Why are we Obsessed with "Work/Life Balance"?
I've been doing a fair bit of thinking about the idea of a "work/life balance", and it's a topic that I encounter more often on this board than just about anywhere else, so I thought it an appropriate forum for discussion.
When I was in college interviewing for the typical set of sought-after entry-level positions, it was often striking to me that the aspect that distinguished those who preferred consulting to IB purportedly wanted a better "work/life balance". Frequently, there was no more important distinction than that.
When I asked friends who went into consulting why they chose consulting, they often responded by saying, "I just don't think I could deal with working that many hours" (as if their career decision were a presupposed dichotomy between banking and consulting? - but that's another discussion). And that led me to believe that I most certainly would be dissatisfied with my "work/life balance" once I started full-time in IB.
And, sure enough, hours started pouring from the faucet of my office into the sink of my week just as promised. I had gone into the job with the preexisting belief that my work/life balanced sucked, and I should be upset/sad/angry about it. I chatted with my coworkers about it and occasionally mentioned it to my friends. I was the picture of a perfect post-undergrad IB analyst: disgruntled and passionately pursuing greener pastures.
Until, one week, I started to realize that I was neither dissatisfied about my work nor my life (whether that means I have a "work/life balance", I have no idea)...
And it wasn't long before I started to realize that my friends in more "traditional" jobs complained just as often about working too much as my friends in IB. I decided to stop contributing to discussions about being dissatisfied with how many hours I was putting in and instead just listened to what others had to say. I spent hours listening to my friend ranting about how unfair it was that he was being paid for 35 hours per week (40 hrs. minus 5 hrs for lunch breaks), despite the fact that he wasn't able to take a full hour off for lunch and was occasionally asked to stay until 6:00 PM. Meanwhile, other friends of mine working 80+ hours were thrilled with what they were doing (AND they were somehow managing to find the time to hang out with me). All said, I noticed very little correlation between the quantity of work and the amount of complaints about work. Everyone was looking for a better "work/life balance" in their next job, but when I asked, no one could put a finger on exactly what that entailed.
While I suspect that when most people long for "work/life balance", what they truly need is "work/life satisfaction", I understood that in everyday conversation, my friends were using "work/life balance" as a euphemism for "I would be happier, if only I worked fewer hours per week."
I think that this belief originates from a profoundly powerful, yet remarkable subtle metaphor that we employ in everyday language: time is money. It's one of the most frequent ways we communicate about time ("I spent an hour with her", or "Could you lend me a few minutes of your time?", or "I devoted my time to this cause", or "That awful movie cost me 2 hours of my life!"). But beneath the surface, it also implies two characteristics about our time: 1) our time is valuable and scarce, and 2) when we "spend" our time on something, we expect to receive value commensurate with the amount of time spent.
Troublingly, I think this leads an erroneous conclusion: if I spend more time doing something, I will enjoy it more. This is the premise that causes us to believe that obtaining more "free time" would make us happier.
After some thought, I have come to doubt the truth of this proposition, and I offer three examples of why I believe it to be untrue:
- I find that I enjoy personal and intimate relationships more when we spend less time together. This is the age-old problem with young love. Remember when your mother always told you that the reason you got in fights with your friends is because you were spending too much time with them? Though you probably doubted it at the time, I think we grow into the realization that time apart is a valuable piece of a relationship. More important than that, I think, is the scarcity of the time you spend together. When I spend a week boxed up in the office without being able to go out with friends, I often find that conversation is the most vibrant when we are reunited. We have a better time, there's more to catch up on, and a new face is a refreshing respite from our daily lives. On the contrary, on the few occasions in college when I found myself going out every night with similar groups of friends, I quickly tired of going out and received less enjoyment from interacting with these friends.
- Unemployed (even those with great personal wealth) people are among the least happy people I know. I once knew a guy that was in a serious relationship with a very successful significant other. He was in-between jobs when their relationship started, and when he realized that he could live more extravagantly than he had ever imagined without working a single hour, he decided to put more time between those jobs. What I witnessed was a powerful descent into stagnant unhappiness. He could, within reason, do whatever he wanted, yet he couldn't find anything that he wanted to do. Simply having all the free time in the world doesn't translate into happiness. It should come as no surprise, then, that wealthy entrepreneurs found charitable organizations or invest in new businesses to occupy their time. For most people, an occupation is a means to earn money, but even in the absence of that, it seems an occupation is also a shrewd motivator and a convenient way to put your time to good use.
