Should I ask for sick leave after being cheated on

I just found out today I’ve been cheated on by my long term girlfriend who I lived with. Turns out she’s been cheating for a few months but she’s only just told me now because she’s fallen out of love for me and she’s fallen in love with him, so she’s leaving me for him.

She says I neglected giving her the attention she needed because I was so focused on work I forgot to do the nice things for her like bring her flowers, or take her out for dinner or to just show her how much I loved her.

Even though I’m so heart broken and haven’t stopped crying, I do forgive her because it’s true my work hours in IBD were bad and because we lived together I kept thinking in my head “it’s fine, ill make it up to her next time”. Plus, I was planning to quit my job once bonus comes at the end of this year to find a more chilled job so I could spend more time with her, I truly am ready to leave IBD and that was my plan so I was just holding out until then. But now I won’t have the chance because she said its too late she has already lost interest in me and loves him.

But this guy is a software engineer at a FAANG company earning $1m a year whilst only having to work 9-5 so he’s richer and has more free time to give her attention. Actually she said he only works around 3 hours per day , he does around 1 hour in morning then 2 hours after lunch and for the rest of the day he’s free to spend time with her, and his company doesn’t notice or mind. So this guy earns almost 3x my compensation for only 3 hours a day meanwhile I’m working 12 hours a day 

She would sneak out whilst I was at work to go on dates with him or round his house and then she would come back to my home in my bed in time for when I arrived from work so I wouldn’t notice. 

————-

Now I feel really broken, I’m in no mental state to be working I can’t think about anything else I have deadline for work today and I’m just sat here crying writing this post on WSO about her. I know men are meant to be strong and hold our emotions together but I really am sad.

i want to ask for 1 week sick leave at work but I don’t know if this normal and acceptable to do? Given most 1 week sick leave would be for grievances like the death of a loved one etc.

or am I being a cry baby and I should man up and continue to work? 

 

What years of debugging shit code will do to a man

The important thing is never to let oneself be guided by the opinion of one's contemporaries; to continue steadfastly on one's way without letting oneself be either defeated by failure or diverted by applause.
 

You gotta get it back in blood and be a rainmaker MD now

 

had something similar happen and felt at an all time low. I powered through the few staffings I was on but my work product 100% suffered and in hindsight, I wish I took off even 1-2 days in the beginning. Shit sucks but trust me, it gets 100x better. Life is too short to let some girl make us second guess our career ambition/choices

 

I understand that you do not feel the best which is reasonable and you're not being a crybaby. I think it's better to take 1-2 days off rather than a week, as when you have nothing to do it'll make you even more sad. 

I would also recommend talk to a professional because we all react to these things differently, and a professional might help you better on how to process it. 

 

Sorry to hear that man. Take just a day, go for a long and swift walk outside, go see a close friend in person, meditate etc. The world won’t fall apart without you for one day. Email your immediate superior and say “I have to attend to a serious family matter today, will be back online tomorrow.” If you kill it the day after and the rest of this week (use it as fire to fuel you) they’ll forget it even happened.

I had to let go of a long term relationship last year - was with an unfaithful and vindictive chaotic mess of a woman who turned around and attempted to get me arrested when I wanted her gone - and it’s pushed me into the best most clear state of mind I’ve ever had. I have never had as much focus or drive. Never enjoyed life so purely as I do without the burden that she was.

 

Fr if some tech dork earning $1M took my girl I'm dropping everything to be a killer in the industry

 

When through the same in the past. What a blessing it was and now I’m happier than ever. You should thank god. Could have happened sooner or later. She either loves you or not, if she was the one she should have understood and love you unconditionally. Now focus on your self, make money, work out, invest in your self, have some fun during summer and when the time comes your true soulmate will come and you will forget this sl**t in a second. 
 

P.s 

She will come back running, be prepared to send her ass back where she came from.

 

I’m sorry u have to go through this man. Been in your spot before and it derailed me for many months. It sucks especially when the dude makes more than you, that’s like the biggest ‘fuck you’ anyone can get. But u need to take this time to ask urself why ib, why ur working these long hours and what ur goals are. We can talk over pm if u need

 

Everything is case by case but for the most part, I'd highly recommend against taking any kind of leave over this.  It will only leave you with more regret.

