Looksmaxxing 101 for Analysts
Banking is all about perception. Hence, I wanted to outline the basics every analyst should employ to at least look somewhat presentable. I am assuming that you do the basics like brush your teeth, shower, and shave, so I am going to skip those.
Lets start top to bottom:
Hair:
- Don't cover your forehead with hair you look goofy and you are not an intern anymore
- If the Norwood Reaper has come for you, minoxidil -> Finasteride -> Dutesteride -> Hair transplant. In that order.
- Schedule your haircuts on the weekends every 2-3 weeks, your colleagues should never notice you've gone to the barber (or had time for it)
Face:
- ChatGPT a basic skincare routine at least and identify the main issues you have (i.e large pores) and follow ChatGPTs advice. (won't help much)
- Never go full Clav and start wearing concealer or any type of makeup, if anyone notices that its over for you for good.
Beard:
- Shave it, unless you have been cursed with a severely recessed jawline.
- If you are reading this and you have a monobrow, just stop, you are hopeless case and this post will fall on deaf ears.
Teeth:
- If you have bad teeth, get them whitend (at the dentist, not at home whitening strips, they just damage your enamel and recesses your gums)
- Get Invisalign over traditional braces (Why? Obvious)
Physique:
- You dont have to be jacked, but you cant be obese. Switch your corporate slop bowl for a salad,
Clothing:
- Any basic suits is acceptable, tailoring is more important than brand.
- Important: Avoid Zara! not because they make bad suits, but because if anyone sees that tag in your suit jacket its over for you.
This is focused on real banking btw, no one cares what you look like at S&T so just come in whatever.
Extra tip: always keep a bottle of eye brightening drops by your desk (not on the desk obviously) can help with looking exhausted. Dont overuse.
If you follow these basic tips, you may start your journey to ascension and we can talk about some actual game changers if you have mastered these basics.
Can you tell us the game changers for if we master the basics
There are no gamechangers beyond the basics.
Being lean, clean skin, good hair is 90% of the game. Unless you go for surgeries you can't change the other major "gamechangers" like height, facial bonestructure etc. and you won't find time off in the job to do them either.
Maybe wearing +1-2inch insoles in your shoes.
Insoles are cope, you would have to wear them literally all the time, if anyone ever notices that you wear insoles, its over. Nothing cringier than a short guy that cant accept the fact that he is short.
To the "gamechangers" you are wrong. Why do you think celebritites seem to age better than the average, and considerably better than analysts in IB ? Money and knowledge, Besides surgeries, there are serious regiments and protocols that you can use to look much better than you do. However, you can never be caught ever using those, as it is generally not accepted in Banking. There are ways though, lets say you get a nose job, (just say you had sleep apnea or deviated septum, noone will question it for a guy)
the basic hygiene and fashion stuff makes sense but everything else is gay lol. Wearing insoles to the office? are u tryna rizz up ur 45yr old MD? wearing them to the club makes sense if ur fraudmaxxing but like come on bro
Right after bonus season, rent an expensive car, but not too flashy, for a month. Something that's 2-3x your bonus. All directors will start thinking you're top bucket; all VPs who gave feedback on you will start suspecting you're connected to some high-profile MD; all MDs who discussed bonus splits and know your exact figure will think you've got a rich dad and start treating you better. After a month you'll return the car, but people's perception and the rumours will stay with you much longer. Be ready to tell it's in the service, time to time complain how poorly built those cars are
New meta?
as an avid .org user who recently summered at a top BB this is surprisingly accurate. What do you recommend to cope with the lack of sleep.
Hello fellow org dweller
Two main ways imo. 1. Make the most out of the sleep you do get 2. Hide your lack of sleep.
1. I dont want to talk about magnesium glycinate or boring stuff like that, you can just google that, may help, may not. Sleeping at work is another meta, high risk high reward, you can sleep during lunch for an hour if you are that type a guy, but if anyone notices its over. Honestly, just sleep a lot on the weekends if you can.
2. Yawning at work, or complaining about the lack of sleep is something you do to your fellow analysts (be careful though), but never to seniors. Even if they were the same in their analyst years, they will only see it as weakness. Obvious things are energy drinks/coffee, but dont become that guy that drinks 8 coffees a day (also stains your teeth). There are some peptides and other methods that I am sure I cant mention here. But to keep it simple, cover up any sign of lack of sleep, never yawn. If you get dark circles, there is tinted eye cream, if anyone ever notices that though, its over
Why do you keep saying its over if anyone catches you doing anything? Why would anyone care if you use undereye cream?
