High Maintenance Wife/Girlfriend

How do you go about a high maintenance wife or girlfriend? I'm talking about someone who buys a designer bag every other month, flies first class wherever she goes, and stays at 5 star hotels during semi-annual exotic overseas trips.

Do you get tired of spending money on her or do you feel accomplished?

Comments (113)

  • Intern in PE - Growth
Jan 22, 2021 - 11:56am

My gf has some high maintenance tendencies, but after I made very clear to her that financial prudency makes me harder than the interview process for white non-targets at Goldman, she promised to control herself.

  • Associate 1 in IB - Ind
Jan 22, 2021 - 12:04pm

Set the parameters early and don't be flashy/tacky yourself. If you try to attract women with your bank account don't expect them to be in it for your personality and loyalty.

Most Helpful
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jan 22, 2021 - 3:37pm

LMAO. The chief liberal-in-charge at WSO is LITERALLY a SIMP. Does she give you the coochie once a month in exchange for your wallet? Holy shit this is gold.

Jan 22, 2021 - 3:50pm

Lol chill man. Let's put politics aside for a second. I'm not a simp. We are getting married. I just make more money than she does and she kinda drives what we spend on. It's not like we spend on things I completely don't want.

Jan 24, 2021 - 11:10am


Lol chill man. Let's put politics aside for a second. I'm not a simp. We are getting married. I just make more money than she does and she kinda drives what we spend on. It's not like we spend on things I completely don't want.

Any rational human knows that this is not a political topic.  However, you have been branded with the Scarlet L and as a result, anything you say will be viewed with skepticism.  That is just the way it works here. With that said, some of your comments have not been at a very high level, so some of the trash talking is warranted. 

If you have conservative views, you do not have to work very hard here to be appreciated.  If you have been labeled as an L, the MS will fly...better duck.  The reality here is that most Ls are just anti Trump.  They are not trying to turn WSO into a socialist website because they are capitalists at the core who happen to have liberal views.  At least you post stuff under your username.  Ironically, a few of the people giving you shit, are posting anonymously. To me, doing this is is more simpish than anything you have said. 


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Jan 24, 2021 - 4:25pm


LMAO. The chief liberal-in-charge at WSO is LITERALLY a SIMP. Does she give you the coochie once a month in exchange for your wallet? Holy shit this is gold.

Prospect Prays to a self-tanning, diaper wearing ogre that pays 6 figures to get laid by burnt out p-stars and pays 7 figures and arranges visa for Russian mail order bride.   
Repub party once again - the greatest hypocrisy, SIMP level infinity +

Jan 24, 2021 - 6:41pm



LMAO. The chief liberal-in-charge at WSO is LITERALLY a SIMP. Does she give you the coochie once a month in exchange for your wallet? Holy shit this is gold.

Prospect Prays to a self-tanning, diaper wearing ogre that pays 6 figures to get laid by burnt out p-stars and pays 7 figures and arranges visa for Russian mail order bride.   
Repub party once again - the greatest hypocrisy, SIMP level infinity +

+1.   These clowns are giving him shit him mainly because they think he is a liberal.  And they say liberals have no tolerance for other views... They do not even have tolerance for other people.    Dude, has been an agitator but he has not exactly been espousing all all these socialist views.  From what I can tell, he is basically anti Trump and willing to say it.  


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  • VP in IB - Ind
Jan 22, 2021 - 3:44pm

Why would funding the irrational spending of an adult child make you feel accomplished? Maybe take a journey inward, young simp 

  • Associate 1 in IB - Restr
Jan 22, 2021 - 4:28pm

I think social media, particularly IG and YouTube, are extremely toxic and have created a demographic of people who are entitled and largely out of touch with reality. In my personal experience, this is far worse with girls as there are tons of "influencers" who have built following bases off content that is primarily superficial and materialistic in nature. I see my sister sit on IG and YouTube all day watching these idiots talk about what luxury handbag they just bought or what $5000 earrings they just received as a gift. I know this is only one example, but it seems like an alarming amount of millennial/gen z girls are like this as well. The problem is that normal people aren't like this. They can't afford or rationalize spending what I consider to be a ridiculous amount of money on meaningless shit. I get everyone is allowed to do what they please with the cash they have, but when it is highly suggested of me to buy a Chanel purse as a valentines day gift as a junior employee, I just don't get it. 

