Breaking News: New Alexey Vayner?

The new Aleksey Vayner has just hit Wall Street. I don't know how to upload files nor have the time to do so but there is an applicant from the University of Florida who recently applied to Goldman Sachs. Typical story right? Unfortunately his resume and cover letter were so unique that this forwarded email has been making the rounds at all the banks.

Anyone who is employed right now, please check your emails or ask your fellow employees to forward it to you.

Cover Letter:
My name is [name redacted]. As of this moment you probably have never heard of me before and I accept that, but in five years you will look back unable to imagine life without me. My desire to succeed in the investment industry is beyond comparison and I will not stop working towards this goal until the day my heart stops beating. I would love to say my parents or teachers in the past taught me the value of investments and the proper ways to handle them at a young age, but this would not be the truth. The truth is my mind created the concept before I was even old enough to understand it. At age 6, I would buy candy from Sam's Club wholesale and trade it in the lunchroom for items several times its value. At age 11, I purchased a $180 TV for my brother and charged him $10 a week for 25 weeks. Even as I write this letter, I'm getting phone calls and text messages from people asking what stocks I put my money in today and where they should put theirs tomorrow. This is the life I live every day but I don't want to stay like this forever, I want to learn and I don't want to settle. Goldman Sachs is where I want to work and there's no alternative in my mind. Allow me this opportunity and I will be the best investor you have ever seen. I will work non stop to make sure Goldman Sachs stays on top for as long as I breathe. I'm not asking you to do this for me, I'm asking you to do this for us.

I do not quit. I will achieve greatness. To me, failure is an opportunity to do better next time and a lesson learned. I do not work for status or prestige, I believe that the only way to true success is perfecting the arts of communication and efficiency both in and out of the workplace. I listen before I judge and I think before I speak; it is these qualities that make up my character and allow me to perform the tasks I take on with greater efficiency than others. Time is precious, sacred perhaps; it is one thing we can never get back and one thing I do not intend to waste. I work well even in an atmosphere of urgency and still understand the important of patience. I am forever learning and I sincerely hope in the near future we can begin to learn from one another.

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Comments (70)

Jan 22, 2010 - 6:16pm

*Subject: *Fw: As you requested

This kid is ridic

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


*From: *XXXXXX

*Date: *Fri, 22 Jan 2010 13:56:24 -0500

*To: *XXXXXXXXXXX; [email protected]

*Subject: *FW: As you requested

From:XXXXXXXXXXX
Sent: Friday, January 22, 2010 1:11 PM
To:XXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: FW: As you requested

check it out. I think u guys should hire this guy haha

  • *

  • *

XXXXXXXXXXX | ECCD Operate - NewYork team | 383 Madison Avenue, Floor 4,
New York | XXXXXXXXXXX | [email protected] |

From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Friday, January 22, 2010 1:00 PM
To: XXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Fwd: As you requested

XXXXXXXXXXX

Begin forwarded message:

From: "XXXXXXXXXXX "
Date: January 22, 2010 12:55:24 PM EST
To: "'XXXXXXXXXXX'" ,
"'[email protected]'"
, "XXXXXXXXXXX'" , "'
XXXXXXXXXXX" ,
"'[email protected]'"

Subject: FW: As you requested

i like him, he seems pretty chill


From: XXXXXXXXXXX [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 11:26 PM
To: XXXXXXXXXXX [ICG-GBKG]; [email protected]; XXXXXXXXXXX
[ICG-GBKG]; [email protected]; [email protected]Evercore.com; [email protected];
[email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Fw: As you requested

Ahh .. reading it actually gives me the chills

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom

01/21/2010 03:21 PM

To

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected]

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested


XXXXXXXXXXX
Financial Institutions Group
Deutsche Bank Securities Inc.
60 Wall Street, 11th Floor
New York, N.Y. 10005
Tel XXXXXXXXXXX
Fax XXXXXXXXXXX
[email protected]
----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom on 01/21/2010 03:21 PM -----

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected]