Coffe and zyn during the day / afternoons. Never sleep at the office (doubt you’d have time for that anyway). Maximize rest on weekends and might have to sacrifice a couple gym sessions during the week. The extra sleep after a late night is healthier for you imo.
I came in here to laugh and it was actually decent advice generally. It is stuff that shouldn’t matter + hygiene should be obvious but it does come up sometimes
I hate shaving (have had a full beard for more than a decade now). My skin doesn't like shaving. I can't do more than 2x/week without tons of razor burn. I always had stubble when I was an analyst. My group head made it well known that he didn't like it. One of my senior MDs said ignore it, you look great...he also said that he'd do it too if it didn't make him look like a homeless bum. There are some old school people that hate it. The smarter folks don't really care. That MD got me way more referrals for jobs than the group head ever would have as I was leaving post-analyst. 20 years later we are still close.
let's now hear the game changers, really curious
Top candidate for the gayest post I’ve ever read. Is this how you guys think you compete with AI?
honestly, in the age of AI looks will get more important. since you can just ask an AI tool to do work for you, your knowledge becomes less valuable, and what is left is your personality and your look. it's difficult to change personality, but you can change your look.
the only potential valid argument here is at the lowest levels looks may matter more given we can do majority of analyst work through AI now. But this is a short window.
At higher levels, knowledge matters even more now, it’s just at deeper thematic level not just knowing every brand in a particular space / other surface level searchable things. AI output slop is not what advisors are paid on. Anyone can run chatGPT.
If you’re an analyst / associate, learn how to run AI processes for every deliverable. Then be the guy that’s refined at prompting / tweaking AI models / leveling up deliverables, and nobody will give a damn if you’re ugly.
Or keep looksmaxxing and get automated away, sooner or later.
The irony of this post when doing IB is basically the worst thing you can do for your physical appearance outside of smoking meth.
What’s ironic is that clav does meth (to suppress his appetite) and yet he’s the pinnacle of looksmaxxing
Just saying in another world Clav would have landed GS/MS/JP
smoking street meth and taking pharmaceutical doses of desoxyn (sub 2mg) is not remotely the same thing
"But nooooo what about Patrick Bateman"
What about heroin?
Ruins your teeth
Nah 2.5 miligram dut is better
Dut nukes ur hormones, reducing. 90% of DHT will make you have ED lol.
Fun at 0.25mg daily is ideal and still reduces like 45% of dht.
What the hell do you mean by your colleagues should not be able to tell you’ve had time to go to the barber?
Depends on sweatiness of your group, but if you are on a live deal, and your staffer sees you got a hair cut, some people may dislike that
Most frequently forgotten- drink water. Crazy how many people are just out there walking around looking all shriveled up (tip came from my old roommate who’s a dermo now, crazy how much he makes just to tell people they’re dehydrated)
Peptides
Of course, why would people care what you look like in S&T when you get 10x the client exposure 4 years earlier than your banking counterparts… Being presentable in SALES (and less so trading) is arguably part of the job compared to banking where you’re really not selling until you’re vp and above
They can’t see you through the phone mate.
Nope, only during desk presentations, sports games, dinners…
Willy Loman vibes.
no one cares, just do your job well
Everyone cares, and if you dont get that you are truly not objective when analysing the world
I’m repulsed that you didn’t mention chin smashing. That is the ultimate looksmaxxing hack. The second you’re away for your desk - you should get to chin smashing. Smash your chin into the wall over and over. It’ll build your chin bones and muscles.
Actually the Meta, hide the brusing with concealer if you have to
Bro got his gf stolen by someone in S&T
Does anyone on here watch Clavicular?
Sure buddy
Sure whatever you thingk
Bro you're insta responding to me on wallstreetoasis. You're just as cooked as me lol. We're both ngmi haha
.
If (and only if!) Zara fits you, don’t be a sissy - buy a pair of sewing scissors. Cut off the badge, and tell anyone who asks that it’s no label, entirely bespoke, and full canvas.
+1 to this. This is meta
This is game.
PSA: all the analysts today have public LinkedIn profiles. Just make yourself look like them.
The average analyst is, like the average person, sub-human
Ok buddy, this gotta be the most performative post I’ve ever seen on WSO. Wrote a whole book and somehow left out bonesmashing (basically invalidates your entire post). You’re doing all that just to get mogged by the incoming conventionally masculine Big Ten frat bro
bonesmashing is for people who do the basics already
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