stupid shit you got staffed on

Oct 9, 2013

When someone at the desk adjacent to you eats smelly food.....ALL DAY.

I got a dollar and a dream

Oct 9, 2013

Women who obnoxiously fake/nervous laugh, women who stand outside my office door chatting to one another about nothing - move along chicken heads. Maybe I'm sexist.

Oct 9, 2013

If you hum or sing top 40 hits. I hate you.

Power, gold, crackers-every bird has its price

Oct 9, 2013

When people constantly speak in different languages to each other in the break rooms. It's not that I want to be included in every conversation, but come on. It exudes a very "I don't want to talk to you and I don't want you to know what I'm saying" type of vibe.

Oct 9, 2013

people who bring their kids into the office and parade them around

Oct 10, 2013
mojo12:

people who bring their kids into the office and parade them around

One woman brings her damn kids by the office when SHE'S ON VACATION. We are a small office, but fucking hell, she lets them treat the place like its their playground.

Oct 14, 2013
mojo12:

people who bring their kids into the office and parade them around

THIS

Oct 9, 2013

There is one guy who leaves a pool of urine underneath the urinal. It is the only usable urinal...

Oct 9, 2013

Meetings longer than 30 minutes
People that use 7 different ways to explain a single point and never shut up
When you ask someone how they are and they respond with "living the dream" every time

Oct 9, 2013

I work on a trade floor....this one lady is an all-around asshole. This poor soul accounting guy comes around once every month to ask questions about PnL and this bitch trashes the poor guy, every time. Shit is so annoying, why do you have to be a dick....the worst part is that after he leaves she talks so much shit about him to others, ruining the poor guys aspirations of making it out to the trade floor at some point in the future.

Oct 10, 2013

The wife asking where's her fucking flowers on an anniversary. Oh wait, this is about work annoyance.

People that don't ask questions during meetings and then afterwards will keep coming over to my desk or endless emails with no direction in mind.

Oct 10, 2013

@AndyLouis - what's the most annoying thing Pat does in your virtual office? >:D

Oct 10, 2013

-The guy who eats food that smells bad and the drops the leftovers in their trash bin, next to my desk.

-The guy who talks too loud over the phone. I had a guy from another group sit down in the row next to mine. The guy talked so loud that most people on my group got up and looked at each other like saying: "WTF!?", the first time this happened.

- The guy who is texting on their phone the whole f*cking day, but leaves the sound ON, so whenever a new message arrives, you hear an annoying sound.

I guess what I hate the most are things that take my concentration away.

Oct 10, 2013
andres17:

The guy who is texting on their phone the whole f*cking day, but leaves the sound ON, so whenever a new message arrives, you hear an annoying sound

I forgot that one...very good indeed

Oct 10, 2013

People in the office who kick their shoes off and let the dawgs breathe at their cube.

Oct 10, 2013

sorry.

Oct 10, 2013

1) People who shit all over the toilet seat!!!
2) People who drop their pubes all over the urinal...wtf?
3) People who talk way to much about their personal lives over the phone...gets uncomfortable at times.

Oct 12, 2013

1) MD's who make you drive when you go to pitches or meetings together so they can play on their blackberry the entire time sitting shotgun.

2) The MD who calls you from his cell every time he is driving somewhere to go over mundane deal stuff you are both already aware of just so that he has someone to talk to in the car. The type of MD that doesn't spend one second in silence in the car.

3) During the rare times when you get lunch out and dine in the restaurant (usually a mix of analysts through MD level) and the table conversation is deal talk. Some people in banking can literally not converse about anything other than deals and it's the worst.

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Oct 14, 2013

My coworker chews his gum so angrily that I think gum might have hurt his sister. God help you if he is eating something at his desk, it sounds like a wing-eating contest.

If you suck at eating like a normal human, don't eat at your desk.

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Oct 14, 2013

That was unexpected, good picture-painting skills though

Oct 14, 2013

They exist. That's the most annoying thing about them.

Jul 23, 2015

People who types loud..

Greed is Good!

Jul 23, 2015

Quit being a bitch and do your work.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

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Jul 23, 2015
fro_bro7:

Please share your experiences and what you have done to quash it.

I took a shit on Debra's desk. That's how I quashed it.

