How long did it take you to get over your ex?
I've been seeing a lot of posts recently about dating / exes / relationships, which got me thinking about my last relationship. We broke up about five months ago, and I was completely blindsided at the time. I thought that we were in a really good place, but clearly that sentiment was not shared. We only dated for about a year so it wasn't super long-term or anything. but still long enough to develop a deep attachment to someone and to be crushed when it ends.
There were about 3 weeks where I was in a really bad place, but soon after things began to look brighter. I started going on dates again, focusing more on work, and rekindling friendships that I didn't dedicate as much time to when I was in a relationship. Now, I'd say I'm in a pretty good spot - I'm quite content with my how my life is going and am no longer sad all the time. Sometimes, however, I still get triggered. Especially when I pass by a place we used to go to or I think of a memory we shared. And then this wave of sadness will wash over me, ruining my mood.
I'm curious how long did it take for everyone to get over their ex? Granted every relationship is different, but I'm just wondering anyways. Do you still think about your ex even when you're in a new relationship? I just want to block all these thoughts and memories out of my head.
A week before it ended
A few things that I have notice over the last few years.
1. Banking is a tough job and is only made tougher if you are in any sort of altered state of mind (sadness, angry, depressed, etc.). So one thing I would recommend to anyone and I wish I did this sooner is get someone you can talk to openly about things. Maybe that is a friend, your grandparents, maybe a therapist. It can help drastically and help you get back to a healthy state of mind quicker
2. Make sure you have something going on that you enjoy, I would recommend something athletic as it helps the mind and body, but just something you thing you can do to keep yourself busy will help keep your mind from wandering back to your ex.
3. Just realize that it will take time to get over someone especially if you were in the relationship for a while. I have come to learn over the years that I am not one of the people who can follow my ex's on social media or stay friends with them. If this is you don't feel bad, or let someone shame you into thinking this is an unhealthy. Its weird if someone cannot respect your boundaries.
thank you very much - all super helpful advice. really appreciate you taking the time!
1/8th of the length of the relationship
We broke up 5 months ago and I'm still struggling. We were together for around 15 months but had history before that.
The first week post-breakup was weird, I don't think the reality had sunk in and I felt strangely okay. The next few weeks were rough to say the least, but things got slowly better after that. However, I just found out my ex is now dating someone new. They made it Instagram official this week so must be fairly serious.
I feel worse now than I did when we initially broke up, which I didn't expect. My ex has moved on and is living a great life while I feel like I'm going nowhere. Because my analyst years were so busy, I didn't put in the effort to keep in touch with friends, explore new hobbies, or work on my health and fitness. I'm now lonely, bored, lacking any kind of purpose in life, and very unfit & unhealthy. I know I could fix these things but it's difficult to actually do that when my self-esteem is at an all time low.
Work has been exceptionally quiet over the last few weeks and I now have far too much time to sit around, feel lonely and sorry for myself, and get even more upset. I generally feel okay when I'm with friends/family and don't have time to think about my ex, but the second I am alone, things start spiralling again. I don't want to rush back into dating which isn't helping me feel better in the short-term, but I think will pay off in the long-term.
I know deep down that things will get better with time - cliche but true. It's just hard to get through at the moment.
This post turned out longer than I expected. I guess my point is that the breakup itself was rough, but the worst part is how it's forced me to confront other issues that were being masked by the relationship.
Looks like we have similar timelines - though I'm sorry to hear your ex has moved on and that it's plastered all over social media. I hope you will be able to heal gradually over time and that you will be happy again.
Thank you, appreciate it. I can’t really complain as 5 months isn’t exactly an unrealistic timeline for them to find someone new. Still sucks though.
All the best to you too. I’m sure things will get better for us both with time, just got to stay strong for now.
Hey there, sending you comfort. Know it’s really tough, I went through something eerily similar. 2.5 years out it does get better you just have to follow healthy habits and trust yourself to heal and develop personally. Wishing you well
Thanks a lot man, sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar although reassuring to know I’m not alone in this. Hope things are going better for you now.
My ex hasn’t even moved on yet and I still feel like I’m handling it worse than you… even one year later. All the power to you man, hang in there.