01/21/2010 03:18 PM

To

[email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested

assuming you guys got this
*
XXXXXXXXXXX*
Deutsche Bank Securities
Financial Institutions Group
60 Wall Street, 11th Floor | New York, NY 10005
Office: XXXXXXXXXXX | Mobile: XXXXXXXXXXX | Fax: XXXXXXXXXXX
[email protected]
----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom on 01/21/2010 03:18 PM -----

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom

01/21/2010 01:55 PM

To

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested


XXXXXXXXXXX
Deutsche Bank Securities Inc.
Global Banking - Financial Institutions Group
60 Wall Street, 11th Floor
New York, NY 10005

(O) : XXXXXXXXXXX
(C) : XXXXXXXXXXX

[email protected]

----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom on 01/21/2010 01:49 PM -----

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom

01/21/2010 01:42 PM

To

XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom, XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom, XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom,
XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected],
XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected],
XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected]

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested

papa bear, your duty to forward to all 1st years

Best,

XXXXXXXXXXX
Leveraged Finance
Deutsche Bank
60 Wall Street
New York, NY 10005
Tel: XXXXXXXXXXX
Fax: XXXXXXXXXXX
Cell: XXXXXXXXXXX
----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/db/dbcom on 01/21/2010 01:41 PM -----

*XXXXXXXXXXX *

01/21/2010 01:27 PM

To

[email protected]baml.com, XXXXXXXXXXX/db/[email protected], [email protected],
[email protected], [email protected], [email protected],
[email protected], [email protected],
[email protected]

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested

This kid is going to be a legend...

----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/JEFCO on 01/21/2010 01:25 PM -----

*

XXXXXXXXXXX/JEFCO*

01/21/2010 01:21 PM

To

XXXXXXXXXXX/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXXt/[email protected], XXXXXXXXXXX/[email protected]

cc

Subject

Fw: As you requested

wow.

XXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXX
Technology Group
Investment Banking Department

Jefferies & Company, Inc.
520 Madison Avenue, 7th Floor
New York, NY 10022
Office: XXXXXXXXXXX
Mobile: XXXXXXXXXXX
Fax: XXXXXXXXXXX
Email: [email protected]Jefferies.com
----- Forwarded by XXXXXXXXXXX/JEFCO on 01/21/2010 01:21 PM -----

*

*

01/21/2010 12:37 PM

To

cc

Subject

FW: As you requested


From: XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK) *
Sent:* Thursday, January 21, 2010 12:10 PM*
To:* XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK)*
Subject:* FW: As you requested

omg..............


From: XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK) *
Sent:* Thursday, January 21, 2010 11:48 AM*
To:* XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK)*
Subject:* FW: As you requested


From: XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK) *
Sent:* Thursday, January 21, 2010 11:45 AM*
To:* XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK); XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK)*
Subject:* FW: As you requested

this is amazing


From: XXXXXXXXXXX [mailto:[email protected]] *
Sent:* Thursday, January 21, 2010 10:58 AM*
To:* XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK); XXXXXXXXXXX (IBD); XXXXXXXXXXX: IBD (NYK)*
Subject:* FW: As you requested

Pls read the cover letter...

______________________________________________ *
From: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Sent: * Thursday, January 21, 2010 10:49 AM *
To: * XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX*
Subject: * FW: As you requested

How are is IU going to compete with studs like this?

______________________________________________ *
From: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Sent: * Wednesday, January 20, 2010 8:48 PM *
To: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Subject: * FW: As you requested

Here is a sampling of the high quality recruits we are pulling from UF.
Courtesy of Sumeet.
>

______________________________________________ *
From: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Sent: * Wednesday, January 20, 2010 8:38 PM *
To: * XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX; XXXXXXXXXXX *
Subject: * FW: As you requested

______________________________________________ *
From: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Sent: * Wednesday, January 20, 2010 8:36 PM *
To: * XXXXXXXXXXX *
Subject: * As you requested

I assume you will be forwarding around so I blacked out his contact info.

