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What You Should've Done by 21: a Controversial Guide to a Realistic Outlook
 

BlackHat's picture
HF
 
Points)
 on 10/24/12 at 10:00pm
nofair

I promised a few people some long overdue wisdom, but haven't had the motivation lately to actually write something up. But after reading this post, I'm inspired to write a foil piece that details my [rather unorthodox] path to manhood and the perspective on life that it's caused me to have.

I assume right away that most people will not agree with a lot of it, possibly take offense to some of it, and it may ultimately depress a few readers as well. But I'm only here to impart my wisdom on the kids who may have some misguided beliefs about the way the real world works, and hopefully at least one person can take something away from this that helps them see their own lives a bit clearer.

So below is my list of things I've either done or wish I'd done by the time I was "grown up," which for me I think happened around age 20-21. I'd like to think that's earlier than most, but there's good reason for it and it will be included in my list. Here goes:

1. Question Every Authority, Even Your Parents
Parents are people too. And people make lots of mistakes. They don't always know what's best for you, and you might realize one day that maybe they never did. I love my parents to death and I think they're one of the key reasons why I've become the person I am today, but some of those reasons are because I went against them and what they tried to tell me ended up being wrong. Question the school system, question the government. Why do these groups of people know better than I do? If you're always questioning then you're always thinking for yourself, and sometimes you'll agree with what the consensus is, but it's a lot better to arrive at your own conclusions using your own brand of logic. At least then you'll be confident. Oh and there's one more institution you should probably question, which is to...

2. Consider at Least 2 Religions
Touchy subject, right? I didn't say practice, I didn't say believe, I said consider. This is just another form of thinking for yourself. Maybe you grew up Catholic, why not take up studying Hinduism or Mormonism? There's tons of other people out there who strongly believe (and quite a few who are willing to die for it) that their faith is the way the world was set up and the way they need to live their lives. Think about how powerful that is - how come we can believe two entirely different things like that so strongly? Is it because someone told us to? [Probably.] Everyone's conclusions will be different. I know people who have done this and the experience caused them to appreciate their own religion so much more than before. Personally, I did this and concluded that it's probable that none of us are actually right. But it's helpful to think through it. Again, force yourself to think about why you are who you are. Once you do that, you'll probably...

3. Realize that You Aren't Special
I made the mistake growing up thinking that because I'm me, there's no way that what happened to this person or that person could ever happen to me. Because I'm me, things will be different than they were for the guy who did the exact same stuff I'm doing and turned out to be a complete failure. Your parents are wrong - you're just like everyone else. You're a human being with skin and hair and you walk on two feet and think with a brain. There is nothing magical about you, and you're not entitled to anything more than anybody else. And don't expect yourself to be happy all the time while every other animal on the planet can just "be." If a situation requires you to work your ass off, you damn well better work your ass off. Nobody ever got anywhere complaining about how unfair things were for them, no matter how awful their circumstances were. Accept them and only look at what you can do to get where you want to be, not how you can try and take a shortcut because somehow you think you're "different." Once you do that, you'll eventually succeed, but not before you...

4. Make as Many Mistakes as Possible
I've written the book on this one. Whether it's with girls, in school, at home, or anywhere else, if there's a f*ck-up to be made, I've definitely made it. The big thing to remember here is the only way to make a lot of mistakes is if you first try a lot of things.

Anyone who can make up an excuse for why they haven't tried something at least once is destined to be a failure.

The more mistakes you make, the more things you know don't work, and it starts narrowing down how many things could actually be right. Another word for this that some of you might be unfamiliar with is EXPERIENCE. It's 1000x more important than grades, scores, stats, or who your daddy is. Experience is just the sum of all that you've learned from your past mistakes. Oh, and one mistake that was a hell of an experience was when I decided to...