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Jul 23, 2015

If I could SB heister I would

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

Your best bet is probably to quit

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

I do all these things at once because I am an alpha. Well, except for painting my nails.

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015
petergibbons:

I do all these things at once because I am an alpha. Well, except for painting my nails.

Funny on multiple levels

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

My response would be along the lines of.

"Come on man, do that shit in the bathroom. Nobody wants to smell your (___)"

Are you that whipped that you don't speak up about things that gross you out? If I have to be teetering on the edge of offending someone all day because of their poor hygiene then I guess the office life isnt for me.

Also, where do you work, the zoo?

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Jul 23, 2015

I am not familiar with "working from home."

Also, who is philistine?

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

some chick kept spraying deodorant at her desk...so i "spilled" my coffee on her one day

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Jul 23, 2015

Churlish? Philistine? You must be real swell to work with.

Jul 23, 2015
FinancialNoviceII:

Churlish? Philistine? You must be real swell to work with.

dont knock the philistines man..theyve been around since the old testament

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Jul 23, 2015

I want to quash OP.

Jul 23, 2015

A lot of times one person will inhibit many/all of these traits. That's when you're f***ed.

Jul 23, 2015

I'd like to add a couple:

The one guy who has an opinion on everything - Particularly bad if this person is really invested in politics
The loud person - They talk loudly, type loudly, eat loudly, etc. No sense of when things should be quiet and are generally disruptive
The complainer - Every little thing they have to bitch and moan about how things aren't fair and how they were dealt an unfair hand

Jul 23, 2015

.

Jul 23, 2015

The mouth breather -- it's especially bad when you're on conference calls with this guy

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015
ronaldmcdonald:

The mouth breather -- it's especially bad when you're on conference calls with this guy

lol this

You know you've been working too hard when you stop dreaming about bottles of champagne and hordes of naked women, and start dreaming about conditional formatting and circular references.

Jul 23, 2015

The associate that always jumps twice when the manager says jump. Some people have no dignity. Your a corporate slave but you don't have to make it obvious!

Jul 23, 2015

"The faker"?
If everyone walked around telling everyone what they thought about them, no one in the world would get along. Being fake is many times called professionalism. It's called learning how to work with people you dislike.

"The one who tries to be everyone's friend"?
So someone is being nice to you and you don't like it?

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Jul 23, 2015
DrizzyDrake:

"The faker"?If everyone walked around telling everyone what they thought about them, no one in the world would get along. Being fake is many times called professionalism. It's called learning how to work with people you dislike.

"The one who tries to be everyone's friend"?So someone is being nice to you and you don't like it?

Thought the same. this guy's a prick.
open your mind when people are being friendly.

    • 3
Jul 23, 2015

The guy who uses the shitter the same time as you every day. You go to drop the browns at the pool after a couple of pots of coffee and this dude is in there every single day forcing you to use a modicum of decency as you blow up the communal bathroom.

Jul 23, 2015
Great Ape Jake:

The guy who uses the shitter the same time as you every day. You go to drop the browns at the pool after a couple of pots of coffee and this dude is in there every single day forcing you to use a modicum of decency as you blow up the communal bathroom.

You're just as guilty, my friend

Jul 23, 2015

You can't forget the one upper...the guy that always has a story or experience that is slightly cooler than you own or somebody else's.

e.g. we had a great time in colorado - oh well the last time i was up in aspen at the fam's villa backcountry heli-skiing the weather was great...how was it for you?

Jul 23, 2015

Are you guys started recruiting from kindergartens?

Jul 23, 2015

Have you ever thought of telling them not to do that? It would probably be effective.

Jul 23, 2015
DickFuld:

Have you ever thought of telling them not to do that? It would probably be effective.

Tried that. Twice. Surprisingly not effective. Next step is docking bonus and making the connection explicit in the performance review.

    • 2
Jul 23, 2015
DickFuld:

Have you ever thought of telling them not to do that? It would probably be effective.

Did you miss the 'passive aggressive' in the title?

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

If showing up at 9 means just to follow your directions, but not do anything till noon cause you have nothing for them, no good reason to show up right on time or before.

Jul 23, 2015

Amen, brother.

Jul 23, 2015

Is anything scheduled for 9am? I mean i get it if junior guys need to put in the face time, but if nothing is scheduled who cares when people come in within reason. I've been working for a bit, but every job I've had has been flexible about when you show up. It's just been assumed that you'll do your work.

