I should have been a marketing girly (a rant)

A rant and advice appreciated:

Guys I literally did IB for two years for what for literally what. Now I’m an associate in PE and I hate it. The actual work is interesting and the lifestyle IS better but it’s so much more stressful than IB for me. 

I just feel like I was NOT built for this. I AM the marketing girl the finance guys are dating. I don’t know why I thought I was a finance girl like why was I trying to be cool I literally post on TikTok and and don’t care if a company has a 60% margin profile and no customer concentration. I DONT CARE. I care about vitamin c serums and Pilates and if kale is bad for you or if it’s the best thing in the world.

so. My question is. What do I do. Do I pivot to corporate strategy after finishing my two years? Would that even be doable or would I even like it? Is it a culture problem since the work is interesting to me? Would a family office have a better WLB?

 

You fell into the trap where the mainstream media told you that you didn’t want to be that girl you just described. No, what you wanted to do was be just as good as any guy who worked like a slave and busted his ass. The funny thing is you are working with the top 3% of men, some men work twice as hard for half the pay.

I don’t want this to seem like I’m coming at you, I don’t want it to seem like I know saying women are worth less or no capable. What I am saying is they got you, you fell for it. Now the way I see it is you got two options assuming your mid 20s because luckily for you, you realized this. You can either double down on doing the things that they told you that you wanted or you can do the things you described. Your not going to be a tik tok personality or maybe you will. The point is not that tho. The point is start looking for something away from NY or Chi. Start looking for a job that truly makes you happy, I know you are confused what that means but you also described what you want to do. Get a job that allows you to do those things on the side. You don’t need to make millions or even hundreds of thousands to be successful. Half of these dudes will grow up to hate who they have become and sadly that is a trajectory men take. Do what makes you happy, if it doesn’t then do what allows you to do those things. I can give you a hint: it’s not PE and it’s not IB. I say this from the 18 floor of a building I hate walking into everyday. God bless you

 

You mean the top 2 trending topics rn? Weird lmao. Don’t worry I’m not 18 anymore I have grown past just getting laid. I hope one day you grow up too!0

 

The “pay out of pocket” comment has me 💀💀💀. More than it rightfully should but I’m dying over here.

Like the unadjusted- only with a little bit extra.
 

I literally am giving her a break. It’s not her fault that media and programs try to manipulate women. That’s the point I am making. My point was to try and take back whatever she can and do what SHE wants to do. 

 
Controversial

This is for the girls only:

GIRLBOSS STAND UP!!!

If you actually hates finance, I wouldn’t be writing this, but as another PE girlie who’s also living in the trenches…

You can do it. You’re strong, you’re a bad fucking bitch and yes pilates is awesome but pilates is a sidequest. You can do it all, you can be hot, successful, slay and literally anything else you put your mind to

Is the job stressful or are you just harder on yourself than a man would be? If you like the work, the hours are fine, and I bet you’re GOOD at the work, where does the stress come from? Probably some bullshit that you can handle or fix at another comparable job.

And maybe another roll is a good fit (corporate, family office, investor relations, etc.). Maybe business school makes sense. Or a new fund. But you absolutely are cut out for this if it’s what you want. And whereas making career decisions after finding a partner makes sense, DO NOT throw away an incredible career for a man you haven’t met yet. For every marketing girlie who finds a great finance man, there’s more who are really struggling whether it’s with money, independence, partners etc.

Remember, MOM I AM A RICH MAN <3

Also dm me happy to chat specifics, but wanted to give you the pep talk regardless because I have had all these thoughts before too and this industry is tough on women

 

Women actually aren't really cut out for a field as cutthroat and sharp-elbowed where even the top 1% of men (Andover/Exeter/Eton -> WHYP -> CVP/PJT/Allen/Dyal/M Klein -> APO/BX/KKR -> Tiger Global/Coatue/Maverick/Viking) struggle and get burnt out in. It's absolutely ridiculous to think that you people can keep up with, much much less be remotely competitive with the Wharton 4.0 lax bro who is literally destined for finance. 

Go into something like IR or sales

 

I’m going to assume this is satire, but if it isn’t, dude you seriously need to do some internal work on how you view women. Saying women aren’t capable of competing with men in elite finance roles is ridiculous. There is no biological reason for this to be the case (outside of taking a lot of time off for having children). Men are not intellectually superior to women. There may be social/cultural reasons why it’s more difficult for a woman to compete in these roles, but that doesn’t have to do with her innate ability. You sound like an incel

 

every time i see this dude comment i am elated because i just know he’s gonna say some dumb shit that pisses everyone off

 
LowCaliberTalent

Women actually aren't really cut out for a field as cutthroat and sharp-elbowed where even the top 1% of men (Andover/Exeter/Eton -> WHYP -> CVP/PJT/Allen/Dyal/M Klein -> APO/BX/KKR -> Tiger Global/Coatue/Maverick/Viking) struggle and get burnt out in. It's absolutely ridiculous to think that you people can keep up with, much much less be remotely competitive with the Wharton 4.0 lax bro who is literally destined for finance. 