  • VP in IB - Ind
Jan 22, 2021 - 5:16pm

I have a lot of opinions on this topic since my ex was like that. Always looking at $5k bags and impulse buying $800 shoes because she "felt bad today" while making like $90k a year at almost 30 years old.

If you qualify for low income housing in NYC with nothing saved, you should NOT be buying designer anything, regularly eating at Michelin starred places or going on multiple nice ass vacations a year. This is not even me being an out of touch finance dude or anti-"FOMO" (which is an absolutely ridiculous concept), it is common sense.

People who do shit like that have severe issues with delayed gratification and trust that you do not want that shit in your life. Reinforce that bad behavior now and you'll be chained to it for life because the demands will only get crazier and more illogical while the plans to fund them will remain nonexistent. 

  • Intern in Consulting
Jan 22, 2021 - 8:22pm

Here's my hot take.  Call me sexist all you want, but I definitely think this could be at play here.

Men are expected to be able to lead a household one day.  I (a man) was raised like this.  My dad encouraged me to set up a Roth retirement account at 18, pick a major/career that pays well, and I was educated on investing/saving and the dangers of overspending on material things.

Women, on the other hand, do not have this societal expectation (I'm not saying all women will leech off their man- many women are very successful!!).  Therefore, women can buy expensive things they want because, subconsciously, they know they will one day meet a guy who will be the primary breadwinner.  They are not focusing on long-term finances.  That can also be why a lot of women pick softer majors, like sociology, English, psych, etc.... Long term earnings savings are not as significant of a factor for women because they can always 'meet a guy.'

Jan 23, 2021 - 2:00pm

This is a real, true post many people should be exposed to.  Many people in today's society, are like this.  I know many people in a broad social circle going to many vacations, spending on enormous amounts of luxury goods.  

As someone who is rebuilding their habits and wealth from a later age, what are good habits to build on?

Jan 26, 2021 - 4:25pm

Very well said. Consumerism is such a disease, and the fact of the matter is that women drive most of the consumerism in our economy and the big companies know this. That's why social media, magazines, radio shows, what have you all target millennial women and make them feel like they "need" that 5k handbag. It's such a scam, and there's no way I could be in a relationship with a person like that, because excessive fluff spending is honestly a disease. Very hard to break out of that cycle of needless spending.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jan 22, 2021 - 8:56pm

You do you man. It's your money and you can do what you'd like with it. If you don't like her materialism then I think you should have the self-respect to move on and date someone that aligns with your values. If you genuinely like this aspect of your relationship then nobody can talk you out of it anyhow. I personally find responsibility (fiscal or otherwise) attractive and an important trait in women I'd like to date but to each his own. 

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jan 22, 2021 - 10:06pm

of course this guys a simp. what a fucking joke. Sumerian how about you get off this website and prep yourself for the inevitable divorce you worthless piece of shit

Jan 22, 2021 - 10:14pm

I appreciate the opinions from those guys above, but you are an idiot. I sincerely wish your marriage with your ugly ass wife last forever.

Jan 22, 2021 - 11:01pm

This is like a homeless guy asking for advice on how to best take care of his Porsche 911.

Go, Go, Excel

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jan 23, 2021 - 12:28pm

Why would you date someone like that? My gf likes designer stuff and shops quite a bit but she's a lawyer and has her own disposable income. As long as she's putting away savings we agreed on then she can spend her "play money" however she wants. No way I would date someone who wants to blow my money on useless stuff like purses.

  • Incoming Analyst in IB-M&A
Jan 23, 2021 - 4:46pm

This makes sense - just on a side note, is it common/easy to set financial goals with your SO? At what point in a long-term relationship do you think it makes sense to "agree" on savings goals/financial things?