____________________________________________ *
Goldman, Sachs & Co.*
85 Broad Street | New York, NY 10004
Tel: XXXXXXXXXXX | Fax: XXXXXXXXXXX
E-mail: [email protected] *
* *
XXXXXXXXXXX* * Goldman *
Investment Banking Division* Sachs*
Financial Institutions Group


Jan 22, 2010 - 6:20pm

LET THE LEGEND OF JEREMY KING BEGIN

========================================= We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria
Jan 22, 2010 - 6:22pm

Epic. People love GOLDMAN

--- There's Goldman and then there's everything else.
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Jan 22, 2010 - 6:35pm
1styearBanker:
You're right, I'll edit. There were also more hilarious comments later on but I had to protect my bank colleague's privacy.

I edited out all the contact/personal details of those who forwarded it, please remember to take them out yourself next time.

Jan 22, 2010 - 6:27pm

BANK OF AMERICA SUCKSSSSSSS. brb, going to get some checks from BAML

--- There's Goldman and then there's everything else.
  • 3
Jan 22, 2010 - 6:28pm

thats funny but i would seriously take all those names off the chain emails. i think my cover letters pretty crazy too

Attached is my resumé. I strongly believe that I can contribute my prior investment banking experience and analytical skills to your firm. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Jan 22, 2010 - 6:31pm

"Even as I write this letter, I'm getting phone calls and text messages from people asking what stocks I put my money in today and where they should put theirs tomorrow. This is the life I live every day but I don't want to stay like this forever"

Hahahaha.

Jan 22, 2010 - 6:33pm

whats with these lunatic state school kids?

"I'm not asking you to do this for me, I'm asking you to do this for us." = the best and creepiest line ever from a cover letter

Also, 1styearbanker, what's with all the funky, non-traditional last names ending in vowels on that e-mail chain? is this investment banking or retail at banana republic?

Jan 22, 2010 - 7:37pm

Dis all you want, but the kid has some writing talent.

__________ Just my 2c.
Best Response
Jan 22, 2010 - 8:09pm
lorican:
Dis all you want, but the kid has some writing talent.

Incorrect. Part of it lacks subject-verb agreement--something I find completely unacceptable in a covering letter. I also don't like the cadence, and the tone is clearly F'ed. Most of (good) writing is understanding your audience. Do you think anyone reading his covering letter is going to give him an interview? My old boss (a serious asshole and Sr. MD) sent me this e-mail as a joke. I didn't even think it was real until my two housemates from GS sent it to me. No one is taking him seriously. Why? Because this kid isn't going to want to get me coffee and lunch (sometimes breakfast). He's not going to want to run the P&L, get in before everyone, turn on their computers, and sign-in all of the necessary programmes. But that's the job of a first-year trader (at least for the first 6 months).

What he should have is, "I will suck on your hang-dang for a chance to work at GS." Instead, he wrote, "I think there's a good chance that you're going to want to blow me. Oh, and also give me a job at GS." If he interviewed with us, I would have him write a new covering letter on the spot before we even started speaking.

Jan 22, 2010 - 8:04pm

Not really all that funny and not similar to Vayner and Jeffrey Chiang at all. Those two blatantly lied on their applications.

This is just a poor state school sap trying to make it in the big leagues. I commend him for his effort and impeccable college admissions essay writing skills.

Jan 22, 2010 - 8:14pm
RKBanker:
Well...I searched for his facebook profile. I can't find it. Poor kid.

It's definitely up there.

-------------------------------------------------------- "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcom
Jan 22, 2010 - 9:29pm

HAHA, why on earth do people do this. He should spend his time trying to get extra internships and network his ass off. Sending this pretty much ruined his chance to work for Goldman and now he is the laughing stock of arguably the largest investment banking message board online. Sounds like this kid is more stock jockey than Ibanker. Should of talked about getting an erection doing excel modeling or something.