Jul 23, 2015
TNA:

Is anything scheduled for 9am? I mean i get it if junior guys need to put in the face time, but if nothing is scheduled who cares when people come in within reason. I've been working for a bit, but every job I've had has been flexible about when you show up. It's just been assumed that you'll do your work.

I've worked for a couple different guys now aged 40 to 55 and the one thing that is consistent across the board is their expectation that you put in the hours. Most of them could give a shit whether you're actually working or not, but they have some sort innate expectation that you always get your hours in. It's such a sharp contrast to our generation where its all about efficiency and getting the fuck out of there.

If I pay someone $x / year, I'm paying them that $x to perform a multitude of tasks and add a certain $ amount of value to my company. I'm not paying them to show up for a certain amount of time per week. Most of the time, in order to add that value and perform those tasks its going to go beyond a typical 40 hour work week, but when it doesn't, I wouldn't give a shit. So I guess that's my gripe, when generation x, y and baby boomers have that traditionalist attitude that can generate little to no value for anyone.

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015
TNA:

Is anything scheduled for 9am? I mean i get it if junior guys need to put in the face time, but if nothing is scheduled who cares when people come in within reason. I've been working for a bit, but every job I've had has been flexible about when you show up. It's just been assumed that you'll do your work.

The junior staff member who is in the office on time (or before) and hustling for work demonstrates reliability, keenness and hustle, which means I give him/her opportunities for interesting work that develops his/her career.

The junior who comes in late doesn't get these.

Jul 23, 2015

sales people.......everything and anything they ever do.

Jul 23, 2015

Yeah, I hear you. Honestly, my experience with the time Nazi was in the back office gig I did for 4 months or so. Guy was a clock watcher. Everything else after that was you get the job done. You come in early, stay later, work weekends but shit is done. I've never had someone tell me to stay late or work weekends, just that they needed something by whatever time.

But if something is time sensitive or if you're in a support role and need to be answering calla at a time then you can't jerk around. Just wondering in general as I haven't experienced this in a bit.

I'd give them a Stern verbal and then proceed to write them up.

Jul 23, 2015

Similar point about signaling - spelling mistakes. If I pick up a spelling mistake, formatting error etc in a document that a junior has given to me, it indicates they weren't thorough.

I've been in their shoes, I've got sympathy etc. But still, I notice. I point out the error, even if it doesn't matter, because that's how most of us learned to be more careful.

If the errors keep happening, that tells me the kid can't learn to take care and doesn't realise what message that sends. Like a kid who can't get in on time without after being told twice. Kid doesn't get it, so I'll spend my time and effort on someone else who shoes more promise and the ability to learn from his/her mistakes.

Jul 23, 2015
SSits:

Similar point about signaling - spelling mistakes. If I pick up a spelling mistake, formatting error etc in a document that a junior has given to me, it indicates they weren't thorough.

I've been in their shoes, I've got sympathy etc. But still, I notice. I point out the error, even if it doesn't matter, because that's how most of us learned to be more careful.

If the errors keep happening, that tells me the kid can't learn to take care and doesn't realise what message that sends. Like a kid who can't get in on time without after being told twice. Kid doesn't get it, so I'll spend my time and effort on someone else who shoes more promise and the ability to learn from his/her mistakes.

I am at my first finance gig (corp fin) and have a related question... It has happened on occasion that my boss would be involved in meetings about something for several days and I would not be invited to the call. At the end of whatever saga of meetings & discussions took place I would be given a high level order to do something (usually in 2 lines or less). After turning that work in I am told that my work is wrong because certain new stuff needs to be included in the analysis - and this new stuff was only brought up in meetings that I was never a part of..

I do not have issues in going back and making changes in my work but I feel that these instances are chalked up as my "mistakes" in my boss' mind.

Examples : different accounting treatment for sales to our major customers going forward, new budget preparation practices agreed on by top management but not ever communicated outside of the executive group..

@"SSits"... looks like your are fairly senior at work. I am curious if this behavior is par for the course? When I ask to be included in meetings related to stuff I do I generally get a long winded(read BS) excuse about why I cannot attend and why my boss thinks she can communicate every relevant detail of a 3 day long offsite meeting to me in under 2 minutes (no exaggeration here)

Jul 23, 2015

You're hiring employees that eat boogers??

