Getting married young is the best.

I got married at 21, my wonderful wife was 24. I graduated early and she finished her masters. We’ve been married for 2.5 years, no debt, both work, have a house, and are expecting our first child, a girl, next month. We’re growing up together and making the most out of life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve surrounded myself with couples who got married young and are staying together or have stayed together many years, absolutely thriving. We generally make more money and are more fulfilled than our unmarried relatives/friends/alumni. My intuition, and articles online, tell me we’re not an isolated group.

I’m not here to brag. I see many of us on here posting about relationships, having dates and flings just to satisfy bare minimum desires. Many times, these people sound either immature or depressed. Sometimes y’all are just chilling and curious about dating advice. Even so, it makes me think of the bigger picture.

It’s been the norm for awhile to push off marriage into our 30s or even later, if at all. This has led to a steep decline in birth rates. Anyone who took a finance course knows deep down this is a bad trend socially and economically, but we don’t see an alternative, with 50% divorce rates and climbing, student loans, and apps filled with shallow people.

Finance professionals are the last people who should be single. We have plenty of money and enough time to invest in other things besides ourselves. We’re not starving in Africa spending 12 hours a day hunting or anything. Even people there get married pretty easily. In fact, billions of poor people have been getting married across the world for thousands of years.

But we all know why many of us now choose to stay single: we are self absorbed. It’s human nature with all this money and success to look inwardly. But this isn’t good, and I’m sure many of you actually want to be married if things worked out.

Here’s my idea: make marriage a priority. Find someone, through whatever channels you can, who aligns with you (beliefs, money, kids, relatives), and make it happen. If you’re not ready, make yourself ready. Below are reason why.

When we push off marriage into our 30s after years of 80+ hour work weeks and dealing with our own life, there’s unavoidable problems:

  1. We either wait for kids or don’t even have them. This is true for both singles and those in long term relationships. This is a devastating trend that takes away so much meaning in the world. Kids are obviously difficult, but they’re wonderful and I can’t wait to raise my own. Most of us should have them to, at the very least, give us some responsibility in the world beyond pleasing our overlords and getting that top tier bonus.

  2. We get set in our ways in our 30s and there’s no room to let our spouse change us. I’m glad I get to grow up and change with my wife rather than be stubborn and at odds with her from the start.

  3. We waste our 20s and don’t take life seriously enough to make something out of ourselves. Marriage tends to knock sense into people, especially men, and the earlier the better.

Some benefits of marriage I’ve experienced:

  1. You go through life’s suffering together. Sure there’s happy times, but when life is hard, relatives pass away, you lose your job, etc. it’s so nice to go through it together.

  2. Seeing my daughter on the ultrasound changed my life. My life is devoted to her now. My life is not for my goals or ambitions anymore. That’s surprisingly relieving and fills me with purpose.

  3. My dumb thoughts and ideas get QC’d by my wife. It’s humbling but makes me a much better man.

Think about the meaning of life, responsibility, fulfillment, anything to get you beyond your hedonistic instincts. If someone asked you point blank if your personal happiness is the most important thing in your life, you should be able to easily say no and point to more important things.

When you start thinking this way, all the marriage pitfalls go by the wayside. Divorce is taken out of your vocabulary. You start seeing there’s more eligible people who want to be married than you think. It takes time but it happens. I know if you folks give it a chance, marriage would be more attainable than you might think.

Some qualifiers to this post:

  1. 2.5 years of marriage isn’t long, so I’m not some marriage guru with infinite wisdom in the Himalayas or anything. Just speaking from observation, a little experience, and listening to other married men I respect.

  2. If you’re 35 and not married that obviously doesn’t automatically mean you’ve messed up or your life is ruined. Moreover, being single is a great time to grow yourself and enjoy your independence. There’s nuance.

  3. Finance is super demanding and for some it’s a commitment worth pushing off personal goals, sorta like the military. But for 99% of us, we don’t need to push off something as important as love and family for our careers. I manage to make being an IB Associate and a husband work. My wife has proper expectations and I make sure to set work boundaries when possible.

  4. “But the divorce rates! I’ll be like my sad MD making alimony payments in my 40s and 50s.” No man, not if you have a solid backbone and don’t allow divorce in your vocabulary. With great power comes great responsibility. You will have your whole family’s future in your hands. If you and your spouse stay aligned on handling the basics (beliefs, money, kids, relatives), you won’t become your sad MD.

Call me old fashioned or tell me the game has changed, I just call it like I see it. Highly recommend getting married young. It’s the best.