  • 1
Jan 23, 2010 - 12:47am

I had completely forgotten about that cover letter. I knew i didn't stand a chance by just applying online and I have no family in any type of banking so I figured as long as I was dreaming I might as well dream big. You all might be upset to know that the rest of my cover letters were much more toned down and for those of you who also saw my resume, it's not quite as ridiculous anymore either. Obviously I did not get an interview at Goldman and at the time I wrote that letter, I was definitely more of a stock jockey than a true investor and truly thought my short term gains were sustainable in the long run. I'm not quite as naive now as I was then which is good, but at the time I was averaging 13% a week gains and feeling pretty invincible, which explains why I got a little cockier than usual. Reading over it now I did seem a bit crazy, but when 2009 started i had nothing and now I don't even need to work (although I still do) so I guess that craziness did something for me. And the jeremy king project thing was an inside joke from a music theory class in high school. If you have any more questions you can just message me on facebook as so many of you already have.

Jan 23, 2010 - 7:01pm
jeremyking:
I had completely forgotten about that cover letter. I knew i didn't stand a chance by just applying online and I have no family in any type of banking so I figured as long as I was dreaming I might as well dream big. You all might be upset to know that the rest of my cover letters were much more toned down and for those of you who also saw my resume, it's not quite as ridiculous anymore either. Obviously I did not get an interview at Goldman and at the time I wrote that letter, I was definitely more of a stock jockey than a true investor and truly thought my short term gains were sustainable in the long run. I'm not quite as naive now as I was then which is good, but at the time I was averaging 13% a week gains and feeling pretty invincible, which explains why I got a little cockier than usual. Reading over it now I did seem a bit crazy, but when 2009 started i had nothing and now I don't even need to work (although I still do) so I guess that craziness did something for me. And the jeremy king project thing was an inside joke from a music theory class in high school. If you have any more questions you can just message me on facebook as so many of you already have.

seriously? seriously? clowns like you really think you are something else.... go rent out some tvs

"The higher up the mountain, the more treacherous the path" -Frank Underwood
  • 3
Jan 23, 2010 - 1:19am

Does anyone else think this could be a joke? Like, a really really well done satire? The sheer insanity of the cover letter and resume mission statement is insane. Beyond that, the insanity of those compared to the mediocre (blah) work experience makes it seem too funny to be true.

At least, I hope.

Jan 23, 2010 - 1:35am

I thought these types of applications were confidential no? Why are applications being leaked? I don't think this kid did anything wrong. Sure he wrote a horrible cover letter and resume but come on this is getting out of hand.

KICKIN ASS AND TAKING NAMES
Jan 23, 2010 - 3:21am

props to jeremy (if thats him) for acknowledging everything and taking it in stride

and SATs arent the be all and end all, its one exam when youre in 11th grade it shouldnt matter nearly as much as it should (full disclosure - i got >2300 so not speaking in self interest)

Jan 23, 2010 - 3:43am

i had the flu when i took the sat, but my score got me the scholarship i needed so i just went with it. by the time i got to college i no longer had the flu, hence the gpa. and i work pretty hard, if you want i can send you a copy of a cover letter i once wrote to goldman sachs talking about how hard i work.

Jan 23, 2010 - 4:10am
jeremyking:
if you want i can send you a copy of a cover letter i once wrote to goldman sachs talking about how hard i work.

To me this provees that its not him

Reality hits you hard, bro...
Jan 23, 2010 - 11:50am

If that was my letter someone would be getting sued out the ass.

-------------------------------------------------------- "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcom
Jan 23, 2010 - 12:14pm

I'm still not even convinced that Jeremy King is real. Something is fishy about this whole thing.

With that said. I do not quit. I will achieve greatness.

Jan 23, 2010 - 12:50pm

A few things... take someone like Alex Vaynard, his application was egregious and arguably he is/was in need of serious psychological help. He never had a shot in hell in landing a job in IBD.

This kid, sans his complete cluelessness, could have eventually gotten there. I was at one point pretty naive too, albeit not like this, but still I eventually learned how to play the game and cracked into the field.

This guy, I would say could do it. If he legally changes his name, gets some career coaching, he has a good shot at getting a job.