5. Try at Least a Few Different Drugs
I know, I know. He's really advocating drug use?! No, not really, but I truly believe there are positives to responsibly using the right drugs. You don't know everything about yourself until you've followed your thoughts under the influence. Some people think weed is enough, I never did. Some psychadelics can make you really think outside of your normally filtered conscious mind. Every time I experimented with a new drug, [usually] responsibly, I came away with having learned something new and legitimately useful about myself that helped me see the world a bit clearer. Unfortunately, as some of you know, I'm not the best person to listen to about this because thanks to drugs I once had to...

6. Undergo a Near-Death Experience
I'm not suggesting you stand in front of a train and try to jump out of the way at the last second. But more people than you'd imagine have had this happen to them and I think those people are absolutely invaluable resources for wisdom in regards to how their view of certain things changed. I've unfortunately had multiple NDEs, but looking back they help you realize that your life is very easily taken away. Stupid shit like target schools and pitch books stop being even remotely important. Go talk to someone who legitimately had a near-death experience, and just ask them about the things they thought about losing when they almost died. Not to make this longer than it should be but I'll go into a little detail of my own, and maybe anyone with similar experiences can contradict or confirm. I was never afraid I was going to die, I was just more sad about what I was leaving behind. Dying meant no more sitting in diners with the girl I loved drinking coffee and talking bullshit. Dying meant no more trips to the cottage and seeing my dog run in circles around the house because he's just so goddamn excited to be there. And dying meant not being able to pay my family and friends back for everything they'd done for me. Now those are the things that are actually important to me. I was never afraid about losing my apartment or my bonus or no more one night stands. Once you know what you truly value, you'll start to...

7. Understand that Life is Not Meant to Be Serious
There's really not much to say here. Life continues to go on regardless of what happens around us, and even if the things you decided are most dear to you are gone one day, you'll find a way to move on. Life is as far removed from serious as one can get. With that attitude you'll find yourself acting a lot more naturally, and I'd venture to guess that about 95% of the people on this site should probably give this one some solid consideration. If I die tomorrow, screw it, I'm dead. If I get fired tomorrow, screw it, it's not like I'm dead. Oh wait, even that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things is it? Just relax and enjoy yourself, it's a privilege that we're here to begin with, it's all been extra credit since the day you were born. Even getting laid isn't a serious matter. In fact, when it comes to women...

8. Realize that a Woman [or Man] is Just Another Person Trying to Get By
Some of you guys might have a hard time with this one, seeing as 60% of the posts on this site are about chicks and getting laid and spitting game and all that bullshit. It took me the better part of maybe 20 one-night stands to realize that the game is totally blown out of proportion. Not only did it lose its excitement, I started feeling bad for her, for other guys out there trying to "get some," and for the entire human race. This chick is just another insecure person just like me doing her best to fit in and not hate herself in the morning. The sad part is she's doing a miserable job at it. So guys: stop putting it on a pedestal, it's lame and so are you if you do. Girls: if you haven't noticed already we're all pretty messed up and you're no different. So if gettin' laid is your thing, go ahead and do it, but don't beat yourself up about it if you're not. Nobody's "doing better" than you because of it, and despite what stigma society tries to attach to it, to me it's really no different than a high-five. Society does this pretty often, but if you're smart you'll...

9. Run from Anything that Everyone Agrees On
Most people are overwhelmingly stupid. They have no clue what they want and no clue how to get it even if they did. There's a reason it's called a "herd mentality," because we're all about as intellectually independent as a group of water buffalo, and we all saw what a few white dudes with rifles did to them. If everyone thinks the same way, you can almost guarantee that it's A) irrational B) benefiting a minority of people C) completely inaccurate. Go back and look at all the things we universally agree on without thinking about them. Mr. Carlin provides a pretty good list of blindly accepted herd mentality mantras: All Men are Equal, Justice is Blind, the Press is Free, Your Vote Counts. I think you get the point.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Again, logic. We don't try it enough, but if you get comfortable with the idea of using it by the time you're an adult, you'll come away a lot more successful in your life. And we all agree that being successful means being happy, right? Well I'm glad we all universally agree on that, so go out there and find your happy place!.....

