Investment bankers are doing God's work

Investment banking is the only profession that actually makes a positive impact in the world. The goal of investment bankers is to help businesses raise capital, which is God's work.

Proverbs 11:25
"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."

Why are investment banking analysts paid six figures out of college? Because it's God's work.

Why does everyone hate investment banks? - Because they are the most prosperous institutions of all time. Everyone else is jealous that they aren't blessed by God.

God only reserves six figure salaries to fresh grads who he believes will make good citizens, who are bankers. This is in order to share his prosperity to businesses, and keep them successful.

Why does IB have the best exit ops?
- God believes bankers are the only ones who deserve any job they want after leaving.

Why do investment banks exist? They're the only reason the world is stable. If the banks collapse, What happens? We would see massive chaos.

God does not like chaos.

Comments (27)

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Sep 28, 2022 - 4:00am

M&A. We are transforming the world according to the God's plan by working ourselves to death

  • Summer Associate in IB-M&A
Sep 28, 2022 - 7:12pm

@OP, Agreed! Ultimately, the primary goal of every corporate vocation is to aid one's company/clients by increasing their value through efficiencies and profit. Aside from this aspect of the role, investment bankers also have the ability to promote exponential growth (moreso than any consulting or industry employee), and help corporations gain traction with market positioning, global expansion, and in many cases, simply assist by keeping them afloat. In addition to this, bankers have the privilege of creating boundless opportunities for job seekers, and supporting millions of shareholders, pension holders and retirees...

It really doesn't get more impactful than this. The scale of even a small deal, easily beats out any doctors office/private practice.

  • Intern in IB - Cov
Sep 28, 2022 - 11:12pm

In the very rare chance you are actually serious, that mentality makes no sense LOL. I feel like some people genuinely and unironically act like capital markets and M&A activity wouldn't happen without bankers. Sure, bankers make it more efficient (to an extent) but doctors make way more tangible impact. That banker > doctor argument would only make sense provided the bankers were the real ballers calling all the shots. 

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Restr
Sep 28, 2022 - 11:25pm

Most doctors aren't saving lives, so I'm not understanding why you're overly skeptical. The above comment makes total sense. In fact, I'll bet that even a surgeon practicing 10+ years, cannot match the effect of a solid healthcare M&A deal of only 1 year.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Restr
Sep 28, 2022 - 11:19pm

It's sometimes hard to stand back and see the big picture while working through pitchbook comments and performing menial tasks, but you're spot on in your evaluation.

Most Helpful
Sep 29, 2022 - 12:43am
Pussy galore, what's your opinion? Comment below:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "only a little while."

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, and stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed. "I have an MBA from Harvard, and can help you," he said. "You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middle-man, you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening up your own cannery. You could control the product, processing, and distribution," he said. "Of course, you would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles, and eventually to New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "Oh, 15 to 20 years or so."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time was right, you would announce an IPO, and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!"

"Millions – then what?"

The American said, "Then you could retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your amigos."

Funniest
  • Summer Associate in IB-M&A
Sep 29, 2022 - 7:51am

Gods don't just fish for themselves. As for the non-ambitious Mexican fisherman, we call them Big4.

Sep 29, 2022 - 8:06pm
randomdude17, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Bro with the amount of bs'ing you got going on here, perhaps you would fit in better with us over here on the consulting side. Otherwise, the kool-aid is tasty, how much sugar did you add? lol

  • Intern in IB - Cov
Oct 1, 2022 - 12:03am

Why is that? Is it because the deals are actually bad or more so because the buyer just overpays frequently?

Sep 29, 2022 - 6:59pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Quite the opposite actually. Many sell their souls to make coin in this life. 

Array

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  • 1
Oct 4, 2022 - 3:39pm
Amicable Chungus, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Sep 30, 2022 - 1:52pm
TheCleaner, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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