Jul 23, 2015
Going Concern:

You're hiring employees that eat boogers??

We forget to include "Do you eat boogers?" on our question list. It's on the list now.

Jul 23, 2015

I don't get the problem with getting in on time. I mean I understand that a flexible schedule is great, and that I think setting a cultural expectation that people be in the office at 9am even if they don't have to be is dumb, but putting in the initiative to be in before your bosses isn't that hard. I try to be in before them and leave after. My previous job I had to be in at 8am every day, and now I can basically come in whenever but it's so easy to get in by 9. I'll even schedule work breakfasts at 8 so I can try to get in first.

Regarding nose picking, I only eat my boogers in the shower and the car so nobody can see me.

Jul 23, 2015

Del.

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Jul 23, 2015

Taking about their kids and recounting conversations they have with them in a baby voice.

Btw how rude/annoying do you guys fund knuckle cracking?

Jul 23, 2015
LongandShortofit:

Taking about their kids and recounting conversations they have with them in a baby voice.

Btw how rude/annoying do you guys fund knuckle cracking?

Is this ladies or men? I can't imagine any guy or any non-overweight woman doing this.

Jul 23, 2015

If I pay you 150k a year to get a specific set of tasks of functions done I couldn't care less how long it takes you. If you can delegate like a wizard and push 100% of your work onto other people more power to you. Just know I am going to hold you responsible for fuck ups. If you stumble into the office at 1130 still hung over from the night before and knock out your shit and leave at 130 and its all correct. Why should I give a shit if you do such things?

Bottom line, if you are making me money you stay if you are costing me money you are gone.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Jul 23, 2015
heister:

If I pay you 150k a year to get a specific set of tasks of functions done I couldn't care less how long it takes you. If you can delegate like a wizard and push 100% of your work onto other people more power to you. Just know I am going to hold you responsible for fuck ups. If you stumble into the office at 1130 still hung over from the night before and knock out your shit and leave at 130 and its all correct. Why should I give a shit if you do such things?

Maybe this works in a workplace where things are very predictable and nothing unexpected happens.

But I work in an IB transaction business where we start and complete deals in a few days, unexpected shit happens all the time and nothing is predictable. Different shit comes in at different times of the day and we need to turnaround that shit quickly. If I need you on hand at 9am to deal with something and you don't turn up until 11.30, you're fucking up my day, fucking up the day of others who are rely on our work and not making me money. You are the shitty cog in the machine that slows everyone down.

If I'm commuting to work and pick up something in the media, in docs I took home to read overnight, have a brainwave etc that needs work done before I get to my desk, I want someone in my team who I can rely on to be there and get it done.

If I can't rely on you being in the office when I need you, then I'll give all the work to someone who I can rely on and "performance manage" you out of my team.

Jul 23, 2015

Agreed. It's 2015 - it doesn't matter what time you come or go... just get your shit done and be thorough. As long as I am doing my job and doing it well, it doesn't matter what time I come/go. Older generations have a weird obsession about coming in at the same specific time every day even if they do nothing. I don't get it and us millenials are called lazy or whatever when we say this but face reality: it doesn't matter. Just get your shit done.

Now I will say being late to a meeting is different (and unacceptable) compared to arriving late in the morning. It's inconsiderate to everyone in the meeting if you are late...

Jul 23, 2015

Do people really find knuckle cracking annoying? I crack mine all the time out of habit mostly

Jul 23, 2015
Khayembii:

Do people really find knuckle cracking annoying? I crack mine all the time out of habit mostly

Yeah that's what I'm wondering. I refrain at work but if it doesn't bother people I like doing it.

Jul 23, 2015

Demanding "face time" just for the sake of it is the sign of a mediocre boss.

If institutional culture, pay scales, etc demand a certain number of hours in the office then don't just have your subordinates sitting on their ass. There's always something to learn, new certifications they can add on to their resume, etc.....so have them work on that.

Good managers take care of their people, and it can come back to benefit you. When a protege becomes effective enough to be a valuable network asset and he owes that success to you taking an active interest in his development it's a good place to be.

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

Damn, I thought nobody in the office could see me scarfing down my slimy boogers as a mid-morning snack.