I hate victims who respect their executioners Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital
Tags:
Macro Arbitrage's picture

I have to applaud this list.

HF
(King Kong, 1,369
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:23pm

I have to applaud this list. Quite aptly summarizes the last decade or so with the exception of number 2- I don't believe in fairy tales.

"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."

Frieds's picture

BH, +1 - Especially points 3

AM
(Neanderthal, 2,531
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:25pm

BH, +1 - Especially points 3 and 4. I cannot stress this enough, but Failure is the measure of man, not his success. The more mistakes we make, the more we fail, the more we really learn. Always succeeding doesn't prepare us for what happens if we don't succeed and how to handle it. We also don't learn from our successes how to improve ourselves.

kidflash's picture

.

IB
(Gorilla, 672
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:32pm

.

Amphipathic's picture

Agree 100% on point 7, I

 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:32pm

Agree 100% on point 7, I didn't stop take life so seriously until my mid 20s, and things are so much more pleasant now.

BlackHat's picture

So upset that related content

HF
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:34pm

So upset that related content is "Should've Joined a Frat," but other than that...

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

JDimon's picture

Not sure how I feel about

(Orangutan, 252
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 8:40pm

Not sure how I feel about number 7. Part of being an adult is realizing you have responsibilities to yourself, to other people, and to other people, and to always do your best

There is already a book on you. That book is already being written. And if I talked to your friends, your teachers, your professionals, your family, I would know so much about you I wouldn't even have to meet you. You write the book the way you want to be

Neighbor's picture

DEFINITELY agree with number

IB
(King Kong, 1,236
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 9:05pm

DEFINITELY agree with number 5

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

vik2012's picture

disagree with 5- drugs aren't

(Chimp, 15
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 9:23pm

disagree with 5- drugs aren't so easy to just try and walk away, especially if someone is trying different drugs, not a single time. Can lead to a habit " just to try"
6- undergoing a near-death experience is different than talking to someone who did. You can't really create this type of experience, unless you are suicidal or on drugs (refer to #5)
But rather than that- Great post, loved it!

nb

APAE's picture

I think the only caveat would

(Neanderthal, 3,660
 
Points)
 on 7/11/12 at 9:53pm

I think the only caveat would be your 5th point. I think one thing many very smart people neglect to do is know themselves inside and out. If you have a remotely addictive personality, a lack of self-control, or some kind of underlying neurosis (which you may not even know about), experimenting with drugs can put you on a very dark path you'll struggle immensely to remove yourself from.

Overall I heartily agree.

A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

Ravenous's picture

"Most people are

HF
(King Kong, 1,347
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 12:20am

"Most people are overwhelmingly stupid."

/thread

+1

Febreeze's picture

Good thing "secure a job"

(King Kong, 1,151
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 12:35am

Good thing "secure a job" isn't on this list. I feel accomplished.

RIP WSO Chat.

3176401's picture

Great post BlackHat, will

 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 1:28am

Great post BlackHat, will keep this in mind as I start college; but, like many others have said, I don't think I'm gonna experiment with drugs lol.

JDawg's picture

yo dawg which drugz should I

(Gorilla, 518
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 1:53am

yo dawg which drugz should I try out? shrooms? acid?

good post though. I think #7 is the most important.

Domino's picture

I really enjoyed this list,

(Baboon, 134
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 4:10am

I really enjoyed this list, thank you

onemanwolfpack's picture

Great list - I had a near

IB
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 3:04pm

Great list - I had a near death experience going into my senior year of college and life has never been the same. Went from stressing about all facets about my life to just enjoying it. Asked a girl out at a bus stop on my way to work and 4 years later, we're getting married this Fall.