Jan 25, 2021 - 4:36am

Good question. Curious what others say. In my experience you will find out where she stands on spending/saving habits within the first few months. Whether it's possible to change those habits, I don't know.

Jan 29, 2021 - 11:20am

No way I would date someone who wants to blow my money on useless stuff like purses.

I sort of agree with the rest of it, but this is a dumb take.  Why is a purse any more useless than... well, anything?  If it gives someone confidence and makes them feel good to have a designer handbag, that's worth something.  I bought myself a leather briefcase a couple years ago and spent an exorbitant amount of money on that, because I like the way it looks and I use it every day.  And it's made well, so I'm not super concerned about durability.  All of those arguments are equally applicable to a purse (especially since a briefcase is basically just a male purse).

Nothing wrong with buying nice things, as long as you can afford it.

Jan 23, 2021 - 1:07pm

You would better off posting this topic for your peeps and these people are not them. Dude, some of these people are toxic and the sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.  

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Jan 23, 2021 - 3:25pm

I'll provide a slightly different take / comment / context to put things in perspective for you Sumerian

  • Why is she spending your money at all?  Is this an implicit agreement between the two of you?  She gets to spend like a drunk and you get what?  Company?  Gonzo Sex?  Love?

  • Commentary:  I guarantee you that my wife has / will spent more money in the last 2+ decades than yours ever will in the next 6.  The main difference?  She bought a house (and didn't tell me), two cars, help out her parents, new furniture, polo clothes for the kids, $2,000+ strollers, etc.  What did she NOT buy was diamonds, handbags, shoes, designer clothes (fancy, yes), or spa days, etc..  Yes, when we go on vacation, it is first class (loved those cruise ships 3,000 sqft owners suite)

  • She has also been through three massive recessions (fourth coming) with me and has never once complained when the profits dry up, when we have to move from NYC to the Midwest, or eating Ramen every once in a while raising 5 kids.  Will your significant other be able to handle that?  Can you turn off the spigot and will she stay?

  • Would you trust her to manage ALL of your finances?  Do you think you would end up with 3 more mink coats, and 50 more Instagram posts?

  • It's NOT about being a simp (as others on here are saying).  If taking care of your family, with your wife able to stay home and BE A MOTHER, is being a simp, then sign me up for the label.  If that same mother has two nannies, then yes, you are

So what am I trying to convey in this short note?.

  • NO one is here to judge.  If this is OK for you, then please enjoy the benefits you receive.

  • You have to look at yourself FIRST, to determine what YOU want.

  • You have to make a stand against her spending and realize that you are more than likely pulling the pin on the relationship and you have posted here looking for support and clarity.

Now go get back your life, Sumerian.  You deserve it.



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Jan 23, 2021 - 7:55pm

There is a difference between a wife/gf who spends a lot of money because she feels like it as opposed to if she is just accustomed to it because she was raised rich. My experience is that the latter is a very different situation because you are basically trading cash flow for balance sheet / assets. It may mean you pay for the bulk of your combined life, but it also means you have access to her family's country house / Caribbean villa / Ski chalet / generous rich parents / whatever else that entails. For what it's worth, the latter category also tends to have very interesting people with interesting experiences / friends / ideas for how to have fun. In that situation, I would think of it less as spending money and more like paying the price of admission to a fun life. 

It goes without saying that a lot of people on this site are young and just haven't had the experiences yet and when they get into their 30s they will have a bit more perspective on how nothing is ever black and white and case-by-case becomes much more important. 

Jan 23, 2021 - 9:17pm

Thank you man, this is spot on. My original post didn't paint the full picture. My fiancee comes from a decently well off family. By her college graduation she had traveled to 30+ countries and she was very knowledgeable about stuff around the world, which is part of the reason why I was attracted to her.

She was accustomed to her spending style and when our relationship settled down she kinda continued on, except that she is now using money from our joint account. I don't think her lifestyle is over the top by any means, but it just feels extravagant to someone like me who comes from a lower middle class family.

Also she is anything but the Instagram influencer-wanna-be attention seekers.