Jul 23, 2015

This is probably more common in sales but has anyone else dealt dealt with a one up guy? No matter what you say he finds a way to one up you. A few examples:

Me: It's fucking hot in here.
Him: You're wearing a polo and I'm wearing a sweater. You have no fuking idea how hot it is in here!

Me: I ate 7 slices of pizza last night. I don't think I'm ready for lunch.
Him: That's nothing, I can eat 2 pies and still be hungry. (Guy is like 5'1" and 100 lbs.)

Me: I should really quit smoking.
Him: I've been smoking since I was 10. Don't you hear how raspy my voice is?

Jul 23, 2015

When new person says "bless you "every time people sneeze. Literally *sneeze* bless you, *sneeze* bless you, *sneeze* bless you. I get it already, how about I say bless you once and it'll cover everytime you sneeze?

I hate saying it and I don't expect it from others either.
What peeves me the most is when other people actually take offense if I hear them sneeze and I don't say anything.

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015

bathroom talk. don't know if women do this, but men over 40 have this lack of fucks they give about privacy in the bathroom. I've walked into the stall at the same time as someone else is in the restroom and had them strike up conversation while I'm squeezing one out. I've also been on the other side, I'm at the urinal, chatty cathy is taking a shit but trying to talk to me about the drop in oil prices. this may be the most awkward thing I've experienced since starting at my firm.

Jul 23, 2015

Some guy in another department is an absolute savage when using the urinal. He drops his pants to his ankles, puts his hand to the wall and grunts out a weak stream. Kinda disgusting, funny and sad all at once?

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Jul 23, 2015

You mercilessly whip him with a towel.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Jul 23, 2015

When you are new, you have one job: DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD AND EXPECTED TO DO. Period.

Also, if you are told you are to be in at 9AM you should be in at 8:50 so that at 9 you are ready to work. We don't punch timecards in this business, so you don't get paid to make coffee and boot up your system.

You are being paid as an employee, you are not a consultant or contracted to just get piece-work done. The ability to do what you are told to do is about the only skill that shines through when you are new. You are not going to amaze anyone with your ideas, you are not even going to wow me by getting all the work done after you came in an hour late. You were an hour late, you are not listening to orders, what else are you not going to do that you have been told to????

Once you have been around a while, have shown measurable and consistent value, maybe we can talk about start times. But if an MD walks over, wants to talk, and I cannot tell him where you are at 9:15, this may be the last time I worry about you showing up late because you will be looking for another firm to be a problem at.

    • 1
Jul 23, 2015
CZtrader:

You were an hour late, you are not listening to orders, what else are you not going to do that you have been told to????

Some things you are not going to do that you have been told to do:

1) things that are illegal
2) things that are stupid, because your idea is stupid
3) things that are against the best interest of the firm

Did you hire a person with twenty years of schooling or did you hire a toaster? Really, it's like half of the people in this thread are still living in the 50s.

Jul 23, 2015

The booger thing is gross, but personal hygiene altogether is mine. People that clip their nails at their desk, guys that brush their teeth in the bathroom, and when guys don't wash their hands after they take a crap. A guy I worked with once would take a piss, wash his hands, but whenever he came out of the stall after taking a crap he wouldn't wash them. Never shook his hand again.

Jul 23, 2015
wareagle4230:

The booger thing is gross, but personal hygiene altogether is mine. People that clip their nails at their desk, guys that brush their teeth in the bathroom, and when guys don't wash their hands after they take a crap. A guy I worked with once would take a piss, wash his hands, but whenever he came out of the stall after taking a crap he wouldn't wash them. Never shook his hand again.

He may have been getting in a power nap.

Or he took the Wolf of Wall Street masturbation soliloquy literally

Or he just didn't wash his hands

Jul 23, 2015
wareagle4230:

The booger thing is gross, but personal hygiene altogether is mine. People that clip their nails at their desk, guys that brush their teeth in the bathroom, and when guys don't wash their hands after they take a crap.

Agreed on clipping nails/washing hands, but where else can I brush my teeth?

Jul 23, 2015

It really gets on my tits when my coworkers sign e-mails or notes with three initials. Who are you, JFK?

I've been in the workforce for nearly five years and haven't gotten used to this.

Jul 23, 2015
SSits:

Stop picking your nose

Just don't do it. I can see you. Everyone can see you. We talk about how disgusting it is when you're not around, particularly when you either eat it or just gaze at it.

