112 Comments
 

Helping people understand basic concepts with money can really liberate someone's life and make them feel confident in taking control of their future. Seeing decent people make terrible financial decisions (unknowingly) kills me inside. Make it rain on hookers and blow if you want, just don't call it an investment. One of my colleagues bought his house back in '08 and has paid something like $5,000 off his mortgage to date but has no concept on how important interest rates/down payment %'s are. Scary. A lot of people are living very stressful check-to-check lives but don't actually need to.

Just had my trade dispute rejected by Schwab for a loss of 35k. This single issue alone should be a gigantic red flag to anyone who trades on their platform. If they have a system error, and you do not video record your trading (they actually said this), they will not honour their fuck up. Switching everything away from them. Fuck this company.
 

Op-ed writer, or something like that.

It would be nice to have Tom Friedman's job where you get to travel the world first class in luxury hotels, and then make observations about the state of humanity that consist entirely of strings of meaningless buzzwords.

 

I'd take Jeremy Clarkson's job. Driving supercars and talking shit all day is really all I want to do in life.

Thanks, let me know if you ever need an introduction in the industry.
 

Sports Analyst for the NBA.

Stephen A. Smith shows that he is essentially the weather man of NBA predictions, fucks it up royally each year with the utmost confidence - is still employed, no doubt on a solid salary and would get to meet these phenomenal athletes.

'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'
 

When I was young, I fantasized about entering hedge fund, perform outlandishly and retire early. Then, make a mark as a college professor in some sort of scientific subject.

 

You know those guys that have made their money, are half-retired and sit on 3-5 boards? All the intellectual stimulation of thinking about strategy and growing businesses from a high level, with none of the day-to-day garbage to have to power through. That's the dream.

"Son, life is hard. But it's harder if you're stupid." - my dad
 

Writer Serial killer Conspiracy theorist Warlock of Wizengamot King of the Orcs Protoss High Templar

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
 

*Social Media "Influencer"

You know the next Holocaust is going to happen with that "Nazi" Emperor PewDiePie at the helm right?

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
 

One of those car youtubers like MrJWW, Shmee150, and SeenThroughGlass. I would want to drive beautiful cars in beautiful locations for the rest of my life. And of course get paid for sharing my experiences.

 

Whatever job will allow me to yell at people / be super critical all day without repercussion.

Like a drill sergeant. Without the drills.

Being a therapist is hard, dudes. People expect way too much empathy / unconditional regard / etc. Makes me yearn for finance some days.

Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 

I would like to have Ed Razek's job, but I think he makes more than IB pay. Getting to see VS titties when he commands it is like the epitome of Paradise.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
 
"MavIB" 3) Male Escort
I am going to assume you mean women and not an escort for males, but IB pay to fuck gross girls who use male escorts? You could just work in IB and fuck gross girls anyway - it is called tinder.
'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'
 

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