Interns - you are goated

I’ve been an MD at a BB for 14 years now that has debated writing this. I’ve seen it all — financial crises, IPO booms, SPAC mania, even the brief but horrifying era when slide decks had emojis. But nothing prepared me for Summer Analyst Class of 2025.

These interns… are built different.

I don’t know what’s in the water at Wharton and Ross these days, but these kids are doing God’s work. One of them corrected a mistake on a fairness opinion model… in week 1. Another asked ChatGPT to optimize a DCF, and it actually worked (weirdly well, too — had to check for insider info). One girl on the tech team coded a Python script to automate football field chart formatting. She called it SlideKilla. I fear her.

Meanwhile, my 2nd year analyst? Still thinks F9 is a modeling shortcut and “tracking changes” means opening his email once a week.

We had a pitch last week. I asked an intern to “throw together a quick comp set.” The guy builds a dynamic, sensitivity-driven dashboard with API pulls from CapIQ and an AI-generated voiceover that narrates valuation trends in Morgan Freeman’s voice. He adds, “Just something simple, hope it’s okay.” I cried in the bathroom.

One of them made an 80-page deck for a sponsor buyout in 24 hours. Clean. No mistakes. Font sizes matched. Even included hidden slides with extra analysis “just in case.” I showed it to a VP. He proposed on the spot.

They’re also cool. They’re jacked. They meditate. One guy has a startup that’s cash-flow positive and another writes satire for The New Yorker “for fun.” Back in my day we thought a functioning intern was one who didn’t pass out in the bullpen after their 5th Red Bull.

Anyway, if any of you know where I can hire new analysts… let me know. I think mine just asked if EBITDA is a crypto.

Interns, you are goated.