Jan 23, 2021 - 11:43pm

You know her better than we do man. If she's kind, intelligent and cares for you, I don't really see a problem in her spending, within reason of course. If you don't feel comfortable with her spending and feel it's slowing down you financial goals that's a different scenario and one you should probably settle before getting married.

Jan 24, 2021 - 1:08am

This post reminds me of the guy who went to people's houses and asked what the family/owners did for a living.  One of the houses looked like a castle, and the girl came out to answer the doorbell.  She was asked what she did for a living, and her reply was, "Living?  I have a trust fund," and closed the door laughing.

  • Analyst 1 in CorpDev
Jan 24, 2021 - 4:08am

I dated this girl who's family had good money and she was used to spending without any perspective on how wasteful she was being. The difference with her was that instead of buying 1 Louis bag she'd buy like 8 Michael Kors bags. I realized she had no perspective on life AND had no taste so I dumped her. Jokes aside separate your bank accounts and see if she changes up how she is around you. Then you'll know it was never more than a surface level relationship that wasn't gonna last through actual real married life situations. One night me and my college-ex went to a casual dinner (not a date night) and I told her "let's split this time, I'm running low" and she totally switched up on me and barely talked to me afterwards that night. She didn't say why and I never asked but I knew. I personally have the mentality that I want to provide for my girl and give her the best life imaginable, and I'll NEVER make her feel like a burden or that I'm doing a favor for her. But as soon as I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and the other person isn't genuinely matching my attachment to them, it's over

Jan 25, 2021 - 10:51am

Why should you care what internet strangers - or anyone else in fact - think of how you want to spend your money? If it makes you happy then by all means continue, if it doesn't and she won't stop then you two have to find other people to date I guess.

FWIW, I usually see low-maintenance / self sufficient girls ending up with really generous guys (with both parties fighting to not accept / give gifts and financial support). Basically, givers tend to end up with givers. If you're a scrooge in your relationship it shows and impacts the other person's expectations of you too.

My ex was a giver and constantly offered to pay / bought me relatively inexpensive ($300+?) gifts every quarter or so. I refused to let him buy me any handbags and made him save the money instead. He always offered to pay for our holidays but I insisted on paying for my own share of the flight + accommodation at least. We broke up over compatibility issues. 

Reverse psychology works, guys. If you're genuine about being generous most decent women aren't going to take advantage of you. If they do, then well you know. 

Current bf can be a calculative dick so he's been forced to buck the fuck up when it comes to events unless I give him a waiver. And any money he spends doesn't come with the "awww what a surprise, you shouldn't have" kind of goodwill and more like "k you didn't fuck up this time".

Jan 25, 2021 - 12:40pm

I don't disagree, but compatibility issues extend beyond money issues. Prior break up wasn't really about money issues. This one probably will be about that.

Jan 25, 2021 - 11:36am

As stated above, if you stopped spending, or made her pay for everything, would still she be with you?

Also, you could probably get most women by spending a lot of money on them, so you have to ask yourself where that leaves you. 

End of the day, you have to determine how you want to live your life. If someone lives paycheck to paycheck and you're more a saver, that could be a problem. 

Jan 25, 2021 - 12:48pm

first, why does she do these things? have you asked her? or have you simply encouraged the behavior?

I can answer more after you answer that I'll just tell you how my wife & I do things. she pays her share of the bills (% wise, according to % of household income), I ask her to max out her 401k, and I don't give a flying fuck what she does with the rest. now, if we have kids and she quits work, we'll reevaluate, but she's thrifty as-is, so I'm not worried.

if this girl expects this sort of thing and would consider leaving you if you didn't continue this lifestyle, then you should probably break up with her, that's unhealthy materialism.

Jan 25, 2021 - 1:23pm

Thanks for being rational. She is just used to it. The buying useless designer shit is all her own will, but going on fancy vacations is kind of our mutual desire.

If I tell her that I don't want to spend money like this anymore because it's a waste of money, she won't be happy. But if I lose my job and get a lower pay job, she will adjust her lifestyle or maybe just take money from her parents, I guess.

This post was just my drunk rant after she bought another useless bag lol, but thanks for the replies.

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