What's your favorite banking phrase or lingo?
Today I saw an analyst try to talk to an MD about working capital adjustments, and the MD went "Don't teach your father how to fuck, kid", which is something he usually says when we're showing him stuff he already knows. It always has us cracking up. That got me thinking about other phrases we throw around casually. Some of them are eye-rollingly awful, like "don't boil the ocean" but there are a couple winners out there. What are your favorites?
Eeeeebi, D, A
Damn autocorrect Eeeeeebit,D,A
There is ONE GUY on my team who always says it that way. Drives me crazy. Everyone else, it's one word - Ee-bit-dah. But for him...exactly like you said, Ee-bit-Dee-Eh.
just had a meeting where the guy said this. Didn't hear the next 20 words he said because i was too busy thinking WTF! to myself
Massage these numbers pls
Don't cut the lawn with scissors
Milk the cow on this one
Don't stay up all night but have it to me by tomorrow morning
Dangle the cape in front of the bull
"Don't cut the lawn with scissors" - Never heard that. May steal it, haha.
"Don't stay up all night but have it to me by tomorrow morning" - Kill me. Ugh.
pencils down
I'm sure it goes without saying that this is everyone's favorite saying?
This one is music to the ears
I would pay a significant amount of money to never hear this phrase again.
"Don't stay too late."
As the dude said in Office Space: "No. Shit no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that."
“Squeaky wheel gets the grease”
Run this up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes
"Let me tee it up"
Don't burn the midnight oil on this one
Lovin' your user name! Cheers!
By far my favorite video, thank you for bringing this back to life
I live it every day.
"Yes, I want all my Analysts to Excel. PowerPoint, yes, use that power..." haha classic
"I don't want you to work weekends, but just have it on my desk by Monday Morning." Classic.
"I am the only one allowed to look like a douche around here"
"I wanted to give you some color"
“Now we’re fuckin with a hard dick”. Aka (now we’re gettin somewhere) or (now we’re cooking with gas). Heard that one from an industry vet one time
Best one I've heard haha
"There's a thousand ways to skin a cat". way too morbid in my opinion but my associate uses it all the time.
Let's not boil the ocean We have a lot of wood to chop
"My nips are clamped the fuck up right now"
--My VP whenever he's busy.
“He’s a little uneasy in this process, we just need to get him a little bit pregnant”
Describing a relatively green management team during an sale process
"This isn't just the flavor of the month" -- Basically hear that whenever partners are looking to change our process flow.
Tallest midget contest
Haven't given so many SB's in a single thread before. These are hilarious.
"Hockey stick projections"
Funding Secured
let's not get over our skis
"Can you get on this and try to give the team a 10,000 foot view"
"We still have a lot of wood to chop" "Lets dig the puck out of the corner"
"that one's a slow burn" -has become real popular with our MDs/Directors during status updates with the group head
"Listen..."
Watch me sink this putt.
I heard an intern once say he was M'n'A'in on the Buyside.
Forever he will be able to keep IB Intern as a resume line as he certainly never got past that.
Dear (Applicant Name):
Thank you for participating in XXXXX recruitment process for a position in our Graduate Program.
We received an unprecedented volume of applications across all our service lines and we were very impressed by the very high standard of all applicants. As a result of this, the selection process has been exceptionally difficult. Unfortunately, after close consideration of both your application and our current recruitment priorities, we must confirm that we will not be progressing with your application.
Leverage as a verb. Our CIO uses it over the most pedestrian situations and it cracks me up. A few weeks back he remarked we should leverage the conference room rather than speak in my office. Gave me a chuckle.
Or when someone uses "working diligently" as a euphemism to throw someone under the bus during meetings. "I know Jim has been working diligently" followed by a condescending glance in their direction is usually code for, "Jim should have had this shit done last week and I have no idea what's taking him so long so blame him for the lack of timeliness"
My MD will often say he "has no energy around something" (meaning he's not interested in focusing on the topic and therefore others should determine how it should be done) and then he proceeds to outline how it should be done and how we should do it.
This next one is a classic: If you're not in on Saturday, don't even think about coming in on Sunday.
“Fill the room with smoke”
My MD whenever we pitch lol
"Wackier than a three dollar bill." - something doesn't make sense
"See if any snakes come out of the woodpile." - see if anything questionable comes up during diligence
Any hamfisted sports metaphors like "Monday morning quarterbacking" or "blocking and tackling."
And also, "square peg in a round hole." Hate that one!
When I was a trader, the older guys had a ridiculous habit of speaking like traders all the time.
For instance,
Me: "Anyone feel like another round?" Other Trader: "I'm long that idea." Other Trader: "I'm feeling very bullish all of a sudden."
(Two women walk past who are barely fuckable for a 20-something, but allegedly attrective for a 40-something)
Trader 1: "Mine" Trader 2: "Mine" Me: "Yours and yours again."
(Older woman walks past)
Trader 1: "I think it might be time to raise my bid on silver." Trader 2: "You mean spot silver?" Me: "I was thinking about the futures market, but later doing an 'exchange for physical'."
You get the idea. One of the guys used to describe his interests in things as 'quarter long' or 'half long'. It took me a few months to realize he was talking about how long the idea made his penis since he only got 'full long' once after netting more than 5M GBP in prop trading that day for the bank, and he let everyone know it 'gave him the horn'.
Just compiling the above so that I can come back later for a quick laugh.
"Wackier than a three dollar bill." - something doesn't make sense
"See if any snakes come out of the woodpile." - see if anything questionable comes up during diligence
"Fill the room with smoke" My MD whenever we pitch
Watch me sink this putt.
"that one's a slow burn"
"We still have a lot of wood to chop"
"Let's not boil the ocean"
"Lets dig the puck out of the corner"
"There's a thousand ways to skin a cat"
"Can you get on this and try to give the team a 10,000 foot view"
let's not get over our skis
"Hockey stick projections"
"Now we're fuckin with a hard dick". Aka (now we're gettin somewhere) or (now we're cooking with gas)
"This isn't just the flavor of the month" -- Basically hear that whenever partners are looking to change our process flow.
"He's a little uneasy in this process, we just need to get him a little bit pregnant" Describing a relatively green management team during an sale process
"My nips are clamped the fuck up right now" --My VP whenever he's busy
"Squeaky wheel gets the grease"
"Massage these numbers pls"
"Don't cut the lawn with scissors"
"Milk the cow on this one"
"Don't stay up all night but have it to me by tomorrow morning"
"Dangle the cape in front of the bull"
Go HAM on this one.
Great page! Let's move it to appendix!
“You’re the one f*cking the cat. I’m just holding the tail”
"We don't wanna leave any meat on the bones" "Crack this baby open and dig in" "In the weeds" "Come fill me in once you come up for air" "Thx"
"If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle."
Kinda like, "should-coulda-woulda" meets "it is what it is"
Can only pull that one out on a rare occasion, but man, when it fits, it fits!
Also, when I was on the trading floor we often used the lingo out of context. Ex: Somebody doesn't finish their sandwich and wants to offer it up - we all get an IB (instant Bloomberg msg) "Turkey Sandwich BWIC (bids wanted in competition) in the kitchen" First one to respond "Done/bid/etc" gets it. Some others:
"Fill or kill" = sht or get off the pot "Traded away" = didn't get it "STD" = split the difference "Does that blow wind up your skirt?" = ya dig? "Don't bring sand to the beach"
Im sure I'm missing others...
I'm not one for boiling the frog.
“This is Wall Street, not Sesame Street”
"someone grab my oven mitts, we got a bake-off boys"
hahah I love this for someone reason
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