She is trash, and she wasted your time and no doubt a lot of your money as well.  Don't let her take more from you by denting your standing at work.

Just find someone better.  That really is the only option here.

 
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Non-finance advice here. Cheaters will blame you for everything to absolve themselves from guilt. She did 50 things wrong here and you’re the one forgiving her?? She lied to you for months, and then when it was finally over she assured that she did no wrong because she “wasn’t getting the attention she needed”. You need to seriously man the fuck up, kick this thot to the curb, block her on everything and never ever allow someone to make you forgive such disrespect.

You’re in a highly competitive and stressful industry. Did she help you there while you were stressed out at work? No she fucked someone else. Fuck her man. FUCK HER. Stop looking at things from her lens. She blamed you for everything to rationalize her shitty behavior.

To answer your question, take sometime to recharge and lick your wounds so it doesn’t impact your performance. You need to go to work with a clear mind. Even book a vacation if you have time take the time to recharge.

Maybe get some therapy as well because you’re showing signs of codependency. You’ll be fine man. Just please don’t rationalize shitty behaviour from shitty people.

 

Betrayal is the kind of thing that can ruin your life if you allow the emotions to take control. Whether it’s trust issues in future relationships, wasting time trying to get back together with her, or turning to coping mechanisms, there are many pitfalls in front of you right now that you may need to address. The emotions are normal and human; nothing to feel weird or ashamed of.

Take whatever time you need to work through the emotions so you don’t fall into something that could hurt you even worse. Then use the experience to grow as a person so you’re ready to carry on with your life and find someone who will treat you right.

 
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Holy shit - no wonder people say investment bankers are socially awkward. Hilarious this troll is garnering so much sympathy. First comments nails it, stealth tech vs IB post haha.

 

Lol.  Imagine the setting, a deep betrayal by your live-in long-term girlfriend, you're on the couch trying to process while she's packing up her things:

her: "he's a software engineer at a FAANG company"

**WALKS PAST WITH PACKED TOILETRIES**

her: "He makes $1m a year, only works 9-5"

**HANGERS RUSTLING IN THE CLOSET**

her: "Actually its only like 3 hours a day"

**DUFFLEBAG ZIPPERS OPENING AND CLOSING**

her: "I mean really, its 1 hour in the morning, and 2 hours after lunch"

**THROUGH THE SOUND OF WHIMPERS**

he: "... and his company doesn't notice or mind???"

 

Haha the nerds over at blind are getting creative by larping as alpha males

 

Make up a family death and take a week off. Sucks bro.

I had a devastating break up once and took me like a year and a half to start to recover.

In times like this, always remember what Chris brown said, “These hoes ain’t loyal.”

 

I am sorry this happened - take time off to heal, focus on your hobbies, join a charity, etc. Remember when Vegeta was going through a tough time, he went to the gym and became a super saiyan. 

 

I would take time off.

At the very least you are going to need time to figure out new living arrangements (or get her stuff out of yours).

Hit the gym, eat healthy, surround yourself with friends, go scortched earth no contact (block on everything). Maybe book a trip for yourself.

 

AKA the "fordbidden pre-workout".

I know it hurts (she's a demon btw), it happened to me too years ago. But this unfortunate event is best used as fuel to hit the gym and become the best man that you are capable of. Don't chase leisure or free time "to get your mind off things" - use this as a motivator to really push yourself and wake up.

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."
 

Hey man, I am very sorry - breakups are extremely painful, and it's even worse getting cheated on. I went through a similar situation, so I know how terrible you're feeling at the moment. The best advice I can give you is to channel your sadness into something constructive and use it as fuel to achieve your goals and become a better person. Stay busy, avoid talking to her if possible, and just grind. You're going to be in pain for a while; it's not fun, but if you can hang in there and turn all that trauma and sadness towards something productive, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you!

Also, once you're feeling ready and you start dating other women, you will realize she was not that special.