Region
 

Rolling the dice here. I wonder what the odds are of divorce for people who marry young and where the man is the younger of the two. I like the sentiment of the post at least and hope it works out for OP. 

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

As someone much older (still 30s but on the wrong end) and not yet married, it's nice to hear a story from the 'other side' that worked out.  However, getting married young worked best FOR YOU.  I had a long-term relationship when I was in my early 20s and it ended quite acrimoniously after several years.  If I got married to her early, I wouldn't be singing the same tune as you for sure.

 
Controversial

What an odd take. You sound like a fundamentalist or something.

1. You got married at 21 to an older woman. Which means she likely started dating you as a teenager. That’s gross dude, you sure you were not groomed? Teens don’t exactly have the best long term thinking.

2. You are now having a child at age 23. Do you know many people mature enough at 23 to raise a kid? I don’t.

3. You say you make more than your single friends (well duh, you have double income, great observation captain obvious) and are more fulfilled. Are you taking fulfillment polls of all your friends? How could you make such a blanket statement lol?

4. You then say people who date in their 20’s only have flings and sound depressed and only dare to satisfy their bare urges. Really? Someone can’t date happily in their 20’s to figure out what they want in a partner? What if you don’t fall in love early? You’re supposed to just force a marriage early? The only people I have ever seen get married early are couples who had an accidental pregnancy, ugly or live in a “Bible” type community where they push ideas like no premarital sex or a woman should have kids early. How do you explain my observations?

5. You then say it’s the norm to wait until your 30’s to get married. Again, that’s only in urban cities. Have you ever visited middle America? Rural communities? Places in deeply Republican state? They don’t wait to get married or have babies, so I have no idea wtf you’re talking about. And then you say birth rates are declining, meanwhile it’s known the world’s population is increasing. So you’re either lying to support your theory or are generally naive about world stats.

6. You then say finance people should marry early and then say poor people marry early all the time to support your view. That actually supports my view. Getting married early actually perpetuates the poverty cycle as your observation points out lol.

7. You then say people who stay single for a long time do so because they are selfish? What? Kids need a mature and committed parents, financial support and time. Many people wait until they are 30 so they have a solid financial base, have taken their time to figure out what they want in a spouse and to have some life experience under their belt. The human brain does not stop developing until age 25, yet you want those people to have kids when they have not finished maturing themselves. I would argue you’re selfish for bringing a kid into this world when you’ve barely been adulting yourself.

8. You then say if you wait until you’re 30 to get married, you likely don’t end up having kids. That makes no sense and is an asinine comment. You then say you get set in your ways when you’re 30, again, a blanket statement that makes no sense. People can’t change post 30? What? Have you ever met anyone above the age of 30 who never changed? You think marriage knocks sense into people? It suddenly makes immature people buckle down and responsible? I guess you’ve never seen anyone divorce or you’ve never met absentee parents.

9. The benefits you lost about marriage are laughable, but I didn’t expect much from a 23 year old kid. Yes, it’s easier to go through tough times with a support system, is the sky also blue? Why can’t a loving gf support you as much as a loving wife? You said your kid gives your purpose, and that great. But like I said, having a kid is an all encompassing thing and many young people are self aware to know they are not ready for that yet. Doesn’t make them “lesser” than you. Your final benefit is that your wife shoots down all your dumb ideas. So a twenty year old shoots down another twenty year old’s ideas, sounds like a solid set up. This is also the older woman who dates you when you were a teen right? You sure she isn’t controlling you?

10. You finish off your brilliant thesis by saying if you set aside personal happiness and focus on more “important” things, then all the pitfalls of divorce fall to the wayside. Spoken as someone who has not been married for more than a couple years. You think people divorce because they don’t try hard enough?

11. The sad thing is that it will likely be your kid who suffers the most if your marriage fails. Pride comes before the fall, and your arrogant view on marriage and parenthood doesn’t bode well. Let’s repeat all the red flags we can suss out in your post. Dated an older woman as a teenager, your wife shoots down your ideas, you only hang out with other young, married people or people who married young and therefore live in a echo chamber, believe divorce can be easily avoided and think people who wait until they are richer and maturer to be parents are unwise lol. To bad we can’t get a guaranteed update post from you in a few years. You’re going to realize very fast how demanding being a parent is and how it changes everything.

 
Most Helpful
Smoke Frog

What an odd take. You sound like a fundamentalist or something.