Don’t be fooled, I’m not handling it well. There are days it’s a real struggle to get out of bed. I was probably only doing okay to start with as I had this distant hope my ex and I would get back together, which is why seeing them with someone else had such a massive impact on me.
Regardless of that, don’t compare your timeline to other people’s. We all heal and move on at different times. Keep your head up and take things one day at a time.
Wishing you all the best
Jesus Christ bro I thought I wrote this myself and forgot about it. Extremely similar boat. Waves of “I’m fine and totally moved on” and some days I can hardly get out of bed. Not sure what the takeaway here is other than I fucking feel you.
Same here. I really want to call her but i have to keep my distance otherwise I will never move on.
Man I resonate with this post so much.
Just over a year since my gf left me (~1.5 years together). We went thru it all together, and I thought there was no stopping us.
She left me when literally nothing in my life could be worse. She did it for school so I try to understand and not be upset, but boy it still fucking sucks to this day. Especially these past couple weeks it’s been so hard on me, this is exactly the post I would probably be making if you hadn’t done it.
In a way, it helped me understand myself better. I realized if this hurt me that bad and put me through the pain it did, I wouldn’t be strong enough to survive IBD hours (hence taking a CIB role, slightly less hours for less pay, but worth it to me knowing how weak I can be emotionally and mentally at times.)
But yeah, over a year now and still kills me everyday. Wishing you the best and the most possible strength brother.
/
It really depends on the aspect of getting over it. After my two year relationship split, it took me a few weeks to move on and get past it, he cheated so i didn’t even give him the time of day. More like your compartmentalize, accept and move on. Know that you are where you’re meant to be. Know that that the only real alternatives could not exist because they don’t, because only this reality does, then realize you’re pleased to still be here and know that only you can influence that reality at which point, all is love.
Seriously, own it. Let it become part of you. Let the lessons that you learned shape who you can be going forward.
At that point I guess it’ll click that even though you might still think fleetingly of them maybe once or twice a year for the rest of your life, you are where you’re meant to be right now, and embrace that shit.
I think it is the worse when someone breaks up with you for seemingly no reason. That is the part that hurts the most. If someone leaves for a justified reason, I can understand that.
Don't try and stay friends straight away. It hurts too much. If you're the dumper, be aware you have power in this situation that the dumpee does not and whatever they might say, that imbalance is going to hurt. And if you're the dumpee, the only real power you can take from the situation, is distancing yourself and working on becoming better. And you will need to take that power, or you'll feel utterly worthless.
Same here… left me for no reason other than school. Our relationship was really perfect… 2 years almost and had zero issues from start to finish. Completely blindsided me.
Over a year later and still wonder why every single day…
It’s been a year and I’m still hurting.
The day I started dating her
I’ll always love her so much. It’s been the worst 6 months ever
Is this a Gen Z thing? You’re in your 20s. You live in NYC or some other large city. There are so many alternatives. Get a hold of yourself.
Agreed. You all are young, "rich" and in major cities. My advice is to date around after a breakup and you will start to see clarity or alternatives.
This has not helped. Instead it has made me see how many women out there that I do not want to date
I really don't think it is a Gen Z thing, but I do think its a modern day thing. Ghosting/just leaving is a big problem now a days and you honestly can't tell me this has not been going on for a while where people get hurt for breakups.
Also, sleeping around doesn't fix you, help you heal or improve yourself at all, which when someone feels broken needs to happen instead. Its completely normal to go through heartbreak.
You guys need to block exs on all social media and phone shit. By allowing yourself to see that "they've moved on" you're continuing to punish yourself and comparing someone who no longer matters to you.
Pretend they don't exist.
Take the good shit as fond memories and the bad shit as lessons learned and make your life one that you're excited about.
If you had an actual, meaningful relationship parts of it might carry with you forever. And I think that’s fine! It will stop being sadness one day, but that person still made an impact on you as a person, and its fine to still remember that time in your life. Just try your best to move forward.
I think of my exes like my old apartments - it’s nostalgic, they helped make me who I am, but I’m much happier now with no desire to go back
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