No chance in hell. This New England weather is too cold for me not to do it.

Jul 23, 2015

The only thing I genuinely have a problem with is people who are constantly assholes for no reason. We all have our moments, and I have my fair share (I do try to make it right) but some people are just absolutely obnoxious at all times. I just don't get it. Life is too short, if they're so unhappy to be here, no one's chaining them to the desk....get another job or something.

Jul 23, 2015

For all of you guys talking about waltzing in and out of work whenever you want as long as you get the work done:

1. If you are a junior guy, part of your job is being there to take care of unexpected shit that seniors need you to get done. I very much doubt all of you work in such controlled environments that fire drills never happen and you can plan out you work for weeks and months in advance with no surprises.
2. There is a very high correlation between input and output, which should surprise no one.
3. Showing up late makes you seem lazy as fuck. If you can't even show up on time, how can you be trusted?
4. We work in finance, if you're waking up at noon, you are missing out on all of the news that happened overnight that you may need to make decisions on. I can't imagine people that need to make decisions about the market having this attitude about showing up late. The exchanges open up at a specific time and they're not going to wait to open because of you.

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Jul 23, 2015
DickFuld:

For all of you guys talking about waltzing in and out of work whenever you want as long as you get the work done:

1. If you are a junior guy, part of your job is being there to take care of unexpected shit that seniors need you to get done. I very much doubt all of you work in such controlled environments that fire drills never happen and you can plan out you work for weeks and months in advance with no surprises.

2. There is a very high correlation between input and output, which should surprise no one.

3. Showing up late makes you seem lazy as fuck. If you can't even show up on time, how can you be trusted?

4. We work in finance, if you're waking up at noon, you are missing out on all of the news that happened overnight that you may need to make decisions on. I can't imagine people that need to make decisions about the market having this attitude about showing up late. The exchanges open up at a specific time and they're not going to wait to open because of you.

Cant you call or email if something unexpected comes up?

Jul 23, 2015

I mostly agreed with the comments in this thread til I found out some people are even bothered by knuckle cracking. There are really some whiny bitches on this forum.

Jul 23, 2015

Real M&A or financing deals, in advisory side, not risk management like you. Even for pricing calls or bring down due diligence at 8am, we take it from home. No need to show up in person when remote log in is possible and def no reason to show up at 9am on a typical day and sit around for two hours when I was finishing up another book till 3am. And our Directors and MDs generating some serious revenue seem lot less concerned than you about when the associates and analyst roll in, which in my group is 1030-11am. Clients don't hand out deals based on what time the analyst shows up every morning.

Jul 23, 2015

This what time you get to work divide will never be fixed until all of the old people die. Just accept the facts. A lot of it has to do with subconscious jealousy. It's the same mentality of a frat, its the "We had to do this shit as pledges too so shut the fuck up and do it." view of life. The sad part is they are missing out on quality candidates because the industry prides itself on a knuckle dragging attitude of chest thumping about who has had the most hours worked in a week when the actual amount of work done was likely half of the hours worked. The world of technology is changing too fast for the old guard. I can now run multiple companies from a cell phone. Something that even 15 years ago would have taken multiple offices, multiple sets of staff, and the stupid amount of costs that goes with that.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Jul 23, 2015

Disagree. I worked in trading....the markets open at 9:30. We can't have some fucktard showing up at 10:00 and miss the most important 1/2 hour of the day. Maybe not every job is like that or as concrete as that, but I suspect many more are like that than people want to admit.

Some people need to be there when clients call.

Jul 23, 2015

PS -- Trading can't efficiently be done remotely....you need to communicate with your salespeople and others. The sooner the better.

Jul 23, 2015

I never said all jobs shouldn't have concrete hours. I am saying that many jobs the lines are blurring. One of the companies I sold out of about 18 months ago. The machines on the factory floor could be completely automated remotely. The only human interaction they needed was to be serviced and loaded with raw materials. Technology is blurring the lines. There are now retail stores that have no employees, there are online schools that some argue do a better job at teaching students than a decent percentage of brick and mortar schools do. Many companies employ customer service reps that do not come into an office at all.