- The more abundant a resource, the less wisely we spend it, and (especially in the 21st century) that has Snowball effects. I remember in middle school, whenever I got a video game, I would immediately use the internet to look up cheat codes to unlock every aspect of the game. It didn't take me long to realize that after I used the cheat code, the game almost instantaneously lost its fulfillment value. Similarly, when I think about weekends on which I had no work, I don't end up doing all that much more than on weekends where I spend half my time in the office. I'm more careless about how I allocate my time! I sleep in a bit later, I watch a bit more TV, read a few more books, spend a few more minutes on Facebook, and go out an hour or two later. Invariably, the more time I have on my hands, the more pointless endeavors I undertake. And the problem is, everything in the 21st century is specifically designed to be addictive. Whether it's cigarettes, television, soda, World of Warcraft, or Tumblr, businesses have become ever more successful in consuming ever increasing amounts of your time. And the one weekend where you find yourself bored enough to create a Tumblr account (no offense to those who Tumbl), the more time in subsequent weekends you will spend on Tumblr. Your unproductiveness snowballs, and that kills your motivation.
This realization has forced me to focus on three core parts of my life, things that I believe are worth putting out there on the off chance that you find them useful. It's the best and only advice I can give from this:
- Find two things that you honestly consider to be productive uses of your time and force yourself to spend time on them every weekend. I think that you'll find that, ironically, by reducing your "free time", you actually finish the weekend feeling better about what you've accomplished.
- Realize that there are very few things in life that you really don't have the time to do. When was the last time you told your coworkers you couldn't go out for a drink because you had a prior commitment or had to wake up early, only to head straight home because you were too lazy to go out? I'm not saying that's a bad choice! I'm just pointing out that even if you work 80 hours a week, you still have a great deal of time on your hands. It's all about priorities.
- If you're counting the number of hours you work in a week, chances are you're just distracting yourself from the real issues you have with your job. Stop thinking about "work/life balance". Having more "free time" won't make you happy. Having a job to which you want to contribute and a life that you're enjoying every minute of will.
I'll leave you with a quote that I love from Gary Vaynerchuk.
Speaking to a group to hopeful tech entrepreneurs, Vaynerchuk was asked, "How you get money to do what you love?" He answered:
"You don't. If you want to work on something you love, you know what you have to do? Honestly? You have to work after hours. If you work 9-6, get home, kiss the dog, and go to town. STOP WATCHING F*****G LOST!"
I think we would all benefit from killing less of our free time.
---
I'd love to hear anyone else's take on this.
Wow great article, +1
Wow great article, +1
i have thought about this
i have thought about this before this issue before. I really think you hit the nail on the head. Great work, this was very well written.
I find that I enjoy personal
I find that I enjoy personal and intimate relationships more when we spend less time together.
I agree, great point. It's always more fun to catch up with people you haven't seen in a long time.
All good points. I think this
All good points. I think this is a must read for most undergrads pursuing some prestigious (or any) entry-level role.
"Do not go gentle into that good night"
For me it's more about
For me it's more about health: how many hours you can work while sustaining for longer terms.
You make some good points.
You make some good points. Limiting time with loved ones can make every time you are together special. I am in a long distance relationship and see my GF every other weekend. Time with her is a scare resource, so I cherish the few days a month I see her.
You also highlight the diminishing returns associated with leisure activities. Continuing the long distance relationship example, the infrequent visits lead to a significant amount of playing with my meat sword. There’s no better way to wake up on a Saturday than jerkin' the gherkin. Eat some breakfast, then again, time to paint the ceiling. That second time is refreshing, but my returns are quite literally diminished. By my eighth round before bed, I’m sore and exhausted. Too much of anything is a bad thing. I believe this also applies to work though.