2. You are now having a child at age 23. Do you know many people mature enough at 23 to raise a kid? I don't.

I'm sorry that you are a man-child. People have been mature enough to raise children at 23 for literally thousands of years. Also, if you aren't mature, having a kid can make you man-up instead of being a little bitch kidult until you're 35.

 

Don't care enough to comment on the rest of this, but for point #5, come on man. Anyone who passed high school math knows that the population can continue to grow even if birth rates are declining. Stop being intentionally obtuse.

 

You made a lot of valid points. I glossed over the ages the first time I read it. It sounds like he's still in the honeymoon stage. 2.5 years isn't that long at all. They're still running off that dopamine rush where it's one major event after another. First the engagement, then the wedding planning, then the wedding, then the honeymoon,  then the new house, now the new baby. The high of all that can take 2.5 years. Real mundane married life hasn't hit them yet.

The age difference is a bit weird too. She probably caught him when he was a teenager.  The fact that she's older, was dating him before he could even drink, and has him feeling like his ideas are dumb is a red flag. Part of her probably views him as a kid. 


The life experience and maturity between 21 - 24 is big even though it's only three years. It's like there's a big difference between 12-15  or 15 - 18. However, she's still relatively a kid herself at 24.

I get the impression that she may be leading, controlling, and mothering him a bit. She definitely put the idea that his ideas are dumb in his head and I'm sure some of the ideas a 18 - 21 year old kid came up with were probably dumb to her even though at that age you're supposed to make mistakes.

That shows she doesn't respect his ideas, his leadership, and he's probably not leading the relationship. He might actually be a little whipped. I was whipped at 21. Thank God I didn't get her pregnant and marry her.

There are some red flags. Wish him the best though.
 

 

Of course I made valid points. But the site skews young and Republican and those types get triggered when I call them out for being awful.

 

was following this as maybe reasonable until you threw out the "23 year old kid". People who throw around age superiority are often the biggest dicks in my experience.

 

My dad had me at around that age and he was the best father out of any of my friends or family. What a ridiculous and stupid statement. Fathers have been minted younger than that since the dawn of time. 

 

Ahh yes, pretending the exceptions make the rules. Sigh this site has gotten so bad lately. Also, why no mention of your mom, was she much older or younger when she had you?

 

So, we've now crossed into this absurd territory in the West where people are claiming or implying pedophilia or sexual grooming for dating a young adult. Just ridiculous.  

 

He was a teenager when she got her hooks into him. How many teens do you know that have solid dating experience? Lol I’m sure the first woman who showed an interest in him is his soulmate. 

 

Thanks man. The vitriol I receive for just giving an honest opinion is so bizarre to me.

Imagine saying getting married and having kids in your early thirties is a better life move than doing the same in your early twenties and getting a ton of comments calling you out of touch.

If I can save even one kid from making the same mistake OP did, the online hate is worth it. 

 

Disagree. Life is better without the stress of kids. I wouldn't want my kid to suffer in this shitty ass, stressful world. Unfortunately, I haven't found anyone who doesn't want kids yet. 

 

I don't know, but maybe because I'm stressed out about life and work all the time, I don't want to have kids go through that too. Life is hard enough for me already. 

 

I'm not married yet but I do have a long term relationship with a woman that I'll likely marry. I agree with your points. My girlfriend is also a professional in a related field so for living expenses, entertainment, vacations, etc. we split the bill... AND I get to have sex with her. I can get how, financially, this makes sense. If I was a single and wanted to have a fun trip, with sex included, I'd have to pick up some rando and likely pay for her things too. Other finance professionals even just go to cheap countries and then pick up escorts so on top of paying for her things, you also have to pay a flat rate to fuck her each time. And I know you fuckers do it because when Litquidity posts about "snorting cocaine off a prostitue's ass in Cartagena with your absolute boys" all of you like his posts and now look how rich he is from selling you that finance bro lifestyle. Hey, I'm not judging, but imagine what all that pussy money could do on your 401k. Now... imagine if you had TWO 401ks! When you retire and find yourself only being able to buy yourself one yacht you'll remember my words when I pull up with BOTH my yachts.