I think you and others in this thread misunderstand what the younger generation is saying. We aren't saying that we will stroll into the office at 11 put our noses to the grindstone and work our asses off for 6 hours and finish all of our work for the day then go back home to ignore work until 11 am the next morning. What we are saying is that being at the office at X time every day is no longer necessary for a large portion of those who work in an office environment. Work may as well still start at 8 but we can work from just about anywhere given the level of technology we have.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Jul 23, 2015

i probably side with the younger crowd/no facetime crew but honestly unless you are working under someone who explicitly believes in that as well, it really is fucking pointless to debate it. either do what the person who signs your checks wants you to do or find something new.

i'm in before everyone everyday, if someone needs something, they don't even think about anyone else besides me because they know i'm there and able to execute. while i completely disagree with the notion of facetime (and it's not like i just show up early and sit around jacking off), being seen as consistently reliable is only earned in a few ways and sometimes just being there is a way to earn it. whether or not that's worth it for you is a totally different discussion

Jul 23, 2015

how about the little bitch who takes credit for team work ... god i hate that little fucking bitch - i thoroughly enjoyed "accidentally" penetrating her ass hole during sex. All five times! although not so sure the last part of my comment qualifies as passive!

Jul 23, 2015

I absolutely HATE the guy who literally speaks to everyone like they're half retarded.... You aren't smarter than everyone else and you don't sound like it--you just sound like a massive douche.

Jul 23, 2015
nkhanlegend:

I absolutely HATE the guy who literally speaks to everyone like they're half retarded.... You aren't smarter than everyone else and you don't sound like it--you just sound like a massive douche.

Combine that guy with the "one-upper" and I start thinking about how best to get around potential crime scene investigators.

Jul 23, 2015

For me it's the guy who eats lunch on the desk and chews with his mouth wide open. Makes the most disgusting smacking/ squishing sound ever. I thought basic table manners were first grade material.

Jul 23, 2015

i would but it would take so fucking long id break your screen. all of them. my only homie gymbro quit and im fucking gutted. im doing a tough mudder with him in august though

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 23, 2015

You don't know what you are getting within a handful of interviews. Some person on edge striving to appear their best is not going to be the same person at 700 am after a long weekend. The reality is that if someone is performing and has some odd quirks people will gladly keep them around. However, they could be the greatest person on the planet and if they suck at their job they will get phased out.

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Jul 23, 2015

OP you sound like a sensitive school girl imo.

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Jul 23, 2015

lol probably my description is not accurate enough, but that guy is annoying..

Jul 23, 2015

There was a guy exactly like this at my last gig. I can assure you he's just closeted.

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Jul 23, 2015

In such situations, you should know how to act smart and get away from that place or that person.

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Jul 23, 2015

You should put something in that guys coffee and let him enjoy pain.

"I grew, day by day, more moody, more irritable, more regardless of the feelings of others". - Edgar Allen Poe

Jul 23, 2015

Sort of unrelated but I once tried to fight a coworker when I was a baby intern back in college. I was literally screaming at this guy in the office and it took a couple neutral parties to calm me down. I honestly can't remember what got me so worked up other than the fact that I was making $10/hr and was busting my ass for no reason. That was a fun job though - trading mortgage backed securities in the peak of the subprime boom lol. I used to have so much fun when I was poor.

In general would recommend not overthinking anything that happens in the workplace.

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Jul 23, 2015

Your last comment was helpful, and this one is really funny haha. Thank you

Jul 23, 2015

slapdathoe

Jul 23, 2015

Accountant... Making a big deal out of nothing, what a surprise. Just let the fucker know youre not taking shit from him or youll be his bitch forever.

Jul 23, 2015

Take it.

Sorry, that's why he's senior to you.

Jul 23, 2015

I am afraid to tell it to my supervisor ( he just started on this position) , several other of my colleagues complain about him. Maybe I should bring it up to HR, however he is very experienced, not like me (4 month only).

Fuck I Really want kick his ass!:)))

Jul 23, 2015

First stop making mistakes. Most new grads make mistakes, usually sloppy ones. Learning what makes high performance high performing is learning to never let mistakes out. QA your work, twice. Take your time. Especially as an accountant.

His behaviour is unacceptable, but your first goal should be on improving yourself.

I got hammered on QA when I first started, my friend who started at our firm a couple months ago the same thing, and all the new associates in my little cubicle farm did too. What I did learn to do was not let mistakes (especially ones because I was rushed or didn't hit spell check) happen.

