Which office buzzwords do you hate?

I came across this funny article in the Boston Globe a while back about all the annoying buzzwords people throw around the office.

If terms like "value-add" and "thinking outside the box" make you want to jam a laser pointer into your eye, you are not alone in your suffering. Having been asked to "leverage their core competencies" one too many times, workers all across the country are offering up a collective response: Stop the insanity.

What's the worst business jargon you hear around your office?

Comments (312)

 
  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
May 22, 2006 - 9:45am

Do we really always need to "crank" or "jam"? There are some additional annoying modeling words, but these are the worst; constantly overused. I can't stand to hear either around the office anymore.

 
May 24, 2006 - 8:15pm

"why don't you go ahead and take a stab at that and get back to me" (usually from some lazy-ass associate pawning off his work)

Array
 
Sep 8, 2020 - 6:40pm

1 + 1 = 3

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
Aug 31, 2006 - 11:35am

Earlier I heard' ablolutely, we will touch base next week and have a ball park figure for you'
Also 'Lets take this offline'
I am going to put a spade through his head soon

 
Dec 13, 2006 - 3:40pm

let's not reinvent the wheel - that one is horrible!
Bandwidth, intellectual capital, and ego wall are all equally bad as well

I found this game that Babson made making fun of buzzwords. They call it Buzzword Blending Syndrome (BBS)lol - pretty funny and kills some time:
Buzzword Blends

 
Feb 4, 2007 - 10:24pm

We had a sales call from a Canadian HF (who we can't do business with) called Giraffe Capital. My VP gets on the call with me and takes over, before first telling me (on mute) that he will throw in giraffe jokes.

He used:
Let me stretch my neck out on this one and guess..
So we can grab that low-hanging fruit
Let's paint the spots on the animal

He kept a totally strait face and I was DYING!!!

 
Jun 17, 2007 - 12:08pm

The best post on this thread lol.

amb05:
We had a sales call from a Canadian HF (who we can't do business with) called Giraffe Capital. My VP gets on the call with me and takes over, before first telling me (on mute) that he will throw in giraffe jokes.

He used:
Let me stretch my neck out on this one and guess..
So we can grab that low-hanging fruit
Let's paint the spots on the animal

He kept a totally strait face and I was DYING!!!

 
Mar 14, 2007 - 3:44pm

This drives me nuts:
in French: deja vu = Already seen...
How can this dummy says " Already seen already seen all over again" what the Fu$%#$#

MC2
 
Jul 11, 2007 - 3:06am

bl**dy annoying:
"touch base with.."
"organize deliverables.."
"on that front"
"knowledge transfer"
"identifying core competencies for holistic improvement.." (this one begs the words "Fk you")

n the way its said..sort of like their swallowing their saliva only to regurgitate it just so that they could play with it...wtf is the exit exit exit???

 
Jul 17, 2007 - 4:06am

"transition phase"
"restructuring initiative"

One time, a head of a team singled out one of the team members after something had gone wrong. "You are so pussy that I should go to your home and fuck you". Needless to say, I caught a "rofl" fit.

 
Aug 20, 2007 - 5:18pm

"Wow" or "Just, wow"

It's subtle... but slowly this expression seems to have prevailed this year. It is said almost anytime, anywhere, for anything. I always thought it was a generational thing, 18-22 year olds saying it all the time. Now when older folks say this, it makes me cringe.

 
Sep 18, 2008 - 6:43pm

to hate...

lets "go ahead" and put together some "talking points"
were all going to have to "step it up" now "boys and girls"
yeah, "lets talk about that offline"
where going to have to find ways to "create value" around here
lets "huddle up" later and talk about this

then theres the most abused - i mean, "it is what it is"

at least there was actually one that made me chuckle....

(in your best country accent) "let's get 'ER done"!

 
Dec 12, 2008 - 8:46am

Ha, this is great. I think half of you work in my office.

I can't stand:

opine
from 30,000 feet
get our arms around

This isn't a buzzword, but def one of my least favorite... "what are you doing this weekend?" or variations such as "hope you don't have any plans for this weekend", or "are you going home tonight?" (usually less of a question and more of a statement that its expected I will absolutely, under no circumstance leave the office before sunrise.

Array
 
Dec 13, 2008 - 4:19pm

When your associate comes to your desk and says "we need to get this done" and just looks at you; he doesn't mean "we" he means you, so why doesn't he just say what he means and say "This task is below me and the skills I acquired while I did my MBA at Harvard (I did mention I went to Harvard, you knew I went to Harvard right?) so you need to get on this so I can pretend to look it over and then hand it to our MD

 
Dec 15, 2008 - 1:30pm

We've all heard these phrases a million times. It's interesting that bankers all have the same cliche vocab. It really sucks when you start using them with friends or at informal settings.

Banking > VC > Tech PE; PM me if you would like any advice I'm happy to help
 
Dec 15, 2008 - 4:30pm

i really cant stand circle up either. I think that "differentiating ourselves" is probably used 100+ times a day...excelster, i agree with you. I can not stand when people say neech. i laughed when i read that because i actually thought of MP too.

 
Sep 2, 2009 - 2:16pm

I hate the fuckers who try using colloquial British phrases...

"Yeah, I must have missed that"
"no worries, lets update and get it out to the group"

"see you later"
"cheers"

Or here's the scarlet letter of douchbaggery:

"Query: do we include that segment as a going concern?"

For fucks sake, when did Madonna start working here.

Array
 
Sep 11, 2009 - 6:07pm

"out of pocket" has been getting a big following around here as of late... and I'm ready to shove bamboo shoots between my fingernails.

"I'm going to be out of pocket for most of next week, so lets try to get this taken care of before then"

Out of pocket? You're not a fucking quarterback, you're a fat, divorced middle-aged managing director. You're a poster child for judging a book by its cover, and fucking hating it... fat, rich and obnoxious. The only pocket you need to be worrying about is a lean pocket, ever heard of one of those?

Array
  • 2
 
Oct 4, 2009 - 6:32pm

We have waves of the most insufferable buzz words being used until you feel like inhaling your own vomit just to kill yourself.

Lately these have been quite popular:

  • we need to get smart on...
  • we need to think smartly about...
  • lets scratch our on heads on this and discuss later...

We have 2 people who have somehow/somewhere heard someone say vis a vis and have become so impressed by it that they feel the need to inject it into just about every fucking sentence they say.

Array
 
Oct 19, 2009 - 12:47am

Not sure how no one has mentioned "Please advise"

Also:

What are the "takeaways?"
"Kindly" (a.k.a. "right the fuck now")
We don't want to "double-touch" anything
"Action" used as a verb
I've got a lot "on my plate" right now (mostly McDonald's)

 
Sep 19, 2010 - 2:28am

Ovechkin:
Not sure how no one has mentioned "Please advise"

Also:

What are the "takeaways?"
"Kindly" (a.k.a. "right the fuck now")
We don't want to "double-touch" anything
"Action" used as a verb
I've got a lot "on my plate" right now (mostly McDonald's)

Only Ops uses that phrase at my firm. I just started there but I know if I read "please advise" in an e-mail I can look next to their name and see OPS in the department tag.

I think a lot of these are essentially ways to hide idiocy behind toolishness.

 
Jun 29, 2010 - 2:57pm

Someone mentioned it above, but "Please advise" sucks. Even worse, all of the people I work with love to write "Please advice". Every time I see it I want to circle up with the person later to beat the shit out of them.

Also, this is at least the second thread I've seen resurrected from 2006 in the past two days. Someone must be bored...

 
Sep 17, 2010 - 11:54am

i want to "reach out" to you as a "follow-up" to our meeting on how to approach this deal "holistically."

"The details of your incompetency don't interest me." - Miranda Priestly
 
Sep 21, 2010 - 11:32pm

I don't want to get egg on my face
Does this thing have legs

fdba Emory Blaine and BBA or otherwise trying to find the perfect pseudonym.
 
Sep 19, 2010 - 7:01pm

"Talk the talk"

THE most awkward sounding buzz-word/phrase ever!

Honorable mentions:

"Body language"
"Scratch my back" (not literally)
"Brownie points"
"Live to work" / "Work to live"
"You're smart" (it seems everyone who 'complimented' me directly in that way hated me inside, lol)

 
Oct 14, 2010 - 9:21pm

"...I mean if you're a hammer, everything else is nail..."

Additionally these are ones I absolutely despise:

--belt and suspenders-- as in "Ok, well lets do it both ways and in the end we can say: look, we took a belt and suspenders approach and we ended up in the same place"

--holistically-- need I say more?

Array
  • 1
 
Jan 4, 2011 - 9:27am

"turn into a pumpkin" when someone becomes unavailable/unreachable (as in: guys, can you get me a draft by 4? i turn into a pumpkin at 5.)

my favorite buzzwords are "pencils down." always music to my ears when I hear that at work.

 
Jan 5, 2011 - 4:07pm

bankbank:
"turn into a pumpkin" when someone becomes unavailable/unreachable (as in: guys, can you get me a draft by 4? i turn into a pumpkin at 5.)

my favorite buzzwords are "pencils down." always music to my ears when I hear that at work.

haha just heard 'turn into a pumpkin' the other day for the first time. i didn't realize it was a thing.

 
Jan 13, 2011 - 1:20pm

One of the worst currently... "pushback".

Pushback is something you do when getting butt fucked. So while I'm sure plenty of bankers use that word at home, lets keep it out of the office.

Array
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