Jokes aside, it is hard. My girlfriend has her cons but sometimes I think I struck gold. She is an extremely conservative woman but she is also non-religious (atheist, like me). How common is that? First, finding yourself a conservative woman is important because for women it is very easy to cheat. If your girl has an intention to cheat all she has to do is take a picture, post it on instagram, and then reply to the guys sending her fire emojis. It is THAT easy. For me, I'd say it is more likely for the S&P500 to go to zero tomorrow than for my girlfriend to cheat. BUT the issues I have with conservative women who are conservative because of their parents/religions is that religion only gets a hold of you for so long. The sluttiest whores I know were all Christians so there was a time when they were religious but then their taste for penis went above their religion. A woman who is conservative by choice is much better. The solution to that, then, is to date atheist or agnostic women but then these non-religious women turn out to to also be very promiscuous and in their case it makes sense because in the absence of morality why would someone not turn to hedonism? This applies double in the case of women who are able to indulge in hedonism so easily as dozens of men are always willing to provide sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. 

So, I don't know bros, you do you. I suggest you find yourself a good woman and marry her. If you don't do this then that is when you'll end up like your sucker MD. You know what happened to your MD? Simple. He remained single until his 30s and had very little time to pursue love. Then, one of the many women he used to meet at the club sniffed his money and decided to get him. She gave him dick destroying sex 10 times in a row to the point that he was hooked. Then, when the time was right, she threatened to take away that 10/10 sex if he did not put a ring on it. So he did. And now he is paying for her trips to go fuck other men. So don't be like your MD. Instead of letting women pick you because of your wealth, you go out there and pick a woman for her values.

Or don't. Who gives a fuck. Litquidity ain't that bad. 

 

There's nothing conservative about you at all. It's pretty clear you don't understand why secularism is inherently anti-conservative. A lot of the things I'm sure you rail about as a "conservative" (examples: wokism, marxism, CCP)  are actually secular forms of various religions. The level of hedonism displayed in your posting is inherently the same sort of worldly pleasure-seeking/suffering minimization (AKA secularism) that so called "libs" are seeking too (LGBTQ, feminists, etc).

Edit: You are correct that most Christians do not actually exhibit behavior that they theoretically would. Western folks have essentially given it up, and it's pretty clear what the future religion of Europe will be at least (hint: one that still enforces itself). For those in the US, you will have to settle for AI communism.

 

Conservatism can come in many forms. Someone may be conservative as an individual in terms of their outlook on life. Don’t know for sure, but he might mean that his girlfriend has a generally risk-averse outlook on life and so doesn’t give as easily to hedonism as others might. This sounds perfectly reasonable to me but that’s because I have immigrant parents and have moved countries many times myself and immigrants tend to be personally conservative. This shouldn’t be alien to a bunch of finance professionals. People in this profession literally forgo near-term pleasures to earn lots of money.

If you’re talking about political conservatism, I’d point out that secularism and atheism / agnosticism are not the same thing. Secularism is the express tolerance or equal treatment of all religions either by embracing all religions (stance of the Indian Constitution) or by embracing none (as in France). Essentially, as a secular person, you accept all “arguments” about who “God” is. As an atheist / agnostic, you question God’s existence. Holding the latter view isn’t necessarily at odds with being politically right-wing. If anything, it probably frees you up to be a pitiless bigot now that you don’t have to deal with those pesky verses talking about compassion and the brotherhood of man that exist in every holy book. For real life examples, see Douglas Murray, all the founders of Pakistan, most (if not all) far-right politicians in Europe and, increasingly, the new generation of Republicans in the US. Everyone knows Trump is a libertine charlatan but notice how little DeSantis, Hawley and Cotton talk about faith. Contrast that with the fake piety of the Bush era

 

I got beaten up for saying these points in much stodgier, scientific parlance circa 2013-2014. The data has existed--fits and starts of it--for as long as guys have been simpering for chicks at colleges which are now coed. I can only writhe as the destruction I incurred for bringing these data to the surface before it was cool has made famous dozens of blown out whores and con-inc males who are acting as if it was she/he who discovered this shit. I wasn't gross about it--I was adament that men and women are, for superficial divergences, totally equal--and in fact, women may outperform men in finance and econ anyway. But in those days, the moment a goy raises his eye from the script, you were ruined and fast. to this day I take shit from cucks who are now ebulient in their self-described founding of concepts such as "hYperGeAmY and the RedPiL"....yeah, fucking right.

Now i again am cross-bound. ANd I regret that someone (you can guess what culture they'll be lol)somewhere, in 3 years or fewer, will give hte same politically inflammatory banter did I and get sucked and payed for grifting 'pon my narrow social headstone

f....fuck,man...
 

This is an interesting post, but I can't help but think that you sound young and naive, and you're going to be one of those men that will be dangerously devastated if it doesn't work out. All the power to you if it works for you. I love to see people get married, start families, and live long, happy lives. I really do. Unfortunately, everyone I've ever met that got married in their twenties didn't make it to 30. They all had their own reasons and stories, but it just didn't work.

I don't know why marriages fail so much these days. It could be social media, technology allowing us to be so independent, selfishness, feminism, easy temptation, the government incentivizing women to divorce, the decline in religion, morals, ethics, duty, etc. Maybe it's a bit of all that and more. I have my own theories, but they're just theories. The bottom line is marriages are failing like never before.

Fight for your family and nip any red flags in the bud. Marriage is a LOOONG marathon, and you are so young. You are not going to be the same people in five years that you are now, so make sure you truly grow together and stay on the same page.

However, this is a bit concerning.

  • My dumb thoughts and ideas get QC'd by my wife. It's humbling but makes me a much better man.

I mean no disrespect for what I'm about to say, but be a man. Lead your family. This statement makes you sound like one of those "happy wife, happy life" losers (again, I mean that in the most respectful way). Just don't be that guy that hides in his man cave, gives his wife the check, and asks her permission for everything. You are the head of your family. Don't put yourself down with that type of language. Your thoughts are not dumb. They may not be perfect, but the moment you start acting like the "dumb" man that needs his wife's approval, you're setting your marriage up for failure. A woman doesn't want to be the man of the house. You can respect her and ask for her input but don't start walking around your home with your head down, looking to your wife as the voice of logical reason. Your wife married a man, so be one - she'll appreciate it. You need to lead, protect, and provide. Your wife doesn't want to be the man of the house for the next 40-50 years.

Other than that, I really wish you the best. This post was a bit refreshing coming from a young man.

 

My assumption is that by dumb thoughts he is referring to the harebrained thoughts that all men in their 20s have that probably shouldn't go from thoughts to actions e.g. anything that would follow after someone says "hold my beer."

 

Congrats. Where did you meet?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

How much of that "happiness" is contingent upon the "no debt, have a house" part of the deal?  You casually mentioned it but that's a big deal.  None of the 21 year olds I knew were debt free or even remotely prepared financially for home ownership.  The people who most often wait to marry I find do so once they're in a more solid financial position.  You're not going to be a present husband or father working 80 hour weeks and being broke, indebted, or pissed off all the time - so people often plan their life stuff around milestones.  

For the record, I'm not married and probably will never be - Partly because I don't want kids and partly because I just never met "partner" material - but being single and high income has plenty of perks.  My lifestyle is pressure-free. I don't have to compromise on anything - I want it I do it or get it.  And I still meet interesting women from time to time, have some fun travel flings, and enjoy variety.  But I grew up an only child so am just more accustomed to doing things my way, doing them solo, and switching gears at a moment's notice. 

Not trying to compare my life to yours just saying that not every bachelor is in for a life of misery.  

Just like not every young married couple is in for the bliss you're experiencing.  I'm at the age where more friends are divorced than still together - which is even more depressing, I think.  Seeing families break up and assets get lost, and co-parenting and splitting custody and watching your ex move on - that stuff is soul-crushing. 

 

Pretty sure most people get married not necessarily when they want to, but rather when they meet the right person. You can say you are just ready and marry someone but you will probably be just shortchanging yourself. I know the whole making relationships work thing is obviously important and there are many trials to overcome, but if you don't have the right person, you will be miserable. 

 
mbahopeful88

Glad I made it out alive and without STDs.

Amen, brother. Preach.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
mbahopeful88

Wish I got married earlier. My dating life was a disaster. Glad I made it out alive and without STDs.

What this guy said.

 

People should just do whatever works for them. Whether that’s getting married at 22, 32 or 42 doesn’t really matter. 

In the US the only people I know getting married in their early twenties are from the Midwest and South. Anecdotally, they live pretty simply lives and are generally content with everything. However, there are a few instances of a few of them going off the rails and in those situations the shock value is high. I’m currently banging a married chick that got married in her early twenties 1-2 years ago.
 

Her husband is painfully awkward and socially inept so I don’t really feel bad for him given anyone with half a brain would see she’s cheating. She’s openly flirted with me and overtly touched me sexually in front of him and he has no idea. We don’t even work together and she told him that I would take her back from a friends place and we fucked in my car in her driveway. She’s also banging like 4-5 other dudes in addition to me under the guise of networking events and staying late at the office. This dude is so clueless one of these dudes is probably going to knock her up and think it’s his baby.