Go into something like IR or sales

you are probably not really cut out for the sharp elbowed board rooms too. go work on your monitor tan.

 

If your goal was to pick her up, Principal in Private Credit probably wasn't the best play to get her wet 

 

Yeah this is… not really helpful. She’s looking for specific advice regarding a potential career transition, not in need of a pro-women rah-rah pep talk. Also, telling OP she “can do it all” if she’s truly burnt out is horrible advice.

Some people truly are not built for the stress of certain jobs, and that has nothing to do with being male or female. It seems like OP may have come to this realization, though only she knows. I’ve had to make major changes because I couldn’t handle a certain level of stress. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to make this all about gender is reductive and most likely untrue.

 
monkiseemonkido

but as another PE girlie who’s also living in the trenches…

Boils my blood when morons who have never served talking about being in the trenches when they're sitting on a cushy chair at a desk wearing stylish attire and manicured nails.

You wouldn't last an hour in the trenches.

 

I love it. lmao

There was another thread about a girl saying that she had a kid with a douche and because of finance she is kickimg ass

This comment is basically saying the same but now it gets controversial hahah

 

I just interviewed for IR at a big fund (AKKR/TPG/Vista) and felt so out of place. It seemed like the perfect role for me if I was more social and a was born a girl. Try it out. 

 

I don't think it's good to work in a field you aren't passionate about. You spent 8 - 15 hours a day working and it's too much of your life to accept being miserable.

Maybe find an easy job you can work ~4 - 6 hours at then explore other things at the same time until you find something you love. 

Good news is anyone in PE has a big brain and can probably do w/e they want reasonably well. Just a matter of throwing a few darts.

 

If this isn't a troll post, here's what I have to say.

Most men cannot handle this work. Most women cannot handle this work. It's nothing to do with your gender.

Everyone hates the transition from banking to PE. The increase in stress and responsibility. I know it sucks, it really does. But if you like the work, and the lifestyle, and you think you're good at it, I'd suggest you try to stick it through. For better or for worse, as a woman, you will be at the top of the pile when it comes to vp promote, principal promote. You have a path to financial freedom straight ahead of you. There are multiple times in my career when I felt like I was burnt out, and to be honest much of the stress just keeps increasing, moving up the ladder doesn't fix your life, but at this stage I am very appreciative of my career and this industry.

Remember, almost half of modern marriages end in divorce. Many result in the man lording finances over the woman, who generally earns less than him. Do you really want to put your life and financial freedom in the hands of another person?

 

Everyone hates the transition from banking to PE

You sure it isn't more of an Analyst to Associate type of thing? I personally found it massively refreshing to work from the buy-side, granted I exited IB as an Associate. Shit definitely got real as an IB Associate leading the juniors on a deal team, because you have so much work to oversee, but things got marginally better on the buy-side from there. 

As always, everyone's mileage varies and I'm at a large-cap credit shop, not an LBO house. 

 

Just follow your gut and pursue what you are passionate about. Life’s all about taking risks & when you’re an old fart looking back at your life you will realize you would have been happier following the things that bring you true joy regardless of the amount of money you can make in this game

 

Would love to be friends and speak abt the latest in cosmetics though, take care of urself 

 

I would consider going into consumer consulting – you will be able to work with a lot of companies in spaces that you're interested in (e.g. beauty, food, wellness, etc.) and it's substantially less stressful. Also, IR would probably be a good fit as well. 

 

Go to IR. Allows you to make a decent living with a 20% discount in pay but with 70% less of the stress.

You can still make ends meet with a solid cushion. You can salvage your health and not waste your 20s on this job. You can build relationships with friends and family much better. You can still grow.

 

MM HF business development - get paid extremely well when senior, super easy job

 

Following, and coming from a woman here. the whole modern campaign of trying to convince women that “men and women are equal” and “women can do anything” is so stupid. In fact, no, women cannot do everything, women are not equal with men, and such a high stress high demand job like PE is one of them. I am so recruiting for IR at the end of my banking analyst program

 

This was me (well, partially, I'm not into pilates) - burning out in a PE job and asking myself why the hell I bought into the "work hard now and in a few years, everything will be SO MUCH better and you will be SO RICH" bs. Yeah, nope. However, as many others have mentioned, you have options (I have tried multiple of the below and am now in a job I like, PM me if you want to chat); have listed them all for reference, not saying it's an exhaustive list but maybe it helps:

  1. Finance
    1. Different PE fund (likely less prestigious/smaller) - but key is to do your DD to figure out whether it would actually be better; and this is super hard to evaluate from the outside
    2. More niche areas / not "classical" PE, e.g. secondaries, special situations, restructuring, cap markets at a PE shop or private credit (again, DD necessary to understand whether this would actually be better)
    3. Family offices
    4. Hedge funds
    5. VCs
    6. Investor Relations / value c