So the point of all these statements is that Jeremy, without all this ridicule HAD the opportunity to one day land this job. And now he does not. In fact, he may just be precluded from a lot of jobs, not just one at GS, or one on Wall Street, as a result of all this attention. He would have a decent case to come up with a 6, possibly 7 figure lawsuit and tack on a 7+ figure claim for punitive damages. If he's lucky he can get it tried in Florida with a jury trial, which I'm sure would be less than sympathetic to a New York Wall Street investment bank, which happens to be called Goldman Sachs. Obviously it will never even make it this far, in my opinion, this kid can literally get a multi-million dollar settlement.

Array
  • 3
Jan 23, 2010 - 2:24pm
GoodBread:
With the way he invests, I give him three years to get on the Forbes list with the money from the settlement.

Haha nice.

I agree with Marcus, this guy should be able to sue them. It's also not cool of the guys in the bank to forward this around with the applicant's name knowing it will ruin him forever. They should be fired for that.

Jan 23, 2010 - 1:03pm

I feel bad for the guy. Coming out of a non-target, I've also blindly submitted apps online, and rarely do I think twice about my cover letter. I assume no one is even going to look at my resume, much less actually go through the cover letter. Hopefully the guy is able to bounce back, although with his resume, I don't think he had much of a shot to begin with.

Jan 24, 2010 - 10:42am
WallStreetOasis.com:
We will be making an exclusive interview with Jeremy King live tomorrow night on WSO (hopefully) so he can tell his side of the story. We'll try to get audio and text up.

Stay Tuned,
Patrick

How do we tune in?

You know you've been working too hard when you stop dreaming about bottles of champagne and hordes of naked women, and start dreaming about conditional formatting and circular references.
Jan 24, 2010 - 3:02pm
Zweihander:
WallStreetOasis.com:
We will be making an exclusive interview with Jeremy King live tomorrow night on WSO (hopefully) so he can tell his side of the story. We'll try to get audio and text up.

Stay Tuned,
Patrick

How do we tune in?

We will try to get an audio file and some text up on the home page tonight. I'm going to call him to get his side of the story tonight.

Jan 23, 2010 - 7:14pm

How do we know if it's really him?

-------------------------------------------------- "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do NOT do that thing." -Dwight Schrute, "The Office"-
Jan 23, 2010 - 7:41pm
WallStreetOasis.com:
BespokeAnalyst2010:
How do we know if it's really him?

One of my sales guy that helps me with licensing the guides is a senior at UF and contacted him directly. We said we'd be willing to give him a forum to express his side of the story and he accepted.

I guess it's only fair then. I personally thought that he was just f*cking around with GS. Would love to hear what he has to say about this situation. Kudos to WSO for setting this up.

-------------------------------------------------- "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do NOT do that thing." -Dwight Schrute, "The Office"-
  • 1
Jan 24, 2010 - 9:51am

I think this is a joke. The identifier on facebook profile "the jeremy king project" isnt what somebody would put on their own page. I actually think this resume was submitted exactly to get this response, which is of course just as condescending and snobbish as would be expected of a group of goldman investment banking tools. I think the only people who might end up getting hurt by this are the idiots who forwarded the resume around the bank.

Jan 24, 2010 - 5:38pm
1styearBanker:
Please ask him why he's such a dick to his brother to charge him for TV. That shit is unbelievable to go to a family member every week to demand 10 bucks, I would've slapped him in the face and ridiculed him for going to UF.

agreed. ripping off your own brother is bad, but BRAGGING about it to Goldman Sachs is idiotic.

Jan 25, 2010 - 5:23pm
1styearBanker:
Please ask him why he's such a dick to his brother to charge him for TV. That shit is unbelievable to go to a family member every week to demand 10 bucks, I would've slapped him in the face and ridiculed him for going to UF.

Actually, I know his brother. Here's what happened: the one who sold his TV received $180 upfront which he subsequently loaned to a third brother receiving $13 a week for 25 weeks in return. Knowing the third brother would default, brother 2 bought CDS on B3 from Jeremy at a price inconsistent with the level of risk of B3. So Jeremy got fucked big time in the trade IMO.

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