I will spare you another masturbation euphemism and say, from an ex-IB analyst one half year removed: you may be way too deep in the shit to see how bad it is. Maybe you truly love committing 80+ hours a week to ripping out comps, squinting at hand-written comments in attempt to ascertain what your fuck-wit VP scribbled out and modeling asinine zero-probability M&A scenarios. I didn’t, especially at the expense of my health and flexibility of schedule. All I did in banking was work and for that I was a less interesting person. With my additional time I have pursued new sports, started a non-profit, actively managed my PA and traveled the world. I am more focused and effective while on the job because I want to knock out my work and leave to do non-work related activities. I also have more to talk about with co-workers and can relate to more people.
All of your examples are extremes that violate the premise of a work/life balance rather than demonstrate how a balance is bad. Each example you provide is unfulfilling: Unemployment (zero work), codes in a video game (invincibility, unlimited ammo) and IB (little to no leisure). I believe you maximize your utility with a balanced bundle of work and leisure.
With all of this said, I do not regret my two years as an analyst. I paid my dues and earned the right to work less and make more. I would never describe the lifestyle as healthy or ideal though.
Beautiful post. I was
Beautiful post. I was wondering the same thing. I used to be in M&A and I never had a problem working 70 hours a week. Its only when it gets to the 80+ range and of course the occasional 100 hour week did it really get to me since by then sleep gets affected. (Most people average between 6-7 hours of sleep anyway regardless of whether they are bankers or not.)
I am now on the buy side and work about 50-60 hours and honestly some weekdays I have no clue what to do post 8 PM (this is after an hour of gym) not to mention Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I am past the phase when it was cool to drink every night (boring and clearly unhealthy). So now I am on the quest to discover my next productive activity (maybe a book or a charity or some online start up). But yeah work life balance isn't the challenge as much as work life satisfaction is!
Gatsby17: You make some good
You make some good points. Limiting time with loved ones can make every time you are together special. I am in a long distance relationship and see my GF every other weekend. Time with her is a scare resource, so I cherish the few days a month I see her.
You also highlight the diminishing returns associated with leisure activities. Continuing the long distance relationship example, the infrequent visits lead to a significant amount of playing with my meat sword. There’s no better way to wake up on a Saturday than jerkin' the gherkin. Eat some breakfast, then again, time to paint the ceiling. That second time is refreshing, but my returns are quite literally diminished. By my eighth round before bed, I’m sore and exhausted. Too much of anything is a bad thing. I believe this also applies to work though.
I will spare you another masturbation euphemism and say, from an ex-IB analyst one half year removed: you may be way too deep in the shit to see how bad it is. Maybe you truly love committing 80+ hours a week to ripping out comps, squinting at hand-written comments in attempt to ascertain what your fuck-wit VP scribbled out and modeling asinine zero-probability M&A scenarios. I didn’t, especially at the expense of my health and flexibility of schedule. All I did in banking was work and for that I was a less interesting person. With my additional time I have pursued new sports, started a non-profit, actively managed my PA and traveled the world. I am more focused and effective while on the job because I want to knock out my work and leave to do non-work related activities. I also have more to talk about with co-workers and can relate to more people.
All of your examples are extremes that violate the premise of a work/life balance rather than demonstrate how a balance is bad. Each example you provide is unfulfilling: Unemployment (zero work), codes in a video game (invincibility, unlimited ammo) and IB (little to no leisure). I believe you maximize your utility with a balanced bundle of work and leisure.
With all of this said, I do not regret my two years as an analyst. I paid my dues and earned the right to work less and make more. I would never describe the lifestyle as healthy or ideal though.
Absent the euphemisms, I'd say you're actually making my point.
Sounds like your years in IB were less "balanced" than the majority of analysts I know, but wouldn't you attribute any of the splendor of your "free time" today to its scarcity during your banking years? You say you have a lot of additional time, but it doesn't sound that way to me. Between playing new sports, running a non-profit, managing a personal account, and traveling the world - certainly that must cut down on the amount of "free time" that you have. Compare that to my friend, who works 40 hours per week (35 per his paycheck), has plenty of money, but spends his time curled up on the couch most days watching Netflix, meanwhile complaining about how "much he works". Certainly he has more of what the average person would call a "work/life balance" than a PE associate, yet I wouldn't say his life is "balanced" at all. By no means am I saying that the workload of an IB analyst is the ideal mix, but I know plenty of people that get more value out of the 30 hours of weekly "free time" than others do out of 70.