Jul 23, 2015

Thanks man!:)

Jul 23, 2015

I used to be in a similar situation. The job sucks enough and one of the few "pros" can be having a good group of people to work with a few assholes sprinkled in here and there. Not sure how to solve your problem outside of asking for a transfer to another group. Do you work at a big firm?

Jul 23, 2015

Tread lightly on this one. Do not tell anyone you have a problem with the people. If word gets out that you can't get along with your group, some people will inevitably suspect that YOU were the problem. Sad but true - It will reflect poorly on you if you can't get along with a bunch of assholes.

If you must request a transfer, do so ostensibly for other reasons (exposure to other industries, etc.).

Jul 23, 2015

Typically arrogant, elitist, condescending... sigh...-> in what way? are these your fellow analysts?

Jul 23, 2015

Just curious - did you not pick up on how the group's like when you were interviewing. Or were you hired as a generalist and was placed in this group pre/post training?

Jul 23, 2015

BB

Not so much the group, it's the other analysts in my proximity. Sadly I really was looking forward to a tight knit crew. The analysts in your year are supposed to be the people closest to you... well that can be good or bad depending on the people. Just happened to have some bad apples & lots of testosterone...

I'm looking for some good coping strategies. I'm definitely treading lightly... word gets around fast when you can't go outside.. you gossip. Can't breathe a word to anyone, frustrating keeping it bottled up but I keep my head down and shut up. It's going to be a loooong year...

Jul 23, 2015

Don't let them crap on you, stand up for yourself. If you let people disrespect you and make you miserable they will.

Jul 23, 2015

Yeah, I would keep your head down and if people give you shit put them in your place. Once you get labeled as the bitch people will start treating you progressively worse.

Jul 23, 2015

hang in there, bro. i hear ya...its a tough hustle for new analysts.

if ur contemporaries are being a bitch (analysts) - give it back to em.

if its the seniors - breathe deep - and understand, your job exists to make THEIR life easier. but if it is at a point where you feel disrespected, let em know about it.

if ur bothered cos u gotta spend shitload of time on models and making sure the CIM is error-free, then stop whining and just do it.

Jul 23, 2015

Completely agree.

This job is tedious enough as it is, the only thing that ameliorates how stressful the job can be is to have some colleagues you can bitch to once in a while. If the other guys you work with are all the high-and-mighty type... yeah, I don't know how long I could hang on. at some point, it's really not worth it right?

Jul 23, 2015

Follow the others advice above. Remember it won't be like this forever...try and relieve some stress at the gym when you can. That's what I do to stay sane when dealing with work BS...

Jul 23, 2015

Brother, I'm currently in this same situation at my office--I'm the nicest guy in the world and have a self-depricating sense of humor, but I have a few colleagues who have taken advantage of my good nature. These colleagues put me down, are hateful to my face, make fun of my intelligence and say nasty things behind my back. In my "younger" years I would have told off some of my colleagues, but I've learned to control my temper better. Some coping mechanisms I've learned--630 WMAL listen live. It's my favorite talk radio station. I go to this website, put in my earphones, and listen to talk radio while I do my work or I listen to music. I answer questions respectfully but no longer seek out conversations or anything personal. I just keep my head down, do my work, listen to the radio, and be respectful when spoken to. When pressed on personal matters, I keep answers short and non-controversial.

I've just started using this coping mechanism in the last week and it's worked BEAUTIFULLY. It came down to asking my boss to move seats (and creating office controversy) or dealing with it in my own ways. I think the worst offenders have gotten the hint that I'm not even dealing with them anymore. The crap has stopped.

Also, develop thick skin. If someone says something moronic or hateful to you, let it roll off your back--if you dislike your company as much as I dislike mine, your desire to move your way through the company is pretty immaterial. Just do your work, build your resume, and when the time comes, find a better job for more money. Just don't let your temper or frustration F up your career.

Jul 23, 2015

Yeah, this is tough. Even though I have never worked as an analyst I can relate to having terrible co-workers. Its hard to be humble to some degree when you make that kind of money, so you cant totally blame them.

However like the poster above me said that dont let it fk up your career. But really its kind of prison rules, which means if they crack on you, you do it right back.

If an analyst says something offensive, just say "hey dont let the door hit your ass on the way out" and just go back to work.

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If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

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If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

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