BlackHat's picture

onemanwolfpack: Great list -

HF
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 3:11pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

WhiteHat's picture

Solid, BH. But can I just

HF
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 7:51pm

Reality denied comes back to haunt

See my WSO Blog

BTbanker's picture

I see what you did there

IB
 
Points)
 on 10/28/12 at 2:48pm

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

FeelingMean's picture

This is a great post. Agree

VC
(Gorilla, 650
 
Points)
 on 7/12/12 at 11:27pm

"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

goodL1fe's picture

Great post! Which drugs did

 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 12:16am

Robert Clayton Dean: What is happening?
Brill: I blew up the building.
Robert Clayton Dean: Why?
Brill: Because you made a phone call.

redherring's picture

get a life

RE
(Monkey, 34
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 12:12am
seabird's picture

Another list

PE
(King Kong, 1,484
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 12:27am

“...all truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

- Schopenhauer

ULNWI's picture

I like number 7.

(Monkey, 49
 
Points)
 on 8/5/12 at 6:55pm
Futures Trader Man's picture

BH this is an excellent post.

IB
(Orangutan, 299
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:08am

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros

sick_willy's picture

#7 definitely struck a chord

PE
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:09am

---------------------------
BossMode

Human's picture

Other than #5, I agree with

PE
(King Kong, 1,891
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:27am

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."

couchy's picture

heres what you should've been

(King Kong, 1,365
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 2:26am
Edmundo Braverman's picture

Excellent post. Really

ST
(Human, 14,368
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 2:55am

Brady4MVP's picture

Amazing post, black hat. Very

HF
(Neanderthal, 3,161
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 3:44am
Asatar's picture

Fantastic post - definitely

O
(Neanderthal, 2,022
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 6:01am

See my other WSO blog posts>

BlackHat's picture

couchy: heres what you

HF
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 7:00am

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

Knowledge Kick's picture

This is really well written.

 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 8:03am

http://DollarDrip.com Username: Knowledge Kick

analyst-therapist's picture

Great list, I think the best

IB
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 8:11am
Jeenyus's picture

Impressive reading - #5 and

PE
(Chimp, 11
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 9:24am
George87's picture

Great post! +1 SB. #7 I think

IB
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 10:02am
neilol's picture

BlackHat: 9. Run from

IB
(Orangutan, 251
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 10:14am
Scott Irish's picture

Macro Arbitrage: I have to

O
(Orangutan, 369
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 11:05am
Tolland15's picture

One of the best posts I've

O
(Baboon, 150
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 12:49pm

I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a very poor scheme for survival.

Miamimonkey's picture

BlackHat, it is wisdom

(Monkey, 32
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:05pm
ram15's picture

Great post BlackHat, +1 SB.

IB
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:47pm
bfin's picture

Like all the advice you've

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,772
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 1:54pm

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

Immortal1's picture

Bravo. Always an interesting

IB
(Chimp, 10
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 2:07pm

"I want the last check I write to bounce."

animalz's picture

Good, bright read BH, you are

(Gorilla, 707
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 2:27pm
Senvik's picture

Thanks a lot for the list. I

 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 2:57pm

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." - IlliniProgrammer

seville's picture

This hit me hard.

 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 3:12pm
West Coast Analyst's picture

re #6: an old acquaintance of

CF
(Orangutan, 301
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 4:44pm
JDimon's picture

Miamimonkey: BlackHat, it is

(Orangutan, 252
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 4:48pm

There is already a book on you. That book is already being written. And if I talked to your friends, your teachers, your professionals, your family, I would know so much about you I wouldn't even have to meet you. You write the book the way you want to be

Edmundo Braverman's picture

animalz: Good, bright read

ST
(Human, 14,368
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 5:05pm

ballmouse's picture

Don't really like the drugs

 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 5:29pm
HFFBALLfan123's picture

BlackHat is one of the very

PE
(King Kong, 1,371
 
Points)
 on 7/13/12 at 5:42pm

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