I don't think I'm making an argument at the extremes. I use the extremes to demonstrate the invalidity of the principle that "more free time will make me happier", while relying on my personal experience with those who have the American Dream of "work/life balance" to argue that no such balance exists.
Perhaps what I'm trying to say is it's not about balancing (which suggests leveling out the quantity of work and life) but rather about blending. Many Americans call working at a non-profit an occupation (or just plain "work"), yet you've implied that it's a beneficial way you've allocated your free time.
I'd say that you have satisfaction with both your life and your work, despite the fact that you have a work profile that would scare the living daylights out of the 40-hour work week.
randomguy: Beautiful post. I
Beautiful post. I was wondering the same thing. I used to be in M&A and I never had a problem working 70 hours a week. Its only when it gets to the 80+ range and of course the occasional 100 hour week did it really get to me since by then sleep gets affected. (Most people average between 6-7 hours of sleep anyway regardless of whether they are bankers or not.)
I am now on the buy side and work about 50-60 hours and honestly some weekdays I have no clue what to do post 8 PM (this is after an hour of gym) not to mention Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I am past the phase when it was cool to drink every night (boring and clearly unhealthy). So now I am on the quest to discover my next productive activity (maybe a book or a charity or some online start up). But yeah work life balance isn't the challenge as much as work life satisfaction is!
Great input, I think we're on the same page. I appreciate hearing you perspective. Glad I'm not the only one trying to muster up something to do when I have some unexpected free time.
I loved this, thank you so
I loved this, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.
Thought this was going to be
Thought this was going to be just another rant...really good post though, enjoyed reading it. You get my last SB.
Stockholm syndrome at it's
Stockholm syndrome at it's finest.
Great post. Oreos made a
Great post. Oreos made a similar comment a few days back and the premise was that basically work is PART of your life so you can't really define anything as a work/life balance.
My view is that lets say for example you work until 9pm and get home at 9:30, bed at 12. That gives you 2.5 hours a day of personal time which you will probably really make the most of (significant other, catching up with friends, etc.). Compare this to the person who gets home at 6 every day, watches about 3-4 hours of TV and spends the rest of it trawling the internet. They have more personal time but is it really more fulfilling? I think not.
See my other WSO blog posts>
I really enjoy my job, it
I really enjoy my job, it gives me a huge amount of satisfaction, I learn a lot and I earn good money (particularly compared to the vast majority of my friends).
That being said, I work to live not live to work. I enjoy my time outside the office more than my time at the office and I dont believe that spending more time in the office would reverse this trend.
Seriously well said. Have one
Seriously well said. Have one of my scarce SB's
I can't remember where I read
Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews
Your perspective will change
Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital
My WSO Blog
Very well said, OP. At the
"My caddie's chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested."
SirTradesaLot: Your
First of all, great thread.
"The banker's greatest enemies are those people whose souls are not for sale, and those who realize that time is a nonrenewable commodity." (Monkey Business)
excellent advice for new
Good stuff. Life is going to
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."- Benjamin Franklin
Good post, but if you have a
God this is like watching a
This is incredibly
pick em, lick em, stick em
SirTradesaLot: Your
NorthSider: SirTradesaLot:
"My caddie's chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested."
NorthSider: SirTradesaLot:
Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital
My WSO Blog
1337: God this is like
"The banker's greatest enemies are those people whose souls are not for sale, and those who realize that time is a nonrenewable commodity." (Monkey Business)
I agree with 1337. Much like
NorthSider: I find that I
Frank Sinatra - "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
Rudi Carell: OP doesn't even
Rudi Carell: OP does nothing
cibo: Stockholm syndrome at
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...
mikesswimn: Whether you
SirTradesaLot: ...but even if
1337: God this is like
"My caddie's chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested."
LBT: I agree with 1337. Much
UFOinsider: cibo: Stockholm
yeahright: Second, unemployed
NorthSider: mikesswimn: Whe
"My caddie's chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested."
OP, I liked your post, and I
mikesswimn: I think you're
Well said OP. I can attest
NorthSider: SirTradesaLot:
Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital
My WSO Blog
Gogoplata: OP, I liked your
Very different when you
SirTradesaLot: The simple
NorthSider: I can say for
Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital
My WSO Blog
SirTradesaLot: NorthSider: